THE BRO CODE
by beezyland
Summary: Five former frat boys. A bachelor party in Vegas. It's only natural that things get crazy. Alcohol. Haircuts. Strippers. A wedding chapel. A goat. But wait, why can't they remember anything the next morning and where's the groom? Yup. They're screwed. AU
1. Prologue: Then and Now

A/N: Say it with me! B is ALMOST A FREE BITCH! I haven't been around much, doing school stuff, prepping for finals and graduation. Just got done getting ready for prom, have some time and decided to post this for YOU. I started this fic a while ago and wanted to see what everyone thinks. I hate that _Remember October_ always gets benched when inspiration hits me, but I just HAD to write this.

About the story: Sorry to disappoint, but there is no gymnastics in this, like, at all. Mentions here and there, but not much. Also, it's **97.32%** **CRACK** and **100% Alternate Universe** and focuses in on our favorite boy toys. Loosely follows _The Hangover._ Not meant to be taken very seriously, but will have some serious moments.

Ships: Kaymon/Dailey, KayAus, Kaylicky, Nickelly, Paystin, AusEm, Max/Maeve, Max/OC, Razor/Lauren (Keep in mind though it's less about the ships and more about the _friendships/bromances_. I just know people are going to ask so there it is. Don't like it, don't read it. It's that simple).

Hope y'all like it!

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><p><strong>-XX-<strong>

**THE BRO CODE **

_Prologue_

When it comes to college and especially college fraternities, recruiters will officially tell you that it's about brotherhood and networking when everyone else will tell you it's about partying, underage drinking and banging hot drunk chicks. Some are even lucky enough to get it all.

The Sigma Nu house has a reputation around the Colorado University campus. They aren't the classiest in the Greek system, but they aren't the lowest of the low either. They work hard so they can party hard and, man, do they party hard.

On a typical Friday night the Sigma house with its classic white pillars supporting the porch and Greek letters, is easily beyond maximum capacity. There are lights strung up, music throbbing and a sea of people with plastic red cups in hand. It being Hawaii beach-themed, there are girls wandering around in coconut bras, guys shirtless, sunglasses on at night, inappropriate writing on body parts in sunscreen and a lot of fake flower leis.

With three too many puka shell necklaces around his neck, his Hawaiian shirt decorated with hula girls left unbuttoned and a sparkly pink grass skirt ruffling at his knees, Austin Tucker walks around, smiling at the people he passes, nodding coolly towards a selected few. He literally calls this place home and couldn't picture himself anywhere else.

"Tucker!" someone calls out to him. Austin turns and smirks when he finds one of his other brothers, Razor. The guy is built like a carrot, tall and gangly, wearing some sort of frilly shaman headpiece, a girl's string bikini top and board shorts. The two clasp hands in greeting even though they never go more than a few hours without seeing each other and live right down the hall from one another.

"Razor!" Austin shouts. "Having a good time?"

"Undoubtedly. The hula punch is divine," Razor raises his drink that has one of those tiny umbrellas in it, "Dude, it's almost midnight and there's no half-naked, giggly Zeta on yo arm. Losing your touch, Tucker?"

"Losing my touch? Razor, when you look like this," Austin motions to his handsome face, "you don't lose _at anything_. The night is still young. I just haven't found the right hottie to share my bed yet."

"Translation: you've hooked up with almost all of the drunk girls currently in the house?"

"Yeah. That's it." Austin gives his brother a big, innocent smile.

"Well, g'luck," Razor pats his shoulder, "The poker game in the basement beckons."

Austin is excited almost instantly. "Tell me it's strip poker and I might literally get on my knees and bow to you."

"Sorry to disappoint, but we're playing for cold, hard cash," Razor corrects. "So have fun prowlin' and I will see you in the AM or, well, with how you sleep in, it'll probably be tomorrow night, just in time for the Amazing Race."

Razor pats his back and starts to walk away, but then Austin grabs his arm and holds him back. "Wait," Austin says. "Round up the boys for some g'luck shots. I think we all could use it."

Agreeing, Razor knows exactly where to find brother Spencer. Max Spencer is a good-looking kid with neatly styled black hair and clean-shaven cheeks. He's wearing a button-down shirt with little palm trees on it and has a very professional-looking camera in his hands. Just as some giggly girl lifts her shirt, Max presses the capture button on his camera and the flash goes off, making everyone around them cheer.

When he sees Austin cheering Max on, Razor shouts, "And we wonder why all the respectable girls won't come to a Sigma party!"

Austin smirks, not afraid to show how proud he is. He walks up to Max, who's already trying to coax another girl into flashing him. She looks deeply offended, itching to throw her drink in his face and so Austin grabs onto the back of Max's neck and steers him away and over to Razor.

"Austin," Max groans, "How will I make my Girls Gone Awesome quota if you keep interfering?"

"Reality check, buddy. I just saved you from a Corona Facial," Austin responds. "Now, we're doing shots for luck. Where are Brothers Russo and Young?"

"Damon is working the keg stand tonight and Nicky…" Max's face darkens and they all know what that means. "Last I saw that loser cousin of mine he was walking his girl out. She has some thing to do in Denver tomorrow so she isn't staying over. Thank God. When is that psycho _not_ here? I swear half the shit in our room belongs to her…"

"Okay, Paps, I don't need to hear about your issues with Kelly Parker. I just asked where Nicky was. Christ, Max, take a Valium," Austin responds. He shakes Max by his neck a bit before leading them through the crowd of people and out the front door to the porch.

As expected, there's Nicky Russo with "his girl". They're standing out by her car, all handholding, intimate gazes, flirty smiles and sneaky, shy kisses. They're a bit of an odd couple. He's stocky and pale and she's petite and tan. The boys are about to walk over and cause trouble, but then the couple's kiss deepens. She roughly grabs him by the scruff of his neck and he slides his hands up her sides, pressing his hips into hers, their lips not parting once. The other brothers get caught up staring. _Damn_.

"That's just wrong," Max murmurs. "Make them stop."

"Aww, Maxi, get over it. That girl is going to marry into your family one day and you can't do a thing about it." Austin laughs. Loudly trotting down the steps of the front porch, Austin shouts, "Hey Russo! Either fuck her or get your ass back to the party!"

Nicky and Kelly quickly break apart. He looks dazed and she looks pissed. Austin goes to talk to the two while Max and Razor wait on the porch, not even attempting to get mixed up in that. Austin, Nicky and Kelly are as different as can be and spend most of their conversations teasing and arguing, but there's one thing that sets them apart from the rest, one thing they have in common that makes their bond stronger than with the others—gymnastics.

After talking for a while, a longing gaze shared between Nicky and Kelly and a final kiss, she gets into her car and drives off. They watch her leave, Austin wearing a teasing smirk and Nicky trying hard not to smile in return.

"You _love_ your friend with benefits. I mean, you _looovvee_—"

"Shut up, Austin," Nicky shoves him away by his face as the two make their way up the porch steps. "It's just a thing. It's not like we're in a relationship or anything. Kelly's exact words: college relationships are like getting cornrows in Jamaica. It's cool while you're there, but when you go home everyone makes fun of you."

"She has a point," Razor says. He then straightens the headpiece he's wearing with a thoughtful expression. "Huh. What would I look like with cornrows?"

"Awesome!" Austin shouts.

"You think?" Razor asks.

"Yeah…no."

Razor sulks and Austin slaps Nicky's shoulder. "But you can't lie to Tuck the Great, Nicky Boy. If you weren't serious then you would be hitting on other girls the second she leaves, but nope. You love that firecracker and I'll tell you now that I fully expect to be your Best Man at the wedding." Nicky rolls his eyes and steals Razor's drink from him, brings the rim to his lips and takes a long pull.

Razor frowns. "Way to kick a dude when he's down. As if it isn't a big enough ego blow having to listen to all the moaning coming from your room when I'm alone at 3AM and eating cold pizza in my bed."

"Where's Damon?" Nicky asks, hoping it will do as a distraction.

"Keg stand duty out back," Austin explains. "Let's go get him."

They make their way through the hordes of partying people and towards the makeshift bar that's been decorated like a tiki hut. On their way over, a blonde in a pink bikini sidetracks Max, insisting he do a shot off of her. Because he's Max and he can't resist an offer by a beautiful girl, he lets her pull him through the crowd until they disappear.

"That's Maxi for yah." Austin laughs and grabs a glass bottle of tequila and rounds up a couple flower-print shot glasses.

Nicky leans back against the bar and follows Austin's gaze over to where Max is taking a lime wedge from some girl's mouth. "You know, his inability to say no to girls is going to get him into trouble one day."

"Oh, it already has," Razor slurps from his new cup of hula punch, "The other day he had an early dinner date with Blonde Chick #1 and then drinks right after with Blonde Chick #2 and it turned out they were sorority sisters. Gamma Psi Alpha. He got caught and it was not pretty."

Austin and Nicky wince sympathetically, but then burst out laughing. It's just too good of a mental image.

"Poor guy. See, Max, treats 'dating' and girls like a buffet table," Austin explains as they search for Damon amongst the crowded lawn. "He get something and, hey, it's tasty so he keeps going back as many times as he possibly can and just because he can he even samples all the different things until he either gets caught for double dipping or implodes."

"And how is that different from you exactly?" Nicky challenges.

"Easy." Razor jumps in with a chuckle. "Austin treats girls like the dollar menu at McDonalds. He gets some cheap, fast food, a quick grab and go and never orders the same thing twice."

Nicky shakes his head. "That's a horrible analogy."

"But it works. Brother Young prescribes to it too," Austin says. "At least the girls we hook up with know we don't want anything serious. DTF all day every day—words to live and die by. Max, on the other hand, he dates a bunch of girls all at the same time and assumes they know he isn't serious and leads 'em on until he gets slapped in the face."

"Or kicked in the ass," Razor adds.

Always the gentleman, Nicky shakes his head. "Not cool. Any of you."

"Yet extremely entertaining," Razor holds up a finger as he makes his point.

The boys all share a nod in agreement.

"Hey guys!" Max stumbles over to them with glassy eyes and a big grin. He throws one arm around Razor's neck and the other around Austin's. "Check out Brother Young working the keg stand."

"You mean working the girl working the keg stand," Austin corrects, nodding to the far end of the yard. "It looks like Brother Young is getting lucky without the lucky shots. Atta boy."

They all watch as Damon Young working as pumper. He is the last of their close-knit group, the five of them all pledging the year before, going through rush and hazing together and bonding over it. Damon is Mr. Cool with his bedroom eyes and perfect state of bedhead. He's wearing a simple black t-shirt, always too cool to dress up to the theme of their parties.

Currently up to the keg is a thin girl who can't be older than them, maybe even a freshman, with olive skin and dark hair up in a tight ponytail. The girl dressed in pink does an awesome handstand on the keg with little help from the spotters and Damon has a steady stream of beer going from the nozzle to her mouth as he pumps the keg. All the guys look on with their heads tilted as the girl goes for quite some time, being cheered on by everyone around her.

"Holy shit, that chick can drink!" Razor shouts excitedly.

"And has got incredible balance," Nicky adds. "Impressive."

"No kidding." Max zooms in with his camera and snaps a picture.

Austin sighs dramatically and puts his hand over his heart. "Boys, I think I just fell in love."

They all roll their eyes. Austin and love aren't exactly two things that automatically go together. The boys continue to watch from afar as the girl finally stops and the spotters bring her back down to the ground. When she's finally upright, the girl stumbles a little, but luckily Damon is there to steady her, gently taking her arm and wearing a charming smile.

"Love or not, it looks like Emo got dibs," Nicky laughs. "Better luck next time, Aus."

Blinking a few times and squinting his eyes, Austin cringes. "Shit. I totally hooked up with her after the Zeta mixer two weeks back. Hide me!"

He tries to hide behind Nicky who's shorter than him. Austin bends his knees and presses his face between Nicky's shoulder blades like that's really going to help. Looking at him like he's insane, Nicky turns from side to side, but Austin masterfully mimics his movement. Max laughs and snaps a picture of them, the blinding flash making Nicky shield his face.

"Coast is clear, Tuck. Keg Stand Girl is clearly occupado by Brother Young who apparently likes 'em young. You don't have to whatever you're doing, y'know, unless you like taking Russo from behind," Razor chuckles. His glassy eyes shine and he grins at the way Austin smirks and moves in closer, hanging his arms around Nicky's shoulder while Nicky squirms.

"I'll remind you that it was _Nicky_ who tried to get into bed with _me_," Austin points out. He rubs his nose against the back of Nicky's neck and coos, "Isn't that right, sweetie?"

"Cut it out, Austin," Nicky snaps, shoving him away. "I'll remind you I was drunk, it was dark and Faith told me Kelly was waiting for me in there. Of course, since it was Faith Giancana I probably should have been expecting it…"

"Guys, this kid had his jeans down to his knees and was trying to talk dirty to me," Austin reveals with a grin. It had freaked him out at the time, but now, months later, it's great ammunition to tease Nicky with.

"Like I said, drunk and dark. Worst combination _ever_. And I thought we said we'd never mention it again!" Nicky's face starts to turn red and Max snaps another flash-blinding shot of him. Growling irritably, Nicky pries Austin completely off him and lunges for Max who quickly gets up and races through the crowd. Nicky goes into warp speed, chasing after him.

"Guys! What about the lucky shots?" Razor shouts after them, but the two are already weaving around and pissing people off, but having fun doing it. "Oh well. It looks like it's just you and me, Tuck."

Razor turns around and sees Austin doing shots by himself, drinking what's left of the tequila that was in the bottle. So much for unity and brotherhood.

"Well, Keg Stand Girl isn't clawing off my face for never calling her back. Brother Young is my savior. I won't even tease him about being down for my sloppy seconds," Austin says, wiping his lips against his sleeve. Across the yard, Damon is holding the girl's hand and making her giggle. "Well, what do you know? What a pretty couple they make, huh?"

"But would you ever expect any less from our very own future rock star?" Razor asks. There's a hit of bitterness to his voice and Austin would call him out on it if he didn't already know the drama those two have when it comes to music.

Attempting to change the topic, Austin licks his lips and says, "Dude, if they get married we are _so_ getting wasted at their wedding."

Razor laughs at the idea. Damon? Marriage? No way. Nicky and the demon FWB have better odds than Damon Young ever tying the knot.

Regardless, Razor plays along. "Just the wedding? Try the bachelor party, the practice dinner, the actual ceremony, the reception and the after party." Razor chuckles. "Then, of course, we're obligated to get him wasted through the divorce."

"I'll drink to that," Austin says. He reaches for two cans of beer from a cooler at their feet and tosses one to Razor before raising it in the air. "To Sigma pride. Bros before hoes yos."

Razor lifts his can too. "Don't forget that exes are off limits, but cousins are fair game."

"No drinkin' a brother's beer—"

"—B'cause it's probably ruffied—"

"—And all that other Bro Code bullshit."

"To Bro Code bullshit!"

Austin and Razor clink their aluminum cans of beer. Razor then uses the pen behind his ear to puncture a hole in the side of the can while Austin, who can drink friggin' anyone under the table, simply uses his thumb to break through the side of the can, causing the beer to foam out. With crazy synchronization, Razor and Austin bring the beers to their lips, pop the tabs and shotgun them. Finishing in record time, the frat boys crush the empty cans in their hands.

Back then, they felt like they could do anything, like they were atop of the world. They did. And they were.

**-XX-**

_9 YEARS LATER_

_THE CALL_

It is a beautiful spring morning in Southern California. Atop a high cliff sits the exclusive Bel Air Bay Club overlooking the glistening ocean. The country club employees are all busy, racing around like busy bees decked out in all white outfits, setting up for a wedding. A string quartet warms up as florists arrange centerpieces and the catering crew sets up white linen tables.

Inside the bridal suite, a simple and classic wedding dress hangs on a closet door. Sunlight pours in through the glass windows as Kaylie Cruz sits at a vanity, pensively staring at her reflection in the mirror. She's in her late twenties, gorgeous, with her dark hair pulled back in an elegant up-do. Her mother is next to her, holding her hand and her angry Cuban father is pacing behind them, muttering Spanish curses into his cell phone.

Suddenly the doors of the bridal suite are thrown open. Payson Keeler, maid of honor, rushes in, looking just as elegant in her pink bridesmaid dress. "Any word from the boys yet?"

Kaylie frowns. "No. Not yet. I'm sure they just—"

Suddenly her cell phone rings and Kaylie betrays her calm, collected mask when she frantically scrambles to answer the phone. Not even attempting to steady her voice, she answers, "Hello?"

…

"Kaylie, it's Austin."

A long way from his years as an infamous frat boy, Austin Tucker is tall, rugged with the slight stubble on his cheeks and a total and complete mess. His shirt is ripped open, one lens is missing from his bronze aviator sunglasses, there's dried blood on his skin, his lip is busted and it is clear he hasn't slept in quite some time.

"Austin? Thank God! Where are you guys?"

"Listen, Kay…shit got a little…out of control," Austin nervously clears his throat, "Like, more than your average bachelor party and, well…we lost your boy."

"What?" Kaylie screams. "You're joking, right? Austin Tucker, I'm supposed to be getting married in less than five hours!"

"Yeah, sorry, babe, that ain't happening," Austin says. "And it's all my fault."

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><p><span>AN: What do you think? Worth continuing? _Review_ please. Gonna go dance my ass off now.

xoxo


	2. Prayer and Aspirin

WARNING: Cracky silliness ahead. Not meant to be taken too seriously.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

_Friday_

_40 HOURS BEFORE THE CALL _

Damon Young lives a charmed life.

He has everything a man could ever want and he isn't even thirty-years-old yet. He lives in a beautiful seaside house in Malibu, California, worth millions. After a successful run as a multi-million dollar recording artist, Damon is now taking a step back, settling down and working as a producer to help other young hopefuls reach their dreams. Not to mention he has a beautiful, supportive fiancée who he can't wait to start his life as a married man with.

"Smiley…"

Damon's lips turn up just at the sound of his future wife's voice, especially when she calls him that. They both love the irony of it. Only four things can guarantee a smile from Damon Young: playing music, listening to music, his friends being idiots and (arguably the most important) Kaylie Cruz.

Taking his eyes off the ocean right on the edge of his property, Damon turns around to find Kaylie grinning at him. His arms open up and Kaylie moves towards him without question.

"Why are you making that face?" she asks. Damon isn't hard to read. He generally has two moods: happy and broody. Still, no one picks up on it quicker than Kaylie. "And don't even try to pretend something isn't wrong. I can tell. You seem stressed and your eyes are all intense. In my experience, not the best combination…"

Hesitation is clear on his face as he mutters, "I'm having second thoughts…"

Kaylie's smile quickly fades and she looks petrified. "A—about the wedding?"

He looks serious for a moment, but then it dissolves into a smile. "No. Of course not. Kaylie, how can you even think that? I'm talking about this Vegas weekend thing."

Once the relief settles, Kaylie gives him a _'not funny'_ look. "Don't scare me like that!"

"What?" he actually smiles then. "You asked…"

Damon hugs her and rests his chin in her dark hair, closing his eyes and just enjoying the moment. They've come so far from those two kids who meet at a stupid frat party in college. Sometimes Damon has to just hold her and breathe to know this is real.

"So why are you freaking out about this weekend?"

Opening his eyes again, Damon looks back out at the water. "Because Austin Tucker is going to be there."

"Aww, Damon, Austin is one of your best friends."

"Yeah, and he's also seen you naked," Damon says tensely. He lets his arms drop from Kaylie's waist and braces his hands on the balcony railing. Kaylie smiles, knowing how jealous he can be sometimes.

"Sure, back in my freshman year of college. It was the first time I was free from my parents and yeah, I hooked up with Austin, but I'm not marrying him, am I?" Kaylie asks. She lightly kisses his cheek. "Have I mentions how I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you?"

Damon's eyes dart to one side, giving her a look before he fully turns towards her. Kaylie tries to hide how happy it makes her to know that he's over it as quickly as he brought it up. That's one thing they agree to when they got serious. When it comes to Damon and Kaylie there's no holding each other's past against the people they are today.

"Hmm, actually, now that I think about it, no, I haven't heard you say it today," Damon says. After fixing the collar of his shirt, Kaylie sweetly pecks his lips.

"I love you, Damon Young," Kaylie says slowly and with feeling. "And I am beyond excited to spend the rest of my life with you. Not Austin Tucker. Not even Blake Shelton. You, Damon."

"Better not be Blake. I introduced you to him," he playfully grumbles and Kaylie tilts her head back and laughs. Then Damon takes her hand and kisses the back of it. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." Kaylie smiles shyly and Damon looks right into her eyes as he says, "I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach."

Kaylie giggles. "Writing 213: Intro to Poetry Writing."

Damon groans. "How you convinced me to take that class is still a mystery to me."

"Aww," Kaylie murmurs, "You said it helped you with writing songs."

He shifts so their foreheads touch. "Kaylie Cruz, soon-to-be Kaylie Young, I took that mind-numbing intro class because you wanted to and I wanted to spend more time with you."

"And I'm glad," Kaylie whispers just before they kiss again.

"Okay, okay, break it up! Break. It. Up!" Razor shouts. He doesn't look too different from how he did in college except now instead of his clean, pretty boy image, Razor is sporting a full beard. He goes over to them in a slow jog with Damon and Kaylie's yellow Labrador retriever chasing after him and barking loudly.

Still built like a stick of string cheese, Razor unabashedly wedges himself between the couple and takes Kaylie's hand setting it on his shoulder. He then places one hand on the small of her back and takes the other, waltzing with her across the back deck. Their dog, appropriately named Trouble, continues to bark and run circles around Razor and Kaylie as Damon stands back, failing to fight a smile.

"Ray, I am impressed," Kaylie says. "Where did you learn to dance?"

"I might have taken a few lessons especially since I had the whole White Boy In the Club thing going on back in the day. Plus, as prone as I am to slacking off I am _Best Man_, the handpicked best of the best. It's in the job description," Razor says.

Even for them, it's a little hard to believe today is the first time Damon and Razor has seen each other in months. With Razor, whenever they're together there's no awkward. They just pick up right from where they left off and the naked eye would have no idea they've been apart.

"And if you ask me, you're doing a wonderful job," Kaylie assures him. "So when are the rest of the boys getting here?"

"Austin is supposed to pick everyone up," Damon explains. "Austin Tucker isn't exactly known for being on time so we told him to get here an hour earlier than scheduled so he should be here right on time."

"Great. Payson and the girls should be here any second now. Razor, as _Best Man_ I'm trusting you to get my fiancé back here and preferably with all his fingers and toes intact," Kaylie says. "Also with something that at least slightly resembles a liver?"

"Check and check on the fingers and toes. The liver is a stretch though." Razor playfully winces. "I kid. You don't have to worry, Kay. I promise everything will be fine."

"Yay." Kaylie squeals excitedly and both men might agree that it's probably the cutest thing ever. "Oh my gosh! I can't believe we're getting married!"

…

"Nicky, dude, I still can't believe they're getting married," says Faith Giancana. She's sitting at her kitchen counter with a laptop and a bowl of cereal. Nicky Russo, older and with hair more tamed than it was when he was in college, sits next to her, doing the crossword in the newspaper. "Say, didn't you have, like, the biggest crush on Kaylie Cruz?"

"No."

"But you did go out for like a week or something, right? When you weren't with Kel and Damon wasn't writing Kaylie love songs?" Faith asks. "I mean, those days were all kind of an _ah-mazing_ blur, but I could have sworn—"

"No."

That's all Nicky says. No elaborate explanation. Just no. He anxiously checks his watch for the fifth time in the last hour, waiting for Austin to come back from getting his car washed and dragging his little sister and Faith's roommate, Ava Tucker, along for the ride. Nicky suspects it was Austin's way of arranging some brother-sister bonding time with Ava without outright calling it that. Austin always has to put on an act.

"_Hush, Nicholas," Austin had said when Nicky called him out on it. "Every lady deserves to feel like they're the only girl in the world and, yes, I'm talking about my car." _

As disturbing as that moment was, it isn't what has Nicky so edgy. There's this one specific question that's been on loop in his head ever since his plane touched down in LA.

_Kelly_. That brings him back to the question camping at the foreground of his mind.

"So, um…"

_Don't do it, Nicky_, that voice in the back of his head urges. _You aren't supposed to care._

Faith looks up from her YouTube search of 'miniature pony' and right at him.

"Um what?" she asks. "Um, Faith, you awesome, crazy bitch, will you come along to the guaranteed lame ass bachelor party weekend to liven up what's slated to be a sausage fest?"

"No."

"No fun." Faith pokes her pink lips out in a pout. She shoves one last spoonful of Cheerios into her mouth and drops the metal spoon into the empty bowl. "You'll be in Vegas. Austin will be in Vegas. Even Kelly is in Vegas. While I'm stuck—"

"Wait," Nicky stops her. "What did you just say?"

"I already feel like a loser for being stuck here while you guys paint the town red," Faith says. She isn't afraid to show her jealousy, never has been. "And knowing what happens when the Sigma boys get together it'll probably be in Austin's blood too. Fun. Fun. Fun."

"Wait," he says again. "Kelly is in Vegas?"

"Yeah, for the Denver Elite reunion thing. The one they do every year," Faith says distractedly, her eyes back on the screen of her laptop. "You would know if you still talked to her, but nope. I'm stuck in the middle playing telephone."

Since they're on subject and he might burst if he doesn't ask, Nicky just blurts it out. "So is Kelly going to be here? At the wedding?"

"Don't know." Faith shrugs her shoulders and giggles at something on her computer. From the sounds coming from it, Nicky doesn't want to know. "Like I said, she's in Vegas this weekend. I don't even know if she RSVPed or what. Every time we talk and I try to bring it up, Kelly just brings it back down."

"Oh."

Nicky doesn't really know if he wants to see Kelly or not. It's been two years since they've seen each other face-to-face and years before that, the chick went batshit crazy, broke his heart and left him. Needless to say, things didn't end on the best terms and nothing has been the same since.

"Aww, Nicky, stop it," Faith says out of the blue, closing her laptop. "You're doing that thing with your eyebrows and your forehead crinkled and your eyes are all sad. I like to call it the Thinking About Kelly Face."

"No. I'm not…don't be ridiculous, Faye."

"You're a bad liar. It's one of the most amusing things about you," Faith says. When she sees Nicky's face unchanged, Faith reaches into her purse on the counter and digs through it until she finds a crisp fifty-dollar bill. "Here, Nix. Your first stripper is on me and you make sure to break it down into singles before you start stuffing it into unmentionable places. Oh, and it better be a male stripper! And I want pictures as proof or you owe me fifty bucks!"

Beaming, Faith tries to cram the bill down Nicky's shirt and it makes him smile.

"You and Kelly are usually good at being in the same place at the same time and still avoiding each other," Faith says. She picks up her cereal bowl and walks into the kitchen.

"So does this mean you've finally given up?"

"On what?"

Nicky stares down at the half-finished crossword puzzle in front of him. "On…on the possibility that Kelly and I could…I don't know…get back together?"

After placing her dishes in the sink, Faith looks right over at Nicky and asks, "Have you?"

Before Nicky can answer (which is good because he doesn't have an answer) there's a loud knocking. Despite grumbling about how Ava always forgets her keys, Faith's face lights up and she immediately drops the conversation, skipping over to the door. Nicky doesn't blame her or expect any less. After all, Austin Tucker to Faith Giancana is like Superman to the world.

…

Max Spencer has no idea how he got to this point in his life.

Back in college and even high school, Max was one of those guys always out to have a good time. He never bothered with long-term relationships or dating only one girl at a time. The only girl who got close was Maeve Benson. After a brief fling in college, years later they met during Fashion week in Milan. He's a photographer and she's a model. It just made sense and they've been together ever since.

Now they share a three-bedroom condo in LA, go on double dates with Damon and Kaylie whenever they're all in town and sit, watch and discuss reality TV together. Max is living a stable life in a beautiful home with a beautiful girl. It almost feels like he's a completely different person.

"So let's go over the rules for this weekend," Maeve shouts to Max who's in their bedroom, packing his neatly folded clothes into a duffle bag.

"No hookers, no strippers, no hard drugs and I brush my teeth before I go to bed," Max recites. As if Maeve hasn't drilled it into his head these last few days.

"And remember to call me as soon as you check in to the hotel," she adds. "And not like that photo shoot in France. You were supposed to call me right when you got in and you didn't till, like, two hours later."

"My flight was delayed and we were shooting right at sunrise. I couldn't stop to call you. I couldn't even stop to breathe or else I would have missed the shot and the bosses would not have been happy," Max explains. He zips up his bag and drops it near the front door, walking into the kitchen where his girlfriend is.

She puts a hand on her hip and glares. "And?"

"And…you're right. I should have called you. I'm sorry if I made you worry," he buckles. He always does. Max finds it easiest to surrender to his super hot, supermodel girlfriend. Max bends down to kiss her, but Maeve completely turns away, whipping him in the face with her long brown hair. "May, what's the matter?"

"Oh, I don't know what's the matter," she says, waving her hand in the air. "Maybe that Payson is totally flaunting her Maid of Honor status, which should be mine, mind you, and sticking me with all the slave work. While I'm sitting through all the wedding talk and faking a smile you are going to be in some, like, super trashy night club, get wasted, thinking you're twenty-one again, living in the frat house, oh yeah, and being a monster douche!"

"Baby," he murmurs. "I admit I was a monster douche, but it was a lifetime ago. I'm perfectly capable of going to Vegas, gambling a little, having a beer or two and saying no to temptation."

"Temptation?" Maeve laughs. The chick sounds absolutely manic. "Do you remember who you're going with? Austin Tucker is like temptation in a meat suit. Austin alone is gross, but Austin running a bachelor party?"

"Extremely gross," Max says, clearly telling her what she wants to hear.

"I'm glad we agree," Maeve says. "Now, if you do end up in some filthy, herpes infested sex den I want you to remember that the poor, pathetic whore grinding and dry humping up on that stage for your amusement is someone's fucking daughter. Someone's fucking daughter, Max."

"Yes," Max says. "How can people be like…um…into that? Wrong. So wrong."

"Thank you," she says. "Now I just wish your brothers could grow up as much as you have."

"They have too," Max assures her. "You know Damon isn't like that anymore. He's done with the guyliner and he's getting married. And Nicky has an awesome job, _finally _dropped Kelly Parker for good this time and he does grown up things like sailing and wine tasting—"

"And Austin?"

Max has nothing to say about that one. Razor either.

"Yeah," Maeve says, "All I know is that they have special places in hell for people like Austin."

Max's phone rings and before he can react, Maeve grabs it from off the table. She flips it open and doesn't look one bit amused. She reads, "_We're out front, you naughty whore. Get ready to suck a drag queen's heels_. Can't say I'm surprised it's from Austin."

Max just gives an unimpressed Maeve a big smile, a quick kiss and murmurs, "Love you. Have a good weekend, baby. Bye," before he dashes for the door.

…

It's probably no surprise that Austin Tucker hasn't changed much since college. Even less surprising is the fact that he's fucking proud.

Donning his signature leather jacket and aviator sunglasses, Austin whistles along to the music blasting from the speakers of his sleek, all black Mercedes-Benz G-Class SUV. Instead of taking a plane with Nicky, Austin insisted on driving all the way from Colorado to California in his car and alone. Apparently, it wouldn't be right to go on their reunion trip in anything other than Roxie. Yep. The name of his car.

As Austin drives along, Nicky sits to his right as always. Austin and Nicky don't go longer than a week or two without seeing each other, living less than an hour away. When Nicky isn't working or sleeping and Austin has a second away from the auto garage he owns and fiddles around in, the two knock back beers on Nicky's boat, listening to the game on the radio.

Sitting in the second row is Max with his trusty camera, looking out the window. Though they haven't seen each other in a while, Austin and Max grew up together. If it wasn't for Max's good word, Austin might never have been so open to the idea of befriending awkward, robotic Nicky. Despite living in different states, things shouldn't be too weird between Austin and Max.

"So Austin how's your sister?" Fingers laced in his lap, Max looking extra interested, maybe even a little nervous, but trying to be casual.

Expression darkening, Austin grumbles beneath his breath. Childhood friends or not, his baby sister is the last thing he wants to talk about especially with Max, who still doesn't know Austin knows about him having a thing with said baby sister back in college. It's a total violation of Bro Code and isn't something Austin likes to be reminded of.

When Austin doesn't answer, Nicky says, "Ava, she, um, she's good. Grown up, sharing an apartment with Faith and working, but still Little Tuck. The other day Austin went all Mother Goose on her, we went grocery shopping, nearly bought half the store and crammed it all into Ava and Faith's kitchen."

Max nods. "Cool."

"Ask if she's dating anyone and I will set you on fire, man, seriously," Austin warns.

Max looks genuinely confused and Nicky rubs his temple as Austin keeps on driving.

Luckily (and not surprisingly) Max and Damon don't live too far away. It only seems suiting. Them with their matching perfect lives and all. Also not surprising is the fact that Damon and Kaylie live in a beautiful, glass castle by the sea. They zoom up the long driveway and park right in front where Razor and Damon are waiting. They all get out to greet each other with manly hugs and excited smiles. Austin loosens up a bit, thinking this weekend might not be so bad after all.

Trouble, the yellow lab, trots towards him and Austin nearly jumps on the hood of his car to get away from the dog with its slobbery tongue hanging out of its mouth. "Get it away from me! Shoo! Shoo!"

"It's nice to see you're over your fear of dogs, Austin," Razor teases.

"Hey! They're called allergies!" When Damon whistles and Trouble runs over to him, Austin relaxes and turns his attention to his old friend. "Whoa, Ray, check out the forest on your face!" Austin grabs Razor by the chin and inspects the well-maintained bead. Showing his approval, Austin gives Razor's cheek a playful slap and being Razor, he dramatically scrambles to get away, grinning like a goof.

"And he promised to shave it before the wedding," Damon says sternly. Suddenly, Razor looks like he could cry, but nods obediently.

"Here. I'll take these for you," Austin volunteers, picking up Damon and Razor's bags. As he goes to the trunk, Austin shouts, "That beard is a total accomplishment! I didn't know Ray was even capable of it. Why are you making him shave it?"

"Because my grandma thinks he looks like a terrorist," a female voice explains.

Once he gets the trunk all packed away, Austin walks back to the front and sees the bride-to-be hugging Max and then Nicky. Things have always been a little awkward between Kaylie and Austin though they never talk about it and do everything in their power to pretend it isn't there. They were just a random, college hook-up. Really, who knew she would end up dating and later marrying one of his best friends?

"Hey Austin," Kaylie says sweetly, waving her hand.

Austin too raises his hand and utters a, "hey."

Then Austin realizes Kaylie isn't the only girl among the gang of frat boys. There's a blonde standing at her side and Austin has to stop a moment to appreciate the familiar face. It makes him smile remembering the first time he met Kaylie's childhood friend. She may look older and more mature, but Austin will always remember her as the cute, awkwardly innocent Payson Keeler.

Austin walks straight up to her with a grin on his face and his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. "Well, well, well, Payson Keeler. Long time no see."

"Austin. You don't ever change do you?" She smiles and Austin ignores how it makes him so giddy he wants to bounce up and down on the tips of his feet. Fuck. She's always had this strange affect on him. As if the way he can't stop grinning isn't a sign enough.

"Can't say I do," Austin laughs, "but honestly, would you guys still love me if I did?"

"Oh, I think we could spend all day debating that one," Payson replies.

They share a smile and a gaze until Nicky awkwardly clears his throat. "Okay. We should head out if we want to beat traffic and get to Vegas on time."

"Yes, we should," Damon rounds his arm around his fiancée and gives her a kiss, "bye beautiful."

Kaylie wraps her thin arms around Damon's waist in a hug and she rests her head on his shoulder. All the other guys share a grin before they collectively sing, "_Aww_." Damon grins proudly and Kaylie blushes. Wow, does this feel like old times and they've only been reunited for a couple minutes. The couple kisses again before the guys drag Damon away and pile into the SUV.

When she's watching them drive away, Kaylie sighs. "Pay, _please_ tell me everything is going to be alright."

Also staring down the street, Payson laughs and folds her arms. "Kaylie, let's think about this for a sec. Those five retired frat boys unsupervised in the City of Sin? Prayer and aspirin." Payson pats Kaylie's shoulder. "They're going to need _a lot_ of it."

**-XX-**

Flashback

9 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

After a usual night of partying at the Sigma house, all the brothers are lying around the living room and barely conscious. Some are clutching random things like lamps or inflatable dolls or buckets of popcorn and have no idea where any of that stuff came from. All of them are still in their clothes from the night before and completely hungover.

Razor is sitting at the kitchen table, holding an unopened can of beer to his throbbing forehead and Damon is sitting next to him with his elbows against the table and his hands cradling his face. They are in just as bad shape as their brothers in the next room.

"How on earth do you guys do this every weekend and not have a life supply of aspirin?" Kaylie asks. At the sound of her chipper voice, the boys groan in unison. Every other person in the house is immobile while Kaylie moves around the kitchen, throwing plastic cups in the trash and putting glass bottles in the recycle bin.

Damon groans and rubs his fingers through his already disheveled hair. "We usually just lie around and watch cartoons until the pounding goes away."

"Then we call in for takeout and do it all over again," Razor adds. He opens his tired eyes and sees Kaylie grab a frying pan and flip the switch of the stove. "Whatcha doing, Keg Stand Girl?"

"Dude, it's been months now," Damon points out. "Why do you still call her that?"

"Because Kaylie Cruz _is _the Keg Stand Girl. KSG. I also like Keg Stand Champion. . The one and only," Razor explains. He leans back in his chair and runs his fingers through his chestnut brown hair, making it wildly stand on ends. "Our alternative is usually waiting till Austin wakes up and going to IHOP. I totally thought that stove was for show and didn't, y'know, actually work."

"Well, it does and I'm cooking breakfast." Kaylie searches through the refrigerator that's mostly beer, leftover takeout and a variety of energy drinks. Taking a peek into the freezer, Kaylie asks, "Um, why is there a California license plate wrapped in ramen noodles in the freezer?"

Damon and Razor just exchange looks.

"Kaylie, Kaylie, Kaylie," Razor coos. "Rule number one of the Sigma house: we don't touch what isn't ours and we don't ask questions even about the most ridiculously questionable things. So noodle-plate? Cool. Now slowly walk away and erase it from your memory."

"Right." When she can't find much to work with, Kaylie goes over to the brown paper bag of groceries she brought with her.

"You don't have to do this," Damon insists. It takes everything in him to stand and walk over to Kaylie, holding onto the counter for support. "I mention how I'm hungover and so you bring over aspirin and groceries and now you're cooking breakfast for us?"

"I want to," Kaylie nods, "Damon Young, stop and let me take care of you for once."

Smiling, Damon nods and kisses her forehead to save her the taste of his mouth.

"Dae, man, have I told you that I'm in love with your girlfriend?" Razor asks. "She rocks the keg stand. She helps clean up around here and now she's cooking for us? Kelly and Faith have been hanging around here for _forever _and they never lift a finger. God forbid cook."

"But that's not the point, Ray. The point is do you really want Kelly and Faith anywhere near food you're about to consume? The answer goes without saying. No." Nicky laughs as he walks into the kitchen wearing baggy gray sweatpants and no shirt. "Morning. What's cooking?"

"Pancakes and technically, morning ended two hours ago," Kaylie says playfully. She has a bowl in her arms as she mixes. Going through the nearly empty cabinets, Damon finds a package of chocolate chips and holds them up with a pleading expression. Kaylie nods and Damon grins, pouring them into the batter.

"Ah. Pancakes. Music to my ears." Razor is practically salivating. After Nicky takes the carton of orange juice on the table, pours a glass and thanks Kaylie for buying it, he sits at the kitchen table. Razor turns to him and asks, "Dude, why doesn't your girlfriend do anything around here?"

"One, don't call me that. I'm not his girlfriend. Two, do I look like freaking Snow White and the stupid frat boys?" Kelly Parker snipes as she enters the kitchen. No one is surprised to see Kelly rocking one of Nicky's shirts and a pair of his basketball shorts. She gives Kaylie a force, sweet smile and adds, "No offense."

"None taken." Kaylie turns her attention back to the stove where Damon is being a bit of a showoff as he flips a pancake unnecessarily high.

Over at the kitchen table, Nicky reaches out for Kelly and pulls her into his lap. She laughs and steals his orange juice, taking a sip before letting him kiss her long and slow.

Shamelessly watching them, Razor commentates, "You know, sometimes I think you two make out so openly and so often for the sole purpose of making the single peeps feel bad about themselves." Nicky shoots him a look, telling him to shut up, but Razor doesn't. "Nu-uh. Denial is futile. Say what you want, you two are _in a relationship_. I have eyes. And ears. Seen and heard _way_ more than I wanted to. We really need new locks on the upstairs bathroom door..."

Looking annoyed, Kelly purses her lips. "That reminds me, Laser—"

"Razor."

"Doesn't matter. Either way, it's stupid," Kelly says in her typical no-mercy manner. "I came down here to tell you that Austin is pissed and wants your head on a stick. Apparently, you tried to flush a whole pizza down the toilet _again_ and he needs to call a plumber _again_."

Damon chuckles from over by the stove. "Ray, man, it didn't work out the first time. It didn't work out the second time. Why would you even try it a third?"

"Um, because I was drunk," he replies. "How does he know it's me? I'm sure a lot of people get curious and try to flush different things down the toilet…like pizzas."

"Oh, did I forget to mention that you wrote your name on the toilet seat in permanent marker?" Kelly says innocently. "If I actually cared I'd pray for you."

"Ah. Well…that's comforting." Suddenly Razor gets up and bolts out of the kitchen, knocking over his chair in the process. He runs straight out the back door and everyone cringes when he slams it shut. A good couple seconds pass before the door opens again and Razor dashes back inside. He steals a couple finished pancakes before running back out and slamming the door again. Another couple seconds and the door opens, Razor again, this time shouting, "SO GOOD!" with his mouth full and a thumbs-up. Then the door shuts a final time.

Everyone just goes on like nothing. It's just another morning in the Sigma house.

* * *

><p><span>AN: I cried for this story. If you follow LCTD on Twitter you probably heard I accidentally deleted my entire first draft. All 68,000+ words. I was singing Rhianna's stupid 'Only Girl', deleted the entire thing and hit save. I cried and bitched and my dad ran into my room, thought I was being attacked. Then LCTD&Twitter peeps, freaking heroes, talked me through recovering the asd and I got it back! Lucky B, that's me! Now, please _review_ so I know those tears weren't shed for nothing!

Also, there's a poll on the Creative Dummy profile. You should take it. It'd make me happy and a happy B means more cracky goodness!

xoxo


	3. Drama in Cars with Boys

A/N: Silliness, Crack and Drama. Not meant to be taken too seriously. Just fun.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Flashback 

_9 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL_

The boys kind of have a track record when it comes to annoying the crap out of each other during car rides.

"I can't believe you made me drive all the way to the Pizza Shack, on the other side of Boulder, just for them to be closed," Nicky complains, behind the wheel of his car. Austin is riding shotgun and Razor is in the back. Both Austin and Razor try to talk at the same time, but their mouths are stuffed with greasy and delicious deep-fried chicken strips and fries.

Swallowing, Austin replies, "Aww, don't be mad, Eagle Scout. It's an adventure!"

"It's three in the morning," Nicky says irritably.

"Well, if you let Austin and me take your car you could have stayed home," Razor points out.

"Yeah, there's no way I'd let either of you drive my car unsupervised," Nicky says. He figures he doesn't have to give them a list of reasons. It's pretty obvious why.

"By the way, what's her name?" Austin asks.

"What's whose name?"

"Your car, Nicky," Austin clarifies. "The wheels your rich little daddy bought. What's her name?"

Nicky shrugs his shoulders. "I didn't name my car, Austin. I'm sorry if I don't project some deeply embedded issues over a need for control and dominance onto inanimate objects."

"Whoa. Brainiac, you hating on me?" Austin asks playfully.

"Just giving you a reality check, Tucker." Nicky smirks. "If not me then who will?"

"Truth. I know you only do it 'cuz you love me." Austin pinches Nicky's cheek, making him irritably pull away, but that smile is undeniable. "So what should we name her, Ray?"

"Well, Tuck, I'd say she looks like a Velma," Razor suggests. "I like Velma."

"Velma it is," Austin agrees as he starts to rummage through the glove compartment. "Nicky, dude, don't you have any CDs or anything in here? Where are all those lovey-dovey mixtapes KP makes you?"

"They aren't lovey-dovey mixtapes and there's nothing in there," Nicky growls, reaching over and shutting the glove compartment before putting both his hands back on the steering wheel. "What's wrong with listening to the radio?"

"Because the radio only plays lame ass corporate cookie-cutter crap!" Razor passionately explodes. "It's all brainwashing the youth, man. It's selling cool. Music shouldn't be about selling anything. It should be about freedom. It should be freeing. It should be fun. Fuck The Man and his money, man!"

"Preach it, Ray-Ray! Preach it!" Austin yells louder than need be. He holds up the chicken strip in his hand and Razor holds up the chicken strip in his hand and they toast with them.

Nicky groans. "Razor, how high are you right now?"

"So high, young buck," Razor says with a goofy grin. "High in the sky like a fly."

Austin chuckles. "Hey Nicky, why can't you be as cool as Razor?"

Nicky narrows his eyes. "And how drunk are you right now, Austin?"

"I'm so sober right now it hurts," Austin grabs a beer from by his feet and pulls back the tab, "but you can bet I'll have a nice buzz going by the time we get back to the house. Then the real fun starts."

"That reminds me, Max just texted me," Razor announces. "Looks like he called dibs on the room, Nicky. Apparently he's entertaining a lady friend so the couch is all yours for the night, bud. Just watch out because Joey, Mattie and Riley have been in this weird phase lately where they seek out those lucky enough to fall sleep and/or pass out and superglue loose change to the unsuspecting faces."

"Thanks for the tip and I love how Max texts you about it and not me," Nicky grumbles.

"Jesus Christ, do we need to sit down and have roomie mediation-slash-family counseling _again_?" Austin asks irritably. "I'd rather slam my face against a burning stove, but I will sit you two down and bring out the talking stick if need be."

Razor sputters. "Last time you tried that didn't all three of you just end up chasing each other around the living room and whacking each other with the talking stick?"

"Well maybe we shouldn't try to do mediation while splitting a six-pack," Nicky grumbles.

"Hey, I didn't see you complaining, Russo, and, Ray, we don't like to talk about that portion of the mediation. I swear I still have some of those bruises," Austin grunts. "And it worked, didn't it? They came to a compromise and peace was resorted to the Sig kingdom."

"Max promised to clean up after himself more if Nicky and Kelly promised to never have sex on his bed," Razor recalls. "Yep, Doc Tucker, you definitely rocked that mediation sesh. Maybe you should go over to Tri Phi and help them out with their baby mamma drama. Lord knows they need a Maury-type suit to shout 'MAX, YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER'!"

Austin smirks. "It's so obvious you hang out with Faith Giancana. I dig it."

"How she convinces you guys to waste the day away, watching that crap is scary." Nicky laughs. "And if I were you, Aus, I'd steer clear of the Tri Phi house. The chances of you getting slapped with a paternity test are way, way too high. The last thing we need is scary Tri Phi girls throwing bricks at the house _again_."

"Roger that, bro."

Suddenly Razor's phone starts ringing and his tone is _Kiss the Girl _from _The Little Mermaid. _Instead of answering it, Razor starts bobbing his head and singing along.

"Sha-la-la-la-la-la my, oh, my look at the boy too shy he ain't gonna kiss the girl," Razor sings in his best Jamaican accent. "Sha-la-la-la-la-la ain't that sad ain't it shame, too bad you gonna miss the girl. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm."

"Hey Ray, you sound just as good as Damon," Austin says truthfully. "Why aren't you a music theory major like he is?"

Razor laughs, looking at the text message he just got. "Because, Austin, I may be, like, the Karaoke King and the Guitar Hero Champ and I love music and singing and stuff, but I'm not a musician like D. Damon, he's something else. He just pulls melodies out of his head like nothing. He'll hear church bells or extra loud mufflers or Kaylie's laugh and the next thing you know—BAM—" Razor snaps his fingers "—those creative gears are a goin'. It's kind of scary how good he is. Hey, if anyone should be getting play on the radio and paid for it it's Dae."

"I get that," Austin nods, "but everything he writes is so goddamn depressing or sappy."

Razor shrugs. "Chicks dig it. What else matters, right?"

Austin readily nods. "Point. Maybe I should get into music…"

Nicky and Razor exchange looks and both start laughing and Austin glares, calling them assholes. When they're a good twenty minutes away from the Sigma house, driving down a dark, nearly deserted road, the headlights reveal a figure on the side of the road. It's a dude that would be completely naked if not for the pair of maroon boxers he's wearing and a necklace.

The Sigma boys laugh at the stranger's expense and Austin even gets Nicky to slow down so they can point, honk the horn and laugh even more. Just as they pass the guy, he turns to look at them and they realize they know him.

"Is that…?"

"It is," Austin insists. "Nicky, pull the breaks! No, really!"

Nicky signals even though there aren't any other cars on the road and pulls over. As they wait for their very own Damon Young to jog up to them, Nicky rolls down the window and waits. When Damon is standing right outside his door, arms wrapped around his shoulders, the other guys literally start convulsing with laughter.

"Damon, what are you doing out here?" Nicky questions. With the smile on his face he's completely over being grumpy and complaining about Austin and Razor making him play chauffer.

"It's a long story," Damon says, teeth chattering when a strong gust of wind blows by. "Can you just let me in? It's freezing out here and I don't even have shoes on."

"Wait," Austin hits the button and all the doors lock automatically, "now I know you, Music Man, and if we let you in and give you what you want, you're just going to give us a broody 'I don't want to talk about it' and we'll never know."

"He has a point," Nicky says. When Damon doesn't say anything Nicky reaches into the paper bag on the dashboard, grabbing a couple of French fries. "We're waiting, Damon."

"Ray, open up," Damon demands.

For once, instead of giving in to whatever Damon wants, Razor grins, loudly sipping his soda. "From where I'm sitting, you have two options, Damon. Start talking or keep walking."

Damon doesn't look as entertained as the other and tugs on the door latch, but it doesn't budge. Nicky goes as far as to shut off the engine and Damon sighs loudly, bouncing up and down on his bare feet.

"Kaylie went home for the weekend and I was trying to be all romantic or whatever, sneaking into her room and we were about to hook up and then her mom walked in," Damon embarrassedly explains.

They all laugh. Loud, unsympathetic laughter at 3 AM. What friends.

"And you didn't have time to grab your clothes?"

"No, because then Kaylie's scary Cuban gorilla dad came rushing in," Damon continues, "he had a shotgun! I didn't even have a chance to grab my car keys or, again, my freaking shoes. He clicked the safety off and I got the hell out. I ran out of the house, down the street, out of the neighborhood and here I am trying to get home. I honestly can't feel my feet or my fingers."

"That's amazing," Austin laughs hysterically. "Nice one, rockstar. That's a great way to make a lasting impression on the future in-laws. This is really going to get you season passes to Daddy's Rockies games."

"Shut the fuck up, Austin."

"Alright. Get in." Nicky grins and unlocks the doors. Finding a half-naked Damon on the side of the road with a story like that is definitely worth the drive. Clearly embarrassed, Damon quickly yanks the door open and hops in.

"Well," Razor says. "I think we all learned a very valuable lesson here tonight."

"Don't mess with angry Cuban men," Nicky says. "They have guns."

"Never let your guard down," Austin says, "especially with your pants down."

"I really need to drink less and get into better shape," Damon says, but when Austin holds up a six-pack with three left, the musician shrugs and gladly breaks off a can.

"Huh." Razor noisily smacks his lips. "Well, I was going to say that the Pizza Shack closes at eleven every day including weekends, but your guys' ones are good too."

**-XX-**

2 DAYS BEFORE THE CALL

Friday 1:28 PM

_Out here in the fields  
>I fight for my meals<br>I get my back into my living_

Austin sings along to the radio, nodding his head exaggeratingly as his SUV flies down the 10 Highway. In the passenger seat, Nicky wearily looks between Austin rocking out with his hand loose on the steering wheel. Occupying the second row, Max fiddles with his camera, Damon checks his phone and Razor drums his fingers against his thighs, keeping rhythm to the song.

"Man," Austin sighs, "if—"

"We know!" the others shout in unison.

Bored, Max mutters, "Back in college, if male gymnasts did floor routines to music then you would have done every one of your routines to a track by The Who. Austin, you've told us that every time this song came on since we left LA."

"He could be rocking out to worse," Damon pipes up. "This is a great song."

"We know!" Austin shouts, but this time it's only him. "Damon Young can play this song on guitar or on drums or, oh, every instrument imaginable, blindfolded and while simultaneously jacking off. And you'd probably do it all beautifully too b'cause you're the Music Man."

Sitting back against the seat, Damon narrows his eyes, but doesn't say anything. The car ride suddenly turns tense, but no one is exactly surprised with all the shit that went down with Austin and Damon in the past. Razor and Max go on like they don't notice anything is wrong, but Nicky shoots Austin a look telling him to behave.

Attempting to move past the awkward, Nicky exclaims, "Well, I hate this song."

Razor gasps and lurches forward. "Blasphemy! Okay, Max, I'll unbuckle Nicky's seatbelt and you unlatch his door. We're throwing this clown out! And it has to hurt so Austin, speed up!"

"Roger that," Austin says, pressing his foot against the gas.

"No, I mean Babe O'Riley is a great song," Nicky tries to explain himself, "but they use it in the CSI: New York theme song. You can only hear it so many times during a marathon on TNT before you want to shoot yourself in the face."

Austin chuckles. "Russo, you need to turn off the TV and get laid."

Nicky looks uncomfortable, facing forward and staring out at the road ahead of them. "That reminds me," he says edgily, "Kelly is in Vegas this weekend."

"Yes!" Austin cheers. He pumps his fist in the air with excitement.

Max groans, less bored and more upset. "Nooo. The last thing I want is to run into Psycho."

Damon narrows his eyes even more. "Psycho still owes me money from sophomore year!"

Nicky groans. "Are we really still calling her Psycho? Really, guys?"

"Yes. KP. Kelly Psycho. It's who she is," Max says strongly. "Nicky, there's no cure for mental disorders. Just medication that she conveniently never took."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Boys, turn down the hate," Austin says. Ignoring the others, he turns to Nicky. "We should text her and hook up tonight. This weekend just got a-fucking-lot more fun."

"Absolutely not," Nicky replies.

Austin pouts, but he usually makes it his personal mission to talk about what he wants to talk about no matter what others say or think. He turns to look at the backseat and Nicky smacks him and angrily motions to the road. "So I know what Nicky has against KP, but why do you guys hate her again?"

Nicky frowns. "Austin, don't—"

"Maybe because she's evil!" Max cries out. "Did you forget when we were pledges? She called me Maxi-pad in front of the older brothers. It would have been fine if that were it, but the brothers seemed to like the nickname and it stuck. People kept calling me that all the way up until graduation."

Austin bursts with laughter. "Ha! Maxi-pad! How could I forget?"

"Oh man, yeah! I remember! After that nickname stuck that's all anyone ever gave you for Christmas," Razor chuckles. "Oh poor Maxi-pad. Your fragile ego."

Razor tries to pet Max's fluffy dark hair like he's a dog and Max slaps his hand away.

"Did you not hear me say she still owes me money?" Damon grumbles, sitting between them.

Ignoring Damon, Austin says, "But you all have to admit if you wanted someone in your corner it's gonna be KP, psycho or no psycho. She'd be a hell of a better backup and not, say, Max's slave driver. Hey Maxi-pad, you're still licking that hot model's heels, aren't you?"

"Whoa, that's my girlfriend you're talking about," Max says defensively. "Don't call her that and don't call me that!" Annoyed, Max settles back in his seat. A little more calmly, he answers, "And yes, Austin, we're still together. As unbelievable as that may be."

"Unbelievable? How can you guys even question if M&M are still together?" Damon asks. "That's like asking if the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west. Max has been dating Maeve for years now. When they first met Max was our house serial dater and Maeve was Zeta's big bitch on campus. No offense, Max."

"Nah, she was back then, but I wasn't much better," Max says, looking ashamed, "but things are different now. We're both different and more mature."

"And boring, I bet," Austin says. "Do you color coordinate your sweater vests too?"

Max looks like he's really trying to not punch the guy driving. "No."

"But last Halloween Max and Maeve did go as Adam and Eve," Damon says.

Max cringes at the memory. "She made me get waxed for that."

Razor gives him a _'dude, that's pathetic'_ look. "And how was that? A delightful experience, I assume."

Wrapping his arms around himself, Max responds, "No comment."

"But you did it without complaint because Maeve used her bitch superpowers and now our buffet-loving buddy is completely pussy whipped," Austin says, whip-cracking sound effects and all. All the other guys laugh, but Max doesn't find it one bit funny. "Aww, Maxi, you know I'm just teasing. Hey. I respect Maeve, okay? Any girl that can turn a whore like you—"

Max laughs humorlessly. "A whore like me? Austin, you're one to talk."

"Fine. _Whores like us_, if you want to get all technical," he says jokingly, "like I was saying, she turned you into an upstanding, one-girl guy, so hey, more power to her. I must tell you though, Max, you used to hate on Nicky for being all wrapped around KP's finger? Look where you're at, bro. That's karma for you."

Nicky groans. "Austin, are you going to keep bringing Kelly up all weekend?"

"Duh," Austin answers because that question is the most obvious one yet. "That's like asking me if I'm going to keep calling Max Maxi-pad for the rest of forever."

"Maxi-pad! Ha! Man, that doesn't get old!" Razor laughs loudly and Max looks supremely annoyed, lifting his professional camera and clicking so the flash going off right in Razor's face.

"Jesus Christ! That's bright!"

"So," Damon says, holding out his hands and pushing back both Razor and Max, separating them. "Um, Max, Kaylie tells me that Maeve is still pressuring you to get married."

"Meh," Max settles down, "I think she's done with the pressure stage. Got over the passive aggressive tactic. Now she's moved on to pure aggression. We went to her cousin's wedding a couple months back and when she didn't catch the bouquet, she stomped over, threw my camera at my head, called me a closet fag and ran to the bathroom crying."

The guys wince. Ouch.

"But luckily my camera was find. And so was my head," Max assures them, running his fingers through his soft, shiny dark hair. "Plus, Maeve and I talked it all out and we're doing good."

"I'm sure for Dae's wedding we could rummage up one of those special helmets the special kids wear just incase," Razor teases. Max lifts his camera, but this time Razor is prepared, bringing his arms up to shield his face and making karate sounds. Damon is stuck between the two and looks like he's being put through hell.

"Wait, everything is good?" Nicky asks. "The last time you called me weren't you drunk and rambling on about how she fucked one of her male model friends when she was away on some shoot in Costa Rica?"

Everyone grimaces. Damon gives him a '_really Nicky?'_ look and Austin smirks, a smidge proud. Everyone used to hope that Nicky's good manners and properness would rub off on Austin, but in the long run, Austin knows his coolness and boldness actually rubbed off on Nicky. Success.

"Do I need to spell it out for you, Max?" Nicky asks. "She cheated on you."

"Oh, like you're one to condemn cheating, Nicky," Max retorts.

The tension thickens as the silence rolls in. Giving up on trying to mediate, Damon just sits back and stares down at his leather shoes. This weekend is definitely off to a rocky start.

"Whatever, Max," Nicky says coldly. "Maeve _had sex_ with another guy while you were sitting at home, thinking everything was fine. You found out through pictures on a trashy tabloid website. That's all I'm saying."

Max dramatically sighs. "I appreciate the concern, but it isn't an issue anymore. If you must know, that thing in Costa Rica, she was beyond wasted. The bastard practically took advantage of her and it doesn't really count because she told me he didn't even c—"

"LA! LA! LA! LA!" Razor screams repeatedly, hands covering his ears. "I'm not listening!"

"Thank you for that, Ray," Austin says. "If Maxi finished that sentence I probably would have had to pull over and throw up. Being a visual personal and all. Max, you're done talking about that. 'Kay? Cool? Thanks."

"Fine," Max says. "I just want you all to know that I believe and trust my girlfriend so whatever crazy, slutty adventures you have planned for this weekend? Count me out."

Austin smirks. "We'll see about that."

Suddenly, Austin's phone starts buzzing in the cup holder and he nods to Nicky for a little help. His face like cold steel, Nicky grabs the phone and swipes his finger across the touch screen. "Dear idiot brother, you left your credit card and your checkbook on the counter. Your loving sister, Ava," Nicky reads. "Well, we know who isn't picking up the check."

Austin grins. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

Trying to keep the conversation going, Damon asks, "So how is Little Tuck?"

"She's, ah, she's better than she's been in a long time," Austin admits. His smirk softens and he keeps his eyes on the road. "I mean, shit hasn't been easy, but it never is, especially for us Tucks. Been a struggle, but it paid off in the end. She's good. Thanks for asking, bro."

Max looks around, confused. "So Damon asks about Ava and you tell him _that_, but I ask and you threaten to burn me alive?"

"You were trying to ask if she was single and while you're with Maeve no less. Spence, don't be a contradicting whore," Austin growls. Max is about to argue, but Austin makes it clear that they're done talking about it. "By the way, Dae, Ava told me she saw you at some concert and you got her and her friends backstage to meet the band. That's cool of you."

Damon nods his head, finally feeling like he's actually getting somewhere with Austin. "Any time. She's always had great taste in music."

"Less so in guys," Austin murmurs sourly beneath his breath.

"Speaking of great taste in music," Damon turns to Razor, "What have you been up to, Ray?" They haven't really had a chance to talk about him. Since they've been reunited it's all been wedding plans and going over the details to make sure everything is right the day of.

"Wait, hold on. You asked him to be your Best Man and you don't even know what he's been up to in the last few years?" Nicky asks. "Knowing Razor, this guy could be, like, an ex-convict or one of those sex offenders they model episodes of SVU after."

"Paranoid, Russo," Razor laughs, "And what's with you and cop dramas?"

Austin coughs into his sleeve. "Get out and get laid."

Nicky doesn't seem amused, but Austin is having a blast.

"But to answer your question, I've been doing the roadie thing again. I've been less about music these days and all about business," Razor explains. "Check it: Bavarian custard. It's the new fro yo…yo. We ran the numbers and it is going to be monster! My associates already have a plan to open up three shops in the Valley and franchise it. Shares are selling like ice cream when it's hot as Satan's balls out. Us being bros and all if any of you are interested…"

"Hmm," Damon murmurs. "We should talk more about it after the wedding."

"Yeah, man, sounds awesome," Austin says. "I love pudding."

Max appears suspicious. "Isn't custard horrible calorie-wise?"

"Sure, man, when your supermodel girl has you on Weight Watchers," Razor says, a little defensive, but teasing too. "It's huge in…Bavaria…and you know us greedy American bastards have to rip-off everything European. I'm just ahead of the curve, man."

Max still isn't convinced, but he doesn't say anything else about it. An ACDC song comes on and the conversation dies down. Seeing a little opportunity for retaliation, Nicky says, "So Aus, I saw you having your little moment with Payson."

"Fuck off, Russo."

Nicky's forehead crinkles. Not fair. "So we can talk about Kelly and Maeve, but not Payson?"

"Exactly. And we're done talking about Ava too." Everyone stares at him in the silence and Austin turns to them with a smirk. "So Faith Giancana is still my reigning favorite. We were at Taco Bell yesterday and she totally got us some free soft tacos because one of the workers bet her she couldn't fit the entire rim of a cup in her mouth. She did. Demonstrated and all."

"LIAR!" a very Faith Giancanian voice shouts.

Austin freaks out and the car swerves. Horns blare and they almost get rear-ended by a massive Mason truck. When Austin finally has control of the car, he looks in the rearview mirror and sees Faith sitting in the back of the trunk with the luggage.

"We got the fiesta potatoes for free. The tacos I actually paid for," Faith points out, threading her fingers through her hair that's more of a reddish brown this month. "Dude, can you turn up the AC? It is smoldering back here and I think I did something fierce to my back by staying all cramped up."

"Faith, what are you doing?" Nicky demands.

"Hitching a ride, listening to you boys complain about your love lives like teenage girls. I swear, I thought you were seconds away from the Team blah blah vs. Team blah blah arguments. Jeez, it's sad those still exist." Faith crawls over the seat and situates herself between Razor who grins and Damon who stirs uncomfortable. "Relax. I'm not crashing your bromantic weekend. I'm crashing the DE thing. I still can't believe I wasn't invited."

"You never trained there and you don't work there," Nicky reminds her.

Faith rolls her pretty blue eyes. "Technicality."

Nicky looks at Austin accusingly. "You knew she was back there this whole time, didn't you?"

"What's so wrong? Like she said, she isn't going to be hanging with us all night," Austin says, clearly avoiding Nicky's question, "and since you seem so dead-set on avoiding KP all weekend then Faith is a surefire way to make sure that can happen so you can relax and actually have fun while we're there. Win-win."

By the contemplative look on his face Nicky can't argue with that being helpful. "One more question. How did you even fit back there? Last I checked things were packed pretty tight."

"Oh yeah. About that…" Faith nervously grins. "Sorry Nicky, but your suitcase had to go."

"Mine! Why mine?"

"We did it diplomatically," Austin cuts in. "The ugliest one got the boot."

Nicky turns away, crosses his arms and stares forward. He's obviously upset, but knows there's nothing that can be done about it.

"Well, I say it's too late to turn back now," Razor says, grinning at Faith. "Welcome aboard, Miss Giancana."

Faith gives all of them an impish grin. "Glad to be welcomed, boys."

* * *

><p><span>AN: Point of this chapter: Them boys got issues. _Review?_

xoxo


	4. Boy Party in Maxi's Bed

A/N: Crack and drama alert! Not to be taken too seriously, just laughed at and enjoyed.

* * *

><p><strong>-XX-<strong>

**Chapter 3**

Flashback

9 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

Max can't believe it. He got rejected.

19-year-old Max Spencer isn't so arrogant to think he's god's gift to women (that's Austin) but he's never been dumped before. He was even the one to do the rejecting with his first girlfriend back in the third grade. Austin had written "sorry, but I want to break up" on Max's palm for him to read off of and he did to a little girl with freckles. She said, "okay," and went to play on the swings. It was simple and easy and set the tone for his future dating endeavors.

Nowadays his girl drama usually goes down when one girl he's dating finds out about one of the other girls he's dating. Max doesn't see what the big deal is. Is he supposed to be pledging his undying commitment after one dinner date? No. He's going to date around. After all, this is college. He can't for the life of him understand why girls get so touchy about it all.

Then Maeve Benson came along. Max should have known she was trouble from the start.

Everything about Maeve's appearance was perfect. Her skin tone is even, her nose isn't too pointy and her ears are just the right size. The first time he saw her the Zeta house was doing a carwash, raising money for something out on Greek row in a striped bikini, wet and covered in soapsuds. Of course, before he spoke a single word to her, Max snapped her picture.

When he finally mustered enough courage to go over, Max got Kaylie (also a Zeta) to introduce him to Maeve and his charm did the rest. Instead of going straight into giggly, flirt-mode like girls often do with him, Maeve played hard to get, subtle smiles and an attitude. That's what set her apart from the others. That's what led to Max _willingly considering _a relationship just for her to blow him off.

Sighing, Max walks into the Sigma house and all he wants is to go to sleep. He doesn't even care if Nicky is planning on getting laid tonight. It's Max's room too and a sorority girl rejected him so he's entitled to an entire weekend of lying in his own bed, having a beer for breakfast and being a depressed slob.

_Pick up my guitar and play  
>Just like yesterday<br>And I'll get on my knees and pray  
>We don't get fooled again<br>Don't get fooled again_

Before he runs up the stairs to his room, Max peeks into the living room where everyone is sitting around, plastic Rock Band instruments out and music blasting from the surround sound speakers. Max is about to head upstairs before anyone sees him, but then he notices a face he hasn't seen in years—Ava Tucker.

Austin's little sister, the girl who had a crush on him once upon a time and who he might have had a crush on too, sits in the living room next to Faith, laughing at Razor who's surfing the wooden coffee table with the plastic microphone in hand, getting tangled up in the chord.

Feeling like he's seeing a ghost, Max just stares at Ava. He stares blankly until he feels a hipbone roughly bump into his and hears Austin's husky chuckle. Holding a fresh beer bottle out to him, Austin asks, "What's with the face, Brother Spencer?"

"Hey Aus. What is Ava doing here?"

"Parents are smoothing her. Nothing new. I keep telling them they need to give her some breathing room. I love that they care so much, but the concept isn't clicking so I pulled a Prison Break and busted her out," Austin sips his beer, "what's wrong, Paps? The house is perfect. I give her space and Faith is looking out for her. No guy will dare hit on her. No one knows her story. No one will judge her. Wins all around."

Austin licks his lips. "It's just you I'm worried about." Max swallows hard, but keeps his mouth shut. "No one knows what happened 'cept you so be sure not to mention the r-word or the a-word or even the g-word, not to anyone, especially Ava."

Max nods. "Right."

"Good. Now drink," Austin says, motioning to the bottle in his hand. Trying to be as cool as possible, Max accepts it and twists off the cap.

"I call next!" Austin shouts like an excited child, joining their friends. He crashes onto the couch between Faith and Kelly, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"Damon's singing next, Mattie called drums and Riley guitar," Faith tells him, not once looking up from painting her fingernails a bright shade of bubblegum pink. "But you can play next-next, Tuck."

"Fine. Fine. Let Emo and the stoners get their Fall Out Boy on."

Damon scowls. "Fall Out Boy? More like David Bowie."

They go on to argue about what song they're going to play when Max finally walks into the living room. Still not knowing how he's supposed to act around Ava, Max moves like he's literally walking on eggshells. "Uh, hey Ava…"

Ava Tucker has always had such shyness about her, but also a bold fearlessness. Now she seems more guarded and soft-spoken. Max knows he shouldn't mention anything, but it feels wrong to pretend like she didn't go to rehab because of gymnastics. He can't ignore the fact that he could see what was going on and didn't say anything. He doesn't know how to tell her that when she ended her gymnastics career, out of guilt, Max ended his too.

"Max, hi," Ava greets him. Max leans in for a hug and Ava hesitates before returning it. When he feels her awkwardly pat his back, not once but three times, Max wants nothing more than to crawl into a deep, dark hole and die there.

When they pull away, Max notices everyone around abandoned the game in favor of watching them hug and Austin gives him a look that says '_dude, I said be cool and that isn't cool'_. As Ava turns her attention back to the game, Max drinks more, needing the alcohol quick. Everyone else tries to go back to what they're doing, except Kelly who sniggers. Being the captain of Team Torment Max, Kelly has to comment. "Smooth move, Maxi-pad."

Max grimaces. Damn that nickname. "Kelly, why are you such an evil human being?"

"Hey, watch it. Max, don't be an ass," Nicky warns his cousin. Kelly gives Max a smug smile and tips her beer bottle to him as if to say '_ha, he loves me more, you loser'_.

Max decides to drop it and instead asks, "So why are we drinking at three in the afternoon?"

Damon chuckles, fingers swiftly moving against the buttons of the plastic guitar in his arms just as the song ends. "Like we need a reason to be drinking at any time of the day."

"It's the Sigma way!" Razor shouts into the microphone. The chord is wound around his clown feet but it doesn't stop him from hopping around atop the coffee table.

"Okay, switch," Damon calls. He tosses the guitar to longhaired hippie Riley and takes the microphone from Razor and helping untangle him. Razor then jumps down from the table and Faith grabs his hand so she can't paint his fingernails. Razor doesn't argue. He even looks excited about it.

"Damon has a point there, but we do have cause for celebration," Faith says distractedly. "Two things, actually. For one, Little Tuck is a Sigma house virgin, or at least, _was_ and we're officially welcoming her into the fam."

"Very nice," Max says. "Did they give you the grand tour?"

"Yep," Ava nods, "I was very impressed with the fort made entirely out of aluminum beer cans in the back and all the Keg Slip N' Slide. Oh, and the bathroom was scarily clean. Not what I'd expect from a house of boys."

"I make those pledges scrub it clean with toothbrushes," Austin says proudly. He rolls his neck so his head rests on Faith's shoulder. "You know I need to keep it classy for my FG and KP."

"And now LT," Faith adds warmly, giving Ava a nod. Ava smiles in return.

"Awesome," Max says. "And what else are we celebrating?"

"The Kelly Parker Liberation!" Austin shouts and raises his beer. The rest of them loudly cheer.

Kelly just rolls her eyes. "So I moved out of my mom's. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Really, it's nothing to celebrate."

"Um, yeah it is," Nicky argues. "Max, you remember Kelly's mom?"

"You mean that crazy lady who showed up here at 3 AM during _midterms week_, banging on the door, insisting she knew Kelly was inside—which she wasn't—demanding to see her and yelling things about statutory rape?" Max vividly recalls. "More like who could forget Psycho's crazy mom? See. Mental issues are apparently genetic."

Knowing Kelly and reading her, Nicky already anticipates Kelly about to beam Max with her glass bottle and so he wraps his arm around her and grabs her wrist, keeping her from following through.

"She was overreacting," Kelly says. "And the legal age of consent is seventeen in Colorado."

Razor smirks. "Words to live and die by, right, Aus?"

His little sister groans. "I so didn't need to hear the implication there."

"Anyways," Austin brings them back to their original topic, "it is something to celebrate, KP. It's good for you, manning up like that. It takes guts especially with how damn scary your mom is. Even campus security just rolled on by, didn't even try to stop and ask what was going on when all that drama happened out on our lawn."

"And you guys didn't even help," Nicky says. "You just got me out of bed, shoved me out the door to deal with scary Sheila and locked the door behind me. Thanks for the support there, brothers."

"Aww," Razor teases. "But you did it for _looovvee_."

Nicky doesn't say anything, just keeps his arm tight around Kelly who looks like this is the last thing she wants them to be talking about. "Just fyi, hearing you big, bad frat boys confess your fear of my mom—not hot."

Nicky furrows his brows. "And my 'hotness' is the only reason you're with me?"

"No, for your brain, obviously," Kelly says sarcastically. Lips pulling to one side, Nicky starts tickling her and Kelly starts squirming with a big smile on her usually cold face.

"Not to interrupt, actually, yes, _to_ interrupt," Max says. "You know you can't actually live here, right? We actually have rules around here…poorly enforced rules, but they're rules for a reason. Someone else, help me out here."

"Put it on pause, Max. She moved in with me," Faith assures him, finishing up Razor's nails and recapping the bottle of nail polish. "Okay, time to switch it up! Austin and me. Dani California. Red Hot Chili Peppers. It is _so_ my jam!"

"Ah, you read my mind, Red," Austin says. "You singer. Duh. Me guitar. Ava drums?"

"Um, sure…?"

It's easy to see Ava a little overwhelmed by the seemingly endless energy of Faith and Austin when they're together but they do make an effort to include her and make her laugh as she drums along. Max can't remember the last time he's heard Ava laugh or seen her smile. All he wants to do is pull her aside to talk and his chance comes a little later when more people start coming over (some just invite themselves) and they all settle in for some football game on TV.

Watching Ava lean over the side of the pool table, approaching pool like she did gymnastics—extremely focused and exceedingly calculating—Max nervously grips his cue. It actually looks like she's going to win and he didn't even try to let her. Ava sinks the eight ball in the pocket just like she called. She smiles and Max has to give it to her, slowly clapping.

"It looks like you won."

"Yeah. Dad and I don't have gymnastics to bond over anymore, but we'll always have pool. I've gotten a lot of practice in, being stuck at home and all." Ava combs her hair away from her face and looks to Max with a smile. "You, on the other hand, are pretty horrible at this. You should probably stick to taking pictures."

Max grins, inching closer. "Probably."

Their eyes lock for a long moment, his grin softening to a smile and Ava looking rather bold. Without warning, Ava presses her lips to his. Max feels a jolt pass through him, her lips on his and her hand firm on his shoulder. Before he can react, she pulls away. "I missed you, Max."

Stunned, Max stares at her with his mouth open. He can't say he was expecting that. "I…uhh…I missed you too."

"Before you say anything," she starts, "I know I dropped off the face of the planet." _It was rehab_ Max has to remind himself before he gives into her too easily. "But I'm better now and I don't even…I…can we just start over or picked up where we left off? Please?"

Where they left off? When they left off, they hooked up _once_, and he thought they could be _something real_. He wanted to take her out on dates (though they had to be secret dates with the whole 'elite gymnasts don't date' thing) and he wanted to work his way up to being her boyfriend. How is he supposed to do that when he doesn't know how?

Though he knows they _need_ to talk, Max doesn't really want to. Instead, he swoops in and kisses her again. He hopes it'll give him the answers he wants and chase away his doubts. When no answers come, Max just keeps kissing her, longer, more intense and he ignores the sick feeling he gets when he feels her smiling against his lips. She thinks it's a yes, but really, it's barely even a maybe.

Max stops before anything can go too far. After all, Austin is right in the next room (every time he yells at the TV, they break apart with terror just to laugh and start again) and him walking in on them wouldn't end well for anyone. They spend the rest of the night sneaking each other smiles and it kind of makes him feel really happy, but also hate himself because he knows he can't give her what she wants.

A week later on Mixer Night, Maeve needs a date and she asks Max. Because he can't say 'no' Max agrees to go as friends and somehow it turns into them sleeping together and him having to do the walk of shame home just to find Ava sitting out on the front porch with her brother. Austin's teasing doesn't help much, especially with how hurt Ava looks as she storms off.

A week later, during a field hockey tourney between the fraternities, Austin charges Max and tackles him to the ground even though they're clearly on the same team and clearly wearing identical uniforms. Max really should have connected the dots and figured Austin knew about what happened with Ava, but, well, he's Max so he just blamed the adrenalin.

**-XX-**

2 DAYS BEFORE THE CALL

Friday 5:55 PM

After nearly five hours of driving, a bathroom break, a phone call to Maeve, Chipotle burritos and Razor and Faith singing a cappella rendition of "A Whole New World" from Aladdin _three times_, they finally reach Las Vegas. The last rays of sunlight start to fade just as Austin's SUV crests the final hill. There it is. All the buildings are already lit and waiting for them. More than 5,000 hotels, 8 lane roads, 60-foot billboards and normal people who turn into total freaks for the weekend just because that's what this giant tourist trap is all about.

Mandalay Bay is where they're staying. Once Austin pulls up to the hotel, everyone eagerly piles out. Austin tosses his car keys to the valet, sure to warn him to be gentle with 'his girl'. Hiking the strap of her bag up her shoulder, Faith announces, "Alright. I'll just take a cab to meet up with Kel. I want you to _kill it_, boys! Oh and Nicky, put that fifty I spotted you to use." She winks and loudly whispers, "And it better be a dude!"

Nicky ignores her and makes his way inside, still upset about being luggage-less. Just as Faith turns away, Austin stops her. With his most pleading expression, he suggests, "One drink?"

"Isn't that in violation of Bro Code?"

"Bro Code is all about friends and luring pretty girls into dangerous places. Two birds with one stone," he jokes. "Plus, you and KP practically lived at the house with us. You're both more bro than any of the others. C'mon, Faye, one drink. Then I'll let you free to go terrorize innocent people with KP."

"Fine." She always gives in to him. "Just one."

Austin throws a fist in the air. "Yes!"

Too weak to even try to pretend that Austin isn't totally cute, Faith smiles and clings to his arm. Walking in through the front, they spot the boys by the front desk, getting checked in.

"Razor, you really don't need to pay for everything," Damon says guiltily. People around the lobby are already sneaking him looks, wondering if he's _the Damon Young_. He might be used to it, but the others, not so much.

"No. It's cool. I'm the Best Man," Razor says. How he deliberately emphasizes it is starting to get on everyone else's nerves. "Plus, we're only staying for a night. It's no biggie."

"Actually, it is a biggie, and no offense, Ray-Ray, you're more roadie than richie," Austin says, clasping his shoulder. Austin then looks over at the front desk guy, turning on that God-given charm. "Hey." Austin looks at his nametag, "Ike. Let me guess. My boy over here has us crammed in an economy suite, right?"

Ike, the greasy-haired man behind the desk glances at the computer screen. "Right-e-o."

"Not gonna work." Austin shakes his head. Razor frowns.

Nicky groans irritably. "Austin, are you really doing this right now?"

"Let me explain something to you, Ike, my man. _This_ is my best friend from college," Austin explains, motioning to Damon who looks rather embarrassed, "No, wait. We're _brothers_, _Sigma Nu brothers_. Now, Sunday he's getting married to _the_ Keg Stand Girl. Emo and the Keg Stand Girl. Prince of Darkness Damon and Kaylie the Pink Princess are getting married on a beach like something on a postcard. They're practically a modern day fairytale despite broken Bro Code and broken hearts and Nicky's broken nose—"

"Hey! Nicky deserved that broken nose!" Damon says defensively. Ike doesn't look like he cares, but nods anyways.

Elbows resting on the counter, Nicky groans. "I thought we all got over that already?"

"We did," Damon throws him a reassuring nod, "And Kaylie doesn't count, Austin. She wasn't your ex. Hook-ups don't count as exes."

"And my other brothers," Austin dramatically motions to them, "traveled from far and wide and dropped pudding and a crazy girlfriend and CSI marathons to be here. So this isn't a night in a hotel room for us, Ike. This is a _family reunion_. You know something about family? Perhaps the other long-haired hoodlums you hotbox with?"

Ike sniffs his collar. "Dude, do you smell it on me?"

"We were in your shoes once upon a time, young fellow," Austin says. "Once, Maxi had a huge, huge coke addiction." Austin pauses dramatically and gives Max a kick in the shin.

"Ouch! Um, yes. Coke whore. That was me."

"And now look at him. He's dating a super hot, super uppity supermodel. Hazah!" Austin shouts, taking his act of his way too seriously. "If you're lucky you can grow up to be like us."

Front Desk Guy deadpans. "I'm twenty-seven."

"And now all I'm asking you is to get back on your little computer and find us a more suitable room," Austin says, motioning to the computer between them. "Go, go, go! Life waits for no one, Ike!"

Looking at Austin like he's a crazy person, Ike does as he's told and types away. "Um, all the deluxe rooms are booked…oh. There is the Dean Martin suite, but I need to talk to my—"

"Book it. And when you talk to your manager be sure to drop the name _Austin Tucker_. Might have heard of me. I did a little college level gymnastics—"

Max interrupts him with a laugh. "For like a couple months. You got dropped from the practice team, got kicked out of the athletic dorms for excessive drinking and spent the rest of freshman year living out of a van."

Ignoring him, Austin keeps smirking. "And my uncle, the CEO of Google, croaked and split his fortune between the kid sister and me. I'm kind of a big deal. Now, I want a case of Cristal, two bottles of Patron, seven ahi sandwiches and chocolate-covered potato chips sent to the room." Austin turns to the guys. "You want anything?"

They just stand there, stunned.

"And how would you like to pay for all this?" Ike tentatively asks.

"American Express."

Ike nods, holds out his hand and Austin looks to Nicky. "Dude, give 'em your AmEx."

Nicky glares at his taller friend. "No."

Austin grunts and looks to Max next. "Don't worry. I'll pay you back after I kill it in the casino tonight and if not then when we get back to LA and I pick up my checkbook from my sister. Don't forget I drove the entire way here, in my car and paid gas. Your turn."

Max starts to pull his wallet out, but then pauses. "Quit calling me Maxi-pad."

"Done."

"You all have complicated relationships, don't you?" Ike asks. Austin shakes his head in a no while everyone else nods yes. Max fishes his card out of his wallet and hands it over.

"Max, you really don't have to," Damon insists.

Cutting off Max, Austin argues, "Damon, this is a once in a lifetime thing. Assuming you don't plan on getting married again any time soon…" He finally shuts up, distracted by Faith talking to some sketchy-looking dudes near a potted plant across the lobby. "Now while you men take care of all this I'm going to go save the world."

Austin rushes to Faith's aid and the brothers watch him go.

"Wow. Payson was not joking. Austin hasn't changed a bit since college, has he?" Damon asks.

"Not a bit. He's still over-the-top and reckless," Nicky says. Since he isn't about to get into it with the other guys because Austin specifically asked him not to, Nicky doesn't say any more.

"Am I the only one who thinks it might be a good idea to put a leash on him tonight," Max asks. "Like parents do to those poor kids at Disneyland?"

"Though you guys gotta admit he wouldn't be Austin Tucker if he wasn't over-the-top, reckless and in need of a child leash," Razor says. The other guys just hum in agreement.

Once everything checks out, the guys each get room keys and take the elevator to the top. On their way, they get rowdy and horse around. Entering the room, Austin gives Faith a piggyback ride and Razor tries to get Nicky to give him one, but Nicky shoots him down and shoves him away. When the lights snap on and they see the suite, everyone just stops and stares. It's elegant and gigantic, complete with a lounge area, two flat screen TVs, a fully stocked bar and multiple bedrooms.

"I think this is bigger than my apartment back in Denver," Nicky mutters.

"Dude, all I have is a sleeping bag and a toothbrush," Razor confesses, jaw dropped.

Austin blows right past them, spinning in circles and making Faith giggle before they both crash on the couch. "Okay, kiddies," Austin clasps his hands, "we've have one night to do it right!"

"Hurry it up, ladies!" Faith orders like a drill sergeant. "I have places to be!"

"And bars to dance on," Razor knowingly adds.

Faith nods. "Damn straight!"

"And body shots to do off of hot male strippers," Austin says hopefully. Faith points to him and then points to her nose. Laughing, Austin tackles her and they start wrestling around. He easily overpowers her, being three times her size, but Faith puts up a good fight.

"Could you try not to break anything?" Max yells at them. He tries to sound angry about it, but smiles. "I'm paying for all of this, remember? Break something and they'll charge me for it."

"Hey Cameraman, take a pic of this." Lying with Faith on the couch, Austin holds up his middle finger. Trying to suppress how amused he is, Max lifts his camera and the shutter clicks.

Once all the other boys are out of sight, Faith gives Austin a look of disapproval and though he doesn't know what it is she's about to scold him for, he innocently bats his eyes like he's seen her do a million times. "So Max is the one you manipulated into paying for all this?"

"What? It's not like I'm picking on him. He was the only option," Austin argues. "Even _I _know making Damon pay wouldn't be right, Nicky is still upset over the last time and Razor tried and God bless him but he doesn't have the cash for it. He wanted to cram us into an economy suite. I had to step up or I would have ended up sharing a bed with Nicky and what if he tries to touch me while I'm sleeping? Faye, I did it for my own safety."

"Whatever. You know you'd be the one begging Nix to be your cuddle buddy," Faith nudges him with her shoulder, "still, what you did to Ray? Not cool. That's like saying…that's like if you were about to score with some girl, all comfortable with your game and whatnot and then I totally cut in, gave you a teeny tiny itty-bitty condom and made out with the girl just to slap salt on the wound. Now, what would you think about that?"

Austin imagines it for a moment and smirks. "Tiny itty-bitty condom? I would be hurt…that you didn't know me as well as I thought."

His eyes go from her gaze down his body and back up, trying to suppress his laughter. Faith rolls her eyes and fights him off of her. Finally letting his laughter out, Austin topples backwards and knocks a lamp clear off the table, sending it to the ground with a loud crash.

…

While Max is scolding Austin and Faith in the other room, Razor's phone rings.

He looks at the screen and groans, but answers it. "Hey man. Not a good time…he's in Vegas? This weekend? Dude, don't even play like that!" Razor stops, looks at the doorway for a long moment. He sees Nicky shuffle by, not even caring enough to peek in, but Razor still shifts nervously, trying to keep the call confidential without looking suspicious. "Okay, say that again…tell me you aren't…okay. Yeah. I know what to do."

Razor hangs up and plops down onto the bed looking uncharacteristically stressed.

…

Faith giggles when she sees Damon. He's wearing a dove gray jacket over a white oxford and slacks that match. Atop his head he's wearing a matching fedora-style hat with a feather in it. He sits on one of the seats across from Faith and starts to put his shoes on.

"Nice outfit, Oceans 14, you look ready to rob a casino," Faith teases and Damon just tips his hat to her. Waiting for the boys to finish getting ready, Faith answered the door when someone brought up all the crap Austin requested and now she's eating one of his ahi sandwiches, licking her fingers. "So are you ready for the big day?"

"Absolutely," Damon answers. "I thought I'd be nervous about it, but I'm just really excited. Kaylie and I planned out ever detail. It's her perfect fairytale wedding. It's going to be great."

"Lucky." Faith nods to him, impressed. Just then Austin walks out and curls his arm around Faith like he always does but there's something different. More protective than playful and he gives Damon a sharp look. Oblivious to all this, Faith turns to Austin and grabs his chin. "I'm sure your wedding is going to be perfect, Damon, but my favorite part might be seeing this lug out of greasy auto mechanic jumpsuits and in an actual tux."

"Yup. Sigmas all in matching bubble gum pink bowties. Once in a lifetime opportunity and never happening again. You better enjoy it, Faye," Austin says. When he notices how tense Damon is, Austin grins even wider. "Can you say hottest groomsman and hottest wedding date at the hottest wedding of the year?"

"Took the words right out of my mouth, brother," Faith agrees. "So, Damon, do you get along with Kaylie's family and everyone? Assimilating into the la familia Cruz should be fun, huh?"

"It's great, actually. I've worked with her mom on music before and even Kales. We've done a few collabs," Damon explains. Total understatement. Everyone knows that. They were one of the top grossing tours a few years back. "It took a while, but her brother and her dad finally warmed up to me. Leo wanted to be here, but the job wouldn't let him. He gets into LA tomorrow."

Austin snorts. "Alex Cruz is a Damon Young fan? How did you possibly sway that?"

"We aren't smoking cigars and watching the sunset together, but it's good," Damon answers. "I think he finally accepted that Kaylie and I are together. He still has his reservations, but I am banging his daughter. I don't think dads ever really get past that."

"How about Emily and your son? La familia Cruz know about them? Does Em even know you're getting married?" Austin asks. Suddenly the nice, light conversation takes a dramatic turn. Faith has a gasp caught in her throat and Damon is enraged, quickly losing his patience.

"Shut the fuck up, Austin."

"I'm just asking. " Austin shrugs innocently. "Since we're on the topic, did you invite the girl you knocked up and your kid to the wedding? How old is he now? How _is_ Emily? Do you even know?"

"What is your problem, Austin? One minute you're talking about how we're such bros and wanting to make the night memorable and now you're bringing this up? What? Were you diagnosed with bipolar disorder and forgot to tell us?"

"Just a question, Dae," Austin innocently replies. "By the way, Emily is great without you. Henry is going on nine now. His favorite color is green, he's the star of his Pop Warner team, got a cannon for an arm and he think your music sucks."

"Okay, fellas, game over! Now isn't the time for this. We're supposed to be having fun," Faith scolds. She starts to stand and gives Austin's arm a tug. "Um, Damon, you should call Kaylie and tell her that you guys got here safely and then password protect it. Drunk dialing can be cute or it can be a train wreck. Aus, you and I are going to go break in the bar."

"Gladly," Austin says as he gets up with her and escorts her across the suite.

Damon sighs heavily, shuts his eyes and sinks back into the cushions of the couch. His deepest, darkest fear about this weekend just came true.

…

On the other end of the suite, Nicky asks to borrow a shirt from Max since he doesn't have any clothes thanks to Faith and Austin. Readily agreeing, Max unzips his duffle and starts moving things around. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Nicky sees a ring box and curiously snatches it. Nicky opens up the little box and finds a giant ass diamond ring.

"Jesus! Is this grandma's ring…?"

Alarmed, Max quickly looks up and frowns. "Damn. I wasn't going to tell anyone about—"

"Knock, knock," Damon says. He walks into the room, miserable despite how well dressed he is. Then he sees the ring and his eyes widen. "Whoa. Look at that."

"Looks like Max is looking to join your circle of hell, Dae," Nicky says. He carelessly tosses it to Damon and Max scrambles to catch it just incase, but Damon grabs a firm hold of the velvet box and takes a closer look.

"Boy Party in Maxi's bed!" Razor sings. He looks happier than he had been while on the phone, more put together and dressed to kill. "Holy Christ that's a diamond!"

"Our grandma's diamond engagement ring," Max says, motioning between Nicky and him. "She left it to my mom when she passed away and my mom gave it to me, told me to give it to someone special and I…I'm asking Maeve to marry me."

"Oh boy," Nicky murmurs. "All I can say, Maxwell, is thank God we have different last names."

"Nicholas, you're just jealous I got the ring and you wouldn't have anyone to put it on anyways," Max snipes. Nicky glares, but then Damon smacks him as a warning.

"It's like they say, if you like it then you should put a ring on it!" Razor shouts, carefree and excited as always. "This is great! We have even more to celebrate!"

Despite his irritation or maybe _because_ of his irritation, Nicky asks, "So you're just going to marry Maeve? Just like that? What happened to finally, actually trying with Ava? She's going to be at the wedding, you know."

Damon and Razor go quiet. Max's expression darkens and he explains, "I grew up, Nicky. Sometimes you need to let go and grow up."

With the way Max stares at him and Nicky stares back, a battle of wills, this weekend isn't going how anyone imagined. Suddenly, Faith shouts for the boys to meet her and Austin on the roof when they're done with the "boy party in Maxi's bed!" Breaking their stare, Nicky goes to get changed into the loaned shirt and Max safely tucks the ring box back into his bag.

All finally dressed for a night out, every hair smoothed down and shoes shined, the boys find Austin and Faith on the roof gazing out at the Strip, the mountains in the distance and the stars above. Not surprising, they have a bottle of Patron and a glass for each of them. They drink, talk a while, drink, map out their gameplan for the night, oh yeah, and drink.

"This is so great! I love you guys!" Max shouts happily. "And you grrrlll."

He playfully bumps his knuckles against Faith's shoulder and she giggles, entertained. "Wow, dork really does run in the family, doesn't it?"

"No way," Razor laughs. "Maxi, are you already drunk?"

Faith laughs too. "We had three shots. I'm the size of one of his arms and I'm _just_ feeling it. "

"Kid is _weak_!" Austin jeers. "Maxi has always been our little lightweight. Remember when we did that scavenger hunt and every stop was a different drink? This kid passes out midway and we had to take turns carrying his ass to the finish line."

"H_a_y!" Max shouts. "But I nvr quit! Too legit to quit! Goonies nvr say die!" Max shouts to the sky. Austin laughs, puts his hand on Max's head, messing up his neat hair. Damon smiles when he sees how brotherly the two are despite all the Ava drama in the past. The sight mixed with the alcohol, his little fight with Austin earlier starts to slip from memory. Damon raises his glass, ready to forget everything and have a good time.

"I've never really been good with words," Damon says. The guys all boo him.

"Says the multi-million dollar recording artist and producer," Nicky says.

"Yeah, but I work it all out on paper beforehand. Expressing myself with words off the top of my head out loud? Yikes," Damon says. "But I just want to say a little something. Firstly, we drink to Kaylie, the coolest, kindest, most beautiful human being I've ever met."

"Who better be doing a keg stand as we speak!" Razor shouts and they all chuckle.

"I love her," Damon continues, "still can't believe she actually agreed to let us make this weekend happen. Then again, I can't believe she agreed to spend the rest of her life with me either." Damon actually looks pretty choked up and jokes, "a massive error of judgment on her part."

Everyone laughs again.

"And to you guys," Damon motions around him, "for taking the time out of your lives to be here, my best friends in the universe, my Sigma brothers, my bros…and Faith. Now, that being said, I need every single one of you to promise tonight won't get too stupid, alright? I've got a wedding to get through in, oh, give or take, 36 hours."

"Of course not," Nicky agrees without question.

Razor nods vigorously. "No prob, man."

"I think I just saw a UFO!" Max screams, staring out at the dark sky.

Austin chuckles and brings his glass to his lips. "We're so fucked."

Damon is not one bit convinced that they're capable of keeping their promise. "Guys, I'm not kidding. Number one rule: nothing above the shoulders. No piercings or weird tats, haircuts or writing or penis drawings in Sharpie. I have to look halfway decent for Sunday."

"What do you think we are, man?" Razor asks, rounding his arm around Damon's neck. "You think we'd ruin the happiest day of your life for shits and giggles?"

Damon remains unconvinced. "Ray, you shaved our Greek letters into the back of Austin's head the night before graduation. _Graduation_."

"And I worked it," Austin pipes in.

"Sure, after almost crying." Nicky laughs at the memory.

"Wow that was hilarious," Razor says. "And remember the night before that big gymnastics meet? Austin, you wrote on Nicky's face in permanent marker? So he had to compete with writing all over his face. What did it say again?"

"KP's Bizatch," Austin and Nicky say in unison. Of course, Austin says it with enthusiasm while Nicky says it with dread. Now that isn't a memory to laugh at. At least, to Nicky it isn't. "Spelt like it sounds," Austin adds.

"But don't worry, Dae," Razor assures his best friend. "As your trusty, handpicked Best Man, I promise tonight is going to be all good, clean fun. We've all really grown up since those days."

Damon is still suspicious, but ignores it. "Well then…to a night we'll never regret."

They clink their glasses, shoot the shots and so it begins.

* * *

><p><span>AN: 1) **Monday/Friday twice a week update schedule. **Hopefully that works out, but I can be a flake sometimes so we'll see…

2) **Brin**: Darling, I don't know if you'd want to know what goes on in my head. Hehe I love the "LCTD style novel length fic" comment even though it's kinda two fics in one and kinda cheating, but I'll take it! Thanks for the review.

3) Faith Giancana & others © **B/LCTD**

4) Ava Tucker © **Romance Novel**

5) I think it's common courtesy to ask before using OCs. I should have mentioned this earlier, but, yes, Romance Novel gave me permission to use Ava and I pray I didn't screw up her character too much in this chapter. Give respect. Get respect. Word.

6) Review please.


	5. Moments Ruined

A/N: Crack and drama alert! Not to be taken too seriously, just laughed at and enjoyed.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

BEFORE THE CALL

Saturday: 10:17 AM

The gorgeous suite they checked into last night is completely and utterly trashed. Furniture is broken and the bar is ransacked. The floor is covered with random things from the night before and tons of glitter. The floors are wet with God-knows-what and the sinks are all overflowing with soapsuds. There are empty cans and glass bottles scattered around, plates of food—some licked clean and others piled high, untouched—a bunch of red and green plastic light sabers, scuba gear and women's underwear. The list goes on.

A pair of feet stumble across the marble floor, heels dangling, the straps tangled in slim fingers. The front door of the suite swings open and loudly shuts. No one is disturbed by the sound except for the live black and white goat that's wearing a red lacy bra and has 'Razor' shaved into its side. The goat makes a low _neah_ sound as it walks around the living room.

Asleep on the couch is the actual Razor in only his white slacks and one shoe. In Sharpie, Razor has a six-pack drawn on to his flat abdomen and "FUCKS FOR COCKTALES" scrawled across his chest. The goat goes over to Razor, eyeing his face and then starts chewing on his hair. Razor groans and shifts, forcefully shoving the goat away, making it _NEAH _loudly. Panicked, Razor suddenly sits up, eyes widen at the sight of the goat up in his face. He flips off the couch, landing on a giant pile of bubble wrap on the floor.

"Jesus!" someone shouts.

Confused as fuck, Razor scrambles to his feet and sees Max beneath the bubble wrap, flailing in it as if he were drowning. He's fully dressed in clothes from last night and looks super grouchy. Max sees the goat, fears it, but can't seem to move. "Goat…where…huh…?"

"Dunno, but it tried to eat me," Razor explains. He runs his fingers through his brown hair sticky with goat saliva and sticking up in different directions, which is a crime to Razor. He'd be in the bathroom fixing it ASAP, but then he feels the blinding pain behind his forehead and slumps back down onto the couch.

For an entire minute, the two sit there and stare into space. Razor presses his face into a pillow, trying to block out all light, feeling like his head might explode. His mouth is devastatingly dry, as if he was eating sand last night and with the way he can't remember anything it is definitely a possibility. It also doesn't help that his body feels like it was ran over by a truck, then dipped in cement and left to dry.

Max loudly groans and the volume of it sends torturous currents of electricity through what's left of Razor's brain. "Ray…uh. What happened last night…? I feel like I blacked out and…ugh…woke up back in college."

Razor is about to comment and say how the suite looks like they did a little nostalgic redecorating and made it look exactly like the Sigma house, but then he gets sidetracked when he looks over and sees Max's head. "Hey Maxi…"

"Yeah?"

"Dude, what happened to your hair?"

Max frowns as if Razor isn't speaking English. "Huh?"

"Your. Hair." Razor knows he isn't doing a good job of communicating here, but it's so hard to form words with his brain having a meltdown and all. "Dude, you have a mohawk, like, a legit Mohawk…but it's also like a mullet in the back." Max continues to stare dumbly at him. "Max. Your. Fucking. Hair! You. Have. A. Ugly. Ass. Mohawk-Mullet!"

"Shut up," Max snaps. He frantically shoves the layers of bubble wrap off of him and manages to climb to his feet. Despite his body feeling like it weights a ton and how he swears he can feel his brain slam into the walls of his skull with each step, Max runs into the bathroom and looks in the mirror. "Fuck me. I…have a Mohawk-Mullet."

Indeed, his styled dark hair is no more. Both sides have been shaved but stop right around the curve of his ear, leaving a strip right down the middle constituting the mohawk and the hair at the nape of his neck making up the mullet.

"This is going down in the history books!" Razor shouts, popping his head in the door. "Where's your camera, Max? We need to document this! Your Mohawk-Mullet! The MoMul! Maeve is going to throw a fit!" Razor opens his mouth to go on, but then he stops, distracted yet again. "Dude, who's that dude in the tub?"

Paying no attention to Razor, Max leaves the bathroom running. "My camera! Where the hell is my camera!"

…

In the next room Austin groans when he hears Max shouting and running through the suite. He starts to come to and the pain hits him like a pool stick to the face. Slowly, his senses start to come back and Austin notices the warm body beside him. When he's finally able to open his eyes, everything is foggy, but Austin see it's Faith and fuck does she look hot.

From what Austin can tell, his partner in crime is in a gold bikini top with a chain that trails up her chest and hooks around her neck. She's also wearing what seems to be a cross between a golden bikini bottom and a long black skirt, the fabric all twisted in her milky legs. There are gold bands around her arms, a black wig crooked on her head and combat boots on her feet.

"Faye, wakey, wakes," Austin grunts, gently shaking her. She doesn't respond right away, but when she finally opens her tired eyes, Austin asks, "Did I prove your teeny tiny rubber assumption wrong?"

Faith lifts a leg to show him the combat boot. "Aus, if you got any last night, not me. I'm wearing…ugly _things_ on my feet. If we did hook up, I would never half-ass it, not even blacked out." When Faith opens her eyes again, she giggles, "Going scuba diving, Aussie?"

Austin is confused for a second and so Faith reaches up and pulls what appears to be a scuba diving mask with an attached snorkel off his face. Austin groans when the mask is pulled back, almost like a suction-cup effect and Faith giggles at the red lines in the shape of the mask imprinted around Austin's eyes. He rubs his sore face and now he can see clearly.

"Holy crap, Faith. Your chin!" he shouts. Faith doesn't even react though Austin, concerned, careful pulls back the large white bandage and peeks beneath it. When he sees the crusted blood, Austin winces and smoothes the bandage back. "The hell happened to you?"

"Don't remember. I think I'm still a little drunk." Faith groans and she looks so small and so cuddly so Austin pushes the pain away and wraps an arm around her.

"You look like a sex slave." Austin laughs right against her hair. Faith doesn't hesitate to slap her palm right again Austin's forehead, right where it hurts. He whimpers and because she's weak, Faith apologetically rubs the pain away. "So are we ever going to hook up for real, G?"

"Probably not. Know why?"

"Well, I know you're saying that now because you've never seen me naked."

"Oh, I don't doubt you're well equip, but it's not that. Smile." Austin does as he's told and Faith traces her finger over the lines that form around his mouth. "See. You're tall, dark-haired, muscular, charming, tan, but," Faith winces, "all that combined with these smile lines kinda makes you a miniature Marty and Marty's like my dad."

Damn that Marty Walsh! It only figures that he's the (accidental) reason Nicky and Kelly hooked up and so to balance things out he's also the reason Austin and Faith never will.

Austin gives her a sour look. Faith laughs. "I ruined our moment, didn't I?"

"Yup," Austin answers, "but you're still my favorite."

Bringing her eyes to meet his, Faith frowns. "Things got out of hand last night, didn't they?"

Austin smirks. "In the best way possible, Pretty."

"GUYS!" Razor suddenly appears in the doorway. Austin and Faith remain where they are and snigger at the pen marks all over Razor. "There's this dude sleeping in the tub and him and Max have matching Mohawk-Mullets!"

In scary unison, both Austin and Faith shout, "AWESOME! TURN THE SHOWER ON!"

After a high-five, Austin tries to get up, but can't due to the long scuba fins on his feet. Faith giggles and helps him get them off. It is a complete surprised to see Austin woke up from a night of drinking with not only pants on, but a shirt too! Seeing the way Razor is eyeing Faith's sex suit, Austin grabs a shirt off the lamp and tells Faith to put it on, shooting Razor a warning with his eyes. Once they finally get up, the first thing Austin and Faith do is laugh hysterically when they see the destruction of the suite.

"Damn and I was starting to think we lost the Sigma magic," Austin takes a look at the aluminum can pyramid on the kitchen counter, "once a Sigma, always a Sigma apparently."

"No one is dead, right?" Faith asks fearfully.

"Uhh, I don't know where Dae is. Probably woke up, threw a fit and went to cool off. Shit. Best Man fail." Razor moans into his hands, but it passes quickly and he smirks. "Nicky on the other hand is face down on the floor stone cold passed out."

"Well, wake him up. I'm hungry," Austin grunts. Intrigued by the notion of a passed out stranger more so than a passed out Nicky, Austin and Faith make their way to the bathroom.

"Did I mention Nicky is naked and had, like, handprint-outlines on his ass in Sharpie?"

Austin and Faith pause in the bathroom doorway and trade looks. It goes quiet as they desperately try to remember how those handprint-outlines ended up on Nicky's ass, but can't come up with anything. Meanwhile, behind them, Max continues to run around, ripping things apart in search of his camera.

"Well, wake him up and get him dressed," Austin says. "I'm still hungry."

A passed out stranger obviously trumps a passed out and naked and decorated Nicky so Austin leads Faith to the bathroom. A part of him expects it to be a blow up doll or purely Razor's imagination, but then he sees the figure all cramped up in the porcelain tub. He's pale and medium built. Like Razor said, the sides are shaved so he has a Mohawk-Mullet. However, unlike Max's silky, dark hair, this guy has these brown, borderline Jew-fro curls.

"What the hell is going on with his hair?" Faith asks, fascinated. "I have the strangest urge to touch it, but I'm scared it might bite my finger off."

"I can't find my camera," Max looks near tears when he walks in and slumps against the wall.

"Max, it'll turn up. It's probably under a pile of clothes somewhere," Austin says distractedly. He doesn't take his eyes off of the sleeping stranger's head. "TMZ, come check out this hair!"

Max peeks over. "It's like mine."

Austin and Faith look back and forth between them. Oh. So it is.

"Like a cross between the guy from Glee and Uncle Jesse," Max adds.

"But not sexy. At. All," Faith says, still entranced by the strange hairdos. She even tries to reach over and touch Max's head, but he quickly snaps her hand away from him.

Austin quizzically turns to Max. "Dude…you watch Glee?"

"It's uh…Maeve! She forces me to!"

Faith and Austin exchange glances and murmur, "Uh-huh."

"Russo is up and getting dressed. Get this. He _so_ got laid last night. He's in denial, but I can tell," Razor says, joining them in the bathroom, hopping onto the counter and making a bunch of empty martini glasses topple over into the soapsuds in the sink. "After all the Walk of Shames I've seen, trust me, Nicky is a victim of the sloppy, drunken Vegas hook-up!"

"Good lord. Finally!" Austin cheers. "We need to buy him a shirt as proof!"

"Wow, sex with a random in Vegas. That is really going to win Kelly back." Faith frowns a little, thinking about that last conversation she had with Nicky back in LA. "Jesus…did I meet up with Kelly last night?"

"You don't remember anything either?" Razor asks.

"Not a thing." Looking down, trying to recall anything at all, Faith notices the piles of the dark hair scattered on the tile floor. "Hey guys. Why is there hair, like, all over the ground?"

"What the hell…" Austin reaches for something near the corner and lifts it up. It's a piece of duct tape with hair all stuck to it. There's another strip of duct tape with even more hair. Everyone looks from the duct tape to the guy asleep in the tub and then to Max who touches his head and whimpers.

"We…did…not."

"No. I don't think we did that to you," Austin says, flinging the duct tape back to the floor with disgust, "yours are all clean buzzed. Our buddy on the other hand…"

"Oh," Faith says. "So that's why his scalp is all red and raw…"

A long, awkward silence follows.

Suddenly Razor jumps off the counter. "We should leave before he wakes up, shouldn't we?"

"Yeah, I think that'd be best."

Trying to be as quiet as possible, they file out of the bathroom and Austin slowly closes the door behind them. When there are no manic exclamations and crying, they all sigh in relief. Right outside the door, fully dressed, Nicky scratches his fingers through his hair that's so messy it's almost a throwback to college. "Guys…what did we do last night?"

"We'll think on it later," Austin says, moving his hands as if he could make it all go away just by doing that. "Food now. Damon probably already got us a table, sitting and fuming about what assholes we are. Can't wait."

Austin stands impatiently by the door while Razor gets a shirt and Max grabs a random hat off the ground to cover his head. Still in a man's button-down over her sex suit, Faith phones Kelly. As they walk down the hall to the elevator, Faith tells them her plan to meet up with Kelly and Nicky tells her if she doesn't meet them in the lobby at 1 then they're leaving her.

"Jeez, for someone who did the dirty deed dirt cheap you sure are cranky," Faith teases.

"We're buying you a t-shirt to commemorate it, by the way," Razor adds.

"Yeah, Russo," Austin adjusts the way his pants sit on his hips, "Welcome back to the game! Think of it as your re-de-virginization! Max is even paying for your breakfast as a hazah!"

Max blinks. "I what?"

Nicky is absolutely mortified. "No! No t-shirt and no talking about something that didn't happen. Now let's go. I need coffee."

Continuing on to the elevator, Austin does this strange strut thing and everyone just thinks he's being a weirdo when he finally exclaims, "What is up with my ass? It hurts like hell!"

Just as he shouts that, the elevator doors open on a man, his wife and young son. The family stares at the Sigma boys, who look awful, and Austin gives them a bright smile in return.

"We'll, uh, take the next one," Nicky assures them in a low voice, waving his hand at them.

They all just stare at one another until the doors close. After a few seconds of more staring, Faith leans in to press the button again and sings, "Awkward."

Once they reach the lobby, they part with Faith and instinctively gravitate to the Mandalay Bay breakfast buffet like how they'd gravitate towards the nearest IHOP after a particularly grueling night of partying and no Kaylie there to baby them. They look around, but there's still no sign of Damon. Shrugging it off, they grab a table and pile their plates high with food accompanied by multiple refills of coffee.

"Worst. Hangover. Ever."

"Stating the obvious much?" Razor sighs and rubs his prickly chin. "Where is Damon anyways?"

"Hopefully somewhere with my camera," Max utters.

"You need to get over that," Austin says with his mouth full. He licks his lips and eyes up Max's plate. Without even asking, Austin steals his cruller and shoves it into his mouth. Max looks like he's going to either comment or vomit, but manages to resist doing either.

Austin keeps shoveling food down his throat and everyone goes on like there's nothing wrong with that. They've partied enough with Austin to know that if he doesn't focus really hard on eating then he's going to throw up all over himself and probably them.

"Here. Let's call him," Nicky suggests. He pulls out his cell phone that's surprisingly in one piece and dials Damon's number. Suddenly a phone rings in Max's shirt pocket. He then pulls it out and shows it to everyone. _Fail_.

"This is a good thing," Max optimistically explains.

Now Razor really starts to panic. "How could this possibly be a good thing?"

"Well, if I have his cell phone then maybe he has my camera…"

Everyone groans and makes a silent pact to ignore Max until they get back to LA. While Austin keeps on eating and Razor grows more frantic by the second, Nicky goes on to call the room, but no one answers.

"What if something happened last night?" Razor asks. "Can you guys remember anything because my mind is blank. Like, 'whoa, I thought midterms were next week' blank." No one responds and Razor's shoulders drop. "Groomsmen fail!"

"Just, calm down, Ray," Nicky says, massaging his temples. "He has to be around here somewhere, but you're right. We should probably find him. We still need to check-out and, God, the five hour drive."

Everyone groans. No one is looking forward to that.

"Razor, I'll give you fifty bucks not to sing on the drive back," Max propositions him.

Forgetting his worry for a second, Razor grins. "Deal."

They sit for a moment longer, feeling a tad bit better, but still reluctant to move. Once all the cups of coffee are finished and Max is coaxed into picking up the tab _again_, they all force themselves to get up. All except Austin who remains in his seat with his fork in hand even after Nicky gives him a pointed look. Austin's reply is simple, "I'm eamning."

"Brother Aushole lives up to his name," Nicky says irritably. He looks back to the others and sees that Razor is sucking his thumb. It's always been a nervous habit. "Okay. Razor, you need to stop with the thumb sucking. You are going to check the pool and the casino. I'll check the room again. Max—"

"I'll check the gym," he volunteers. "Maybe he's working out or something…?"

"Sure," Nicky says. He then glares over at Austin. "Oh, and Aus, if you could keep a close eye on the buffet, that would help so much. You rock, man."

Wiping his mouth across his sleeve, Austin beams up at Nicky and his sarcasm. The three guys all give Austin annoyed looks before they take off in all different directions. Not even bothering to swallow, Austin calls after them, "Guys, Dee is fwime! Y'just overweacting!"

They don't even bother looking back at him and Austin goes on eating, stealing another donut from Max's abandoned plate. After he is stuffed to the point of exploding, Austin pulls out his cell phone. He almost hopes Damon called him or texted him or something just so he can rush back to the other guys and save the day, but it's all just wishful thinking.

Austin clicks around on his phone and accesses his call log. His face pales when he sees that in the last ten hours he made one outgoing call at around 3 AM.

_To Payson. _

**-XX-**

Flashback

8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

Austin won't ever forget meeting Payson Keeler at Christmas brunch. He met one of his favorite people on one of his favorite holiday. It had to be fate.

It's no secret the Sigma boys aren't very classy. That explains the Christmas tree in their living room and why it's decorated with stolen lights, ladies' lingerie and glow in the dark condoms. It's a little embarrassing and undoubtedly inappropriate, but very Sigma.

With more than half the house gone home for the holidays, it's quieter than usual. Wearing matching Christmas print adult onesies, Austin and Faith tiptoe down the second floor hall and pause outside the room Nicky and Max share. Who are we kidding, though? It's more like Nicky and Kelly's room at this point.

Just as Austin reaches for the handle, Faith stops him. "Wait. What if they're like…naked?"

Austin smirks. "Then it really will be a very merry Christmas."

"Aus!" Faith scolds him with a slap to his arm.

"Oww…then we tell them to put clothes on because we want presents!" Austin says. Not wasting another second, Austin pushes the door open and charges in. Seeing Nicky and Kelly asleep and clothed (thank Jesus) Austin jumps onto the bed. "MERRY CHRISTSMAS!"

Nicky is startled awake and Kelly opens her eyes halfway, her face scrunches in displeasure. She turns into Nicky and presses her face into his neck as if not seeing Austin will make him actually disappear. Seeing the initial damage done, Faith bounces into the room and jumps onto the bed, bringing on the second wave of annoyance.

"Present time!" Faith shouts. "Up! Up! Up!"

"Guys, it's six in the morning," Nicky blinks, hoping he's reading the clock wrong, but nope, "too early. Way, way, _way_ too early."

"Nu-uh," Austin says, embracing his inner six-year-old. "We've been awake for _hours_. We could have woken you up earlier, but Faith convinced me to let you sleep in so instead we baked cookies. We've got gingerbread men and chocolate chip and snowman sugar cookies. For breakfast. Cookies and milk for breakfast!"

"Are you on acid again?" Nicky asks. "And what hell are you wearing?"

"My Christmas gift to him," Faith explains, tugging on the comfy onesie. It's electric blue with cartoon reindeer, elves, Santa's sleigh and snow repeated over and over. "Cute right?"

"Like a cuteness explosion!" Austin says enthusiastically, unnecessarily loud. Faith tugs his ear and Austin smiles, rounding his arm around her shoulders.

All of a sudden Faith gasps dramatically. "Christmas music! We don't have Christmas music!"

"You're right! Hmm. Mattie's gone. We'll use his desktop to download some," Austin says as the two weirdoes in the onesies climb out of bed. "Now, Nicky, KP, you have a good twenty minutes to brush your teeth or for a quickie or whatever. If you aren't downstairs in _twenty_ I swear I'll come back in here, throw you over my shoulder and carry you down."

"Paul McCartney!" Faith shouts as they race out the door. "We need some Paulie Mac."

"Oh and," Austin snaps his fingers, "Mariah Carrie!"

"Yeah, that's a good one."

As they go to invade poor Mattie's room, Nicky shifts, his arm around Kelly and her messy, dark brown hair all in her face. Smiling softly, Nicky combs her hair out of the way so he can see her irritation. It's obvious neither of them are going to get back to sleep.

"I hate our friends," Kelly says bluntly.

"If Faith tries to make me wear a onesie, I swear to God…" Nicky groans at the mere mental image and Kelly laughs, snuggles closer to him as he plays with her hair. "Oh, by the way, Merry Christmas, Kelly Parker."

"Hmm. Merry Christmas, boyfriend."

…

Austin and Faith sits on the floor, between the wooden coffee table and the fireplace, playing Jenga where the person who makes the tower fall has to chug a cup of eggnog and rum. Nicky leans forward and grabs a cookie off a plate before settling back on the couch next to Kelly. Max is on the loveseat, ravenously ripping through wrapping paper to get to his gift.

"What a surprise. More feminine products!" Max says dully. He tosses the pack of pads over to a pile of others. "Thank you for that very thoughtful Christmas present, Kelly Parker."

"Why, you're very welcome, Maxi-pad," Kelly says. "It's the least I could do after the lifetime supply of Plan B morning-after pills you got me. It takes a real douche to waltz into a Rite Aid and horde it all. I hope you're proud."

"Oh, anything for you," Max says dryly.

"Okay, if you two are done trading jabs, Max, this is your real present from Kelly and me," Nicky interjects, sliding a neatly wrapped box over to him.

Max looks at it like it's a disguised explosive, carefully peeling back the paper. After taking a bite out of his cookie, Nicky holds it out to Kelly who wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. After some coaxing, Kelly finally gives in and takes a bite. Nicky smiles like it's some big win and Kelly just rolls her eyes at what a dork he can be.

"Whoa." Everyone looks over at Max and his stunned expression. He opens up the box and pulls out an expensive-looking camera lens. Max looks over at Nicky and asks, "How did you know this is exactly what I wanted?"

"All I did was pay for it. Kelly picked it out."

"I heard you geeking out about it with Riley," Kelly says nonchalantly. "Whatever. But I swear, Spencer, if you use it to play your little flash-for-a-flash pervert game, I'm stealing it back, getting a refund and spending the money on shoes like I wanted to in the first place."

"Thanks." Max nods. "I almost feel bad about the Plan B."

"You shouldn't," Kelly insists. "While you were opening your pads, I might have accidentally texted a pic of the mountain of Plan B to your mom. Good luck getting out of that one."

"And the moment's ruined," Nicky mutters and reaches over for another cookie.

Max looks like he's boiling over with anger. "That's not in the spirit of Christmas!"

"Okay! Time for my gifts to everyone!" Austin announces. He goes over to their poor Christmas tree and grabs a stack of wrapped presents. They're all the same shape, square and thin, and Austin hands one to each of them.

"Wow, Aus, exactly what I wanted!" Faith sarcastically exclaims. Once she carelessly tosses the wrapping paper onto the floor, Faith holds up a framed picture of Austin in his signature leather jacket and shades, looking very masculine as he mounts Lolita near a lake at sunset.

"What do you know? I got Austin from that Theta costume party," Max explains, "Dressed as Elvis, drunk and stuffing his face with that peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwich. Attractive, Aus. Very."

"Ha. Mine is of Austin shirtless and doing pull-ups so I think I win," Nicky says.

"Eww, why did I get a picture of you with Cindy Davidson in a hot tub?" Kelly asks with disgust. "Austin, they call her Crab Dip for a reason. Gross." Kelly tosses the framed picture away and Austin does his best to look offended, but she doesn't seem to care. Giving Nicky a smile, Kelly says, "But I'll take this one."

Kelly reaches out for the framed picture of shirtless Austin and Nicky holds it out of her reach. "Okay, thanks Austin…for this," Nicky sets the framed photo on the edge of the coffee table, face down, "So we have brunch at Damon's and then dinner at the Tucker's, right?"

Kelly groans, lazily lying against Nicky. "Do we have to go to brunch? Wouldn't you much rather spend the day in bed with me, watching the snow fall until dinner with the Tuckers, instead of making stupid small talk with Damon's stupid friends I could care less about?"

Nicky groans. "As tempting as that is…"

"I, for one, would love to do that with you, KP. Willing and able," Austin playfully winks at her and Kelly exaggerates a smile much to Nicky's annoyance. "Seriously, who wants to spend _hours_ with Damon's pretentious record company peeps, eating 'hors d'oeuvres'? Dude, they're freaking pigs in a blanket on a toothpick. Why can't we call them what they are?"

"But see, it isn't a matter of _wanting_. Damon is still our brother and we're going to back him whether you like it or not," Nicky says sternly. "We'll sit through the torture with smiles, support and then we'll finish the night off right at Austin's."

"Plus, you know there's going to be free, fancy booze there," Faith reminds them.

"You had me at free, fancy booze!" Austin cheers. "So should I be dressing up for this soirée?"

"Let's put it this way, Austin. If you go to that party, wearing what you're wearing now," Kelly's eyes sweep down the onesie, "I'm not talking to you. I don't even want you standing near me. You should though. We can time how fast Damon forgets your whole 'brotherhood' thing and gets security to escort you out."

"Hey. Don't give him any ideas," Nicky warns her. "We'll go, be polite and then play our annual football game at the Tuck's." Suddenly everyone's spirits seem to be lifted a little.

"Red's on my team. Called it." Austin points over at Faith who nods in agreement.

Max loudly winces. "Yeah, sorry, guys, I don't think I'll be able to make dinner tonight."

Austin looks outraged. "Max, it's tradition! We've been doing A Very Tucker Christmas every year since we all met. What could possibly be more important?"

"Can't be Maeve," Faith muses. "She ditched you for that Omega Chi guy."

"Thanks for the reminder," Max says snidely. "I have something to do, alright? I'll try to be there, but don't get your hopes up." He starts to stand. "We should probably start getting ready for Damon's thing. Razor is already there, helping set up…"

No one says anything. No one even tries to move. They just watch him leave the room.

When his heavy footsteps disappear up the stairs, Faith leans in and loudly whispers, "Anyone care to guess what that's about?"

In unison, they all say, "Ava."

Kelly shakes her head. "Forget him. Max is just a selfish little bitch. Either you do the relationship thing or whore around. He can't try to do the relationship thing with Ava and whore around at the same time. And I'm supposedly the horrible human being? Nick, we should have bought him a mirror for Christmas."

Austin groans. "Agreed on the selfish little bitch point, but I still want him there. It's freaking Christmas!"

"I'll talk to him and see what I can do." Nicky reluctantly unwinds his arm from around Kelly and she pouts, holding his hand even as he gets up, only letting go at the very last second.

Pushing unhappy thoughts away, Austin slides a Jenga block out from the wobbly tower and makes the entire thing come crashing down. Austin curses and Faith dances around in victory. Not even bothering to clean up, Austin grabs his cup and drinks it dry.

"Alright." Austin sighs. "Let's get Damon's stupid thing over with…"

…

Damon's stupid thing turns out to be as dreadful as everyone expected.

It's not that his getting a record deal changed Damon, but it did change the way he lives. For one, he dropped out of college to devote all his energy to his music and though he's still welcomed to Sigma functions, he hardly makes it unless Kaylie forces him out of his emo hibernation.

Drinking a glass of Château de Beaucastel, coming in at $535 a bottle, Austin would honestly much rather have a can of good ol' fashion beer, watching the game with his dad. He irritably tugs at the collar of his shirt, feeling like he's suffocating in it and suffocating in here.

Damon is going around, being a good host, with Kaylie at his side, showing off the adorable tiny puppy with a red bow around its neck, Damon's Christmas present to her. Austin has been staying on the opposite side of the party from Kaylie and the pup all afternoon. He can already feel his allergies starting to act up just being in the same room as the thing.

Meanwhile, Razor is trying to talk up some of Damon's producer friends, Max is taking pictures, Faith is flirting with some dude and Nicky and Kelly are nowhere in sight, probably having their own two person party somewhere. At this point, even gouging his eyes out with the toothpicks that come with the pigs in a blanket seems more fun.

Just as he starts contemplating the use of the Allergies Card to get the hell out, a familiar face catches his eye. Wearing a simple, conservative dress with her hair neatly pulled back and away from her face is a girl Austin swears he's seen before. Probably coming off like a stalker (which is usually Max's come-on of choice) Austin is drawn to her. When he can't seem to figure it out on his own, Austin decides to just walk up to her and ask.

The blonde is standing in front of the fireplace, looking at the framed pictures on the mantle. Most are of Damon and Kaylie. Then there's one of the frat boys from Rush week back when they were younger and scrawnier. All of them are shirtless and each has a letter painted on their chest so when they stand together they spell out S-I-G-M-A.

When he's next to her, Austin winces to grab her attention. "Not one of my finest moments."

Looking between him and the photo, the girl smiles. "So you're the S in Sigma?"

"That I am," Austin nods and takes a sip of his wine, "I know this has the potential to turn bad fast, but…have we met before? I saw you from across the room and you just seem really familiar to me. Maybe Kaylie's birthday or a Sigma party?"

Who's he kidding? A girl like this wouldn't be caught dead at one of their frat parties.

"No, I doubt we've ever met, but maybe you've seen me on TV?" she suggests in this coy, cute kind of way. It's almost like she's embarrassed to be on television. "I'm Payson Keeler."

He hears her name and everything clicks. "Payson Keeler as in Olympic gold medalist Payson Keeler? Yeah, now I remember. You killed it in London. Congrats on that."

Payson smiles. "Thank you."

"Wow. A world-class athlete at one of Damon's parties? I guess I should give him a little more credit. He seems to really be climbing that social ladder."

"Actually, I'm a friend of Kaylie's," Payson explains. "I moved to Boulder when I was little, trained at the Rock, and that's where I met Kaylie. We've been friends ever since."

"Very cool," Austin nods. "So you know Kelly Parker then?"

"We were teammates, sure," Payson nods. "Why? Do you want an autograph or something?"

"Wow, beautiful, talented _and _she tells jokes too," Austin teases with a smirk that makes her blush. "She's around here somewhere and will probably tell you otherwise and try to embarrass me, but KP and I have been friends for years now." Austin looks back at the framed picture on the mantle and points out Nicky. "She's actually dating and deeply, _deeply_ in love with the A in Sigma right there. Though, she'd probably deny that one too."

"Sounds like Kelly," Payson agrees. "This really is a small world, isn't it?"

"Yeah, well, it is Boulder," Austin says. He loves how he can just smile at her, not even say a word, and it makes her so nervous and flustered. She tries to hide it, but does a horrible job trying. Most girls would already be stroking his ego or his arm, but Payson Keeler is actually trying to have a conversation with him. Austin finds that terribly attractive.

"Hey guys!" Kaylie, that little Cuban cockblock, just has to pop up between them. Austin feels foiled and it turns to fright when he sees the puppy in her arms. "I see you two have met."

"Actually," Payson starts, "he knows who I am, but I didn't catch your name…"

Wearing his most winning smile, Austin sticks out his hand. "Austin Tucker."

"Oh, _Austin Tucker_," Payson says. She takes his hand and shakes it, but shoots Kaylie a knowing look. Though he can see his chances with this girl quickly diminishing, Austin continues to smile and holds her hand a second or two longer than he probably should.

"So has Kaylie told you about my gymnastics career or was she too busy raving about my charm and good-looks?" Austin says. He shifts away, already feeling his nasal passageways clogging with the proximity of that puppy, Trouble. How appropriately named.

Seeing the way Austin still has Payson's hand in his, Kelly murmurs a, "okay, stop touching," as sweetly as she possibly can. "Hey Austin, I could use your help with something…over there. Do you mind helping me…with that thing…over there?"

"Sure. Anything for my buddy's girl," Austin says cheerily. Before he goes, he tips his empty wineglass towards Payson. "Can I get you a drink or anything?"

"No. I'm fine, but thanks," Payson says politely.

With her puppy tucked beneath her arm, Kaylie walks across the room and into the kitchen, expecting Austin to follow. After giving Payson one last smile, he follows the pretty Zeta girl in the pink dress. Just as Austin leaves his empty glass with a waiter and grabs another, Kaylie gets all up in his face.

"Kaylie, if you don't want me to make a sneezing scene you'll keep that pup away from me!"

"She's off-limits, Austin," Kaylie bites, not heeding to his warning one bit.

Taking a giant step away from her and her Christmas present, Austin chuckles and sips his wine even though he's well aware Kaylie doesn't share his amusement. "Oh. You're serious?"

"Yes," Kaylie says. "Anyone except Payson. There are groupies here, Austin. _Groupies_. Them you can have. Actually, I'd encourage you to go after them, but not my best friend."

"What's the big deal, Kaylie?" Austin asks, starting to get annoyed. "Aww, are you jealous?"

She looks at him like he's out of his mind. "Okay, are _you_ serious?"

"Kaylie, Kaylie, Kaylie, now, we only hooked up once, but I get why you'd—"

"Okay, stop. No." Kaylie looks appalled and it's a little hurtful. "I am not _jealous_. Look, I care about you and I care about Pay. So much that I can't watch you play her like you've done to half the girls in Colorado."

"I wouldn't say half—"

"Austin," Kaylie says warningly. "Payson is my best friend and she's only in town for the holidays. She doesn't play the college hook-up game. She goes to Stanford for goodness sake, not party central CU. I don't want to see her get hurt and that's what you do to girls. You're a mess, Austin, but we've all accepted that's just who you are. So you keep playing your game, just please not with my best friend. Please."

"Or what? You'll smother me with the puppy?" Austin laughs. Kaylie holds the puppy up towards him and he cowers away, holding out his hands. "No! No! Kay, quit it!"

"Fine! Respect me!" Kaylie yells at him.

Instead of saying anything, Austin just nods and Kaylie nods back, going on her merry way. Once she's gone Austin takes a long sip of his wine. He knows he should probably respect what Kaylie's asking him, but being Austin Tucker, when he's told not to do something he just _has to_ do it.

* * *

><p><span>AN: The length of this fic is out of control. You're welcome. ;) Dear **LCTD** & **P-N-F**, my beloved angst/masochism junkies, the proposition you left in reviews is being taken into consideration, but you know I hardly ever do what's asked of me…

Now while I face my last week of hs, you should _review_. Please.

xoxo


	6. Operation Douche Wolf

A/N: Crack and drama alert! Not to be taken too seriously, just laughed at and enjoyed.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

THE DAY BEFORE THE CALL

Saturday 12:30 PM

So Nicky totally had sex with a stranger last night. Big deal. People do it all the time.

The only thing is that Nicky Russo isn't 'people.' He isn't the type of guy who has one night stands with girls in hotel rooms. When he tries to remember even the smallest details, he comes up blank.

Obviously, the fact that they can't find Damon says there are bigger things going on here. Still, he can't stop wondering about last night. As he shuffles through the totaled suite, he doesn't even give the goat eating the couch cushions a second glance. His mind is in other places. Can you blame him? He had sex with a stranger in Vegas! Talk about a cliché.

First Nicky goes to the master bedroom where Damon's suitcase is untouched. This room is in much better shape than the rest. Damon is definitely the type to try to make them pay, but he wouldn't go as far as to hide under furniture or in the closets. He's 'too cool' for that. When Nicky fails to find anything useful, he goes back into his room for a little investigating.

Much like the rest of the suite, glitter is everywhere. There's a woman's white leather jacket on the floor. Nicky picks it up and finds a nametag. _LoTan_. What the hell kind of name is that? Nicky carefully lays t on the bed where the sheets are torn off and on the floor. He then notices long, blonde stray hairs left behind on the pillow. Groaning, Nicky almost regrets finding these little clues as to this girl's identity. Instead of freak himself out even more, Nicky hopes the others had more luck than he did and head downstairs.

In the lobby, Nicky finds Razor and Max at the front desk. Ike is on the other side, busy on the phone. Nicky joins them. "So I'm assuming you guys didn't find him either?"

"Nicky, what are we going to do?" Razor asks frantically. "I promised Kaylie we'd be back by 5 for Leo's welcoming dinner. We should be getting ready to leave right now! Nicky, you need to tell me what we're going to do because Max talking about his freaking camera isn't helping!"

"RAZOR!" Nicky shouts at him. "BREATHE."

The tallest of the men take a deep breath and slowly lets it out.

"Sorry dudes," Ike hangs up the phone, "I called around. There is no Damon Young at any of the hospitals or police station in the area."

"Checked and no."

"What about the morgue?" Austin asks, coming out of nowhere. Razor starts panicking even more. "What? Seriously. It's a possibility."

"Maybe he went for a run," Max suggests.

Everyone deadpans. Austin smacks him. "Max, it's, like, two hundred degrees outside."

"I know," Max tries again, "shopping? Maybe to get something for Kaylie?"

Austin groans and puts his head down. "We're _so_ fucked."

"Great. This is just fan-fricking-awesome-tastic!" Razor starts pacing again and waving his arms around in the air, "We friggin' lost Damon! I know Kaylie doesn't look like much, but I'm pretty sure she could kick my ass and I'm not afraid to admit it!"

"Razor, it's starting to piss me off having to tell you to calm down," Austin says. "It's Damon. He's probably doing this on purpose. Things got out of control even though he begged us not to let it and now he's just trying to freak us out for not listening to him. And that, my brothers, is exactly what's going on here."

"That's not what's going on here," Ike disagrees. "I'm pretty sure you guys lost him."

Everyone turns to look at him like '_who the fuck are you?'_

"What do you know, huh?"

"All I know is that when I got here for my shift some of the guys just getting off were talking about a bunch of losers making asses out of themselves in the lobby," Ike explains. "No disrespect, but you gotta admit it sounds like an accurate description."

"This is Vegas," Austin grunts, "sounds like it accurately describes _everyone_."

"They said something about a goat."

Yep. It only could have been them. "And why do you say Damon's missing?"

"They said there were four guys, three girls and a goat."

Nicky licks his lips and asks, "and around what time was this?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Ike shoots back. He goes from annoying to helpful and just as quickly back to annoying. "I'm just telling you what I heard."

"Listen, Ike, our friend is getting hitched and he's nowhere to be found so you get on your phone and find out," Austin commands. Ike nods, a little intimidated. Austin turns and leans his back against the desk, finally starting to feel the weight of the situation. "Okay. So maybe we fucked up. Nicky, work your anal magic. What do we do now?"

"We, um, we need to retrace our steps from last night so we can find him…?"

"Easier said than done, cuz," Max says. "Because I don't remember shit."

"Ditto," Austin says, raising a hand in the air.

"Well, we need to try," Razor presses. "So we started on the roof."

"Right," Nicky says, "Around…6ish?"

"Then," Razor continues to bounce, "then…we went to some steakhouse…"

"Yeah, the Palms," Max nods, "then…we played craps for a bit at the Hard Rock…right?"

"Sounds about right…" Austin's voice trails off and they each look unsure. Razor starts pacing and throws his arms up over his head, frustrated and not even trying to hide it. "Okay, this is me being honest," Austin takes a deep breath, "I don't even remember going to dinner."

Razor starts to pull out his hair, like, literally. "I don't remember anything that happened after the Palms. I don't even remember leaving the Palms. I didn't even remember it was called the Palms! Fuck, guys! We're so screwed! And where the hell did that goat come from?"

"I think we went to Caesars after," Nicky says, massaging his temple, a habit he picked up from his dad. "And then," Nicky groans, "when I try to remember anything at all…all that comes to mind is…a lot of bright, blue lights and…the overpowering smell of…baby oil?"

"Whoa. Keep it in the bedroom with the one time lover, Eagle Scout," Austin jokes. How he finds the ability to joke at a time like this only raises the level of annoyance in the lobby.

"Austin, you're not helping."

"Alright," Ike hangs up the phone, "my buddy said that the four of you were down here taunting the statues at around 5 this morning before taking it upstairs and that's it."

Nicky nods to him. "Thanks."

"Yeah, g'luck."

As they walk off, Austin tries to put it together. "So if it was us four, Faith, Nicky's hooker—"

Glaring, Nicky scowls. "Why do you assume I was with a hooker?"

"You're not helping," Austin says, mockingly sweet.

"Wait, Front Desk Guy said there were three girls with us," Razor reminds them.

"KP maybe?" Austin asks. He's a little hopeful Kelly Parker was with them last night. It would mean the entire gang had been back together at least for one night, reliving their college glory days in a stupid drunken stupor. It sounds perfect, really.

"Or maybe they mistook Max's Twin for a girl…?" Razor tries. Okay, that one sounds pretty reasonable too.

"Wow," Max fixes the hat atop his head, "I'm dead confused as to how we let this happen…"

Nicky looks at him accusingly. "I'm dead confused as to how you freaked out over your camera being missing before Damon!"

"Okay, now you _all_ aren't helping," Razor accuses. His hair is standing on ends from running his fingers through it, making him look like a raving lunatic. Razor shoves his hands into his pockets instead of messing with his hair even more and then pulls out a matchbook and holds it up with an ecstatic expression on his face. "Ha! We _were_ at Caesars!"

They stare at Razor for a long time before they all start to search through their pockets, going over to the empty sitting area. They find even more matchbooks, receipts, valet tickets and plastic room keys and napkins with phone numbers scrawled on and lipstick lip prints.

"This ATM receipt puts us at the Monte Carlo at 10:25 PM," Max reads off a slip of paper, "Christ, $500." He looks at the second slip. "And I took out another $500 at 2:03 AM…at MGM because, you know, I really needed cash at 2 AM."

"Well, this valet ticket says we got back here at 4:47 AM," Austin says, holding up the ticket. "So that fits in with what the front desk dude said."

"Wait," Max says. "We actually freaking drove an actual car last night!"

"Yeah, and surprisingly we all still have our limbs," Razor says, looking at his arms and not even finding a single scratch.

"The hell…?" Max finds a matchbook in his pocket from Studs in Suds: All Male Revenue. Austin smirks, snapping it away and shoving it in Nicky's face.

"Hey Russo, I think I know where we picked up your little friend! So I guess you put Faith's male stripper money to use…"

"Whoa, what if you hooked up with that dude in the bathroom?" Max wonders aloud.

Nicky shakes his head hard. "No! It was some blonde. _LoTan_ something…"

Everyone turns to him, interest sparked. "You remember?"

"No. I don't remember a thing, but there was some stuff left behind in my room and it belonged to a girl," Nicky insists. He appears almost as stressed as Razor, but about two completely different things. Pressing his cold, clammy hand against his heated face, everyone's sympathetic eyes turn to ones of genuine curiosity.

"Badass ring, Nicky," Razor says. "Don't let the Trekkies see. Might try to start a Nerd Fight."

He has no idea what they're talking about, but then finally notices the huge, tacky silver ring...in the shape of Darth Vader's helmet.

"Oh yeah. I woke up with it on." Nicky flexes his fingers, showing it off. "I mean sure it's gaudy as hell, but Vader was kind of awesome—"

"Nicky," Max says slowly, "look what hand and which finger it's on."

Left hand. Ring finger.

"Nicky, don't go all girl about this. Maybe it's not what it looks like," Austin says, stepping closer to him and grabbing his wrist. Austin easily slides the ring off and inspect its. "Heh. It's inscribed. _To My Fucking Hot Husband Nicholas._ Yup, Mr. Responsibility, you married one classy hooker."

Razor and Max are speechless. Nicky looks like he might faint.

"Oh, there's more!" The level of Austin's amusement is disturbingly high as he holds the ring up to the light. "Infinity Wedding Chapel. Well, I know where our next stop is."

"Yeah, sure, I just need to go throw up first." Nicky takes off into the nearest bathroom. This day just keeps getting worse and worse as the guys reluctantly follow Nicky inside.

"Nicky, I understand you freaking out, I do, but we're wasting time," Razor says, standing right outside the bathroom stall where Nicky locked himself in.

"And you're being a total chick about this," Austin adds from his spot on the bathroom floor. He's twirling Nicky's wedding ring around as Razor and Max shoot him glares. "What? It's true. Nicky knows it. He can handle the truth."

"Dude," Max whispers, "that's what the devil said when she ripped his heart out and ate it."

Austin regrets saying it and that registers in his expression change. Kelly still is and always will be a touchy subject. Austin likes to push it and bring her up, but everyone knows the breakup was tough on Nicky and not something to tease about. "Okay. I admit I was out of line there, but think for a sec, Russo. Maybe this is a good thing…"

Nicky groans. "Austin, how could this possibly be a good thing?"

"Well, 2.4 seconds after I tell Faith you're married she'll guarantee tell Kel and KP will guarantee fly into a blinding, jealous rage and guarantee—"

"She kills him," Max finishes. "Aus, them breaking up was the best thing that happened to him."

"Glad you think so, Spence, b'cause that's what we're going to say when you and Maeve—"

"Guys!" Razor shouts at them. "NOT FUCKING HELPING!"

From then on, Austin and Max both shut up. The silence is followed the sound of Nicky vomiting. Razor and Max cringe while Austin stands right up, twisting and trying to look at his ass in the mirror. "Jesus," he groans. "My ass hurts, like, _really hurts_. Okay, I know I've asked some weird things from you guys in the past…"

"You asked me to bang your sister's boyfriend," Razor says.

Max frowns. "What boyfriend?"

"Not important," Austin dismisses both. "Now I'm asking you to look at my ass."

"But Nicky's the medic. He should—"

"Nicky's a little preoccupied. All I'm asking is for you to look," Austin whines. "It hurts like hell. It's going to suck if when we're trying to find Damon and I suddenly have to go to the hospital because a flesh-eating disease on my ass and you bastards wouldn't check it out!"

Razor and Max exchange looks. Max sighs. "Drop 'em, Tucker."

Razor laughs at the sheer ridiculousness of this all. "50 bucks says it's a new tattoo."

"Mermaid," Max says. "Calling it now."

"Dinosaur," Nicky moans from inside the stall. "I bet it's a wolf humping a motorcycle."

"Haha," Austin mutters dryly. "Fuck you too, bros." He starts unbuttoning his pants. "You don't have to look _up_ my ass. It's not like I'm spreading for you. Just look at it. Feels like something isn't right…"

"Oh my God," Max laughs when Austin finally does.

"Don't pretend I'm not sexy."

"Something definitely isn't right," Razor says. "Austin, you're wearing a thong."

"Holy shit. I am!" Austin says. With his pants down to his ankles, he's standing in a snug florescent green thong. Through the mirror, they see it has "I heart Dan" written vertically in glitter down the front. Razor and Max are falling all over themselves laughing.

"Aus," Razor sputters, "who is this Dan and why haven't you introduced your boys to him?"

"Shut up," Austin snaps. "I swear I wasn't wearing this when we went out last night. Now, is there anything wrong with my ass? Look at my ass!"

That exact moment, the same father and son from the elevator push past the bathroom door to find Austin with his pants down, in his thong, Max and Razor behind him. The father and son wheel right back around and walk out without a word.

"Guys, focus!" Austin isn't embarrassed easy, but he definitely is right now.

"The good news is that it isn't a flesh eating disease," Max explains. Austin sighs and quickly pulls his pants back up. "Bad news is your ass is all torn up, you're wearing girl underwear and declaring your love for another dude. Wow. Right when you think you know a guy…"

A toilet flushes. Nicky walks out and goes to the sink, splashing water on his face.

"Here. Mouth wash." Austin pulls a tiny mini-bar-size bottle of vodka from his pocket. Nicky takes it, swishes it around in his mouth before spitting it into the sink. Austin then hands him the ring and Nicky looks like he's going to be sick all over again, but shoves it into his pocket. "Okay. Here's the gameplan. We go to the wedding chapel, see what they know and hopefully we can find clues to where and how we got separated from Damon. Alright?"

They all agree, but Razor hesitates after. "Wait…I think we should call Kaylie."

"HELL NO!" Austin yells.

"I need to agree with Austin on this one," Max says, pointing over to him. "Absolutely not."

"Thank you," Austin says. "Ray, it's Bro Code. Never call the bride from the bachelor party. _Ever_. That is asking for trouble. If there were a bomb strapped to Lolita and Kaylie was the only one who knew how to disarm it I still wouldn't call her."

"Shouldn't we at least tell her we're getting back later than planned?"

"Kaylie's a big girl, Razor," Austin pats his back, "she can tell time. She'll figure it out."

Max frowns. "I'm finally beginning to see why you're always single."

"And I'm beginning to see why you're—"

"Okay, stop," Nicky cuts in. "Let's just go check out the chapel."

Mutual sympathy for Nicky is the one thing they can agree on. So they walk out to the front and wait for the valet to bring the SUV around. They all groan, trying their damndest to brave the heat and the brightness. Then the valet drives up with Austin's Benz and it is _destroyed_.

Jaw dropped, speechless for once, Austin stares at his SUV, the long scratches, thick layer of dirty, missing hubcaps and even a missing door. The mood on the curb is that of a funeral.

"Roxie!" Austin shouts in agony.

Max puts his hand on his childhood friend's shoulder. "Austin, you okay…?"

"Is he okay?" Nicky scoffs. "Get over it, Austin. If you forgot, I GOT MARRIED LAST NIGHT!"

"Way to make everything about you, Nicky," Austin says. "And thank you for your concern, Maxwell, but I am not emotionally prepped to talk about it just yet."

Austin puts his sunglasses on, silently laments the torture of his car and then they're off.

**-XX-**

8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

Flashback 

"Not on my face…not on my face…I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!"

Groaning, Razor tries to ignore the screaming that soon turns to moaning through the walls and buries his face into his pillow. Of the long list of things he loves, his brothers and the fraternity will always be at the top, but sometimes he hates living in the house.

Turning over, Razor sees his roommate, Joey, looking out the open window, a joint in one hand and a bullhorn in the other. Joey alternates between taking puffs and shouting "WALK OF SHAME!" into the bullhorn, laughing. Razor glances at the clock. 12PM. Just on time.

Razor doesn't even think twice before he's out of bed, wrestling the joint away from Joey. Eyes red and with a smile, Razor sits around with Joey, taking turns shouting "WALK OF SHAME!" into the bullhorn every time someone walks by. Gotta love Greek Row.

Not completely high, but happy, Razor lazily walks over to where his pet tortoise, BLADES, is chillin' in the locked terrarium (he has to keep BLADES locked up because the brothers always try to write obscene crap on his shell when they're trashed) under a heating lamp.

After cooing at his tortoise for a bit, Razor lovingly rubbing Joey's buzzed head and goes to the bathroom, singing _Everybody Loves Bob Marley _to himself. Ignoring the guy passed out in the shower, clutching an iPad, Razor takes a leak and fixes his hair. It's just like every weekend.

Razor walks downstairs and it sounds like a warzone with guns and explosives. Nicky, still and concentrating, sits on the couch with a controller in hands and Call of Duty on the TV. Kelly sits close to him (duh), wearing a headset, eyes darting between a magazine and the game.

Austin has his own controller and headset though unlike Nicky, Austin is jumping up and down, screaming his head off, and he's doing all of it in a pair of rollerblades. "Hey Ray! There's some kid—FUCKING SHIT, NICKY! THAT WAS ONE OF OURS—outside, asking for you!"

Razor blinks. "Um, who?"

"Do I look like your fucking day planner? No idea," Austin replies, eyes locked on the TV.

Shrugging, Razor goes out front, pushing past the screen door. Waiting for him is a dude in a pink polo shirt and dark jeans, dark hair cut short and his face freshly shaved, so put together and neat. When he sees Razor, he greats him with a perfect, Colgate smile.

"Conrad Cooper," Razor sings. "My favorite Abercrombie model…"

"I don't know if standing by the door, shirtless, qualifies as 'modeling'," he corrects. "About time, Razor. I think I need to get tested from just standing on Sigma property this long."

"Oh Connie, your jealousy flatters me," Razor grins, "so what's up, Preppy?"

Leaning against the porch pillar, Conrad says, "I heard you're selling and I have cash."

"My favorite words." Razor motions Conrad inside. "Step into my office, Mr. Cooper."

Upon entering, Conrad is instantly overwhelmed by all noise that rattles the old house while Razor just breezes through. Halfway to the stairs, Razor realizes Conrad isn't following and finds him staring dumbly at Kelly. _Oh hell nah._ Grabbing Conrad by the collar, Razor forcefully drags him the rest of the way to the second floor. "Damn man. I let you into my house and you're eyeing up my bro's girl? Naught, naught dog."

Conrad laughs, a little self-conscious. "Looking isn't a crime and she is definitely meant to be looked at. What does she see in Russo again? Talking to him is like talking to tree. Explain it to me, Ray, how does a girl like that hang out in a crackhouse like this, with a guy like that?"

"Love. If you haven't heard, it's all we need," Razor answers, playfully shoving him.

Once in Razor's room, Conrad wanders over to look at BLADES. "So how's the DJ gig going?"

"Splendid."

"And the tortoise racing?"

"BLADES is on fire."

"And the coffee shop job?"

"Meh."

Conrad laughs. "You're the hardest working slacker I've ever met."

"Flattery won't make the prices go down." As much as it pains him, Razor pulls out his guitars for Conrad to inspect. Razor inwardly dies a little when Conrad guns for the beloved Fender American Standard Jazz Bass, feeling it out. Going into salesman mode, Razor fires off, "Great condition, includes brand new strings, all the original parts, plays like a dream. $700, a bargain, considering they're run for $1300 new. I'm even throwing in the original hard case."

Conrad looks worried for a second. "Is it stolen?"

"Nope. Pressed for cash is all. This college thing doesn't come cheap and I do need to eat at some point this week," Razor says. "So is that a yes or no?"

"Yeah. I'll take it," Conrad quickly agrees. He doesn't even try to heckle like people do, something like sympathy in his eyes. "I'm pretty pressed for a bass. My ex took mine and took off. Just up and gone, not even a note or a text or anything. It wasn't enough that she broke my heart. She had to take my Stingray too. Bartender skank."

"And that's why I steer clear of the bartender skanks and skanks in general. Well, like I always say, one man's issues are another man's income." Razor holds out his hand and Conrad hands over the whole $700. "Say Connie, do you know what the quickest cure for a broken heart is? Some tender loving GGA. Girls Gone Awesome—"

"No thank you," he quickly says. "I just threw down $700. The last thing I need is to spend any more of money on t-shirts and jpegs of plastered pledges flashing their goodies to Max Spencer. I usually like to buy a girl dinner first and her being sober is nice too."

"Fair enough." Razor laughs. "Well, when you do meet this nice, sober girl and you want to make sure she's as honest as you think, we can run through the GGA and see if the Maxi Cam got up close and personal. Recon missions for nervous and/or suspicious boyfriends are usually $20, but since you're a friend, Connie, we'll run it for 17."

"How kind. I'll keep that in mind." Grinning, Conrad pulls out another $5. "I'll give you a little extra for that girl's number and a list of likes and dislikes, the one who hangs out with Russo."

Razor laughs loudly. Kelly Parker likes Nicky, sex with Nicky, coconut rum, gymnastics and Faith and Austin depending on the day and her mood. Her dislikes include everything else that exists in the world, especially sorority girls and weak ass wine coolers.

"If call her she will verbally kick your ass. Then you'll sell me out and she'll physically kick mine. And $5? You think I'll give up choice info on a girl like her for Lincoln?"

"Better than Washington." Conrad shoves the 5 back into his pocket. "At least answer me this. She ever flash for Max?"

Because that answer is just _too obvious_, Razor figures he'll let Conrad have it and for free. "I'm pretty sure KP would rather eat a truck of dog food with hands tied behind her back than let the Maxi Cam anywhere near her and her goodies."

Conrad grins. "Okay. Gotta run. But you will give her my number when the voodoo wears off and she drops Russo, right?"

"Never going to happen, but, for you Connie? Sure."

Once he counts his money and holds it up to the light to check its authenticity, Razor walks Conrad out. Only when Razor is back in the living room does he notice Max passed out on the floor. He's so still, almost as if he isn't breathing. Razor presses his fingers to Max's pulse just to get yelled at for blocking the TV.

"G'Damn!" Razor scrambles to get out of the way. "You'll be happy to know Max isn't dead."

"Razor, don't be pouty. We know Maxi isn't dead. After last night, he can't be dead because he needs to be punished," Austin growls. "SHOOT HIM! DON'T LET HIM JUST STAND UP AGAIN!"

"Got him," Nicky says calmly. "Aus, sniper."

"See 'im," Austin replies. When Austin takes out the sniper with a single shot, he excitedly jumps and almost slips, his rollerblades scratching the wooden floors, but manages to regain his balance, still focused on the game.

"What did he do last night again?" Razor asks. Blacking out so often cannot be a good thing.

Kelly laughs as if at the memory. "Oh nothing, Austin just got swifted. He was working some slutty Phi Beta all night, left her alone for a second when Faith belly flopped onto the beer pong table and her head started bleeding. Then when Austin went to find her after, the Phi Beta came out of the bathroom with Max."

"Aww, you know he isn't doing it on purpose," Razor sticks up for his out cold brother, "Alcohol and feelings. We all know how disastrous that can be. Max is all mixed up over, um, certain other girls and for some reason slutty PBs always seem like the answer in times like that."

"But there were a ton of slutty girls at that party and he just had to make a play for Austin's slutty PB," Kelly says. "Snatching the alpha male's bone? A deliberate power play to boost his damaged ego. Max is a selfish whore, Laser. Selfish whores need to pay."

Razor frowns. "Why do you pretend to not know my name? I know you know it!"

"Fucking Tinker Bell licking mother fucker," Austin murmurs beneath his breath after getting blasted by another player. "Err, Ray, y'know KP is right. Max doesn't deserve your shielding. Whatever happened to bros over hoes? I'd say stealing your bro's potential hoe warrants payback. Max is really starting to make it hard to not smash in his face every time I look at 'im," Austin grunts. "FUCKING HELL! KP, do you hear these douches talking shit?"

"No kidding. The one doing all the talking got one kill and died. Impressive," Kelly says into the mic. "No. I'm not playing. My bitch boys are…ha. Right. I'm totally blowing both of them at the same time right now. That's how I'm talking to you and that's why they're kicking your ass…" Kelly's boredom suddenly turns to disgust. "Oh, I'm fucking ugly? You're fucking ugly! Why don't you just shut the fuck up?" Kelly slams her rolled up magazine against the back of the couch and Razor jump away. "You just got shot, dumbass! _You_ are fucking horrible!"

Razor smirks. Conrad Cooper couldn't keep up with a firecracker like Kelly Parker even if he got the chance to try. "Man, Russo, your girl has quite the vocabulary."

"OH EM! What kind of sick fuck says things like that?" Kelly sneers. "…Ugh, perv! Do you know why you get off on being a sexual predator on Xbox live? Because no one will fuck you because YOU'RE FUCKING UGLY! Go tongue punch your mother's yeast infection, fuck tard."

The match ends and Austin and Nicky high-five. Tossing his controller aside, Nicky smiles at Kelly and carefully removes her headset. "Parks, I think making three different twelve-year-olds cry in one day is your personal best."

Austin plops down on the couch. "Fun, right?"

Kelly scoffs. "Talking to video game nerds and assholes?"

"_Verbally annihilating_ video game nerds and assholes is more like it." Austin holds his hand up and Kelly rolls her eyes, but hives him a high-five back.

"WHAT PART OF NOT MY FACE DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Razor frowns, looking up at the ceiling. "Hey…who is that? Woke me up."

"No idea. Mattie's room." Everyone cringes. The 'don't ask' rule was made for Mattie.

"So…team deathmatch round 5?" Austin asks.

"I'm down," Kelly says. She grabs the controller and shoves it to Nicky. "And watch your ass, Nick. If I'm going to rep you then you need to step up your game."

Razor chuckles. "Oh snap."

"Are you questioning my game right now?" A challenging look in his eyes, Nicky leans closer to her and Kelly nods, yes, before kissing him, lightly nipping at his lips with her teeth.

"Christ Jesus, you two. We get it. You own each other," Austin says, waving his controller at them. "I'm starting the next match. Hand off the controller to Ray or get it together!"

"Actually, play on, face suckers. I can't go to war on an empty stomach," Razor pipes in.

"Faye is getting pizza," Austin assures him. "Just don't try to flush it down the toilet this time."

"Noted," Razor says. "Ah, Faith Giancana. Did I mention I love her?"

"You love everyone. You're a freakishly skinny, people-loving freak. And you're fickle as fuck. Keep my Faith out of it," Austin warns. "I mean it, Ray. If not, what's about to happen to Max is going to happen to you, bro, when you least expect it."

"…What's about to happen to Max?"

"Oh my God! Guys, I've been gone two hours and you're still in the same exact spots, playing the exact same game! Have you really not moved since I left?"

Austin grins at Faith in the doorway, a bandage on her forehead. "Not entirely true, Pretty. I stood up a few times, actually."

Kelly pulls off the headset. "Did you get the stuff?"

Nicky narrows his eyes at her. "Is my car still in one piece?"

"Yes and yes," Faith answers. "I'd appreciate it if you boys turned off that dumb game, acted like gentleman for once and went to unload the car."

Not even caring to pause the game or anything, the guys obediently stand and do as they're told. In the trunk of Nicky's car is a long, heavy cardboard box and grocery bags. Razor doesn't ask questions and just takes it into the house. When they get back, Faith has Austin's headset and controller and Kelly has Nicky's. They're such total bros.

Faith gasps, more concerned with the trash talk. "That is an awful thing to say to someone you don't even know! How do we kick him out? I don't play with meanies—"

"Shut your whore mouth, you mother fucking snatch sucker!" Kelly yells into the microphone. "Which one are you? I'm going to find you and then I'm going to fuck you up!"

"Kel, that's not nice. He just asked you to prom is all," Faith says more calmly.

"Game over. Both of you," Nicky says, shutting off the game. "Operation Douche Wolf is a go. Ray, as ridiculous as your plan is, I got outvoted per usual so we followed it to a tee."

Oh crap. Razor gulps. "My plan?"

"Last night," Austin says as he opens the pizza box. "You made it up after the chicken dance, but before you started grabbing everyone and their boyfriends' ass. Between the jello shots."

"One, whoa would that be a great band name!" Razor says excitedly. He grabs a Sharpie, scrawling 'Between the Jello Shots' onto his arm. "Two, I don't even remember the chicken dance so obviously I have no clue what this master plan is."

"You'll see," he says. "Now, men, assemble the kennel before the roofies wear off!"

Razor's slide of pizza falls from his mouth and lands in his lap. "You roofied Max?"

"Hey. Better brothers than unsuspecting girls, I always say," Faith interjects.

They can't argue and so between slices of pizza, they assemble the 4 x 4 x 6 dog kennel made out of welded wire mesh panels and Razor still isn't getting the plan here, but he goes with it. Austin pulls out a Swiss army night and skates to Max.

"OMG! Are we killing Max?" Razor throws his body between Austin and Max. "Bad Aus! Bad!"

"He isn't responding to Aus today," Faith says matter-of-factly. "He goes by Brink."

It's a little scary that they're doing this and all (mostly) sober.

"Yeah. There's reason to Razor's dramatics. Either take off the skates, _Brink_, or give me the knife," Nicky says calmly. "I'll do it."

"Fine, but do it justice." Austin gives the knife to Nicky who using it to shred up Max's clothes. Once his clothes are mostly torn up, Nicky carefully flips the knife closed and gives it back to Austin. Shoving the Swiss army knife into his pocket, Austin says, "Where's the steak? Only one. We'll grill up the rest for dinner."

Razor blinks. "Steaks?"

Sitting there and dumbly staring, Razor watches as Austin rubs the bloody, raw piece of meet on Max's face, arms and especially his hands. He then breaks open a bag of potting soil and pours it on Max, rubbing it into his skin with the blood. What the fuck?

"Okay. Now let's get him in the kennel," Austin says once Max is bloody and dirty from head to toe. Austin grabs his arms and Nicky grabs his legs and they gently lay him in the medal cage, putting a master lock on the latch. Once all is done, Austin holds out his hand for a high-five, but Nicky rejects it, eyeing the blood and dirt.

"This is strange and frightening," Razor says, watching it all and feeling a little sick.

"Okay, so we rub fake blood on us and when Max wakes up, all confused and disoriented, we're going to act scares and tell him he transformed into werewolf last night and killed Faith," Austin explains. "He is going to freak the fuck out and we are going to have it all on tape and we're going to watch it over and over and tease him about it forever!"

"That is cruel," Razor says. "Hilariously, brilliantly cruel."

"Hey. It was all your beautiful mind," Austin smirks. "How are your acting chops?"

"Ladies and gentlemen, I was born ready," Razor replies.

When Max comes to, he looks at his fingers in blood, sniffs the scent of raw flesh and sees Faith's body on the floor in a pool of blood. Austin puts on a great show, rattling the kennel bars, pissed and devastated that Max "killed" Faith, so great in fact, Max looks like he really buys into the werewolf crap. When Max's eyes start tearing, the supposedly "dead" Faith turns over with a, "GOTCHA!"

Deliriously with shock, having actually pulled that off, the room explodes with laughter as Max sits there in the cage, confused. When it dawns on him that this was just a sick prank (Max still doesn't get that everything bad that happens to him is a consequence of his love life) he gets super pissed, but no one pays any attention to him, too busy still laughing their asses off.

Clutching his aching abdomen, Razor realizes that, yeah, sometimes he hates the house, but this is definitely not one of those days.

* * *

><p><span>AN: Hey guys! I'm loving the love for this story. Keep it coming! I'm going to be crazy frantic with graduation tomorrow so I figured I'd post this early for you. LOL I had so much fun cussing my little black heart out this chapter…if you couldn't tell. ;)

xoxo


	7. Awkward Mess

A/N: Crack and drama alert! Not to be taken too seriously, just laughed at and enjoyed.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

BEFORE THE CALL

Saturday 2:16 PM 

The boys stop over at the nearest liquor store before going to the chapel and Austin almost cries as he watches Razor go to town with a roll of duct tape, putting long streaks of it where the door should be. Once they're ready to get back on the road, Razor stops, gazing at a homeless man begging for change. He's filthy and has no pants on yet he's wearing a rather expensive-looking dove gray jacket and a white oxford.

"Um, guys," Razor scratches his beard, "doesn't that guy's outfit look familiar to you?"

"Ray, get in the fucking car."

"Jeez, okay, okay." Razor shakes the feeling, ducks and slams the working door after him.

The Infinity Wedding Chapel is a quaint little place between a Laundromat and a pawnshop. The outside is painted a sickening, bubblegum pink and the sign is missing letters. Austin's duct tape mobile is the only car in the lot, which isn't exactly surprising. The inside of the chapel is small, just as pink and just as tacky. Plastic plants make up the décor along with white plastic chairs instead of pews. Basically it's ugly as fuck.

"We can't waste any time," Nicky says nervously as they walk down the long center aisle. "Let's just hope they keep records of who—"

"AAAYYY!"

The guys jump, startled by a sound from the back, resembling the noise those blue freaks in Avatar would make as they rode around on the dragon things. Turning around, they find a busty brunette in a tight zebra-print dress and a cowboy hat atop her caramel curls. She has makeup caked on and long, fake eyelashes. She sucks on a lollypop as she approaches them with arms flung open. The nametag that bobs up and down her cleavage reads: Bambi.

"Boys, you're back!" The woman swings her hips as she walks up to them, giving each of the men a hug. By their confused expressions, the Sigmas have zero memory of her, but just let her hug them anyways. Razor even fully embraces the woman as if she was his own mother. He has always loved hugs.

"Came to pick up the wedding photos, huh?" she asks. "Now, I can get that right for yah. Sorry Sawyer ain't in right now. He went out to get us some lunch."

"Um, Sawyer?" Nicky asks weakly.

"Um, Sawyer," the woman mimics him and laughs, pinching Nicky's cheek. "Oh, Nicky, as if you'd forget the man who married you and the little Mrs., now would you? Okay! Now, I was just looking at the wedding pictures. They came out beautifully. Make yourselves at home! As if you didn't already last night."

The woman winks at them before she walks to the back, swinging those hips. Staring after her, Razor murmurs, "I think I love her."

Ignoring Razor, they each pull up a plastic chair and wait patiently for Bambi to return. "Oww, now, it being Vegas, we get a lot of crazies in here on the daily, but you two were such a lovely couple! Hand to God, I've never seen two young people more in love!" Bambi hands Nicky a folder and the groomsmen crowd around. He takes a deep breath and flips it open.

They're typical wedding shots except they aren't. It seems to be Star Wars themed with appropriate costumes, plastic light sabers and backdrops of deep space and the Death Star. As shitty of a situation as this is, having no memory of the night before, looking at these pictures and seeing how incredibly happy (and incredibly drunk) they are is hysterical.

The only one who doesn't grin or laugh is Nicky who's pale as death.

"Shit, Nicky, you married Satan."

In the center of every photo is Nicky dressed like Han Solo with the white shirt, open at the neck, the brown vest, black _skinny jeans_, the utility belt and pistol. He has his arm around Kelly Parker whose face is almost as red as Nicky's, looking like she's having a blast in her white gown and her hair up in Princess Leia-esque buns.

"Holy. Fuck." Austin taps his finger on the photo. "I WAS YOUR BEST MAN! HAZAH!"

Indeed, at Nicky's side, Austin is smirking, wearing a furry Chewbacca suit, the head tucked under his arm and him holding the Darth Vader ring out to show the camera. Faith is to Kelly's left and now it makes sense that she wasn't a show-girl-slash-sex-slave, but was wearing Princess Leia's slave costume. Max and Damon are standing next to her and dressed like storm troopers. Then there's Razor dressed like C-3P0, his arm slung around a short, curvy blonde dressed like R2D2.

"Wait, the blonde, but…what…how…?" Nicky looks extremely confused. "Huh?"

"YES!" Austin excitedly pumps his fist in the air. Dreams really do come true! "Can this get any better? Man, I wish we could be as awesome as we were last night all the time! HA! See, Max, even your negative energy couldn't defeat love!"

"SHIT!" Max shouts. "Kelly Parker is wearing my grandma's ring! _Maeve's_ ring!"

"Damn shame, but hey, look how happy we all are!" Austin says. Clearly he's ignoring the fact that every other photo someone is falling to the ground in drunken laughter or chugging something. Austin flips the page to the next set of photos. "Razor, man, control yourself. You're totally making out with Hot Blonde during the nuptials."

"Who is that blonde hottie attached to my lips!" Razor practically screams.

"But _she_," Nicky stabs at the photo album with his finger, "was in my bed!"

"Nicky, shhh. It's okay," Austin says soothingly. "Either A) you and KP had a hot threesome with Hot Blonde, B) you and Razor had a…crowded threesome with Hot Blonde or C) foursome. Nice. From where I'm sitting none of those options are _too bad_." He nudges Nicky and winks. "I'll pray for option A just for you, buddy."

"Oh God. What if she's dead?" Max asks. "What if Kelly caught you two screwing after the wedding and killed her and got us to hide the body and then she left us to take the fall and is halfway to Mexico!"

Nicky groans with his face in his hands. "How do we not remember any of this?"

"I don't know, but by the look of these here pictures she was with me last night so if a vulture isn't pickin' her eye out in the middle of the desert then I call dibs," Razor says, clearly concerned that she was in Nicky's bed at one point last night. "Bambi, who is the lovely bachelorette #1?"

Bambi shrugs. "Beats me. You called her Babe and she called you Boo…when you were making sense that is. You two were so sweet too. We almost pulled a double wedding but Max's American Express maxed out and you were dead set the Visa was for emergencies and the surprise for later that night, whatever that means."

The man with the MoMul goes pales. "M—Maxed out…?"

"Oh honey," Bambi coos. "What happened to your sexy British accent?"

Max blinks. "My what…?"

"Hey Nicky! Look! Yoda married you!" Razor says enthusiastically. The photo shows them at the alter and a midget—presumably Sawyer—stands on a stool, green face paint, ears and all, holding what appears to be a Bible. "Man, this is like a fanboy's fairytale wedding."

"Yep," Bambi agrees. "We were going to call it that, but it ended up being the Deluxe Star Wars Package instead. And I must say I've never seen a wedding party get so into it before! At one point y'all were acting out scenes from the movie." Bambi puts her hand on Max's arm and smiles. "You're such a sweet cousin, paying for all this."

"Wait, I paid for your wedding _and_ gave you grandma's ring, but you still chose Austin?"

"In your face! Ha! Empire scum!" Austin shouts in his face. He almost topples over in his chair from the way he's rocking from side to side with such excitement.

"Bambi," Max says tersely. "Refresh my memory. How much did this wedding cost?"

"Our standard rate," she answers. "7 grand."

Now Max looks like he's going to be sick.

"Look at it this way," Razor clasps Max's shoulder sympathetically, "at least in these wedding pictures your hair was still normal."

That's so obviously unhelpful no one even bothers pointing it out.

"Oh dear. If it makes a difference, Maxi, you wanted to choose something more traditional, but Austin insisted, said there was something about Kelly's hair being up like that and the lil' nugget, Faith, damn persuasive," she continues. "Okay, while you boys keep looking I'll go get the rest of your order."

Nicky, super pale, looks up so quickly he gets lightheaded. "There's more?"

Bambi just pinches his cheek again, laughs and walks away.

"This isn't happening!" Nicky yells. He shoves the book away from him and Razor gladly takes it for a closer look at the blonde bombshell that was apparently his wedding date. Looking ready to curl up in the fetal position, Nicky chants, "No. No. No. No. No."

"This is awesome!" Austin just can't help himself. He isn't even doing it to be annoying. He really thinks this is the best thing that's happened in a long time.

With the look on his face, Nicky plainly disagrees. "Shut up, Austin."

Tapping his chin and sighing, Austin responds, "If my memory serves me right once upon a time you were _desperate_ for KP to marry you. Well you got your wish, Brother Russo. Now we really have something to celebrate here!"

"Except for the fact that we broke up six years ago," Nicky bitterly mentions.

"Then after ignoring each other for three years, you started up your friends with benefits things again, obviously couldn't stay away, ignored each other another two and now you're married! Not exactly a fairytale, but, hey, that's Nickelly!" Austin is damn proud he coined their couple name. "Plus, at least it's someone you know and not a hooker like we thought. And Damon was with us at the time _and_ there's a chance Kelly knows what's up. Faith is with her now. We'll find em'. This is a good thing, Nicky. Jeez. You are just as negative as Max."

Before they can start putting things together, Bambi comes out with a stack of cardboard boxes on a dolly. "Here's the rest of the package!" She flips open the flaps of the first box. "Two dozen commuter mugs. Four different poses."

Reaching inside, Bambi pulls out a mug and hands it over to Razor who's closest to her. Razor holds it out and models it for the brothers. The mug has a photo of Nicky and Kelly emblazoned on it. On one they're back to back, posing with laser guns, another they're holding each other in their arms, the third shows Nicky carrying her bridal style and the last is them fighting with light sabers.

"That is so great," Austin laughs. "You can start every morning with coffee and memories of memories we don't have."

"A hundred DVDs of the ceremony," Bambi continues.

"Aww, for you and Kelly to watch on the anniversary," Razor teases. "Just make sure you keep it out of the reach of the little ones until they're _of age_."

Nicky clenches his jaw in a very _'I fucking hate you'_ way. Razor and Austin reach out and tap knuckles behind Nicky's back.

"And last but not least," Bambi says dramatically and the boys start slapping their hands on the arms of the chairs in a drum roll. She then pulls out a four foot bronze shield with bas-relief of Nicky and Kelly making out on it. She waves her hand in front of it and the boarder starts to light up with flashing white lights and plays the Star Wars theme.

"Holy Awesome Balls!" Razor shouts.

"Nicky!" Austin shakes the newly married man by the shoulders. "You have a SHIELD!"

"I want a shield!" Razor yells enthusiastically.

"Me too!" Austin says. "Bambs, can Razor and I get shields too?"

"No. No more spending my money on crap!" Max shakes his head hard. As calmly as he can possibly be, he asks, "Bambi, you don't happen to have any sort of return policy, do you?"

"Sure," she answers, "if you know another couple that looks exactly like Nicky and Kelly. Otherwise, you're shit out of luck, sweetheart."

Max sulks and suddenly his cell phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket and angrily answers it without stopping to check the caller ID. "What!"

They all can hear the screaming coming from the other end and Max fearfully leans away when he realizes it's the girlfriend. And Max is constantly calling Kelly the devil?

"Maeve, baby," Max says, getting to his feet. He starts to walk to the back of the chapel while the others continue to pour over the wedding pictures and the memorabilia. "Sorry I didn't check in sooner. Things have been a little…hectic."

"Yeah. Kaylie has been trying to call Damon all day, but no answer. She's really starting to freak out," Maeve says and Max winces. "So I was being a good bride's bestie and took her to lunch to try to get her to calm down. Guess what happened then…"

"She called down?"

"No! When I went to pay they declined my card, said it was maxed out! I had to use my own account!" Maeve screams. She is not happy about this. "Max, what the fuck is going on?"

"Maeve, I can explain—"

"Max! Dude!" He looks to the front of the chapel and sees Austin waving. His Aushole senses tingle and Austin can't help, but make a bad situation worse. "You have to see this one picture! You're literally making it rain twenty dollar bills!"

"Max!" Razor shouts. "You bought them a wedding cake shaped like Jar Jar Binks' head!"

"Max," Maeve hisses, clearly hearing his idiotic friends screaming in the background. "Raining twenties? Wedding cake? Bought who a wedding cake? What is going on?"

"May, it's nothing!" he says frenetically. "The guys are just being jerks."

"Hey Max!" Both Austin and Razor shout this time and when the angry man with the MoMul flips them off, the two other groomsmen share a high-five, victorious.

"May, listen," Max says as calmly as he possibly can, "I'll call the credit card company and straighten things out as soon as I can, alright? Promise. You don't have to worry. Not at all."

"Okay. Good," she says. "Where are you guys anyways?"

"Um, honestly, I don't know. I was never good with directions. All I know is we're in the middle of the desert but I'd much rather be home with you," he says smoothly. Max likes to think he's gotten good at telling her what she wants to hear.

"Aww, babe…I'm sorry if I was snapping. It's just that Kaylie's nerves are starting to get to me and you know how I get over wedding related things," she confesses and sounds really sincere about it. "I can't wait to see you. Love you, Max."

"I love you too."

By the time Max hangs up, the others have already said their goodbyes to Bambi and are walking towards him. Both Austin and Razor have their arms full while Nicky trails behind them with a blank stare. They get to the SUV parked out front and load all of the wedding stuff into the trunk.

"Look at the bright side, Nicky," Razor says, trying to lift his friend's spirits. "We always said we'd be at each other's weddings and we were all at yours. Damon included. And if the timestamp is right then he was with us up until 11. That's another hour accounted for."

"And there's a DVD so we can all relive the memories if we so choose," Austin reminds them as they pile back into his SUV. "And will."

"Joy."

"What's your problem?" Austin asks him straight out. "You love Kelly. Always have. You were in love with her when you were casually sleeping together, when you finally started dating and now even if you won't admit it. Be stoked."

"No. I'm not stoked, Austin, and I bet Kelly isn't either," Nicky shakes his head, "Kelly and I are done. In the last two years we haven't talked once. I can't be married! _Damon_ is supposed to be getting married and he's nowhere to be found and now I need to deal with this awkward mess—"

"Nicholas, have you ever considered that maybe neither of you are as 'over it' as you think?" Austin argues. "They say things we do when we're drunk are what we secretly want sober."

"I would never secretly want to give away my girlfriend's engagement ring!" Max intervenes.

"But maybe you do," Austin says. "Maybe after dating Maeve for a million years you just don't have the balls to leave her and giving away her ring was drunk-Max's only way to ensure that you wouldn't ask her to marry you. And, Nicky, face it, Kelly Parker is a manipulative little she-devil but she's the only one who does it for yah."

"And what about you, Austin?" Nicky asks. "Your secret desire is to wear women's underwear and do some weird, probably kinky shit involving bruises on your ass?"

Austin shrugs. "Always said I'm up for anything. I guess anything means _anything_. I will admit it would be more of a comfort if I could remember the weird and probably kinky shit I did."

"But that's the thing," Nicky says. "We _don't_ remember. All the more reason to freak out."

"Listen, you're my best friend, Russo, and I'm obviously your best friend because you did choose me as your Best Man," Austin winks at Max and Razor, "but it's like when you two broke up, you lost your sexy. Kelly Parker brings out your inner, deeply, deeply hidden sexy. This marriage is not, I repeat, NOT a bad thing. Now, I'll text Faith and see where they're at so you two can talk and we can see what she knows. Everything is going to be—"

_SMASH!_

The guys jump in their seats when metal bats hit the windshield, making cracks spiral out.

"What the hell!"

Holding the bats are two giant Samoan men in ugly ass Hawaiian print shirts that remind them too much of theme-parties at the frat. They're gigantic, both vertically and horizontally, with mean sneers and tattoos. The boys are petrified. When someone finally makes a move it's Razor, leaning forward to press the button that locks the doors. Like that does any good when one door is made of duct tape.

"Gentlemen," Austin says with his most charming smile. It's a miracle he can even try to be charming when he looks and feels like crap and is undoubtedly scared shitless. "I think there's some sort of mix up here. We—"

"Need a reintroduction, frat boy?" one of the men asks. "I'm Mr. Shut the Fuck Up and this is my business partner Mr. Smash Your Face in if You Don't Get Out the Car."

Max cowers behind Austin's seat. "They're lying. Those so aren't their real names."

"Max, shut up," Nicky hisses.

"Guys, calm down," Razor says. "This must be a misunderstanding. They're just joking. Look. They're from Hawaii. Hawaiians are peaceful. They like surfing and coconut bras. How can they not be nice men?"

The baseball bat slams against the windshield again. "We're from Guam, bitch!"

Both men start beating the shit out of the SUV and Austin actually whimper like he can feel the pain his car is in. After a good thirteen seconds, Austin angrily yells, "Whoa, Mr. STFU, Mr. Smash, can you not hear my car fucking _crying_!"

"Razor, get the hell out of the car!" Mr. Smash growls. They all look at Razor who innocently puts his hands up in utter confusion.

"That's it." Austin revs the engine and floors it out of there, reversing out of the parking lot and zooming down the street.

"Why did you do that?" Max asks when they've safely left the crazy men behind.

"Really?" Austin says incredulously.

"Maybe they just want to talk?" Max suggests. "Or they know where Damon is?"

"Do you think?" Razor asks. He groans and repeatedly slams his forehead against the back of Nicky's seat. "Why is the mafia chasing us? Where is Damon? I am such a bad Best Man!"

"Ray, cut it out," Austin snaps. "We just need to find Damon and get back to LA. Who cares what happened with those guys? If we get distracted then we're never going to get out of here. We talk to KP. We find Damon. We leave and never come back for a good ten years."

"Or _ever_," Nicky says.

Austin's phone beeps and he's almost afraid to look incase its Payson returning his call. One hand on the wheel, the other digging through his pocket, Austin finds his phone and checks the screen. "Sweet! Faye is with KP. They're at the Monte Carlo. Hang on and don't lean against the duct tape door!"

Austin takes a hard left turn and Razor holds on to whatever he can to keep from falling out.

**-XX-**

Flashback

8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

"Kelly, I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is people talk and it's annoying," she declares as they walk through the grocery store. Kelly has the list and Nicky pushes the metal cart, his shoulders slumped and his forearms resting against the handles. Kelly won't look at him and Nicky finds that annoying.

"So I called you my girlfriend in public," Nicky says. It didn't feel like a big deal at the time. It felt natural. "They're my brothers who pretty much figured it out with you, oh, practically _living with us_. I tell them you're officially my girlfriend and now you're pissed?"

"Exactly," Kelly says. "They told their bitchy sorority girlfriends and suddenly I'm getting weird looks from the Zeta Beta Bimbos."

"They're jealous."

"Yeah, because up until now they thought since Austin and Max are big whores that you are too. Now that you announced our relationship status to the world they think, oh, he _is_ capable of commitment. They get it in their heads that they actually have a shot with you and the next thing you know there's some random skank in your bed! Then, of course, you won't be able to resist, you cheat on me and I kill you."

Nicky walks up behind Kelly and hugs her. "You need to explain it to me because it makes no sense how you make paranoid so appealing."

"I'm not paranoid," she says. "If anything I'm predicting the future."

"Not a chance," Nicky assures her. "Kelly Parker, you're the only skank I want in my bed."

Nicky smiles sweetly. With a quick "Fuck you. I'll get the cups" Kelly turns and stalks off. There's a party happening at the Sigma House tonight and to get out of cleaning that pigsty, Nicky volunteered to pick up cups and stuff and dragged Kelly along with him.

"Nicky Russo?"

Nicky snaps free from the spell Kelly's hips always seem to put him under and turns around to find a friend of his father's, the head of the Biology department at the university.

"Professor Moore," Nicky says. "Good to see you."

"You too, son," the man says. He holds out his hand and Nicky gives it a good, firm shake. Professor Moore is very tall and very thin. He has patches of white hair atop his head and an impressive beard. "How's your father?"

"Good. I just went to visit him in Denver a week ago. Working hard as usual."

"Sounds like him," the man laughs. "And how is school going?"

"Tough, but good," Nicky explains. Classes aren't that bad seeing as Nicky actually attends, studies and does his assignments on time. What's hard is trying to keep his lazy, careless brothers from completely flunking out.

"Good," the professor says. "Study hard and keep your nose clean. I wouldn't want to have to rat on you to your dad when we play golf next week."

Nicky laughs. "You have nothing to worry about, sir. I have everything figured out."

"That's good to hear."

Nick has become a master at these types of conversations. With all the different parties he's been dragged to over the years, warned not to embarrass his father, Nicky could probably make small talk in his sleep. Now is the part where they exchange goodbyes, but then there's an unforeseen force at work here. Something happens that really isn't supposed to.

"Hey Nick! Screw Austin's list. I want something sweet that goes great with orgasms."

Nicky inwardly groans. _Just act normal_, Nicky tells himself. He ignores Kelly's voice, hoping Professor Moore will think it's another Nick. It is a pretty common name. Forcing a smile and trying his damndest not to blush, Nicky says, "It was nice running into you. I'll…see you later."

But what his mind is really screaming is _go away!_

"Hey!" Kelly shouts cheerily. Nicky feels her presence next to him and hears that hint of evil excitement. She's definitely being embarrassing just to spite him. "I thought we should stock up. It's like you said, I'm the only skank you want in your bed."

Knowing he won't like what he sees, Nicky glances her way. A giant box of condoms. Lovely.

"And," Kelly holds up the can of whipped cream, "desert would be fun don't you think?" Then, as if he isn't already dying inside, Kelly shoves a magazine in his face and goes in for the kill, "Oh, and there's this entire article on this new position that you are going to _love_."

It's official. Nicky wishes a meteor would come out of nowhere and crash into the store and save him. Gulping, Nicky already knows his entire face is red as he looks back at his father's friend. With her back to Professor Moore, Kelly gives Nicky one of her smirks before she turns around to face the man with fake embarrassment on her face.

"Oh, hi," Kelly says with an innocent, nervous laugh.

Professor Moore smirks. "Well, hello."

"I'm Kelly," she says. "Nick, hold your things," Kelly shoves the condoms, the whipped cream and the magazine into his arms before holding her hand out. "I'm Nick's _girlfriend_."

"Ronald Moore," he shakes Kelly's hand, "I'm a friend of Nicky's father."

"Of course you are," Kelly says. "Dr. Russo has always had good taste in people."

"Oh, so you've met the doc?"

Kelly's smile falters a little as she answers, "Many times, actually."

Professor Moore looks surprised. "Oh."

"Well, this is nice, but, um, Professor, we have other things to get and…yeah. Goodbye!" Nicky grabs Kelly by the arm and starts pulling her away. Once they're safely three aisles away, Nicky lets out the breath he'd been holding. "Did you really just do that?"

He's in agony and her giggling isn't helping.

"Aww, Nick, your face is _so_ red." Kelly laughs and presses her hand to his heated cheek. She's wearing the biggest smile and Nicky gives her the deadliest glare.

"Not cool, Kel," he says. Nicky drops the embarrassing as hell items onto a nearby stack of soda boxes and sighs loudly, trying to calm down.

"Aww, lighten up, Nick. Have a little fun," Kelly says. "And btw, I'm uncool? Did you hear what he said to me and how he said it? Like it's unheard of that I've met your dad. Please. He loves me. He thought you were gay before he met me."

"Well, it's usually unheard of to bring fuck buddies home to meet the family."

Kelly's face drops. She tries to act like she doesn't care, but Nicky knows she does, especially when it comes to their relationship. Staring up, Nicky tries to get his hot face to turn back to a normal shade.

"Let's just go," Nicky says as he starts to walk away. "We still need to get—"

"Fuck buddies?" Kelly is pissed. "Nick, I just told that old man I'm your _girlfriend_!"

"My what?"

"Your—"

Kelly stops herself when Nicky smiles. She catches on and isn't happy. Without taking her eyes off him, Kelly grabs the whipped cream, starts peeling off the cap and shaking it.

"Kelly," Nicky says tentatively. "We didn't pay for that…"

She doesn't seem to care, ripping off the cap and starting towards him. Nicky is convinced she's bluffing but backs up just incase. When Kelly attacks, Nicky fights back, but not before there's whipped cream all in his hair, on his face and hands. It's all over the floor and the passing people quickly walk away when they see what's happening. Both laughing, Nicky finally backs her up into the stack of soda boxes and wrestles the can away.

"Nick, don't you dare!" Kelly shrieks, her hands on his chest trying to push him away from her. Nicky laughs, holding the can, feeling powerful. He touches Kelly's cheek with his sticky fingers, rubbing it into her skin. "I hate you."

Nicky grins. "You love me."

When Nicky goes to kiss her Kelly doesn't stop him. She pulls him closer and he drops the can of whipped cream, hooking his hands around the back of her legs and effortlessly lifts her to sit atop the soda boxes. They're making out like two horny teens, blind to the appalled looks they're getting from the other grocery store patrons—soccer moms with young children, a group of nuns, Professor Moore.

When they finally part, Kelly breathlessly murmurs, "I want you. Right here."

"I don't doubt that. I'd even go with it if it didn't mean getting arrested." Nicky laughs huskily. Kelly balls her hands in his t-shirt and Nicky shifts, stand between her knees. "So whipped cream, condoms _and_ new sex positions? You might as well have gone all out, grabbed a spiked dog collar and chocolate syrup too."

Kelly giggles. "What? It wasn't like I was _trying _to embarrass you."

"How sweet. My girlfriend is such a liar."

"Yeah, well, your girlfriend can't help it sometimes," she quietly says. "If you haven't noticed, she's kind of a bitch and when she's a bitch she knows it makes you upset or whatever and she feels sort of bad…even if it's really, really fun most times."

"Okay, Parks, you need to stop talking about yourself in the third person. It's almost as bad as Austin referring to himself as Tuck the Great." Nicky laughs again. "Seriously though, you're my girlfriend now? Outside of my bedroom?"

"Well, yeah. Since Professor Moore and your brothers are spreading it around it's only a matter of time until _everyone_ does too. What gossiping bastards," Kelly jokes and it makes Nicky grin as he kisses her again. Moments like this remind him why he's so in love with Kelly Parker and okay with the fact that she does pretty much own him.

Abruptly, they hear a throat being cleared. Nicky reluctantly pulls his lips away from Kelly's and finds a store employee who doesn't look very happy with the mess.

"Hey man," Nicky says giddily. He then nods to Kelly. "This is my girlfriend."

Kelly tries to hide her smile by pressing her face into his neck. The whipped cream from her face transfers to his Sigma shirt, but Nicky doesn't seem to care, wearing that grin with pride.

"That's good for you," the man says. He obviously doesn't care, but they don't care what he thinks either so it balances out. "You two need to leave _now_."

"Okay. We're going," Nicky says. He helps Kelly hop down and heads for the door. "Damn it. This is the closest grocery store to campus and we're probably officially banned, which sucks because I don't trust either Max or Razor with my money and Austin just…no."

Kelly beams up at him. "At least we got banned with style."

"Yes, we're never in short supply of that," Nicky wraps his arm around Kelly's waist. "Why do you think people hate us everywhere we go?"

"Because we're hot and happy and they're all haters," Kelly replies matter-of-factly.

Nicky wears a thoughtful expression for a moment and nods. "Yeah, sounds about right."

Later, Austin blows up both their phones with texts and voicemails, pissed that they're trying to have a party and it's a little hard to drink when there's no plastic cups to put the booze in. Nicky and Kelly don't really care because, one, it's just Austin and, two, when they're parked at some lookout, making out on the trunk of his car, Nicky says he loves her for about the millionth time ever and it's the first time Kelly says it back.

* * *

><p><span>AN: If you stalk us (like the cool kids do) you know **LCTD** proposed a Max/KP drunken marriage, but I couldn't. They don't deserve a Star Wars wedding. It's sacred shiz! Btw I'd pimp LCTD's latest, but I feel everyone already read it once convinced the alert wasn't just a hangover-induced mirage (I know I did). It's crazy good. You know you're legit when you have haters drowning in a sea of reviews calling yo shit beautiful. In all, guh, J set the bar. Now I gotsta step up my game!

Secondly, thanks for the grad wishes! What do I do with this free time? All I know is for this week I'm only leaving my bed if there's a fire or a hot pizza delivery boy at the door.

Thirdly, I, like, had this random crack-clouded mental play of future Nickelly having a daughter and Faith and Austin "babysitting" but secretly entering her in those scary child beauty pageants with Faith expertly coaching her 'course and Aus with the t-shirt with her face on it. Then KP finds out and is PISSED, traumatic Momager memories and all. LOL Yes, covet my brain. I blame **P-N-F** for all the Toddlers and Tiaras talk. ;)

Fourthly, thoughts on the story? Thoughts on my thoughts? Review. Please.

xoxo


	8. Down From Here

Warning: Your typical drama and crack soup. Heavy on the drama this time around.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

BEFORE THE CALL

Saturday 3:38 PM

Before they even fully pull into the parking space, Nicky yanks the door open and gets out. Austin makes a comment about Nicky being eager to get to the honeymoon and Max shouts for him to get Maeve's ring back. Nicky ignores them both and goes across the bridge from the structure to the hotel and down the escalators to hunt for Kelly in the casino.

When he finally finds her it's at an exclusive poker table surrounded by velvet ropes, sitting with a bunch of dudes, a massive amount of chips in front of her. His heart races and he takes as he watches Kelly laughs her I'm-A-Confident-Bitch laugh and rakes in even more chips to the annoyance of everyone around her. When he's about to approach her, a giant man with an earpiece stops him and says that it's a private table.

"You don't understand. I don't have time and I need to talk to her."

The guard gives Nicky a look from his slacks with specs of dried blood on it to his dark hair in a complete state of disarray. His face is all '_uh-huh'_. He probably won't believe it either way, but asks, "And how do you know Miss Parker?"

Nicky presses his lips into a thin line. _She's my wife. _

"Oh look," Kelly's voice drawls. "Hubby finally showed. Nick, where's your ring?"

Nicky's brows furrow and the guard looks just as bewildered.

Looking like she's had a rough night, but not nearly as bad as Nicky since she's purposefully trying to humiliate him, Kelly walks over. "It's okay, Anwar. I've got it. See to it that my chips are taken care of and every single one is accounted for."

"Right away, Mrs. Parker…?"

The body guard looks confused, but Kelly tosses her brown hair over her shoulder and walks across the busy casino and over to a quieter, more secluded area. Catching up to her, Nicky whispers, "So you know?"

"Truthfully, it's all a little or, well, _a lot_ fuzzy. You know how I get when I drink, but your dopey ass face seeking me out and, oh, _this_," Kelly lifts her hand to show him the diamond on her left finger, "Pretty huge clues."

Kelly teasingly smiles and it drives Nicky insane.

"Okay, why are you using this to tease me right now? Why aren't you more freaked out?" he asks. His voice gets louder and he slowly loses his bearings. "Kelly, this is terrible! We got so drunk that we can't remember anything. We lose Damon, you know, _the groom_ and the cherry atop the Jar Jar Binks shaped cake? You and I got _married_! Talk about a nightmare…"

Kelly tenses, but then sets her hand on her hip. "A nightmare, huh?"

"Well…yeah," he says. Nicky expected her to be mad, but it feels like she's mad for a different reason. All this time and she's still confusing as hell. "Kelly, we're _married_. Husband and wife! For sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us—"

"Okay. You need to turn down the drama because my headache is starting to come back all thanks to you," she says. "This isn't a national emergency. I'll just call my lawyer and have him draw up divorce papers. It'll be like this _nightmare_ never happened."

"Parks," Nicky murmurs, softening when he sees how hard Kelly tries to shut him out. "I didn't mean that being married to you would be a nightmare. I just…I mean, I didn't…"

"Don't. Don't say anything because I don't care. Do you think I want to be married to you? Do you think I don't get the irony of it all?" Kelly huffs. "Not to mention I spent all morning trying to convince myself I'm not stupid enough to make this horrible of a _mistake_."

Nicky would be offended if he didn't know she's just saying it to cover whatever it is she's really feeling.

"What irony—"

"Forget it."

When Kelly starts to walk away, Nicky's quick reflexes kick in and he reaches out for her arm. Something happens when his rough hand meets her soft, smooth skin. That strange feeling that eats away at him when he sits awake at night, thinking about her, suddenly intensifies and Nicky swears, by the look on her face, Kelly feels it too.

"What now, Nick?"

Nicky quickly lets go of her arm and hates himself for doing it so hastily. "I'm sorry, Kelly."

"Whatever." She obviously isn't buying it. "Can I get back to my game now?"

"Wait…" Nicky really doesn't want her to walk away just yet, but he doesn't know how to get her to stay. Looking back at the poker table and Anwar eyeing him, Nicky mumbles, "Um, out of curiosity…when did you get so good at poker…?"

Kelly laughs a dangerous laugh and if she's still mad at him Nicky can't tell anymore. Closing the gap between them, she stands on her toes and whispers, "I'm real good at counting."

Nicky doesn't know if it's what she said or the fact that she's so close for the first time in years, but it makes him nervous. "S—so you're che—"

Kelly presses her fingers hard to his lips, shushing him. "Can it, husband. Saying _that_ in _here_ is like saying bomb at the airport." Her fingertips trail down his cheek and Nicky leans into her touch without thinking. Kelly laughs and slaps him, light enough for it to seem playful, but hard enough to make Nicky inwardly wince. "My lawyer will be in touch."

Kelly turns away and Nicky stands there, not knowing what to think. If he's being honest he's a little disappointed that she isn't as rattled as he is. Marriage is this big, important life-altering thing and Kelly uses it to tease him and then when she is upset it's more with him than their situation. God, she still makes his head spin in circles.

"Wait!" Nicky shouts after her. "The ring!"

"Yeah," Kelly holds out her hand and inspects it, "a little old-fashion, but pretty."

"N—no," Nicky fumbles. She is not going to like this. "I need it back."

"And you'll get it back…when the divorce is final."

"No." Nicky has no idea how she puts him under some weird sort of spell every time they're near, but he's out of it now. He reminds himself that it's over. "The ring belongs to Max. He's going to propose to Maeve."

"He's _still_ dating that skinny bitch?" Kelly laughs. "Ha. Well, the ring is on my finger and looks damn good there so I think I'll hold onto it. After all, my _husband_ gave it to me so it's mine."

"Kelly," Nicky edges even closer to her, "please don't force me take it from you."

"I'd like to see you try," Kelly sneers. When Nicky approaches her, Kelly motions for him to stop. "Take a look around, Nick. You see Anwar? Hotel security. Touch me and I'll scream and they'll be hauling your ass out of here within seconds. It's going to be hard to find the groom before the wedding from jail."

Despite her threat, Nicky moves closer to her. "And if I tell them you're counting?"

"Nice try, but I don't think you understand. I'm a high-end guest. You aren't even staying here and not to mention you look like shit. Who do you think they'll believe? Nice move, lover, but I still win. Now, instead of trying to play me I suggest you rejoin your little boyfriends before I tell them all about how you cried during sex last night."

That little tidbit of info effectively throws Nicky off his game. "So…it was _you_. And we…"

"Aww, don't worry," Kelly says mockingly. "We waited until _after_ we were married."

"And we didn't have a threesome with some blonde girl or anything…right?"

"Like I said, things are _fuzzy_," Kelly reminds him. "You crying your eyes out, talking about how much you miss me and love me and calling it the happiest night of your life had been scary sobering, but rest assured, Russo, I don't do threesomes, especially not with you and some other girl no matter how trashed I was. Why would you even ask that?"

Nicky opens his mouth, but he really doesn't know what to say. It doesn't help that he can imagine himself crying and drunkenly saying those things. Out of the blue, Faith calls out to Kelly from where she's standing with Austin across the way. Acting as if Nicky doesn't exist, Kelly walks over to their friends and Nicky just stares after her.

On his way to Nicky, Austin smirks as he crosses paths with Kelly. "Mrs. Russo."

She gives him a curt nod. "Short Bus."

As she passes him, Austin turns around to watch her continue over to Faith. He stops once he's standing next to Nicky and asks, "So is everything good with the wife?"

Nick groans and rubs his hand over his face. "Still a raging bitch."

"That you wanna bang _again_," Austin says, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "So did she tell you anything that adds to the timeline?"

"I was a little preoccupied and I…I didn't ask."

"Christ. The _best_ Best Man to the rescue," Austin murmurs. He starts to jog over to where Faith and Kelly are talking, but then he remembers his ass and so it makes him run a little funny. The girls just watch him and laugh.

"Why are you such a moron?" Kelly asks bluntly.

"Moron? I'm not the one who married _that_," he motions to Nicky standing still as everyone moves so quick around him. Faith sniggers behind her hand and Kelly doesn't look pleased.

Feeling a smidge sorry for him, Faith rocks on the balls of her feet and waves at Nicky. "So is he just going to stand there all day?"

"KP did put him in timeout." A chuckle from Austin earns a smack from Kelly. "Oww."

"I love him and all, but he's kind of creeping me out, just staring at us like that," Faith says.

"He's had a lot of practice," Kelly sneers. "Freak."

"Hey, be nice. You can't count that one time. You practically forced him to when you were off with that preppy douche," Austin says. "He was worried about you."

Kelly glares. "He screwed up. I broke it off. He had no right to stalk me."

"It's just like old times, huh?" Faith says brightly, an arm around each of them. "Nicky does something stupid. Kel gets pissed. Aus and I try to win him forgiveness. Fun, fun, fun."

"What do you want, Austin?" Kelly gets right to the point.

"Do you remember anything that could help us figure out what happened last night? Like, at what time did we meet up?"

"I already told Nick it's fuzzy," Kelly answers, shooting her husband a sideway glance to remind him she still hates him, "but we met here at around 10ish. You idiots were trying to play in the fountain."

"And Damon was with us? I mean, him dressed as a stormtrooper in your wedding pics—"

"Yes, Austin," she says. "I vaguely recall Damon wouldn't shut up about Cruz. I tried to drown it out with alcohol so I don't remember much after that, but apparently I married King Dork."

"Yeah, congrats." Austin opens up his arms to hug her, but stops when he sees her disdain. "Like I said, the pictures are incredible. Since Max paid for 'em technically they're his, but he doesn't want them anyways so I thought it'd be cool if I snagged a wallet-size. See."

Austin fishes his wallet out of his pocket and shows them. In it, Austin has his arm around Faith who's making a dramatic look of shock while trying to cover up her lack of clothes with her hands. Razor tends to his laughing, blonde friend who fell on her ass while Damon and Max, the stormtroopers, are mid-jump and with the backdrop it looks like they're floating in space. Nicky and Kelly are dead center of all the chaos, smiling at each other.

"We are, like, the hottest people on the face of the earth!" Faith declares. She isn't even being arrogant. Facts are facts. "So cute! If only this weren't a blacked out adventure…"

"I said the same thing," Austin says. "Luckily, we got a bunch of DVDs of the ceremony so—"

Kelly looks horrified. "DVDs? Like, that retardation fest captured on actual film!"

Austin nods. "It came with the Deluxe Star Wars Wedding package."

"Yay!" Faith cheers. "Okay. New gameplan! We're going to _kill it_ at the Young wedding, take advantage of the open bar, bring the after party up to our suite, party more and then when we wake up hungover in the morning we're going to order room service burgers and fries, sit around and watch Kelly's wedding video. Cool? Cool?"

"Cool. That is if there is a wedding," Austin murmurs. "Either of you remember anything else?"

"Not much. The next thing I remember is waking up with Nick this morning and bolting."

"Classic KP," Faith sings. "Oh, and so you just left me there?"

"You looked pretty comfortable spooning with this tool," Kelly points to Austin.

"Why are you so cranky?" Austin makes a face at Kelly just because he knows it annoys her and annoying Kelly is fun. "A smile would be awesome. You just got married!"

"Because this is so something to smile about," Kelly says sarcastically.

"Um yeah it is. I don't get why you and Nicky are pretending to be upset over this," Austin says. "Admit it. Doesn't it feel good to finally have done something you've always wanted but let something as lame as _thinking_ get in the way of? Lose the act, KP. He's yours again and now you have awesome shit like mugs with your face on 'em waiting for you in my trunk."

Faith is the one person who shares Austin's enthusiasm over this mess and it makes Austin happy to know he's not alone. Swaying side to side as if her little body can't contain her excitement, Faith exclaims, "I call a mug!"

Tilting his head towards her, Austin smirks. "There are four different poses."

"Well then, I'll be needing one of each," Faith says decidedly.

Kelly narrows her brows as her eyes dart between her two child-like friends. "You two remind me why I hate people. Anything else or can I go enjoy the rest of my vay-kay?"

"One more thing," Austin says, sounding rather nervous, "off the record, do you remember me possibly…drunk dialing Payson Keeler?"

Faith stops buzzing around, frozen by his question. Moving strands of her straight, dark hair away from her face, Kelly laughs, "That is the best thing I've heard all day."

Faith slaps Austin's arm. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

"I didn't realize it until I checked my phone while we were eating," Austin says defensively. "And could you keep it down? I didn't want to talk about it in front of the guys."

"No. I don't remember," Kelly says. "But I sure as hell wish I did."

"Yeah, there's a lot of that going around…"

When Nicky finally walks over to join them, he looks like he's trying to say something, but simply can't. Saving him the trouble, Razor suddenly jogs over. "Hey guys, gals. Max is on the phone with Maeve _again_. I seriously wouldn't doubt that she had some sort of tracking device embedded beneath his skin."

Faith giggles. "More like she removed his balls and filled them with LoJack."

Austin and Razor laugh, the former gymnast holding his knuckles out to Faith for a pound and the roadie giving her a high-five. Meanwhile Nicky and Kelly are too busy having an angry telepathic stare down to thoroughly enjoy making fun of Max.

"So," Razor says, "Any word on Damon?"

"Negative," Austin grunts. "Where to next?"

"Maybe he's back at the suite?" Nicky suggests. Though his attention moves to his brothers, he still feels Kelly's stare burning into him and doesn't like it. "We, um, should go. _Now_."

"As fun as it is doing stupid things with you boys, Kel and I have an appointment at the spa," Faith says. She clearly isn't as bothered by Damon's disappearance and the boys don't find it fair at all. "So call me when you're ready to leave. In the meantime I'm getting pampered."

"We should of left hours ago," Nicky grumbles. "Faith, you should probably come along so we can leave straight after we find Damon."

"Ugh, Nix, please? If you refrain from going all killjoy on me I promise when we get back to LA, I'll buy you an awesome wedding present," Faith proposes. She isn't doing much to argue her case except piss Nicky off even more. "I'd just get in the way anyways. We're already off schedule. Coming to pick me up after couldn't possibly make things worse." When it doesn't look like Nicky will budge, Faith turns to Austin and tugs on his shirt. "Aussie, please say yes."

"Yes," Austin says much to Nicky's annoyance. "I'm driving and it's my car so what I say goes. Plus, I can't show up to the wedding without my hot as hell wedding date."

"Yay!" Faith nearly tackles Austin with a hug.

A little sore over Faith getting her way despite his efforts, Nicky sighs and notices Kelly still trying to murder him with her glare. "What about you? Are you going to the wedding?"

"Why?" Kelly bites. "So I can sit there and watch you object when they're at the altar?"

As if things couldn't be worse, Kelly goes out of her way to make it. Faith's triumphant quickly dies as Nicky and Kelly enter the war zone yet again. Razor looks uneasy, being made a witness and Austin stares at the bar across the way. Damn. A drink sounds great right now.

Having officially lost his patients, Nicky growls, "Jesus, Kelly, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't have feelings for Kaylie? I never did! I tutored her _once_ in college! _Years_ ago. Now I'm doing everything in my power to get Damon to the wedding so he can marry her."

"How do we know you didn't stash him somewhere so he'd miss the wedding?" Kelly questions. Everyone else just fades into the background as Nicky and Kelly do battle. "Then after he stands her up you can swoop in and be her shoulder to cry on. You're sick, Nick."

"I'm sick? You made that all up in your head!"

"Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Russo, save it for marriage counseling, which could possibly be my wedding gift to you." Austin bravely steps between them. He grabs Nicky by the arm and steers him to the door. "Faye, I'll text you when we're on our way. Then you have ten minutes to get your cute ass out front."

"Okay," Faith agrees. "Good luck!"

Trailing along as Austin drags Nicky to the exit, Razor asks, "You and Kelly must have like violent, angry sex, huh? All fingernail imprints and scratches, bruises and bite marks?"

"I'm not answering that," Nicky says coldly as he marches ahead.

Razor snickers. "That's _so _a yes."

Just getting off of his phone, Max spots them. "So did you get my ring back?"

The other guys just ignore him and keep walking.

**-XX-**

Flashback

8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

To be clear, when Kaylie asks him for help in her Chemistry class, Nicky goes to Damon first before agreeing. Despite their loud and messy break-up (that took place right out in front of the frat house with the brothers watching through the windows) Damon says it's cool.

Nicky even asks Kelly beforehand. She acts indifferent and says she doesn't care. So Nicky and Kaylie start meeting up at the local café every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. Somehow, the more and more they study together, the more they get to know each other and things become less and less about schoolwork.

"That's tea for the lady and coffee, black, for the future professor," Razor says jokingly. Charming his way through the workweek, Razor basically runs the little coffee shop, a red apron wrapped around his waist and a pen tucked behind his ear like always.

"Thanks Ray," Kaylie says sweetly. Watching Nicky slowly sip his coffee, Kaylie wrinkles her nose. "I have no idea how you drink it like that."

"I'm officially dependant on it," Nicky licks the strong, bitter coffee from his lips, "If I don't get my coffee at least once a day I start to have these migraines. It's pretty bad."

"Damon is the same way. He doesn't even put any sugar or cream in it. Honestly, I think it tastes like tar, but he won't drink it any other way," Kaylie says absentmindedly. A moment later, she catches herself and winces. "Shoot…I swear I've been doing that all week."

Nicky nods understandingly. "You miss him."

"Of course," Kaylie admits, staring at her tangled fingers resting atop her closed textbook. "I know the Sigmas, minus Ray and you, basically put a target on my back when I broke up with Damon, but contrary to what they might think, he isn't the only one hurting."

Nicky frowns. "So I take it you haven't made up yet?"

Kaylie shakes her head. No. "You think I should, don't you?"

"I've known Damon for a while now and I've listened to his latest songs. The lyrics might be different and the chords, but it's all the same sad song about the same girl. You. He really didn't mean to hurt you. You know that, right?"

Yes, she does. Her expression says it all, but Kaylie still shakes her head. "But he lied to me."

"He didn't _lie_," Nicky argues. "He just didn't…tell the truth. So he handled things badly and he kept it from you. It's a messy situation. He didn't tell anyone about Emily Kmetko, not even us, _his brothers_. That's really saying something."

"Still, I had to find out on our one year anniversary when Austin barged into the restaurant like a raving lunatic and punched Damon," Kaylie explains. From the way her voice wavers it's clear she's still upset over it. "And to find out he has a kid with some girl in Fresno? It's too much…" Instead of saying anything more, Nicky just goes on drinking his coffee. "Well, I'm just going to go and change the subject now…so how's Kelly? You two are as lovey-dovey as always I assume."

Nicky sets down his mug and seems so sad Kaylie regrets asking. "Actually, um, Kelly and I…things haven't been working out lately. We got into this stupid fight and…yeah."

Concern washes over Kaylie's face. "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Thanks, but it's okay."

"Come on. I bet your brothers give you bad advice all the time. Some female perspective might do you good," Kaylie says cheerily. She places her hand over his atop the table and gives it a squeeze, attached with a soft smile.

"It was stupid," Nicky says. He stays perfectly still because it's kind of nice, her hand on his. Nicky rambles on, "Kelly can be…difficult sometimes or, well, _most times_ so we fight. It's healthy, but this last time…it's her parents. Her mom still gets into her head and her dad ignores her. Anyways, we were talking about her dad getting remarriage and the future and suddenly it was like the Civil War…just not so civil."

"That sucks," Kaylie comfortingly runs her fingertips over his knuckles, "Damon and I used to fight about the future all the time. I mean, he dropped out of college and put all his eggs in one record deal basket. Plus, my dad already hated him…but I guess all of that doesn't really matter anymore."

"When did it get so complicated?" Nicky asks. "I mean, with Kelly, it's always been complicated, but in the beginning, we never let it tears us apart. Now, though…"

Kaylie nods. "I know what you mean."

When he realizes he likes holding Kaylie's hand a little too much, Nicky, the awkward creature he is, slowly pulls his hand away and clears his throat, trying to play it off like he's checking his watch. Kaylie seems to realize what was going on and embarrassedly stares into her tea.

"I have a question for you…"

Nicky looks over at her, a little curious and a lot uncertain. "Um…okay."

"What's a genius like you doing here?" Kaylie asks. "It's always been something I've wondered. While your brothers are buying illegal fireworks from Mexico and launching them off the Sigma roof you're locked away in your room trying to study or turning down happy hour to go to class. I'm sure you could have gone anywhere else for college. Why didn't you?"

Nicky shrugs. "You're right. CU wasn't my first choice. Heh. It wasn't even my third. To be honest, I don't really know why I did. Well, other than the fact that Dartmouth rejected me."

"Aww."

"It's cool." Nicky gazes into his coffee and tries to imagine it. "If I did go to Dartmouth then Marty never would have convinced me to start up gymnastics again, I never would have met Kelly and I never would have gotten close to Austin and let him convince me to rush. The Sigmas would just be a bunch of Max's idiot friends I'd occasionally run into at his birthday parties or something."

"Or they'd all end up dead," Kaylie says. "Really, Austin likes to make a big show and rush in and save the day, but if it weren't for you, the levelheaded one, there's no telling what would have happened to the others guys."

"Makes sense," Nicky nods, "I think you're the first person to ever actually ask me that."

Kaylie sits a little taller with one of her bright smiles. "Well, I'm glad you got rejected. Who else would have helped me pass Chem?"

"Oh. Right. Because that's most important," Nicky nods with mock seriousness. They share a laugh and this is nice, just sitting and talking with no tension or secret ulterior motives. Glancing at his watch, Nicky says, "Hey. It's 8. Test scores should be posted."

That's the whole reason they're even here right now. They're about to see if all their hard work and long nights in the coffee shop paid off.

"Oh. Right. I should get on that," Kaylie says. She pulls out her laptop and connects to the Wi-Fi. "Ugh. I hope I did okay. The last thing I want is to have wasted your time."

"It wasn't a waste of time," Nicky assures her. "I…I had fun."

Momentarily looking up from her laptop, Kaylie smiles. "I had fun too."

Nicky stands and moves his chair over so he's right next to her. Kaylie has her fingers crossed as she accesses the school website and clicks a link to her Chem grades. When she sees that 98% Kaylie turns to Nicky with such genuine excitement.

"I passed!"

"Passed? You got an A. I knew you would," Nicky says, excited for her. "That's great, Kaylie."

Overjoyed, Kaylie throws her arms around Nicky in a hug. One minute they're hugging in celebration, the next they're trading grins and then somehow her lips end up pressed to his and without thinking, Nicky rests his hand at the back of her head and kisses her. The second he gets into it, Nicky feels Kaylie's hands shove him away. Blinking, Nicky sees Kaylie's horrified expression. If they both weren't so petrified they'd realize people are staring, including Razor.

"Um, that was awesome," says a nervous Nicky. "No, not…I mean…I was talking about you acing your exam. Not to say that…that, us, you know…that was awesome too but…I—"

"I need to go to the bathroom." Kaylie quickly stands and refuses to look at him as she walks to the back of the café. Frenzied, Nicky covers his hot face with his hands and groans.

Impulse is to blame, that's for certain, but he can't say he didn't like it.

When Kaylie returns and they're both relatively calm, they don't talk about the kiss. They both try to go on like it didn't happen and not once do they bring up Damon or Kelly again. When Kaylie says she should get back to the Zeta house, Nicky insists on walking her home and not wanting to argue and make things more awkward, Kaylie lets him.

"So if you need any more help just text me," Nicky says as he walks her to the door.

"Cool. Thanks for everything, Nicky. I really do, um, appreciate your help," Kaylie says. Nicky just keeps his eyes on the ground as he turns away. Watching him go, Kaylie hesitates for a moment before she shouts, "Nicky, wait!"

He quickly spins back around, heart hammering in his chest and eyes searching her face.

"About what happened earlier," Kaylie walks down the wooden steps and meets him on the concrete path, "You know that it—we—can't ever be a thing…right?"

Nicky hates himself for feeling disappointed, but nods. He knows.

"I mean, you're one of Damon's best friend, _his brother_ and I…"

"You love Damon," Nicky says. He knows this too. Now he feels like a huge idiot. Instead of commenting, Kaylie just bites her tongue. "You know what, Kaylie? It's, uh, it's cool."

"Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking," she goes into classic Kaylie Cruz freak out mode, "I got a little carried away over my score and maybe I've been feeling a little lonely since the break-up and we've been spending so much time together. You're really sweet and easy to be around, but we're both so messed up right now. Plus, I'm sure you'll work things out with Kelly…oh God. Kelly. She's going to hunt me down…and I'm rambling, aren't I?"

"A little." Nicky forces a laugh. "Don't worry. I—it's already forgotten."

Sighing, Kaylie tries to smile despite her nerves. "Good. Thanks. Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kaylie."

Nicky waves and watches her walk into the house before he leaves. As he walks down Greek row, Nicky kicks at the gravel, wondering how he could be so idiotic. Kaylie isn't the first girl who's tried to randomly kiss him, but usually he evades the situation. Giving in and going with it is something his brothers would pull, but not Nicky, at least, not until now.

He's annoyed with himself for letting it get that far because, duh, Kaylie Cruz and Damon Young are _the It Couple_. It's pointless for someone to willingly walk into that situation when Damon is going to win her over every time. It doesn't matter how it felt kind of amazing to kiss Kaylie and how much he likes spending time with her and how easy she is to talk to. It can't matter. Even if he chose her, Kaylie would choose Damon in a heartbeat. That's love.

After taking the long way home, Nicky is ready to grab a beer and go to sleep when he realizes Kelly Parker is there. She's yet to notice him and Nicky stands back, wondering what she's doing. In all the fights they've ever gotten into, Kelly has never come to him first.

"What are you doing here?"

Sitting on the front steps of the Sigma house, Kelly has her knees pulled to her chest. She doesn't say anything at first, just stares at him through her dark lashes until Nicky sits next to her. He crosses his arms, determined not to say a thing until she does first.

"As you know, your brothers aren't real fans of mine. If I tried to wait inside I probably would have gotten pissy and stormed off long before you turned up," Kelly explains. She looks down at her shoes, tugging on her bottom lip with her teeth. "I have some things to say to you."

"I'm listening…"

Kelly takes a deep breath, struggling, but making an effort. "I just…I need you to understand that I am damn good at a lot of things, but…relationships? Definitely not one. I push everyone away and usually I'm okay with that, but you…I need you, Nick, and at first it really pissed me off because when the hell did I turn into one of those sad girls who need a boy to be happy? But screw it. I miss you and I know I don't say it as much as you want me to, but I do…I love you and I'm sorry I can be a crazy bitch sometimes…"

His face is stoic and Kelly appears to be trying really hard to keep from falling apart. Nicky doesn't want this to be enough. He wants to continue to be angry and scared that this exact thing is just going to happen all over again, but he sees how sincere she is and he knows how hard this must be for her. Damn it. A vulnerable Kelly Parker is one he cannot resist.

Nicky gives her a small smile. "Sometimes, huh?"

"Nick, shut up! I'm trying to freaking apologize!" Kelly laughs despite the way her eyes are glazed with potential tears. "So can we just…squash this? My dad, all that stupid family drama isn't worth fighting over. And I have no idea what's going to happen ten years from now, but…I want to figure it out…with you."

"Nothing I'd love more."

Nicky reaches out for her and Kelly wraps her arms around his neck. More relaxed than he's been all week, Nicky buries his face in her hair and breathes in her scent, an instant comfort. All his conflicting feelings from earlier just melt away because this feels right. This is the way things should be. Nicky knows that now.

Pulling away, Kelly grabs a bag next to her and sets it down on Nicky's lap. "You know I think Chinese food is disgusting, but I know how much you love it so I picked up some of those noodles you like and that chicken with the weird stuff in it and those garlic green bean things."

Feeling rather spoiled, Nicky grins. "Kelly Parker, you memorized my order?"

She rolls her eyes. "More like I drove out to Littleton because I know it's your favorite."

"You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," Kelly laces her fingers with his, "you've always been good to me and I…I think it's time I step my game up…because you deserve it."

Kelly stares down at their joined hands, waiting for him to say something. Scooting closer to her, Nicky gently smiles and forces her to meet his eyes. "You're amazing, you know?"

Her lips turn up in a slight smile. "Just amazing?"

"Amazing, incredible, _badass_," Nicky says. When he finally gets a full smile out of her, Nicky beams. "You don't know how much it means to me…you going through all this trouble." Sighing, Nicky squeezes her hand. "And it's really going to make what I have to say next that much harder, but you deserve the truth."

Kelly's smile wavers and she suddenly looks so confused.

"I've kind of been…hanging out," Nicky cringes, already knowing he's making a mess out of a milestone in their relationship, "well, not really _hanging out_, but _tutoring_ Kaylie, as you know, and we sort of…had a moment and, well, we kissed."

Her grip on his hand goes slack and Nicky desperately clings to hers.

"It lasted maybe two seconds and it wasn't anything," Nicky says frantically. "Kaylie was nervous about her exam grade and when she aced it, we hugged and the next thing I knew we were kissing, but _it didn't mean anything_. It was a mistake. Kelly, I swear to you that it won't ever happen again. She loves Damon and _I love you_. I'm only telling you this because I don't want us ever keeping things from each other and I'm sorry if—"

"Stop. I don't want to hear it." Scowling in disgust, Kelly pries her hand away from his. Nicky wants to hold her and comfort her through this, but Kelly won't have that. She shoves him away, looking more pissed off than Nicky has ever seen her before.

"Four days! We got into a fight four freaking days ago and already you're trying to hook up with some other girl?" Kelly screams at the top of her lungs. "Oh wait, not just some other girl. Kaylie Cruz? That is messed up, Nick."

When her eyes start to tear, Kelly jumps to her feet and starts walking out to the street, rifling through her purse. Nicky springs right up and chases her. "Kelly, wait!"

He's right about to grab her arm when Kelly turns right around on her own, looking furious. "God, and I just made a fool of myself, saying all that bullshit and you just sat there, soaking it all up? Fuck you, Nick. I take it back. All of it."

"No," Nicky argues. "You can't take it back, Kelly."

"Well, too bad for you because I just did!"

"Parks, just stop for a sec, okay?" Nicky raises his voice. "Look, I know I messed up and I'm sorry. It was a moment of weakness and I was just feeling bad and confused and—"

"Leave it along, Nick," Kelly shoves him away, "I don't care."

"Kelly, of course you care…"

Just as Kelly starts across the street, unlocking her car with the click of a button, Max and a bunch of other brothers come from down the street, bouncing a basketball. They arrive just in time to watch Kelly walk away and Nicky stare longingly after her.

"Whoa!" Max calls out. "What's happening on today's episode of the Psycho Show?"

Frustrated and feeling helpless, Nicky glares at his cousin and shoves him so hard that Max loses his balance and stumbles back. "Shut up, Max!"

"Jeez, Nicky. What's your problem?"

His problem? His problem is that Kelly is already in her car, slamming the door shut after her. Forgetting that Max and the other brothers are tuning in to "today's episode of the Psycho Show" Nicky sprints over to Kelly's car. When she starts the engine, Nicky, running out of options, goes to stand in front of her car, bracing his hands on the hood.

Rolling down her window, Kelly shouts, "Move it, Russo, or I will run your stupid ass over!"

"No!" he yells, determined. "Can you please just get out of the car so we can talk?"

Instead of complying, Kelly revs the engine, but Nicky still refuses to budge. When the car lurches forward, Nicky is forced to back peddle before literally losing his legs.

"Holy crap!" Nicky slams his hand against the hood. "I can't believe you just did that!"

"I am not kidding!" she screams. "I am pissed as hell right now. Don't think I won't do it!"

She revs the engine again and Nicky remains still, looking at her tear-streaked face through the windshield. "Kelly, I know I hurt you—"

"Nicky, face the facts. Talking isn't going to work. That crazy bitch is going to turn you into road kill! She isn't worth it!" Max shouts. When Nicky still refuses to move, Max tosses the basketball to one of the other brothers and grabs Nicky, dragging him to the sidewalk. The second they move out of the way, Kelly speeds off down the street, tires squealing.

Nicky shoves Max off of him. "Why did you do that?"

"Why did I do that? Um, maybe because Psycho is off her meds again and tried to kill you! Maybe because I don't feel like having a cripple cousin!" Max yells. "Nicky, I saved your life! A thank you would be nice."

"She was bluffing!"

"Right." Max isn't one bit convinced. "It really looked like she was bluffing when she tried to run you over with her car!"

"Max, you don't get it," Nicky argues. Loudly exhaling through his nose, Nicky paces back and forth, not knowing how to get himself out of this. "I really messed up."

Just then, Damon comes out of the house and he doesn't look happy.

"Hey Dae!" Max calls out. "I didn't know you were hanging with us tonight!"

Not even acknowledging Max, Damon punches an unprepared Nicky. Reacting as fast as he can, Max jumps in and holds Damon off when he tries to hit Nicky a second time. Ignoring Max, Damon shakes his balled hands. "Now it makes sense why everyone is always asking you to tutor them. Apparently they get more than a little homework help. Say. Genius, next time you want to move in on your brother's ex it'd probably make more sense to do it somewhere other than the coffee shop right on campus and talk about it with your girlfriend on the porch!"

Damon shakes Max off and storms back into the house. Overwhelmed and in pain, Nicky drops down onto the front lawn, tasting blood in his mouth. Worst. Day. Ever.

* * *

><p><span>AN: **HOLY AWESOMEBALLS NEWS! **LCTD and I started plotting the sequel to LLD. Shit is rollin' y'all! I'll continue to keep you posted on its status.

Now, review!

xoxo


	9. The Happy Horse

A/N: More drama and more crack! Thanks, **Romance Novel**, for helping me with the inconsistencies last chapter! You always keep me on my toes. Things I fixed is that the boys went to CU, not UC, and Marty introduced Nickelly in college. Now onward!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

Flashback

8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

Max grabs a beer, feeling weird after he walked in on Ava playing Nicky's shoulder to cry on. Nicky wasn't actually crying, but he did look sad, which is kind of a relief. After a week of begging Kelly to talk to him and not getting anywhere, Nicky just stopped. He stopped caring and stopped trying. With a stoic mask, he put all his energy into studying and working out. He even stopped partying and having fun in general.

It isn't just Nicky. The entire house is fucking eerie. Kelly won't be caught dead anywhere near the Sigma house and took Faith with her. There's no Kelly nearly getting into fist fights with frat boys twice her size over the bathroom and no Faith to play guinea pig to the boys' beer smoothies between classes. Austin misses his daily dose of KP and his Pretty and isn't exactly shy about it. He constantly bugs Nicky, trying to talk him into fighting for Kelly, but little seems to get through to Nicky these days. It looks like Austin called in backup—Ava.

After awkwardly standing there in the doorway, both Nicky and Ava gave him a '_go the hell away, Max_' glare and so he walked right out without saying a word and shut the door. Then he went downstairs and now he's getting a drink. Walking out through their crowded backyard, Max is a little surprised to see Damon there.

"Hey Dae!" Max shouts. Sitting in a lawn chair, Damon stares up at the dark, clear sky and the twinkling stars, always playing up his 'tortured artist' stereotype. There's barking as the brothers towards the back play with Damon's puppy, trying to teach Trouble how to fetch a deflated football.

They're all out back because this year's batch of pledges is being forced to put on a show for the public, something that promises embarrassment and entertainment. There are more chairs around them, all arranged in neat lines facing the back porch. Max pulls up a chair next to Damon.

"What are you doing here, man?"

"Hanging out. I've been spending a lot of late nights in the studio and Kaylie's worried I'm going zombie on her so I decided to take the night off, come out and see whatever this is," Damon motions to the (stolen) spotlight shining on the back porch that's shrouded in fog from the (also stolen) fog machine.

Ignoring how uncomfortable he is at the mention of Kaylie, Max focuses on what's running through his mind right this second. "Dae, can I ask you a question?"

"Um, sure…? Go for it."

Looking at him hard, Max asks, "How do you do it?"

Seeing how serious Max is, Damon can't help, but laugh. It's such an unusual look for the usually carefree photographer. "Umm, you're going to have to be a little more specific there, Max."

Max doesn't know how to explain himself exactly, but tries. "No offense or anything, but when we first met you were this too-cool-for-school slutty musician guy with all your groupies. Then Kaylie came along and you cleaned up. Still too-cool-for-school, but committed and shit and, well, after the whole kiss thing, Old Damon would've been over it, gone back to the groupies, but you chose to talk to her and work things out. My question is…how? How do you do that?"

Damon laughs good-naturedly. "It's her, Max. It's Kaylie. I don't see myself making the effort for any other girl, you know?"

"So you're saying she changed you?" Max asks. That's what he's afraid of.

"No. Not like that," Damon disagrees. "You're right when you say I was a slutty musician and back then Kaylie was this naïve daddy's girl with major trust issues. Sure, at one point I thought I had to change to be good enough for her, but then I figured out that she was metamorphosizing too. We changed together and it wasn't easy, but it was worth it."

"That makes sense." He nods in agreement. "Though if Nicky were listening I'm almost a 100% sure he'd tell you that 'metamorphosizing' isn't a word."

"Whatever." Max sees the way Damon tense at his Nicky joke and goes to sip his beer as a distraction. After a pause, Damon laughs. "We'll see what's real and not when I use 'metamorphosizing' in a song and it tops the charts."

"Boo. Sellout." Max gives him a thumbs-down, but it doesn't deter Damon. "Okay, one more question and I swear we don't have to mention this ever again…you still make it work even though she's still in school and living in the Zeta house while you're, well, not in school and not living on campus anymore. What's that like?"

"Hard work," Damon answers truthfully. "Kaylie is so busy with her sisters and getting her degree and I'm busy trying to get this album off the ground that we either have to make time for each other or face losing each other. Like tonight. It's been a test for sure."

Yeah, not to mention she totally made out with one of his brothers. It doesn't really made sense to Max how Damon and Kaylie got back together so easily after the stupid kiss drama, but they did. They bounced back from it stronger than ever. The same thing can't be said for Nicky and Kelly. God. Max is so afraid of turning into them, of committing just to get burned and have to work for it, but he also knows that some people are worth it.

"So why do you ask?" Damon curiously questions. "Anyone specific in mind?"

Shifting uncomfortably in his low, plastic chair, Max debates saying anything or not. "It's just…Girls Gone Awesome is, well, awesome," Max laughs, "but lately I've been thinking and maybe…I don't know…maybe it's time for a change."

As if reading his mind, Damon warns, "Ha. I can probably guess and all I'm saying is you need to be sure you're serious about this before you take the plunge. If you get into it and then try to back out _Austin will kill you_ and you can't really blame him. She is his kid sister."

Max doesn't say anything and just clinks his drink against Damon's. Cheers.

After another sip, Damon laughs softly. "Who thought _I_ would be the one giving girl advice, huh? No, even better, I'm actually dishing out _relationship _advice. Mad world."

"That's for sure." Max sits back in his chair, a little more relaxed than he had been before their little brotherly chat. "You know, we really do miss you around here. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm more than glad that you moved out and I got your room so I could finally escape Nicky and Psycho…not that it really matters since she split, but just know that you're missed."

"Aww, thanks, Max…nah, I don't miss living in this death trap of a house one bit."

"Yeah, I figured as much."

They share a laugh. When Max starts explaining the latest misadventure—how Razor, Austin and him somehow ended up driving around a residential area and pelting people with potatoes—Kaylie walks over, wearing pink as usual and looking like she's trying really hard to get out of whatever conversation Ava is trying to have with her.

"Hey boys!" After reclaiming her puppy from the other brothers, Kaylie goes right over to Damon and plops down in his lap. She holds the puppy out to him and Trouble's little pink tongue licks Damon's nose, making him smile and making them both laugh. Jesus, can they look any more like a freaking family?

"So what have you been up to?" Damon asks his girlfriend.

"Oh, you don't want me going into detail," Kaylie sighs, stroking her fingers through Trouble's fur. "Let me tell you, spending the last hour of my life glittering and greasing up a dozen skinny freshmen isn't as fun as you'd imagine. The things I do to get back in the Sigma boys' good graces."

Concerned, Max looks at Kaylie and nods over to Ava who looks frustrated as she walks back into the house. "Hey Kay, everything cool?"

"Yeah, of course," she quickly answers. "Why wouldn't it be?"

Damon doesn't say anything and so Max doesn't either. Luckily, Razor, Pledge Educator, comes out, welcomes everyone. That's one thing about Austin being house president. He makes for damn sure that they don't half-ass any of their festivities. When the pledges come out in glitter and dressed like slutty girls, Max takes a few snapshots as everyone cheers them on. After some searching, Max finds Ava back in the kitchen.

"Hey Ava!"

A bottle of water in hand, opting to stay sober and sane, Ava quickly turns and looks surprised to see him. "Oh. Hey Max…shouldn't you be outside, taking pictures or something?"

"I got a couple. How many pictures do we really need of half-naked pledges dancing around like Lady Gaga backup dancers?" Max asks with a smile. "So, um, I saw you talking to Kaylie. Is everything okay…?"

"Oh, yeah, it was nothing. Well, you know girls like Kaylie. Focused on what she thinks is going right in her life and ignoring everything else. I'd know. I used to be the exact same way," Ava leans against the counter and crosses her arm, "so I'm not one to judge or tell her how to live her life, but everything is horrible, don't you think?"

"Horrible?"

Ava looks from left to right, but when she doesn't find any familiar faces, she keeps talking. "This whole Nicky-Kelly-Damon-Kaylie kiss thing."

"Oh." This is not what he wanted to talk to her about. "Damon and Kaylie seem fine."

"But Nicky and Kelly are far from fine," Ava says, "and I wish there was more that we could do, but like I keep telling Austin, it's up to the two of them. Thinking he's Superman, Austin wants to fly in and fix everything, but as their friends all we can do is lend an ear and wait it out. Don't tell him I told you, but Austin is really torn up about this."

"I don't see why."

Ava thinks he's kidding, but Max isn't. When she catches on, Ava doesn't look happy about it. "Okay, I get that Kelly isn't your favorite person, but have you seen your cousin lately?"

"So they broke up," Max shrugs his shoulders up and down. "He'll get over it eventually."

Ava laughs bitterly. "Wow. See, Max, this is exactly why you aren't in a relationship."

Ouch. That one hits him hard. "What?"

"Just…forget I said anything." Ava shakes her head. "I need to find Austin."

"No. Don't go hide behind your brother like you always do," Max says. That has Ava frozen where she is. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't get it so it's just a waste trying to explain it to you."

"No, really, Ava, I'm curious. Just because I'm not crying over Nicky and Kelly breaking up that explains why I'm not dating anyone right now?" Max asks, clearly offended. "Funny because I thought I'm not in a relationship right now because, frankly, I don't want to be."

Though he isn't shy about his anger, Ava doesn't look like she regrets what she said. She doesn't seem to want to take it back. Ava just asks, "Have you ever been in love, Max?"

Caught off-guard, Max doesn't know what to say to that. He just stands there.

"See, if you have then you'd maybe have the slightest idea of what Nicky and Kelly are going through right now. To think, wow, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this person and then you do something, make one mistake and have then not want anything to do with you or have them make you trust them just so they can turn around and hurt you. It sucks. It sucks even more when it's love—your first love—because you can't just _get over it eventually_. It stays with you. If you ever loved someone you'd know that, but I guess not."

Max wants to ask if she's still talking about Nicky and Kelly at all or something else entirely, but the words that come out of his mouth, "Have you, Ava? Have you been in love like that?"

She looks at him in a way that makes him feel it in his heart, but she doesn't answer. Instead, Ava looks down, murmurs something about having to leave and going to say goodbye to her brother before she does. Ava walks away and Max watches her go. What the hell just happened? Max doesn't really know exactly. Why is everything so confusing?

Though he knows he should get back up and return to the party like nothing happened, Max is stuck. He doesn't want to see Damon and Kaylie with their puppy and their perfect relationship and he doesn't want to see Austin prowling for tonight's hook-up. Slumping into a chair at the kitchen table, Max just sits there a moment and thinks, a rare occurrence if he's being honest.

Max finds himself at a fork in the road. The path on the left leads to Ava, finding out what she was going on about. He has a hunch it has something to with him and he could ask her with the chance that she had been talking about someone else entirely and have to face that embarrassment. He could tell her about what he talked about with Damon and that he doesn't know what love is or what it's like, but he could try with her. The path on the right leads to the familiar, what he's always known, a momentary fix of fun and no feelings.

It's almost as if the universe decides for him, quite literally dropping his answer in his lap. Suddenly there are a pair of long, perfect legs hooked around his thigh, an arm thrown around his neck and giggles in his ear. If the sound of her voice wasn't an indicator enough, those legs, tan and seemingly endless legs, are a dead give away.

Before he even looks at her, Max murmurs, "Hey May."

"So I, like, decide," she slurs. "We're hooking up tonight."

Tilting his head, Max sees Maeve's bloodshot eyes and her wide smile. There's something so familiar and comforting about her presence. Max closes in, drawn to her natural magnetism. There's always been something so dangerous about Maeve because it was always so obvious how fake she is, how she puts on a show for the world, but she's different when she's drunk. Max can't explain it, but he finds himself falling for it.

Giving her a playful smile, Max lifts his dark brows. "So you just decided this all on your own?"

Maeve exaggeratedly nods her head, making her extremely straight hair sway from side to side. Her French-tipped fingernails scratch at the seams of his jeans and her other hand in buried in his hair, slowly stroking. "Yes, _you_," she totally has no clue what his name is, she's so drunk, "you can bring your camera too."

Sold, Max smiles excitedly, mutters a, "lucky me," and kisses her. The right path may not be the right path, but it's the one he chooses.

**-XX-**

THE DAY BEFORE THE CALL

Saturday 4:46 PM

"Christ, guys, I married a psychopath," Nicky grumbles, walking into the Dean Martin suite. He looks so stressed and sleep deprived as he steps over the empty pizza boxes on the floor. He goes right over to the couch and sits down, stomping the bubble wrap on the floor.

"You can't blame her for being a tad insecure after you cheated on her with Kaylie," Austin says casually. He goes straight to the refrigerator and reaches for one of the few beers left.

"Nice Austin," Nicky growls. "You really think now is the best time to bring that up?"

"I'm just saying," Austin pops the tab and takes a sip, "and I don't like your tone, Russo. If you forgot _I_ was the one who talked to KP and got her to take your sorry ass back."

Razor gives him a look. "You?"

"Okay," Austin gives in, "Me with maybe a little help from Faith and Ray…and the rest of the house minus the douches AKA Max. So maybe we made that big scene and KP called the cops and all us brothers bonded in that jail cell for a night, but the point is that we had your back even when you were a dick to one of my favorite chicks so the least you could do is turn down the 'tude. If you're going to hate on someone it should be yourself."

Nicky scowls. "Just to jog your memory, Aus, I didn't ask for any of you to do all that. Even without your big romantic gesture, Kelly and I would have fought through it eventually because we—"

Everyone stops what they're doing and looks over at Nicky though he refuses to finish that statement even though the other brothers know exactly what he was about to say.

_Because we love each other._

Before Austin can egg him on like always, Razor cuts in. "Alright. Okay. We get it. Austin is team KP forever and always. And Nicky, man, you need to quit bitching. Kelly said she's more than happy to divorce you. Case closed." Razor then cups his hands around his mouth and shouts, "Damon! Dae, are you in here? This isn't funny anymore!"

There's no answer except the goat giving a loud, _neah_.

Taking another long sip of his beer, Austin collapses onto one of the couches, staring at the goat with Razor's name shaved into its side. Its eyes are wide and freaky and its jaw moves up and down as it chews. Reaching out for the tie around its neck, Austin pulls the goat closer.

"How do we know this goat isn't Damon?" Austin asks between sips. "What if we got into some weird, dark magic shit and somehow transformed our groom into this here goat?"

Nicky deadpans. "How did you graduate college again?"

"I'm serious," he says. "Look at Mr. Tumnus' eyes. Very soulful. Very Damon don't you think?"

As ridiculous as it is, both Nicky and Razor stare at the goat. The resemblance is uncanny.

"Okay. Good news: that stranger with my haircut isn't in the bathroom anymore," Max announces. He moves into the living room where the others are looking over the goat. "Bad news: I just checked the phone and there's no messages. Not a single one."

"Alright. Let's try to find anything that could give us some idea where to look next." Razor delegates. Nicky and Max go in different directions, veering into the different bedrooms while Austin remains on the couch, finishing his beer and continuing to stare at the goat.

"Hey look!" Razor shouts.

Max's head whips in his direction. "Did you find something?"

"Yeah, my other shoe. When I woke up it was missing."

Max rolls his eyes. "Winner-winner chicken dinner."

"Look what I found! And you guys say I'm not helpful!" Without even moving from his spot on the couch, Austin holds up a thick stack of papers he found tucked between the couch cushions. He holds it up and it turns out to be a legal contract. "Apparently, Maxi, you invested 30 grand into Razor's pudding business last night!"

"Bavarian custard," Razor corrects.

Moaning as if in physical pain, Max slumps against the hallway wall and crumbles to the ground. "Nooo."

"Max, don't freak," Razor says. He goes over to Max and squats down so they're about eye level. "Cheer up! It's one of the smartest move you've ever made, Cameraman."

"Oh so now you start calling me by my real nickname?"

"Hey guys!" Nicky shouts from inside one of the bedrooms. "Come here for a sec!"

Razor shoots straight up and holds out his hand to Max. After he helps the boy with the concealed Mohawk-Mullet to his feet, the two follow Nicky's voice through the suite. "Nicky, please tell me I didn't throw away any more of my money last night."

"Has nothing to do with money," Nicky replies. "Ray, I think you'll like this one."

They all migrate down the hall and finally find Nicky. He's staring into the closet and when they follow his gaze they see a sexy little blonde asleep on the floor. She's on the shorter side with tan skin and platinum blonde hair currently obscuring her face.

"Hey! It's R2D2!" Razor shouts. At that, Austin comes galloping into the room with renewed interest. Razor steps around the guys and squats down. Her body is all contorted in a way that can't be comfortable and her chest rises and falls with each breath she takes. "Damn. She is smokin' hot."

"Well, Ray, instead of staring, why don't you wake her up?" Austin suggests. "Someone has to know where Damon is."

Razor nudges her, but she doesn't react. The boys give him impatient expressions and so Razor shakes her a bit harder. A second later, the blonde's fake eyelashes start to flutter and she looks around, disoriented.

"Oh crap. Did I fall sleep in the closet again?" The girl shakes out her massive blonde hair and slowly sits up. She finally notices the boys staring at her and smiles, instantly recognizing them. "Oh, hey boys! Was last night totally awesome or what?"

She starts to climb to her bare feet and the boys back away to give her some room. She's wearing a super short, skimpy skirt and a snug top that shows off her flat tummy and some major cleavage. Her mascara is smeared but it doesn't change the fact that she's a hottie.

They all stare at each other for a moment. No one knows what to say. Then the girl bounces over to Razor, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him. At first Razor flails around, but then he melts into it and kisses her back. The others just look between each other, at first like '_what the fuck?'_ and then '_damn, get it, Ray'_. They really are still those silly frat boys at heart.

When the blonde finally pulls away, dragging her finger against the corner of her mouth, Razor is speechless, as are his brothers who watched the entire thing go down. After giving him a playful wink, the girl goes to the door, picking up a six-inch stiletto and popping it onto her foot. The boys all watch her go, still not knowing what to do.

"That chick is boss," Austin says, pointing out the door after her.

"Yeah," Max agrees. "I really like her."

"Me too," Razor agrees with a dizzy expression on his face.

"Wait, miss, s'cuse me!" Nicky shouts, chasing after her out the door. "So do you remember anything from last night?"

"Duh!"

Nicky follows the blonde into his designated bedroom where she grabs the white leather jacket with the LoTan nametag and slides it on. As she hooks her earrings back on, she walks right past Nicky again, going into the living room to grab a Prada purse off the bar and a g-string off an empty bottle of Patron.

"Can you just stop moving for a sec?" Nicky asks. "I need to ask you some questions…"

"Wait, I have something to say to all of you," the girl says, going into the bathroom next. Nicky doesn't dare follow her in there. "So I've been, like, doing this Vegas thing since I flunked out of UNLV and I gotta say last night was seriously insane! Like, best ever insane!" She peeks her head out through the doorway. "Why are you guys staring at me like that?"

"Um," Razor murmurs coyly, "We'd probably agree…if we could remember last night, which, I'm deeply sorry to say that we don't."

"Foreal?"

"For-really-real," Razor steps closer to her, "But I really, really, really, really wish I did."

"Don't sweat it. We've all been there," she says, waving her hand. "Sucks for you, though. The wedding was _so great_. Everyone had such a good time!" She pauses and looks at Nicky. "You and Kelly, especially. I mean I've seen men cry before, but usually it's because they just got the crap kicked out of them, not over how happy they are to be _owned_ by their chick."

The guys can't help but laugh, but Nicky ignores them and walks closer to the blonde.

"So you and I didn't…_you know_ last night, right?" Nicky asks nervously. Applying a new layer of lipgloss to her little, pouty mouth, the blonde looks over at Nicky, totally confused. "I mean you and I didn't hook up, right? Or we didn't have some weird, drunken threesome with Kelly or anything?"

"Pshh. Like Kelly would let anyone with a functioning vagina near you last night," she laughs. After pursing her lips, the blonde gives Razor an impish smile. "I was a little busy with my Boo. You and Kelly were in his room so Boo and I took yours."

Nicky sighs, relieved. With a goofy grin, Razor points to himself. "That's me, right?"

She gives him a wink and Razor dramatically grabs his heart like cartoon character.

"Okay then. Next question," Nicky says. "Do you have any idea what happened to Damon?"

Tearing her attention away from Razor, the scantily clad girl shakes her head. "No clue. By the time the wedding was over, my break ended so you guys drove me to work and then took off. Then when I got off work at, like, 4:30-ish we met back here and Damon wasn't with yah. At that point you were all so totally trashed you didn't seem too concerned he was missing."

The guys exchange weary expressions. This isn't good.

"Do you have any idea where we went after we dropped you off?"

"No, but we could ask a few of my work friends. They might," she hikes the strap of her designer bag up the slope of her shoulder, "you were partying pretty hard with them last I checked before I started my shift."

"Work friends?"

"Yeah, we aren't allowed to have our phones on us while on the job, but it isn't too far from here," she says. "It's my day off, but a bunch of them pull double shifts. We can pop over and see what we can find out about your boy."

"Sweet. A new lead! Girl is genius!" Razor shouts excitedly. He smiles at her and she smiles at him and you wouldn't know they were strangers. Razor comes down from his spike of enthusiasm and scratches his head confusedly. "Um, so…what's your name again…?"

Already standing by the door, the blonde gives them a smile and replies, "LoTan. They call me Lusty LoTan."

"Oh," Max says. "Like a stripper-fied Lindsey Lohan…?"

She gives him an unpleasant stare. "Sure, Maxi-pad."

They all laugh except Max who knows he should be used to it by now.

"Hey Ray, did I tell you I like your girl?" Austin smirks. "Welcome to the family, LoTan."

With a name like Lusty LoTan, it's no surprise to anyone when they roll up to her place of work and it's a strip club, the Happy Horse Gentleman's Club. LoTan leads the boys through one of Vegas' most notorious strip clubs with it's throbbing music, flashing strobe lights and six stages complete with dozens of strippers dancing, grinding and shimmying on poles.

"You work here?" Razor looks around with uncertainty. Behind him Nicky looks terribly uncomfortable and Austin and Max excitedly high-five, finally enjoying themselves for the first time in a day that feels like it's been a hellish eternity.

"Aww, Razor," she says, hooking her arm through his. "This is, like, the pole where we first met!"

Austin leans over to Razor and clasps his shoulder and whispers, "Total keeper."

"It's my lucky pole," LoTan goes on, tugging Razor after her. "You boys should have seen Faith trying to work it last night in her costume from the wedding. Poor girl ate shit, but she was so gone she just lied there on the floor and laughed for a good five minutes. That girl is beast."

So that explains the bruise on Faith's chin.

"Listen," Nicky says, "We don't have much time so if you—"

"Hey everyone!" LoTan shouts. "Look! The wedding party is back!"

Suddenly a spotlight finds the guys and the strip club D.J does a record scratch. Up in the booth, the sleazy dude with the ponytail goes over the intercom and says, "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Let's give a warm Happy Horse shout-out to the Colorado boys! Specially, the newly married, Nicky Russo!"

"Dude," Max laughs, "D.J Creeper totally knows you by full name!"

"In honor of our boy off the market, two-for-one lapdances for all the single fellas and the pretending-to-be-single fellas! That's right. Two songs for twenty bucks!"

The room erupts in cheers and the D.J puts on Warrant's "Cherry Pie." The cheers die down and the club gets hopping again.

_She's my cherry pie  
>Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise<br>Taste so good make a grown man cry  
>Sweet cherry pie, yeah<em>

Nicky groans and covers his face in shame. "This isn't real. This cannot be my life."

"Oh. My. GOD!" LoTan squeals, shaking Razor's arm. "Boo, he's playing our song!"

"This song is like the Stripper National Anthem," Austin whispers to Max who nods in agreement. Man, does this song bring back memories for everyone.

"It doesn't ring any bells for you? About last night?" LoTan questions Razor who just shrugs his shoulders. No. "This song was playing when we met! You kept sliding twenties into my thong and singing along! You have an amazing voice!"

"Why thank you." Razor grins, but then his face falls. "Wait…TWENTIES!"

"Oh. Don't worry. Max paid."

"Of course I did," Max makes a sound that's caught between a sigh and a groan. He decides to just let it go. Maeve is going to kill him in the most horrifying way. It's inevitable. There's no point in trying to fight that fate anymore. Too far gone.

LoTan looks so excited over the song and Razor looks so excited for her and him. Giving him a saucy stare, LoTan pushes Razor onto one of the red leather banquettes and starts dancing. With a big grin, Razor sits back and watches as she works a wildly erotic lapdance on him. She crawls onto his lap, whipping her long blonde hair from side to side and all the guys just stare.

"Okay, how did Razor land that?" Austin asks. "Because if he hadn't, I sure as hell would've."

"Is it wrong that we're watching this close?" Max asks distractedly. He knows that he probably should feel guilty, but he can't seem to take his eyes off the clearly skilled stripper.

"Don't look at me. I'm more single than single. You've got a ball n' chain and Nicky's got a wifey. Shame on you two," Austin responds. LoTan flawlessly pulls off this one intricate move that would require the flexibility of a gymnast and the three onlookers all tilt their heads to the left, eyes on her.

"Okay, how did she do that without dislocating her hip?" Max asks.

Austin sighs heavily. "Because she's been touched by God. Obviously, Max."

"This is ridiculous," Nicky shakes the fog from his head and walks over to Razor and LoTan, "Listen, I'm glad you two are getting along, but we need to get moving. Last night was a one-time thing and not to mention we were very, very drunk. Under normal circumstances we would never come to a place like this, right?"

Nicky glances over his shoulder, looking to Austin and Max for a little backup, but the two are gone. Nicky blinks confusedly and looks around. "Um, guys…?"

When Nicky finally spots them, Austin and Max are on the other side of the club, toasting with shots glasses in hand. Nicky scowls, realizing Razor and LoTan are too into each other to even notice him still standing near them and when he looks back over at Austin and Max they're getting lapdances from two strippers.

Nicky stomps over. "Austin, Max, what the hell do you two think you're doing?"

"Two-for-one, Nick-a-roo," Austin replies. He shoos Nicky away with the wave of his hand. "You, though, you can't participate b'cause I'm not getting dragged into it when KP finds out—_she always finds out_—and you two end up fleeing some poor dancer girl's crime scene and gunning it across the border."

Nicky sighs. He should have expected this from Austin. His eyes then narrow at Max, who's sitting on the next couch with his eyes wide, mouth dropped and a stripper's unnaturally large breasts jiggling in his face.

"Max! What about Maeve?"

"Nicky, just pull up a chair and pull up a stripper. It's been a long day and not fun at all, but this right here is fun. Maeve would understand," Max blatantly lies and knows it but doesn't care anymore.

"And you tried to talk to me about growing up?" Nicky scowls. "You don't ever change, man. You just go from one thing to the next, one girl to the next, whatever is most convenient for you at the time."

"Go ahead. Say whatever makes you feel better. Your life is the definition of suck right now so I'll give you this one, cousin," Max doesn't once take his eyes off the stripper hovering over him, "And, hey, Eagle Scout, if it makes you feel any better think of it as, um, us getting into the mindset of last night to maybe help us remember…yeah. That's what we're doing."

"Yes!" Austin jumps on the bandwagon. He leans up and rasps to the stripper, "Now, Lex-X-X-tasy, is this exactly how you were dancing for me last night?" The practically naked brunette nods and whips her hair. Austin nods and strokes his chin, looking very pensive and almost scientific. "Meh. No memories, but keep going and, girl, put your back into it a little more."

"Jesus, you've such assholes sometimes," Nicky says. "Damon is legitimately missing at this point! We have less than—" he does the math in his head, "—eighteen hours until his wedding! We don't have time to mess around!"

"Nicky, seriously, bro, I love you, but you need to take a lesson from Max here, accept that we're completely fucked and have a little fun," Austin says, sounding very relaxed. "Look. Even Razor managed to spare two seconds to enjoy it and I thought his head was going to explode earlier today."

"Tell me, Austin. What is there to enjoy?"

"I can't answer that for you, bro. It's up to you to figure it out for yourself," he explains. "If you don't learn to have a little fun on this train wreck that is life then you're just going to turn into a joyless old douche like your dad. Now, I'm sorry to have to bring Doc R into this, but someone had to say it. You try so hard to not turn out like him. Well, Nicholas, if you cut fun out of your diet then all that tryin' was for nothing."

Nicky doesn't say anything, just stares at the nasty strip club floor.

"Okay, like you said, we've got eighteen hours," Austin continues, "I think we can afford to spend ten minutes appreciating these phenomenal…body-artists. So c'mere, toss back a shot and breathe. Then we'll go back to finding Damon."

"Damon?" the stripper working Austin, Lex-X-X-tasy, threads her fingers through her hair and looks between the guys. "He looks short, but he's actually pretty tall, total 24/7 bedroom eyes, getting married to a girl name Kaylie?"

"You remember him from last night?" Nicky asks. Thank heavens someone does!

"Yeah. He kept saying he wasn't drunk and falling over."

Austin proudly smirks. "That's our Emo!"

"Did you see where he went?" Nicky asks. "Did he leave with us?"

"Yeah, he did," Lex-X-X-tasy answers. "Then you guys were talking about getting something to eat so you pried Razor away from Lo and left."

"Do you remember what time that was around?"

"Around 1," says the dancer on Max, Fashionette. "I was on my third smoke break when I watched you guys take off from the parking lot. I remember because you were reversing out, someone didn't close their door yet, but you kept reversing and WHAM! Right into the street pole! It took your car door right off! But all I heard was laughing and you kept going."

"Good God, my poor car," Austin laments. "Lex, Fashionette, ladies, you rock." Austin digs into his pocket for cash when LoTan rushes right over and shoves Lex-X-X-tasy right off of Austin. The other stripper goes crashing to the floor, but LoTan looks more concerned about something else.

"Guys!" the blonde shouts. "Come quick! Razor's in trouble!"

The Sigma boys exchange looks before they jump up from their seats and make their way back to the other end of the strip club where they find Razor arguing with…the strange dude with the weird ass hair who was passed out in their suite bathroom this morning. Despites looking horrendous, the guy looks super pissed.

Razor puts his hands up, always the pacifist. "Look man, I don't see why you're so upset. Just because I have great hair and you—"

"That's not the point!" the guy shouts, his voice cracking like he's a pubescent thirteen-year-old. "All I know is when I started drinking with you guys last night I had a head full of glorious, glorious chocolate curls—"

"Chocolate curls?" Austin chuckles. "Is that guy foreal?"

"—And this morning I woke up in the bathroom, no idea how I got there and, oh yeah, my head looked like THIS!"

"Carter," LoTan steps in, "Stop it. They blacked out just like you did, apparently."

"You know this guy?" Razor asks.

LoTan rolls her eyes. "He's my manager. He runs this place."

"Yes I do," Carter says. He gives LoTan a glare and roughly grabs her by the arm, yanking her to his side. "And who do you think you are telling me what I did or didn't do, whore."

"Whoa now, don't talk to her like that," Razor says. Whether he thinks to do it or not, Razor goes right up to him and shoves Carter roughly in the chest. Razor isn't known to resort to physical altercations. This is a first. "Where I'm from we treat women with respect."

"Dude, she's a stripper." Carter chuckles. "How much respect is she supposed to expect?"

"I mean it, man, let go of her!" Razor steps up, enraged by the way Carter has his fingers clamped around LoTan's arm, not looking to let go anytime soon.

"And what do you think you're going to do about it, Ginger Beard?"

Razor's brows furrow. "What did you just call me?"

"You heard me."

A bit confused and upset, Razor shoves Carter even harder. Carter shoves him back and Razor quickly retaliates. When Carter stumbles back and almost trips, he growls angrily and pulls a switchblade. There's a scream behind them and Razor knows he's clearly in over his head. As Carter closes in on Razor, Austin comes out of nowhere and punches Carter. BAM! Lights out. Everyone gasps when Carter limply falls to the ground, unconscious. He looks exactly how he did when he was in the suite bathroom this morning.

"Hey. Thanks Tuck."

"Yeah," Austin shakes out his hand, "no prob, little bud."

Right when they're about to order up a round of celebratory shots, the front door of the club is kicked open and it's the big Samoan dudes from the wedding chapel parking lot. The Sigmas see them immediately, miserable with how they can never seem to catch a break. When Mr. STFU and Mr. Smash start tearing the strip club apart, searching for them, Razor turns to LoTan. "Babe, is there a back way outta here? Those guys are not friends."

"Do you remember us partying with them last night?" Nicky questions.

LoTan squints her eyes, watching Mr. STUFU getting pissed at Mr. Smash when he gets distracted with a stripper doing some crazy moves on one of the poles. Shaking her head, LoTan replies, "Nope. Not when you were with me, but they look mean as hell. Come on. Let's get you out of here."

Being as careful and as quiet as they can, LoTan and the boys try to sneak by, but then the blue lights start flashing like crazy and D.J Creeper comes on the intercom again. "Hurry now, boys! Our two lapdances for the price of one Nickelly Special is coming to a close!"

"Nickelly?" Austin shakes his fist up at D.J Creeper. "I totally started calling them that first!"

"Austin, shut up!" they all yell in unison.

Suddenly, Mr. STFU and Mr. Smash spot them and LoTan yells for the guys to hurry the hell up. Wrapping Razor's jacket tight around her, LoTan darts to a darkened, unlabeled door when the two men start to chase them. They sprint through the fluorescently lit back hall, weaving around half-naked strippers and cocktail waitresses who aren't wearing much more. Behind them, the two thugs try to follow, but at a much slower pace due to all the foot traffic. Strippers scream when the men grow impatient and opt to plow people over.

Razor takes a left and he almost runs right into a red velvet curtain. Just as he stops short of stampeding into it, the curtain is pulled back and a spotlight centers on Razor. All the patrons of the club are staring confusedly and Razor just stares back equally so. Then a large man towards the back stands up and shouts, "Well, take it off!"

Still confused and nervous, Razor actually reaches for the edge of his shirt when LoTan and the rest of the boys stumble out onto the stage with him. The men in the audience start to boo and then LoTan, the beautiful blonde in the six-inch heels sprints down the main runway, leaps over a couple guys sitting at the end and hits the ground running. Everyone stares after her like, _dammnnn_.

"Did she just do that in heels?" Max shouts.

"Damnit, guys," Razor rubs his fingers through his hair. "I think I'm in love."

"No time. We gotta move," Nicky says. They all follow after their stripper guide, running down the runway and leaping just as she did. Max is last, holding his baseball cap on his head, and just as he jumps off the stage the thugs shove their way past the curtain and onto the stage. The two stampede down the runway and the patrons at the end exchange terrified looks before getting out of their seats and running out of the way.

With each step their pursuers take, the floor of the strip club shakes and it makes the Colorado boys run for their lives. They dart around cocktail waitresses, making them drop their trays, leap over chairs, run circles around stripper poles and finally get to the exit. Mr. STFU and Mr. Smash continue to chase after them like two vicious elephants trampling through a gorge. When the two men finally make it out the door and look around for the boys, they both get smacked right in the face by metal folding chairs. They stumble back into the club and the strip club security wrestles them to the ground.

Hurrying around the corner of the club and to where Austin's SUV is parked, LoTan pants, "You boys are _so_ lucky the bouncers love and reply on me to pick out their wives' and girlfriends' and mistresses' anniversary gifts."

"Oh man! That was awesome!" Razor grins over at the blonde beside him and picks her up by her hips, twirling her in a circle. The other guys lean back against the side of the club, laughing with the adrenalin still pumping from being chased.

Max coughs, but then it turns into a laugh. "Did you see them totally bulldoze those tiny Japanese businessmen?"

Austin laughs, slapping his thighs. "Shit yeah! Made a freaking Hawaiian Roll out of 'em!"

"They're from Guam," Nicky points out. When they (not including Razor and LoTan who are making out) look over at him Nicky is actually smiling. It makes both Austin and Max exchange grins, a mental fist-pound. It feels like forever since they've seen Nicky smile like that.

"What-fucking-ever," Austin says. "We are invincible!"

Just as he says that, a Las Vegas Police car hops the curb and pulls up to them with flashing lights and the angry, deafening sirens whirling at full force. Two cops with awesome pornstaches throw their doors open in perfect unison, get out and hurry over to them, going as far as to draw their guns.

Razor quickly pulls his lips away from LoTan's collarbone and immediately puts his hands up. "She told me she was twenty-six, I swear!"

"Austin Tucker! Max Spencer! Nicky Russo! The One They Call Razor!"

Scared and with his hands up too, Max nervously says, "Um…yes?"

"You boys are coming with us."

Getting hauled off to jail and not knowing why? Yeah. Not so invincible.

* * *

><p><span>AN: If you want more Austin and Ava sibling goodness, **Romance Novel** just posted some Tucker family drabbles that I'm right about to check out. You should too! Oh, and review! Tell me what you think!

xoxo


	10. Good Lies and Bad Lies

Warning: Heavy on the drama this chapter. Still laced with crack. Always.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

BEFORE THE CALL

Saturday 8:30 PM

It's been hours now. The boys just sit there as two detectives circle them like sharks.

The first, Detective Danvers, is tall and thin with dark-hair slicked back and a thick, dark mustache that looks like a fuzzy caterpillar fell asleep on his upper lip. "So can you tell us where you boys were at around approximately 3 AM this morning?"

"Jee, gentlemen, we would if we could, but that isn't the case. Shucks," Austin says. He's always been a bit of a smartass when it comes to authority figures, even now when he's well past his teenage years.

Exhausted and irritable, Nicky kicks Austin in the shin beneath the cold metal table they're sitting at. "Sorry officer," Nicky says carefully, "but we have no memory of last night."

"Okay," the second, Detective Robertson nods understandingly, "What about 2 AM?"

"I just said—"

Detective Danvers, obviously taking on the role of the "bad cop" in this scenario, slams the table with his fist. Razor twists his fingers together, obviously suppressing the need to suck his thumb while Max cowers, looking super guilty for something he doesn't even remember and Austin slouches in his chair, dramatically yawning.

"Do you boys think this is cute?" Danvers spits. "You think we're playing a game here?"

"Whatever we did, we are really, really sorry about it," Max says quickly. The Detectives had made him take off the baseball cap so his Mohawk-Mullet is unveiled and looks even stranger now that it's flat and almost glowing beneath the interrogation room's florescent lighting.

"Max, stop talking. Nicky, quit trying to play footsie with me. Razor, grow a pair. Really, it's embarrassing," Austin orders. "Now, officers, I know for a fact that you can't hold us like this for much longer. I'd know. I went through a pre-law chicks phase. Now, you can either charge us with a crime and appoint us attorneys or you gotta let us go."

Danvers scowls and nods to his partner who pulls out a photograph of a slick man in a red suit. Robertson slides it onto the table and points forcefully at the man in the picture. Razor's eye starts to twitch, Nicky and Max look confused and Austin continues to sit there, unimpressed.

"This is Steve Tanner," Robertson says. "What do you know about him?"

Nicky frowns. "Who is he?"

"Like you punks don't know," Danvers grumbles. "This is not someone to mess around with, boys. Steve Tanner is bad. He is wanted in sevens states. Just a few of his long list of offenses include money laundering, human trafficking, drug smuggling, racketeering and murder."

Max looks around with wide, wild eyes. "Did we…did we kill someone last night?"

"Max, no more talking. I'm serious this time," Austin growls. "Look, if you haven't realized from the confusion and the borderline hysteria my friends obviously aren't faking, we have no idea who this dude is."

The detectives exchange looks. "Should we show 'em?"

"Roll it."

A nearby TV plays grainy, low-quality, shaky camera footage. It appears to be a birthday party with a giant four-tier cake and Steve Tanner standing behind it. Everyone around appears to be singing and clapping, including the Colorado kids sitting to Steve's left. Austin is wearing a paper birthday hat, Max is snapping pictures, Faith is waving her arms around like she's conducting an orchestra, Razor is drumming chopsticks against the table and Kelly is sitting in Nicky's lap, caught up in a pretty intense make out session.

The fuzzy audio picks up, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR STEEEVE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

Everyone applauds as Steve Tanner leans in to blow out each and every one of the candles on the cake. Austin, sitting closest to Steve, stands up and gives him a sloppy drunken hug as he shouts, "I luff yah, Stevie! LUFF YYOOUU!"

Robertson hits the pause button just as Austin tries to kiss Steve's forehead. Everyone in the interrogation room just sit there, frozen and silent. It's insane how they're caught doing all of this on tape and don't remember any of it.

Razor nervously laughs. "Hey Aus, what's the name on your thong again?"

"Can it, Ray," Austin growls, starting to lose his cool.

"We're in trouble, aren't we?" Max frowns. "I swear, officers, we can't remember anything."

Danvers snorts. "Maybe a night in jail will jog your memory."

"No!" Without his little blonde friend, Razor goes back into neurotic, crazy Razor mode. "We have a wedding to—"

"I know Steve Tanner," Austin finally says. The room goes quiet and everyone turns to him. "I, uh, I tried to raise some capital for a…a gymnastics training center for elites looking to go to the Olympic—slash—center for pre-teens looking to become elite—slash—day spa for the gym moms. It was my dream when I was fresh outta college and Steve told me he could make it happen, but it never got off the ground and I haven't seen him since. It was an entirely legit venture. I had no clue he was a criminal. I still don't remember last night, but my best guess is we ran into him and helped him celebrate his birthday."

"I don't think you boys understand," Danvers' mustache wiggles as he talks, "Steve Tanner is a dangerous guy. He ruined lives and tore families apart, roped stupid people into fake business deals and ran them into the ground. We're trying to get some justice here. If we find out you're lying—"

"Well, we're not," Nicky speaks up. "So we were at a birthday party. This doesn't mean we did anything wrong. We were drunk and we were partying with a lot of different people last night. It is Vegas. Austin's right. Last time I checked that isn't a crime. So are you going to charge us with something? If not, we have a wedding to get to."

The detectives exchange looks and obviously know they can't make a case here.

"You're free to go," Robertson says reluctantly, "but if I ever see any of you in here again…"

"We'll be sure to bring donuts," Austin smirks. The former frat boys scramble to their feet and quickly move to the door. "Later, gents. This little tour of the facilities tickled me pink."

Danvers slams his fist against the metal table again and shouts, "Hey smartass! If you know what's good for you, you'll get the hell out of Vegas, yeah? You so much as get a parking ticket in this town and you're mine! You hear me!"

Ignoring the angry detective, the guys drag themselves down the dim halls of the police station, anxious to get out of there. By the time they get out of there it's dark and the mood is grim. Austin acting as if they weren't just detained in a police station for hours and instead choosing to grumble about how hungry he is doesn't help whatsoever.

Nicky is fed up. "Do you care about anything? Anything at all?"

A little surprised by his hostility, Austin says, "Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels, door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with—"

"No!" Nicky bellows. "Do not quote the Sound of Music at me!"

"But you asked—"

"Austin!" Nicky screams his lungs out. "What the hell was that back there? They were freaking cops, not campus security back at CU! Those were legit police officers! Did you really have to be an ass in there?"

"Hey!" Austin shouts back. "If you didn't notice I got us out!"

"After hours of talking back and pissing them off because you get off on it," Nicky hisses through gritting teeth. "Have you checked the clock lately? Looked at the freaking sky? It's almost 9 and we still have no idea where Damon is. If we just cooperated—"

"Nicky, if we cooperated we would still be sitting on our asses, but in jail," Austin argues. "Face it. I saved us back there. I always have to go in and save the day."

"Yeah you do," Nicky sneers, "but only after you get us into trouble in the first place. Back in college it was hiding your drunk ass from the RAs and now you've got us partying with known felons! Newsflash, Tuck, this isn't fun. It's just plain stupid. We're too old for this bullshit!"

"Nicky," Max says warningly. "You two getting into it isn't going to help so just stop."

But Nicky doesn't. He keeps going. "Austin, you're my best friend and that's why it kills me to see you trying so hard to not grow up. When's the last time you actual put yourself out there instead of putting on your stupid, jackass show or been in a real relationship or, crap, picked up the check?"

"Oh, like you're one to be lecture on relationships," Austin scoffs. "You do get that Kelly Parker is strong and incredible and not to mention super hot and super in love with you, right?"

Razor's eyes widen. "Austin…"

"Don't try to turn this around on me."

"No. Come on, Nicky, let's hear it," Austin shouts, clasping his hands. "You want to point out all my shit? What about you? You're uptight and judgey and no fun unless you're drunk. You want to know why I think you're so freaked out about getting married to Kel? It's because you're scared once she realizes what a stick in the mud you are she'll want to divorce you even more than she already does."

Ouch. That one hit home hard.

Straightening the collar of his shirt, Austin has the audacity to smirk and stand a little taller. That's when Nicky charges forward and tackles Austin onto the lawn. They roll around on the ground, trying to punch each other, but they're so exhausted that it turns into a mess of half-chops and hands in each other's faces.

"You're such…a…no fun…prick!"

"You…punch like…your sister!"

"Alright. You're done," Max calls out. "Guys! Stop it!"

When Nicky has Austin pinned and Max comes behind him, ready to pull them apart, Nicky brings back his arm, about to punch Austin and elbows Max right in the face. With a groan, Max goes down and ends up on the lawn beside them, clutching his face in his hands. As Austin and Nicky continue to roll around, trying to beat each other up like little kids, Razor sits on the curb and buries his face in his arms.

"It's official." Razor sighs. "I'm going to Best Man Hell."

Suddenly a car horn sounds and they all look up to see the headlights of Austin's beat-up SUV shining on them. The door flies open and LoTan looks between all of them. "You do know you're fighting in front of a police station, right?"

When Nicky looks up at the huge Las Vegas Police Department sign right next to them, Austin punches him square in the jaw. Nicky groans and holds his face, rolling over so he's on his back and staring up at the dark sky.

This is the part in the story where they seriously hit rock bottom.

…

When they're all out of ideas, LoTan insists they get something to eat and she takes them to one of her favorite little cantinas away from all the glitz and glam of associated with the image of Vegas.

Sitting at a booth in the back, both Nicky and Austin hold packs of ice to their swollen faces and have been ignoring each other since leaving the station. Razor sits with his arm around LoTan, them talking quietly while Max, with his baseball cap snug atop his head, ravenously devours a taco. They all look like a fucking wreck, sleep deprived with their torn and bloody clothes.

With his mouth full, Max manages a mostly convincing smile and gives LoTan a thumbs-up. "These tacos are amazing."

"Yeah, everyone comes here right after they get out of jail," LoTan explains. "A native hotspot really."

"So is magically getting my car started also something you picked up from the natives?" Austin asks out of curiosity. He digs his fingers into the chip bowl at the center of the table, grasping a few and tossing them into his mouth.

"You could say that, I guess," LoTan shrugs. "A friend of my daddy taught me how to hotwire almost anything."

"Funny." Austin laughs thought it's a spiteful sound. "All Nicky's daddy ever taught him was how to suck the fun out of a situation like a super massive black hole of fun suckery. Then again, daddy was never around much, right, Russo? He had better things to do?"

LoTan seems confused while Razor and Max bow their heads. It's about to start all over again.

"Want to know what's even funnier?" Nicky spits, that leftover anger starting to boil back up. "Austin's daddy taught him how to get really drunk at his kid's gymnastics meet, take his shirt off and borderline-sexually assault college girls."

Austin lunges across the table, but luckily Max reacts quick enough to grab him by the shoulders and shove him back down into his seat. Austin growls menacingly, "Fuck you, Nicky! You know what alcohol does to a man and especially what he has against gymnastics especially after Ava—"

"Austin! Nicky!" Razor shouts, uncharacteristically raising his voice. "We get it. You're both really messed up, but now isn't the best time to airing all of this. Can you please put your issues aside for the next twenty-four hours? Guys, do it for Damon."

Nicky scowls. "Austin doesn't even like Damon."

Austin tenses and Razor frowns, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." Austin grunts, sliding back down in his chair.

Razor looks at Nicky accusingly. "No. What's that supposed to mean?"

They're all obviously so far gone over their tolerance limit. Austin's expression screams murder, focused in on Nicky who looks eager to reveal the elephant that's been in the corner this entire weekend. Before anyone can say another word, Max jumps in his seat, yipping, and it grabs everyone's attention. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the phone.

"I don't recognize the number…"

"Max, don't," Austin says slowly. "I don't give a flying fuck who it is don't answer it."

"What if it's Damon?" Razor asks. Completely done in, Razor is starting to look more and more like a lost little puppy without his master. "What if he finally made his way back to Mandalay Bay and he's calling us from the suite phone?"

"What if it's Kaylie?" Austin shoots back.

Nicky takes his turn. "What if it's Steve Tanner?"

Max looks around at all of them, torn. The phone continues to buzz in the palm of his hand.

Making an irritable sound at the base of her throat, LoTan plucks the phone out of Max's hand and answers it with the press of a button. "Hello," she sings.

…

Back in California, Kaylie goes into shock. She been trying to reach her soon-to-be-husband, any of the boys really, all day and finally someone picked up. Maeve is not going to like it when she hears Max is purposefully screening his girlfriend's calls and that a girl is answering his phone.

"Um, hi," Kaylie says. "Is Max there…? It's Kaylie…Kaylie Cruz."

…

LoTan's eyes widen, she whispers 'bride!' and the boys are all thinking the same thing: _Oh. Shit_.

Suddenly freaking out, LoTan tosses the phone back to Max who reacts like it's a bug or a hot potato and tosses it to Razor who hands it off to Austin who winds up his arm and beams Nicky in the forehead with it.

"Jesus! Austin!" Nicky shouts. As if his face isn't already messed up. Glaring at Austin, Nicky picks up the phone and holds it to his ear. Clearing his throat, he says, "Hello?"

"Nicky!" She sounds relieved, but still a little on edge. "Hey, it's Kaylie…if you couldn't tell."

"Oh, hey," Nicky says. The other guys are all waving their arms and mouthing for him to not tell her anything, but Nicky, already pissed as is, turns away from them. "What…what's going on?"

"Oh, you know, the night before my wedding, I'm just here with the girls…"

"That sounds great," Nicky says, praying she won't ask what he knows she's dying to ask.

"So who answered the phone?"

Nicky swallows hard. He doesn't want to lie to Kaylie and he knows he shouldn't, but the truth just sounds so bad. Plus, they've been going through hell missing Damon and he knows it's just going to stress her out. On an even more important note, Alex Cruz is scary (dude has a shotgun!) and no one wants to be the douche that makes his daughter freak out.

"Oh, that was…"

Nicky points to LoTan and everyone just gives him shrugs. Fuck if they know what to say.

"The…nurse," Nicky says. Everyone gives him looks like _Nicky, what the fuck_? "Yeah, um, Kaylie, there was a little…accident. Austin, he, uh, he was really drunk last night…I know. Nothing new there…and, um, the doctor said not to move him for a few hours, but don't worry, as soon as he's mobile, we're heading back…yeah, we'll definitely be there in time for the wedding. Definitely."

"Why do I have to be the one that fell over drunk?" Austin scoffs and sips his beer.

"Dude, it's a made up drunken stumble. Get over it," Max hushes him.

Nicky glares and waves for them to shut up.

"Are you sure Austin is alright?" Kaylie asks.

"You know Aus. How was he ever a gymnast, right? He falls over just trying to get out of bed," Nicky says with a nervous laugh, trying to not sound suspicious even though he knows this entire conversation is riddled with holes. He's about to go on when Austin kicks him beneath the table and he tries really hard to not make a sound.

"Oh. Okay," Kaylie says. "Can I talk to Damon?"

"Um…what? No!" Nicky suppresses a whimper despite his throbbing calf. "Damon is actually…he's out."

"Really? Where is he?"

"Where's Damon?" Nicky repeats. "He is…he's aaattt…the bathroom! He's actually been in there for a while now. Someone should probably go see…what's up with that. Listen, Kaylie, we need to go but I'll tell Damon to call you when he gets out…of the bathroom and we'll see you tomorrow for sure. Bye!"

Nicky immediately hangs up the phone and slides the phone onto the table.

"Did she buy it?" Razor asks eagerly.

"Yeah," Nicky says. "I think she did."

…

"The boys have done something _stoopid_," Kaylie says after hanging up the phone.

"No surprise there," Maeve says, tipping a wine bottle and filling Kaylie's glass to the brim. Without even noticing and definitely losing track of what glass she's on, Kaylie just keeps on drinking. A giggly, drunk Kaylie is always better than a sober, obsessive one. Payson doesn't disagree or try to stop this either.

"What did they say exactly?" Payson asks with genuine concern. "Where are they?"

"Probably knee deep in coke that Austin Tucker manipulated my baby into buying," Maeve says. "All the cards are maxed out and every time I talk to him on the phone his voice gets all quivery, which obviously means he's lying. Max never lies to me, but ever since that Austin Tucker came back into his life. God only knows what happened in Vegas."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Nicky was lying to me too," Kaylie says. She has such a pensive expression on her face. "Nicky has never been good at lying."

"Like that time he tried to convince us Austin wasn't the one who plastered the inside of that McDonalds with pictures of me from that time I got my face stuck to the frozen jager bottle," Maeve complains.

"And that time Nicky said it wasn't Austin that one morning when we found all those mini marshmallows super glued to all the ceiling fans in the Zeta house," Kaylie laughs at the memory though their housemother had not been pleased. "Do you see a running theme here?"

"Austin isn't that bad," Payson sticks up for him. "Prone to errors in judgment, sure, but his heart is usually in the right place."

"And his dick is _always_ in the wrong one," Maeve adds. "Usually some whorebag's backdoor."

"May, gross." Kaylie gives her a warning look and then glances over to where her family is in the kitchen. They're all chattering amongst themselves and Kaylie sighs, seeing Maeve hadn't attracted any unwanted attention.

Maeve just innocently giggles and continues to flip through the bridal magazine in her lap. She frowns when she glances up and notices the pensive expression back on Kaylie's face. "What's wrong? Talking about Austin's stupidity is usually a favorite pastime."

"It is," Kaylie says. Another gulp of wine. "I just wish Damon was here."

"Do you think it's serious? Whatever they got themselves into this time?" Payson asks.

"No. It can't be too bad. Nicky would have said something if it were. Probably just their usual mishaps," Kaylie says. An even bigger gulp of wine. "Plus, I trust Damon. Sure, Austin and even Razor sometimes can steer them in the wrong direction, but Damon is like the compass of the group. As long as Dae is with them everything will be fine."

"Aww. You and that boy are in l-o-v-e _love_. The real deal," Maeve teases. "You're so sweet I think I might need a lobotomy if I don't get more wine. Pay-Pay, will you please?"

Maeve gives her a big grin and Payson rolls her eyes, going off to the kitchen. Instead of going straight for the bottle of wine on the kitchen counter, Payson sneaks off down the hallway for a moment and pulls out her phone. When she first got Austin's voicemail she knew to expect silly nonsense and that's exactly what it was, but something doesn't feel right about them not being back yet.

Selecting his name from her contacts, Payson hits call.

**-XX-**

8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

Flashback

Everything feels wrong after Nicky kisses Kaylie Cruz and Kelly dumps his ass. When Kelly refusing to go within a hundred feet of the Sigma house anymore, she takes Faith with her. Without two of his favorite girls around, Austin constantly feels like something is missing, but there's little he can do about it.

Sitting out in front of the student union, Austin folds his arms, waiting for Faith. It's been exactly twenty-three days since he's seen her, seen either of them—too long. When Faith comes strutting from the parking lot, Austin immediately springs to his feet with open arms and Faith nearly sprints to greet him with a hug. She slams into him hard, almost like a tackle and Austin catches her with an _oomph _sound. Just like always.

"Well if it isn't my favorite Montague!" Faith sighs as Austin twirls her in a circle.

"And my fair Capulet," he plays along. Austin gives her an extra tight squeeze. When they sit down at the little table, Austin pushes a cup of coffee (that's really just cream and sugar with a hint of coffee) towards her. It's just how she likes it. Seeing this, Faith sips and smiles.

"Perfect."

"Like Faith Giancana expects any less." Austin grins. "So how's our Capulet Queen doing?"

Sliding off her sunglasses and hanging them on her shirt, Faith frowns. Not a good sign. "Out of her freaking mind! Like, more than usual, Tuck. Do you know what she's doing right now? She's getting ready for lunch with her mom!"

Austin's forehead crinkles. "What? Her mom's a lunatic. Why would she do that?"

"Because she's out of her freaking mind!" Faith explains. She earns a few stares from the people around, but Austin and Faith are already used to that. "And she's having dinner with her dad next week. And she's _getting a job_. We spent all last night working on her résumé. What the hell is a résumé? We had no clue. We had to Google it!"

"She's just trying to move on, Faith," Austin mutters. "Nicky's not in much better shape. Friggin' robot boy, he isn't even moping around or drinking himself to sleep or waking up the house crying in the middle of the night. He just spends all his time studying in the library or working out at the gym. I'm not even sure he's human these days."

"Nicky's always been that way," she says. It's obvious despite them being on opposite sides of a war, Faith can't help but sympathize with 'the enemy'. "Jesus, what happened to good ol' fashion watching sad movies and eating ice cream? What the hell is all this productive crap?"

Austin laughs miserable. "Nickelly was never good at being normal, eh?"

"No joke," Faith sips her coffee, "So what's the plan? How do we fix things, Austin?"

Austin fills his cheeks with air and blows it out through his lips, slouching down in the chair. "To tell you the truth, Faye, I might live in the same house as the kid, but I am ready to proclaim my allegiance to Team Capulet."

"Austin, don't give up on him."

"How are you not more pissed at him?" he growls. "I don't blame Kelly for not wanting anything to do with him. I still don't know what Nicky was thinking, kissing Kaylie. Dude had this badass chick all in love with him and he just goes and ruins her, not even with some trashy hoe, but with perfect Kaylie Cruz. Faye, you know better than anyone how pre-this Kelly would get all insecure just being in the same room as Kaylie."

"Um, yeah, I know. I kind of live with her and I am pissed at Nicky. Oh, don't doubt that," Faith says. "But them being apart is stupid."

"He doesn't deserve her forgiveness, not yet. He doesn't even get that it wasn't about the stupid kiss," Austin grunts. "I tried to explain it to him, that it's about the trust or now lack thereof, but you know Nicky. The kid is thick-headed."

Faith stares blankly into her coffee for some time and Austin calls the waitress over and orders a muffin and mumbles, "I eat when I'm nervous."

"Tell Nicky that girls like KP are like citadels," Faith says. Already, she lost Austin. "Citadels, Aus. Jeez. And you're the one in college?"

"Citadels, huh? Like castles? Kelly is a castle?"

"Well, when you put it that way…it was the part with higher walls than the rest. They had them in ancient civilizations and stuff like that. The last line of defense should the enemy breach the city," Faith explains. "She's guarded. Sure, she'd let you and me past city walls, but she's always got that citadel and up until a few weeks ago, Nicky was the only one with access."

Austin nods, catching on to Faith's crazy way of talking. "KP let him in completely, which is crazy rare and crazy special and Nicky, who's supposed to be the one Sigma with a chance, just invited the invading army right in. Destroyed the entire civilization. Game over."

"Max called me," Faith says. By his expression this is definitely news to Austin. "I bitched him out for a little bit. The asshole did want to throw an actual party when they first broke up. Then he tells me Nicky's numb, turning into his dad and even Max is worried. That's why we need to do something, Aus. Hello hero complex, it would be really dope if you kicked in right about now!"

"I don't know what to do about this, Faith." This is Austin in his purest, most sincere form. "Don't look at me. I don't do relationships solely to avoid situations like this."

Faith clicks her tongue and taps her fingers. "And here I always thought it was because you were scared."

"Not even that chick the homewrecker wouldn't let you hook up with when she visits?"

"_Especially_ that chick the homewrecker wouldn't let me hook up with. And pshh, no, I'm not scared," he says. "I just look at girls like Kelly and even Em, strong, independent chicks brought down by the dudes they date and I don't want to be that guy to some girl. Not only did Nicky screw Kelly over. He screwed himself over. He had her 100% and now where's he at? Zero."

After a long while, Faith whispers, "And he's never going to get back to 100% with her. He'll be real damn lucky if he even touches 80. Knowing Kelly, he might never get that last 30 back."

"He can get around the walls, but since she got burned the first time, odds are she'll keep that citadel all to herself," Austin says. Faith nods proudly. "Downright nasty odds though. Now, I got mad love for both of them so I'm going to tell him the truth, that breaking up for good and moving on will save them both a lot of pain, but if he loves her and he's willing to take the hell she's going to give him then I'll do whatever I can to help."

Faith smiles softly. "You're a good friend, Austin Tucker."

"Yeah, yeah." Austin takes her coffee without asking and takes a sip while Faith reaches over the table and breaks off a piece of his muffin.

"Hey Faith. Do you remember how we became friends?"

"Not particularly," she replies. "I like to directly link my memory loss with our friendship."

"Can't argue with that."

Though Faith may not remember (and that may be for the best) Austin will never forget that night, towards the beginning of sophomore year, before Kaylie Cruz was even on any of their radars. He had come back from a weekend visiting his parents and his sister, a weekend cut short after Ava got into a fight with their dad and Austin, trying to defend her, only made things worse. He didn't even have a chance to stay to dry his laundry, just shoved the soggy shirts and jeans into his duffle and took off on his motorcycle.

Austin wasn't supposed to get back to campus until tomorrow, but he couldn't stay any longer. Parking his motorcycle out in front of the Sigma house, all Austin wanted was to hang out the brothers for a little bit, have a beer and get some sleep. When he walked in through the front door he wasn't surprised to see a bunch of people around, drinking, the usual; however, there was some big commotion in the pool room and, curious, Austin went to check it out.

What he saw made his blood. A bunch of guys watched as one of them harassed a barely conscious chick. It made Austin sick to his stomach. What if that was his sister? It made him feel even worse to realize he knew both the guy and the girl.

The guy was Damon and the girl was Nicky's friend, the redhead.

Hair a mess, eyes fluttering shut, she tried to push Damon away, but he kept trying to feed her shots, tequila splashing across her lips, spilling down her face and soaking into her shirt that's pushed off her shoulder. Damon could hardly keep his reddened eyes open, laughing to himself and pulling Faith back every time she tries to get away from him.

With how close they were, Faith might as well be Nicky's sister. No way was Austin going to stand by and watch this happen. When Austin stepped up, the sea of guys part for him. He always had so much power in the house and influence on the brothers. Austin walked right up to Damon and roughly yanked him off Faith, shoving him off the couch and onto the ground.

"Wh—wha tuh huh?"

Austin watched the way Faith flopped against the couch cushion and murmured something with eyes shut, too wasted to even try to keep them open. He then turned to a dazed and confused Damon, completely plastered and struggling to get up off the floor. Austin helped him, grabbing him by his collar. The sound of Damon slamming into the wall brought silence among the other brothers.

"Damon, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" Austin was so angry his fists shook uncontrollably. He's never yelled at another person like he did then and right in Damon's face.

"Aus…? That you…?" Damon smiled a lazy smile, probably has no idea where he was or what his name was, but that didn't excuse what he did and almost did. Austin shoved Damon harder up against the wall and made the musician moan in pain. "The hell, man?"

"Again, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Havin' fun, Aus…chill."

"Fun…? Chill? You want me to fucking chill? Did you see that fucking girl, Damon? She's pissed drunk! Can't even sit the fuck up drunk!" Austin slammed him against the wall again, struggling to stay in control. "What is wrong with you besides being drunk off your ass and stupid as fuck? I'd kick your ass right here and now if you were coherent enough to fight back. Lucky punk." Austin shoved him one last time and let him go so that Damon slid down the wall and hit the floor hard. "You're better than that, D. Fucking shame."

Austin then looked around at the wide-eyed witnesses, the dark, enraged look on his face making them bow their heads in respect. "And all you other fuckers were just watching? What the fuck, guys! Sigmas don't act like that! Anyone looking to try this shit on a girl again, especially her or KP, you know where the door is. Might as well get the fuck out now. If I see this again I will beat the shit out of the lot of you. Brother or not, this shit doesn't fly!"

Austin gave them all a menacing glance that has them cowering. With everyone else still watching, Austin helped her up, pulling her arm around his neck to support her weight and get her up the stairs. Her head rolled to one side as she groaned and Austin tried his best to keep her upright, pausing at the door to Nicky's room.

"KP! Russo! Get out here!" Austin shouted while kicking the door with his foot.

"Go away, Austin!" Kelly shouted through the door. "You're ruining the foreplay, asshole!"

"Sorry to cockblock, kids, but Red is out here and she isn't looking too hot!"

Within seconds the door swung open and there was Kelly with her hair pulled back, in the process of pulling on an oversize CU tee, smoothing it down her flat stomach. Austin threw Nicky an apologetic smile, but was more interested in the unrecognizable concern on Kelly Parker's face. This proved to be one of those rare moments when you could actually _see_ Kelly Parker, all the bitchiness forgotten when it came to the someone she cared about. There's more to her than her image. It's something Austin could understand.

"Ugh, she reeks of tequila," Kelly said. Grasping Faith's chin and holding her face up, Kelly really did look genuinely worried. "Faith, you idiot, you know you can't drink tequila," Kelly sighs, "it's going to be a long night with her head in a toilet."

"The master bathroom. Roy's gone, visits his girlfriend on the weekends. Sure he won't mind," Austin said. "You know, I can take it from here if you wanna get back in there," Austin nodded to Nicky though from the look of things getting laid was the last thing on either of their minds, "and I promise nothing funny. You can trust me."

"No. Faith comes first," Kelly said, to which Nicky nodded in agreement, "but…thanks, Tucker."

Austin grinned. "Aww, KP—"

Kelly quickly put on a glare. "Don't ruin the moment, Short Bus. Let's just get her to the bathroom."

They spend the rest of the night with Faith indeed hanging her head over the toilet bowl and Kelly at her side, murmuring softly about how stupid Faith was and running a comforting hand up and down her back. Living in the frat house made them sort of immune to the sounds of Faith emptying the contents of her stomach and so Austin and Nicky hung out right outside the door, waiting for further instruction. As weird as it was, they really did bond over it.

The next morning as Austin ate cereal dry from the box, Faith came into the kitchen. She looked much better, unfairly so, and walked over to sit right across from Austin at the kitchen table. He arched an eyebrow, intrigued. Though they were always around each other, they've never made an effort to seek each other out like she did then.

Even with his mouth stuffed, Austin greeted her. "Hi."

"Hey." Faith nervously tangled and untangled her fingers over and over again. Though Austin didn't really know her at the time, he'd been around her enough to know being nervous wasn't exactly her norm. "So…I, uh, I heard you saved my life last night."

Austin flashed back to Damon and what could have happened. "You remember?"

"Not at all," she confessed, "but Kelly and Nicky said you found me trashed and helped."

Austin nodded. He deliberately kept Damon's name out of it. He knew for a fact this could tear the whole house apart. If Nicky didn't murder Damon then Kelly would have and Austin didn't want to see any of his friends dead or in jail. Damon was young and stupid and made a mistake. Plus, Austin stopped things before anything too horrible happened. It wasn't that he kept things from his friends to hurt their friendship, but to protect it.

"We've all been there," Austin assured her. "It's cool."

"Actually, it's not cool to me. It's pretty damn uncool," Faith said strongly. "I don't know how to thank you and I'm not one of those girls who give gratuitous blowjobs so…I want to buy you food."

Austin chuckled. What an entertaining chick. "You really don't have to."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm afraid I might fall in love with you and something tells me that Nicky and Kelly wouldn't be too happy with that," Austin playfully winced. "If you didn't know they're both deeply, deeply in love with me and, uh, adding little innocent you to our love triangle might make things even more awkward or so I suspect."

"Oh, I have noticed the extent of their love for you and I'm incredibly jealous too," Faith played along and shook her head, "but, I mean, we've been partying together and hanging out in the same people for a while now, yet I don't know you. I don't think we've ever had a real convo. I think that's weird and I want to change it. So let's go. Hangover food of choice?"

"You pick. I'm a gent' like that and I'm practically a garbage disposal. I eat anything."

"Don't let this fool you," she motioned to her body, "I am a total burgers, fries and coffee girl. Sometimes Mac and Cheese if I'm that wrecked I can't leave the house."

"Finally, a girl with taste." He smirked.

"I'm Faith if you didn't know," she said. "I like fun, I could probably literally make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain and I'm genetically engineered to not fall in love."

"Some bold statements there. I like it." Austin nodded. "Faith, huh? This entire time I've just been calling you Pretty."

He gave her one of his most charming grins and Faith just rolled those tired blue eyes. "Again, genetically engineered to NOT fall in love." Following the total shut down, Faith gave him a wink. "But I'm also the type of girl who appreciates compliments so thanks, Handsome."

Already fond of the girl, Austin's grin widened as he pointed to himself. "And I'm not at all against being called 'Handsome' but I usually go by Austin. If shit were fair I'd major in Life and get a Bachelor of Awesome. I have a bit of a rep around here for being a dog or a god depending on who you talk to and evidentially I can't resist recuing pretty girls."

Faith grinned, a bit goofy yet oddly attractive. "I like you already." She stood up, almost lost her balance and fell over, but then steadied herself and grabbed Austin's arm. "Now, come on. To the Burger Hut!"

"Alright. You can meet my bike. She's out front," Austin swiped his keys from off a row of nails tacked to the kitchen wall, "you know, Faith, I think we're going to be great friends."

"Don't be silly, Austin," she said. "We already are."

* * *

><p><span>AN: Hate to do this to you guys, but I don't think I'm going to be able to do Friday's update. Bad, bad, busy, busy B! Just wanted to let you beautiful people know.

In GOOD NEWS, Love, Life and Denim _sequel, sequel, sequel, sequel! _LCTD and I have been talking and writing and fighting. We've got a bunch of little random scenes written and we're excited so hopefully you are too! I like to play games. Any guesses at who'll be narrating our prologue? Right guesses…well, I don't actually have anything to give you…but my virtual love…?

So please review! Tell me what you thought of the chapter, hate me for having a life and missing the next update, oh, and guess about LL&D! Hope everyone is enjoying summer!

xoxo


	11. All We Need is FOAM!

Warning:  Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! OOOHH and a special A/N at the bottom!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

Flashback 

8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

Though they probably should have been bragging and whatnot, having a friend who's a legitimate recording artist for a major label, the guys still saw him as just Damon doing his Emo Show just at bigger venues with actual audiences instead of street corners or coffee houses. Kaylie still has to practically twist their arms to get them to come out to support Damon at his local shows and because they're boys always at the mercy of pretty girls and their brothers, they usually agree to go.

"I don't want to be here," Nicky grumbles. He's standing at the foot of the stage at a local club with a dozen other people, waiting for the show to start.

"Boo!" Faith shakes her thumbs-down in his face. "I knew we should have left him home!"

"Nooo," Razor disagrees, hanging his heavy arm around Faith's shoulders. "If we left him home he would have spend the entire night studying or something equally as _laaame_…though I can't think of anything lamer than willingly studying. No way José! Nicky, there's nothing more depressing than watching you use productivity to fill your Kelly-shaped void."

"Better than filling his Kelly-shaped void with slutty women, am I right?" Max tries to joke. When no one laughs, Max gets distracted by a group of girls across the venue. "Speaking of slutty women…I'll be right back!"

Watching Max cut through the crowd with his trusty camera (that he bribed the bouncer with cash to let him bring into the concert) Faith looks particularly disgusted. "I thought he was dating that Maeve chick again?"

"Nah, they hooked up, but then the sun came up, alcohol absorbed and she's back to acting like he doesn't exist," Razor explains. "Don't worry. It's more chuckles than cringes because we got a killer Walk of Shame picture of her leaving the house. She's been trying to buy it back from us for weeks now."

"Well, duh, after what Austin did with that picture of her with the Jager bottle frozen to her head," Faith giggles at the memory. She gives Austin's arm a pinch and he looks so proud. "I honestly don't see what he sees in her. She's a total canwego."

Razor furrows his brows questioningly. "A what? You mean a wendigo?"

"No. A canwego," Faith says again despite the boys' confusion. "Come on. You know. She's that girl at the kegger who gets wasted and does stupid things too often—i.e. hooking up with Max—so she says she isn't going to drink anymore because of her 'fragile figure' and 'the calories in cheap beer' so while everyone is having fun she's always like, 'Can we go? Can we go?' and yeah."

The guys, even Nicky, share a laugh. Totally Maeve.

"That is so great!" Razor shouts. "I'm so putting that in Urban Dictionary."

"Credit me, bitch," Faith smiles.

"Plus, Maeve has always had something against me, which I don't get. Who doesn't love me?" Austin asks. No one says anything, looking around innocently and sipping the drinks in their hands. "Plus, she collects teapots."

"And STIs," Nicky adds with a little smile.

Austin sniggers and slaps Nicky's back. "What do you know? Russo made a funny."

"That's a good one, Nick-a-roo," Razor nods to him, "you fill that Kelly-shaped void with laughter and love!"

And Nicky is right back to sulking.

"Nice one, Ray. Aren't you supposed to be our Mr. Sensitive?" Austin sighs and squeezes Nicky's shoulder. "Okay! No more talking about Kelly-shaped voids tonight. Faith is out with us for once. Damon is performing. We're going to support him no matter how whiney his music is. This is Bro Plus Faith time and it's going to be a great one!"

Looking at their faces, they don't seem to agree.

"So are you pissed he went solo, broke up the band, got an awesome record deal and is now playing in a pretty up-and-coming venue?" Faith asks Razor. Traces of hurt show on his face and Faith looks super apologetic a moment later. "Crap…too soon, huh?"

"On second thought, I agree with Nicky," Razor tells Austin. "I don't want to be here either."

"Just drink up, Ray-Ray." Austin takes hold of Razor's wrist and lights his glass to his lips, prompting him to follow orders. "You two never gelled well together musically anyways. You're all electro-awesome, jumping around and crowd surfing and Damon's all acoustic-emo, single spotlight, quite possibly could cry."

Faith's phone starts buzzing and she makes Austin hold her beer as she digs through her purse. "Hey Kel! Hold up! It's pretty noisy in here!"

Nicky's face lights up and Austin gives him a disapproving look. One of the conditions of Faith hanging out with them for the first time in a long time is that Nicky doesn't get to ask her questions about Kelly. Austin is just trying to help honor the terms of their deal. Honestly, it still pisses him off that they have to draw up terms and make deals just to hang out.

Turning away and plugging one ear, holding up the phone to the other, Faith shouts, "What? You're at a party with Conrad? ...No. He's just really friendly and really touchy so it's kind of hard to tell if he's really into you or just being Conrad…for real? I'm so there! Give me ten minutes!"

Nicky frowns. "Who the hell is Conrad?"

"Faith, you can't go!" Austin yells. "No!"

"Aww, Aus, you know I love you, but Damon's little emo show? Not so much. I'll text you and we'll go get burgers or something some other time, okay?" Faith asks and Austin looks like he's trying really hard not to give in. "Austin, Kelly needs me. It's not like she has anyone else right now and, um, it's a _foam party_!"

Nicky narrows his eyes. "What's Kelly doing at a foam party with a guy named Conrad? What kind of name is that anyways?"

"Conrad Cooper? As in Kappa Delta Conrad?" Razor asks. "He's with Kelly?"

"Yeah, that's him and not _with_, like, not dating or anything…but not for a lack of trying on his part," Faith bites the inside of her cheek and can't even bring herself to look at Nicky, "he's the barista at Starbucks who's always giving us free drinks, just a really sweet guy who invited her and me by extension to a party at his fraternity. It's no big, really."

"Yeah, I know Connie. He's good people. Tell that polo-shirt wearing preppy Razor said 'what it do' and that he's a bold, bold man," Razor says. He cringes when he hears himself talk and quickly looks to Austin and Nicky who don't look happy. "Don't worry, guys. The girls will be fine. Conrad isn't one of those sleazy DTF dudes. He's _such_ a hopeless romantics and relationship-y…and I'm not helping am I…?"

"If Razor thinks he's cool then it's cool," Faith says quickly. "Plus, it's not like you can stop me from leaving or anything so wipe those overprotective looks off your faces. I'm a black belt, remember?"

Austin scowls. "So you moved on to Kappa Delta, huh?"

"Oh God. Don't call out my loyalty, Austin. You aren't the one who's had to live with Kelly post-break up and put up with her Nicky-shaped void," Faith says venomously. "And seriously, I'm sick of it so if she needs some foam and some Conrad to pull it back together then I'm not going to cockblock her. Yeah, I said it and not sorry about it either. Nicky has a whole freaking house backing him. Kelly has me so back it off!"

"Guys," Razor whines. "Let's not fight. Let's just…group cuddle…?"

Faith sighs and looks at Nicky for what might be the first time the entire night. "Nix, you know you and me together, bros forever, but I have to side with Kel on this one. You get where I'm coming from, right? Because Austin is all jumping ships and being thick about it."

"I get it and it's the right thing to do," Nicky says. "I'm glad she has you looking out for her. And I'm going with you to this foam party."

Austin shakes his head. "Russo, that's a bad idea and you know it."

"Okay," Faith says, ignoring Austin, "but you need to wait at least an hour after I go in and you can't say I told you she was there and we split the cab fair."

Nicky nods. "Okay."

"Alright," Razor throws his hands up, "I'm going too."

"Ray!" Austin shouts scolding.

"What? Austin, it's a _foam party_."

Before Austin can make his case about why they should stay instead of going to some nasty ass Kappa Delta party, Kaylie suddenly comes up to them and looks really worried. "Guys, you better come quick! It's Max. It looks like we have a problem."

After more grumbling and warning them that they aren't done talking about this, Austin leads the group through the crowd after Kaylie. There by the bar they find some giant biker of a man, tattoos, leather vest and all, pushing around Max who looks extra frightened, holding up his hands as if it would surely prove his innocence.

"I'm sorry, man!" Max shouts. "The camera just accidentally went off!"

The biker grunts. "Like hell it did."

Austin just has to jump in. "Whoa, whoa, what's the problem here?"

"The problem here is that this little punk has been taking pictures of my girl's ass all night," the biker sneers. "You think you're cool, pretty boy? That you can do whatever you like with your fancy camera and your pretty face? Yeah, well, let's see how you like it when I'm shoving that camera up your ass."

"Alright, sir, calm down. I'm sure this is just a misunderstanding," Austin steps in between Max and the biker and spares a second to look over at the girl's ass, "Meh. Not very impressive. He would've probably ended up deleting it anyways so there shouldn't be a problem—"

The girlfriend gasps. "Excuse you!"

"No, miss, no offense to you…okay maybe, but just a little," Austin says. "See, Girls Gone Awesome has standards and your girl…yeah."

An angry Kaylie is standing to the side and yells, "Austin, you're supposed to help, not make things worse!"

"Settle down, Kaylie, I'm just—"

_BAM!_

The biker slams his fists right into Austin's jaw and a furious Austin punches him right back and just as hard. Suddenly it's an all out fight between the frat boys and a biker gang. Austin is throwing punches left and right and Nicky is trying to break it up while Razor is trying to preach peace and Max is trying to simultaneously protect his face and his camera. Even Faith is mixed up in it, screaming at the biker's girlfriend for being the cause of all this and some good ol' fashion hair pulling. Kaylie goes to get the bar security and it finally ends with the whole lot of them getting kicked out of the venue and told never to come back.

"Huh. Is it my imagination or does this happen to us a lot?" Max snaps a picture of himself and then looks at the screen to see if he has any significant cuts or bruises.

"I wish I could say it didn't." Austin flexes his hands, looking at his reddened knuckles.

"So foam party, anyone? Foam party?" Faith suggests. She's missing an earring, but got out pretty much unscathed. The boys look at her like '_really Faith?_' "What…? There's no way we're getting back in there and Kaylie's there to support Damon and, guys, it's a foam party!"

"And it's at the Kappa Delta house," Razor sings, looking to Max.

The photographer nods in agreement. "It's always fun crashing a DT function."

"Fine," Austin turns to Nicky, "but you no interaction with KP. I don't even want her knowing you're there. If I run into her and she asks me about you Ima tell her last time I saw you was two weeks ago where you were hibernating beneath a pile of books. I swear, Nicky, you stay the hell away from her. I don't care if this Concord kid starts serenading her and showering her with rose pedals and she starts eating chocolate-covered strawberries off his abs—"

"Whoa. Have you seen his abs? They are perfect abs." Faith giggles.

"No lie," Razor agrees, nodding his head.

"—I still don't care about his abs, iight? Russo. Stay. Away. From. Her."

Nicky nods. "Okay."

Razor laughs. "Just have fun creepily staring at her from across the room. Oh, but dude let's go get curly fries first and I want to buy one of those scuba diving masks and floaties!"

Faith looks extremely excited as they walk back to Nicky's car. "Floaties!"

And when his show ends and after he spends some time with the small fanbase just starting to form, Damon isn't surprised that his friends bailed, but he sure as hell is disappointed. Kaylie being there definitely makes him feel better, but doesn't entirely fix things. While Damon gravitates away from the college life and towards the real world, his brothers are lost in an inflatable dance pit, filled with foam, water and partially clothed-coeds.

**-XX-**

THE DAY BEFORE THE CALL

Saturday 9:18 PM

Back at the cantina, the guys reluctantly get up from their table and head for the door.

"Okay. It's time to get serious," Nicky says. He appears ready to put all the drama aside and focus on finding Damon so they can finally get the hell out of Nevada. "I just told Kaylie we'd get her fiancé home in time to marry her. That gives us…give or take…13 hours and, God, we still have no idea where to go to from here."

As they're walking out, they pass a tall and bulky doorman who's standing with a stamp and UV light reader. "Handstamp for re-entry?"

Continuing to try and formulate some gameplan, the guys continue on, not even paying the doorman a lick of attention. All, except Max, that is. Still a little hungry and damn in love with those cantina tacos, he considers running back in to grab some to go. Playing with the idea, Max shrugs his shoulders. Why not? And holds his hand out to be stamped.

"Maybe it'd be best to hit up the hotel one more time and see if he turned up—"

"Whoa…guys! Wait!" Max shouts at their retreating backs.

When the others turn back they spot Max with his hand beneath the UV Light and it reveals a number of different stamps presumably from all the different clubs they hit up last night. Exchanging looks, the rest of the guys and LoTan race over. Austin yanks up Max's sleeve and it turns out his entire forearm glows, covered in different stamps.

The doorman whistles. "Someone knows how to party…"

"Hot diggity dog!" Razor exclaims, excitedly jumping up and down. "It's like an invisible treasure map!"

Nicky grins with renewed moral. "Looks like we know where to go next!"

As they use Razor's trusty pen to trace the stamps and make them visible on Max's arm, Austin's pocket starts to buzz. He fishes it out and cringes when he sees Payson's name and a picture of her sticking her tongue out flash across the screen. He smiles fondly, imagining what her voice sounds like over the phone. As much as he wants to hear her, how comforting it'd probably be, he isn't ready for the words that are undoubtedly going to come with that voice, the worry and the hunt for answers he doesn't have.

Though it kills him to, Austin ignores the call and shoves his phone back into his pocket.

The SUV speeds down the Strip like a bullet through the night, weaving in and out of traffic. All the stamps on Razor's arms are inked. Music is blaring. The mood is high.

"Where should we start?" Razor asks eagerly.

"The top," Nicky says, taking command. "We'll visit every club we went to last night and search the every room, every corner and every bathroom stall until we can find a bartender or a cocktail waitress or an exotic dancer that remembers what we did with Damon!"

"Nice going, Maxi," Razor says, rubbing the back of Max's mullet. "I think we can pull this off!"

Austin takes a sharp turn and nearly slams into a pedestrian. He hits the breaks, tires loudly squealing and the person, an old man with a cane, stops in the walkway, staring back at them, looking like he might wet his pants. They all stare at the old who's wearing a distinctive fedora-style hat with a feather stuck in it.

"Hey…" Razor squints his eyes. "Isn't that Damon's hat?"

They all stare for a long moment. Huh. What are the odds?

"Nah," Austin shakes his head, "This is Vegas. There must be tones of them wannabe gangsters." Slamming his palm against the horn, Austin honks at the old man and shouts, "Any day now, grandpa! We're running out of time!"

After nearly having a heart attack twice, the old man continues on his way, crossing the street.

"Okay," Max says, reading his arm. "First stop is Ghostbar. To the Palms."

And so that's how their intensive search begins. They search five different bars and nightclubs, all with pictures of Damon (ones from the wedding where he's wearing the storm trooper gear) and ask every waiter, bartender and busboy if they've seen him. They even question the maitre d's, thugs, bachelorettes, bridesmaids, fetishists, bikers, swingers and everyone in the vicinity with the pair of eyes. Mostly, everyone is like _'hey! That's Damon Young! The musician! I've seen him on TV!' _Needless to say, it's a very frustration task.

Every time they turn up empty, they cross that place off the list and move on to the next one.

At some of the clubs, the boys have people approaching them like they're heroes, know them by name and insist they have drinks on the house. Then there are the others where they're welcomes with tense silences and get chased out by the bartender with a baseball bat, raving like a lunatic, apparently upset with whatever the boys did last night.

"Alright. One left," Max eyes his marked up forearm, "Studs in Suds."

Nicky looks it up on his iPhone. Studs in Suds turns out to a newer, all male revue, hailed as the ultimate upscale ladies entertainment. When they walk up to the front door, the Sigmas plus LoTan are welcomed with a cheeky smile from the bouncer and skip the line that stretches down the street. It turns out to be a male strip joint-slash massive foam party.

"Were we seriously here last night?" Max says. He tries to walk right back out the door, but Austin grabs him by the shoulder and they push further into the club. There are women everywhere, screaming their heads off at the greased up male strippers with chiseled abs, in thongs and scuba gear while foam spurts out of giant foam machines, pouring everywhere.

"How much does this remind you of college?" Austin's eyes shine with nostalgia. "Damn! All we're missing is Faith to get us to take our clothes off and do backflips into the foam pit!"

"You can say what you want about the KD boys, but they knew how to throw a damn fine foam party," Razor says. He looks around at the flashing lights chasing all around the room and the wet, soapy gyrating bodies.

"Hey Aus," Nicky nudges him, "I think I found your underwear."

They all look up to the numerous pairs of men's underwear nailed to the wall behind the bar. Above the collection of underwear, written in glowing pain is "Studs in Suds Wall of Fame." Indeed there is a pair of CU boxers. They're black with "Colorado" and the buffalo mascot in gold scattered print. Austin used to walk around the house in just those boxers. Having slept his way through the CU bookstore staff, Austin was known for coming home with free school apparel.

"Nah," Austin shakes his head in denial, "tons of dudes went to CU. Tons of dudes wear boxers. Even some chicks do too. Those could be anyone's."

"Aus, check again," Razor points to the side where there's a line drawn in glowing paint, pointing to Austin's boxers. Yelling over the pulsing music in the club, Razor reads, "_Tuck the Great hearts Studs in Suds! _Complete with a winking face."

"Well, what'd you know," Austin mutters to himself. "This trip just got a little less awesome…"

A bald, giant of a man, bulging muscles and in bedazzled wetsuit walks up to them with a flirty smiles. "Hey Sigmas! Dave is in the back! He said to send y'all back there if you showed up."

The man motions to where a huge bouncer is guarding the backstage area. Careful not to disrupt the predominantly female audience, lusting after the male dancers, the gang moves through the crowd of foam and suds and Razor protectively takes LoTan's hand tight in his. He's a little worried the blonde might get swallowed up by the sea of liquored up women in bubbles or maybe sidetracked by the sweaty men working it and earning those dollar bills.

Leaning down towards her, Razor says, "Stay close."

LoTan just smiles, laces her fingers with Razor's and dances through the crowd.

When the bouncer sees them, he lifts his sunglasses for a better look. A grin stretches across his face and he unclips the velvet rope, letting them pass. He even gets a little cheeky and smacks Max's ass as he walks by, making the photographer jump and yelp like a scared puppy.

With Austin leading the way and Max sticking close to Razor and LoTan towards the back, five walk up a flight of stairs and past even more unnaturally muscular and unnaturally tan men moving in and out of a dressing room, rubbing baby oil on each other and wearing different swimming apparel.

"S'cuse me," Nicky says to one of them. "Could you tell us where we could find Dave?"

"Oh, hey Nicky," says the lifeguard-slash-dancer. "Diver Dave is in his office. End of the hall."

Used to strangers knowing them by name, Nicky doesn't do more than thank him and keep moving. They go to the end of the hall as instructed and find a David Hasselhoff with a mullet sitting at a desk in an impressive suit and a gaudy gold chain around his neck. They all shuffle inside just as the man, presumably Diver Dave, ends his phone call and smiles at them.

"Hey boys!" he shouts. "Wow. You all look terrible. I'm surprise you're even conscious especially after what went on last night. Austin, I'm surprised you're even walking."

Austin inhales sharply. "What the fuck did you say to me, partner?"

"Listen, Dave, right?" Max steps in front of his childhood friend before Austin does something or says something stupid and unnecessary. "We don't really remember last night. You think you could fill us in?"

"Really? No memory? And no British accent either?" Tapping his phone against his class desk, Dave frowns, disappointed. "Aww, but Maxi…I can't say I'm not a little hurt."

Max looks a little pale and Austin grins. Well, if something weird went down last night at least he isn't the only one. Apparently Max too.

Gulping nervously, Max asks, "Did we…do…anything?"

"Well, duh?" Dave laughs. "Yeah?"

All the guys freeze for a long moment. Austin shakes his head sympathetically and pats Max on the back.

When no one says anything, Razor decides to break the silence. "Was Max the boy or the girl?" Everyone shoots him a _'Razor, shut up_' look and Nicky goes as far as to smack him upside the head. "Ouch! What? Maeve would probably want to know."

"That British Beefcake?" Dave bites on the tip of his finger. "Honey, he was _everything_."

Max whimpers. He actually whimpers.

Dave' smile grows and he adds, "But Maxi was _nothing_ like Austin."

"Well, see now—WHAT?" Austin shouts, caught off-guard. His cool exterior deteriorates fast.

"I know. I know. Group stuff with an audience is a little out of my area of expertise, but Damon insisted we put on a show for him and it was his bachelor party," Dave goes on. "I must say we definitely put on a show. You boys know how to perform your asses off! After the initial awkwardness of so many people in one bed it was really quite beautiful."

They would probably be exchanging befuddled expressions if they weren't so stunned they can't even more. This might be the last trip they ever take to Vegas and no one is ever repeating what happened here _ever. _It's silent for a long time, the Sigmas trying their damnedest to remember even the most insignificant details about last night when LoTan starts laughing. Dave can't hold it in any longer and laughs along with her.

"Boys, he's totally fucking with you," LoTan says with a _'duh' _in her husky tone. "Wow did he fool you guys."

"Not cool, bro. Not cool. You don't play with amnesiacs like that." Austin shakes his head. Aside from fighting with Nicky in front of the police station, this is probably the most serious Austin has been all weekend. "So what did happen?"

Leaning back in his leather chair behind his desk, Dave explains, "Well, you guys came in here around last call, which was maybe 2ish. You were all pretty wasted, beyond wasted actually, but somehow Faith dragged you all in here. Girl loves that foam."

Yeah, that sounds about right.

"You guys said you just came from some birthday party or something at the Rio?"

Nicky nods. "Steve Tanner's."

Looking terrified all of a sudden, LoTan frowns. "Wait, did you just say Steve Tanner? He's that big shot business guy, right? You guys know him?"

"Older, questionable taste in suits, his face all over America's Most Wanted? Yeah. Just a little drunken hijacks and misunderstandings," Razor nervously explains. He puts his arm around her. "Don't worry, Babe, I'll protect you."

LoTan gives him a laugh that's all '_sweetie, that's cute but unlikely_' but slings her arms around his narrow hips in a hug anyways.

"Anyways, so you guys were drinking and talking about all your old college days and gymnastics," Dave continues. "And then, for the big finale of our stage show—Studs in Suds Present the Diver Dave Show—we always ask for a volunteer and Max, you volunteered pretty readily."

"That's our boy!" Austin pats him hard on the back.

"I think we have the video…"

"NO!" Max shouts, going as far as to reach out and grab Dave' arm to stop him. "I mean, it's a, uh, it's cool. I don't think we need to see it. We're on a tight schedule—"

"I insist we see this here video," Razor says. "I'm pretty sure Damon would want us to."

Austin and Nicky nod in agreement while Max stands back, pouting.

With the press of a button, the cabinet doors slide back to reveal a flat screen TV. Dave pushes play and it's like a cross between Chippendale's and the Little Mermaid Musical. After fast-forwarding a bit, Dave presses play when Max in onscreen with a bunch of dudes dressed like sexy mermaids dancing around him as he snaps pictures. Standing with the guys, Max isn't nearly as buff or tan, but he doesn't seem to care, grinning and having a blast.

"Shoot. Me. Now," Max murmurs. "I think we had enough. We can—"

"Wait. Austin hasn't come on yet," Dave says. "That's the best part."

Just as Dave says that, Austin comes onto the stage, oiled up like the rest of the dancers and wearing the snorkel mask and fins he woke up in this morning. Austin forcefully shoves Max aside, probably telling him that he was doing it wrong and falls into perfect synchronization with the other male dancer. LoTan giggles and catcalls while everyone else is dead silent.

Dave fast-forwards more and this time some of the other dancers are bringing out props. Austin starts doing an improvised routine on these bars dressed up like sparkly kelp while the dancers are strutting around. He fasts forwards and suddenly Austin is riding a mechanical bull dressed up like a killer whale. The crowd goes insane, louder than the sultry music playing.

"The mystery of the ass pain revealed," Nicky says.

Austin scoffs. "Thanks for the diagnosis, Dr. Ass Face Obvious."

Finally, Dave stops the tape. "After the show, we had a few rounds on the house and you guys stayed a bit longer because Max wanted hair like mine and so we got the stylist to hook you up. I don't know what happened but when you came back from the backstage it wasn't quite like mine…"

"We're calling it a MoMul," Razor informs him.

"And what time did we actually leave?" Nicky asks, trying to keep them on task here.

"4:30 in the morning?" Dave estimates. "Maybe a bit later, but definitely before 5."

"And Damon was with us?"

"Yep," he answers. "Poor baby was passed out by that time. Razor had to carry him out to the car and you kept stumbling, but wouldn't let anyone else help you, kept saying something about your Best Man duties."

"So we let with Damon, got back to our hotel at 5. Damon was gone by 5:30 when we met up with LoTan back at the suite," Nicky maps out all the puzzle pieces they've managed to gather throughout this long, grueling day.

His animosity returning, Razor asks, "Did we lose him along the way?"

"He was passed out." Austin bends his arms and laces his fingers at the back of his neck, swaying from side to side. "How far could he have gone?"

"Well, we are missing a car door," Nicky reminds them. Looking worried, he says what everyone is currently thinking. "He could have…fallen out? Wow. That is not good if he did."

Razor is about to have another meltdown when Max jumps again, his pocket vibrating.

"If that's Maeve _again_—"

"It's the hotel," Max says, quickly scrambling to answer the call. "Hello!"

"Hello. Mr. Spencer?"

"Front Desk Guy!" Max tries to not get his hopes up. "What's up?"

"I thought you'd want to know that one of our maids found your friend passed out in the supply closet three floors down from you guys." Max joyously jumps up and down and everyone gets excited over his reaction. "Wait, are you sure it's him?"

"Roger that. I swear to you, I saw him with my own eyes. He's unconscious, but I'm pretty sure he's breathing," Ike assures him. "For one, he has 'Damon' written across his forehead in permanent marker and smells like hay and vodka."

"That's our guy! Thank you! Thank you so much, Front Desk Guy!" Max fails to contain his excitement, grinning like a maniac. "I would so be paying you in weed if I had any on me! Just make sure he doesn't go anywhere. We're headed back right now."

Max snaps his phone shut, overjoyed. "Damon is back at the suite! They found him!"

He tells the guys the good news and it's like a huge weight has finally been lifted off them. They thank Dave for everything, race down the stairs and out through the club.

Maybe they will make it to the wedding after all.

* * *

><p><span>AN: LATE! I know! And I'm missing Friday's update because my daddy's taking me on this camping/fishing/father-daughter roadtrip THING. Seriously, B in the Fucking Wild! Sounds horrendous. I bet my dad wish I was a boy. He would have named me Benjamin, I'm sure. Anyways, to make up for the ways I've wronged you, I'm going to give you a...

**SUPER SECRET SNEAK PEEK OF LL&D2:**

[Prologue] Once upon a time in a far away land known as Boulder, Colorado, there lived four girls who shared a single pair of pants. The girls were all very different from shapes and sizes to taste in boys and clothes, and yet that single pair of shared pants fit each of them perfectly.

Ugh. What a lame opening. Who do I look like? Kaylie? Never.

Seriously, I probably would have been better off quoting _Gossip Girl_ in my hotter-than-Kristen-Bell narrator voice. Hello Denim Freaks, Lauren Tanner here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Boulder's teenage elite. If you're one, all that matters is money, beauty and hook-ups from body action to the who, what and when of how to score paraphernalia. Some "teenage elite." Everyone is so empty. They just drink and party.

There. That's much better. Much more me.

…

Payson and Austin Tucker have this strange setup where they aren't dating, but they're definitely together, but they don't do more than kiss. I don't think she even lets him get to second base. Every time I see the way they are together I say, "Pay, three words: Lock. Him. Down," and Payson will just laugh and turn a little red and change the subject.

The only reason I even really say anything is because I don't want to see him hurt her. Hello! He's _the _Austin Tucker. He's hot and older and experienced. Payson is young and naïve and inexperienced. She gives him the power to hurt her, which is, like, the number one no-no when it comes to boys. Austin Tucker doesn't seem like the kind of iron resolve against temptation a la Nicky Russo.

While on the topic, Kaylie practically has that boy's balls in her handbag, which is funny considering they've been dating since, like, summer—six months or something—and still haven't done the dirty. Kaylie is the definition of sexually frustrated. I admit I was amused at first, but now it's tipping more towards annoyed. Why won't the boy do her so she'll stop whining? Seriously, Kay needs to take her little bitch to the vet for a check-up because there _has_ to be something wrong with a boy who isn't down to fuck his girlfriend.

But I get carried away sometimes or maybe all the time. Whatever. Like I was saying, Kaylie has her boyfriend locked down despite their…intimacy issues. Payson, on the other hand, worries me. The last thing I want to see is her turn out like Emily after what that douche musician did to her…

**-XX-**

A/N (cont.): MUAHAHAHA! LOL! It's not officially a piece of our prologue, but it's definitely a frontrunner. LCTD is going to kill me for sharing that without discussing it. You should make the verbal beating worth it and _review_. ;)

xoxo


	12. Leave it to the Universe

Warning: Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

Flashback 

8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

April is alcohol awareness month, but to the college kids at CU it's the Sigma/Zeta Annual Costume Party AKA Halloween II (yes, they're very creative).

While everyone is buzzing around the Sigma house, trying to get ready for the party, Razor is sitting with Faith Giancana and a makeup kit. He isn't a childhood friend of the strawberry blonde like Nicky is or cuddle buddies like Austin, but Razor likes to think he has the same energy as Faith. They're on the same brainwave.

That's why Razor totally trusts the chick as she looks from between Razor and a picture of Gene Simmons, taking a black brush of paint to his face, being as careful and accurate as she can. Razor's going as Gene Simmons After Being Hit by a Car. He's in torn leather, Demon's classic vest with attached wings, bodysuit, gloves, choker, platform shoes, wig and all. Faith looks like she's having a grand ol' time putting his face on for him.

All the while, Razor giddily grins. "Thank you for the assist, F to the A to the I to the…thhh." He makes her smile as she lathers his cheeks with white face paint. He tries to look down at her outfit and Faith scolds him about moving. "Is that what you're wearing for the party?"

"Yeah, I'm a pirate." Faith takes a step back and models her outfit. It seems a little half-assed, just wearing a corset top, tight pants and leather boots laced up to her knees, but the hat on her head and sword at her hip are pretty legit. "Why? What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Nothing," Razor says quickly as if not to offend her. "It's just…you're so covered up…"

"Well, Razor, I'm sorry if I don't use Halloween II as an excuse to be a slut," Faith says bluntly. "Close your eyes."

Razor does as she says while she applies the makeup to his eyelids.

"No disrespect, lovely lady friend. All I'm getting at is that it's an unexpected move," Razor says. "Faith, just to clarify, weren't you the girl who quite proudly wore an apron over your bra and panties and called yourself a homemaker last year?"

Faith grins at the memory and when Razor tries to do the same, she slaps his arm.

"Yes, but that was last year," Faith says. "Am I not allowed to evolve? I'll admit it was fun and you know I'm a big fan of the shock factor, but maybe I don't want to be one of those girls anymore. It's degrading."

Suddenly the front door swings open and Maeve struts in wearing straight up lacey lingerie accented with cat ears. Faith points to the sorority girl as she stomps through the house, calling out for the Sigma boys to start setting up for the party. "See what I mean? My point exactly."

Razor nods slowly. "Pirate, huh? From where I'm sitting you kinda look like a _hater_." Because he's Razor he uses his singsong voice when he says '_hater_' and Faith slaps him again. Laughing, Razor gives her his cutest smile. "I was right about to tell you how good it is having you back in the house, but then you started beating me."

"Darling, if I were beating you you'd be crying by now," Faith tells him with a cheeky smile. She pulls out a tube of black lipstick and orders Razor to "pucker up."

Halloween II is a tradition, after Spring Break, but before finals week and so they definitely go all out. They replace all the light bulbs in the house with black lights, giving the house an eerie feel with creepy writing on the walls. All the rooms are filled with smoke from all the dry ice, fog machines and not to mention the weed. Jars of severed body parts, mashed brains, glowing pumpkins and what you think are dummies turn out to be Sigma brothers who jump out and scare you. Creepy, hypnotic house music shakes the floors as people mingle and gyrate around, having fun and getting plastered.

Working the party, Austin is a tireless swinger, wearing a Hugh-esque deep red plush velvet smoking jacket with a black satin collar, cuffs and the official Playboy logo and namesake on the back. He's got a pipe perched on his bottom lip and his dark hair is neatly slicked back. Max, a paparazzi (how original) is following Austin around, taking pictures of him with all the scantily clad girls.

The one person out of the dozens in attendance who doesn't look like he's having much fun is Nicky, sitting off to the side in the backyard. He's twirling a green glow stick between his fingers, hypnotized by it, paying no attention to the slutty ice cream cone making out with the banana on the hammock not too far from him.

"What do you think you're doing at a Halloween party without a costume, brother Russo?"

Nicky stops fiddling with the glow stick long enough to notice Damon dressed like a prisoner with shackles and all. Still feeling rather awkward around Damon after the whole kissing Kaylie thing, Nicky doesn't know how to react. He's especially wary of the opened beer bottle Damon holds out to him. Though he has no intention to drink it, Nicky takes it and nods his thanks.

"That's pretty funny coming from the guy who thought our themed parties were lame and stupid," Nicky points out. Damon comes over and sits next to Nicky on the long bench. Staring straight forward, Nicky notices Kaylie by the door, dressed like a police officer, laughing at something Maeve says.

"What can I say?" Damon shrugs. "Kaylie's house is apart of it. You know I can't say no."

Nicky nods. "So you guys are really okay then?"

"Yep. We are," Damon says. "After about a dozen long and painful talks about feelings, but yeah, it all worked out fine. What about you? I heard you and Kelly are back together."

"If you can call it that," Nicky mutters beneath his breath. Though he did apologize a million times and she did eventually cave and take him back all they seem to be doing these days is crying and fighting instead of their normal cuddling and Frenching. "Kelly, she, um, it's her dad's rehearsal dinner thing so she's dealing with all that…"

When Nicky stops there, he wants to think Damon gets the hint that he doesn't want to talk about it, but that doesn't seem so. "Her dad," Damon says. "The one who practically abandoned her and ignored her for most of her life?"

"The one and only." Nicky almost takes a drink, but hesitates and decides against it.

Luckily Damon doesn't notice, rubbing his fingers through his hair. "Shouldn't you be there?"

"No. She said she didn't want me there." Nicky's face darkens and he stares down at the full bottle in his hand. He can't say it didn't hurt, her looking him straight in the eyes and telling him not to bother, that she wanted to deal with it alone. It didn't feel right to him, but Nicky didn't want to fight anymore so he kept his mouth shut.

"Nicky, you know I'm over all the drama, right?" Damon says, being very direct. "When I said we're cool I meant it. We can talk like we used to. It's okay. So how've you been for real?"

"How do you think I've been? Knowing Kelly, she's probably seconds away from having a breakdown and trying to hold it all in while I'm sitting here," Nicky motions to their surroundings, "watching Razor and Max, who made all the pledges dress up like sled dogs, strap them up to an actual sled and go for a ride."

"Then why don't you go to her?"

Nicky's jaw tenses and he tightly replies, "She made it pretty clear she doesn't want me to."

"Show, not tell. The number one rule of art and I guess of life too," Damon distributes his wisdom, "I'm betting you told her a million times and you'll probably tell her a million times more, but show her too. She'll say she doesn't want you there, but tough luck because you know and I know and she knows she needs you."

"You make it sound so easy, but it's not," Nicky mutters. "How…how did you and Kaylie do it?"

"For one, we weren't together when you two had your moment in the coffee shop," Damon says. It still stings a little whenever someone brings it up. "So wires got crossed. It happens. That's life. I know how I feel about Kaylie and how she feels about me and how you feel about Kelly. At the end of the day that's what matters most."

Nicky nods. Damon always was the most mature. Now apparently he's good for advice too.

"Thanks, Dae."

"Yup. Now go. Show her."

Nicky hands the beer back to him and Damon takes it. As Nicky stands from his seat, he turns to Damon. "You'll tell me how this human sled dog team works out, right?"

"Oh, knowing Max, we'll even have pictures!" Damon chuckles and watches Nicky leave.

"MUSH! MUSH! MUSH!" Razor chants, pumping his fists in the air. The pledges with their dog collars, harnesses and tails, start jogging with Faith and Max, both equally drunk, riding the sled. Watching them go, Razor laughs and takes the seat Nicky once occupied. "Hey Dae, $20 says when they get back Max fell off the sled at least twice and Faith stuck it the entire time."

Damon shakes his head. "Any opportunity to make some cash, huh, Ray?"

"Gotta be willing to play big to win big. That's what I always say."

Damon holds out Nicky's untouched beer and Razor takes it, chugging.

"So you were playing nice with Nick-a-roo, right?" Razor asks.

"Ray, I'm a little offended you even have to ask," Damon says, but he doesn't even try to feign hurt or anything. He just takes another sip of his beer. "I told him to fight for her, for Kelly. Gave him a little boost. That's what brothers are for, right?"

"I concur."

"So what about you, Razor?" Damon asks. "I have Kaylie. Nicky might or might not have Kelly. Max has Ava…and Maeve…and the GGA. Austin has—" they look over and see Austin surrounded by every Play Boy bunny in at the party "—all of that. What about you, Ray? Anyone special?"

"I have love for life and for making cash and BLADES and the brothers. It is good, Dae. My heart is pretty much bursting at the seems right now." Razor grins. He may not be close to drunk, but the kid is high as hell. Damon just laughs and pats his shoulder. "But since you mentioned it if you happen to run into a badass blonde with a sweet rack and an attraction to gangly and goofy you have my permission to manipulate the universe and give her my number."

"Will do, Ray," Damon clinks their bottles, "will do."

**-XX-**

HOURS BEFORE THE CALL

Sunday 2:33 AM

_I'm on the highway to hell  
>Highway to Hell<br>I'm on the highway to hell_

Flying down the highway, well over the speed limit, singing along and rocking out in the car, the Colorado boys don't have a care in the world. After an entire day of panic attacks and unnecessary fighting, Damon was at the Mandalay Bay the entire time. It only figures something like this would happen to them.

"That was really cool of Dave to give you guys all these tapes of your little performance," Razor says. He tosses the box into the trunk with all of Nicky and Kelly's wedding crap.

"Thank God," Max sighs, extremely relieved. "I'll admit, though, if I were actually gay I'd totally given him a shot." Max says it just as the song ends changes so there's an awkward pause. "What?" Max says nervously. "Can you honestly not say the same?"

"Sure, Maxi, I'll give you that one," Austin agrees. "He's a gentle soul. His Chakra—"

"How are we doing on time?" Nicky asks, raising his voice above Austin's. There are few things he hates more than hearing about Austin and his stupid Chakra.

"By the time we grab all our crap, pick up Faith and gun it back to LA we should be there by dawn," Razor says. He really doesn't appreciate that look on Nicky's face as he does the mental math in his head, obviously not trusting Razor's ability to tell time.

Before Razor has a chance to call him out on it, Austin interrupts with a loud, "Ha! See! You guys were driving yourselves crazy for nothing. I told you bitches everything would be fine!"

"A thousand apologies for doubting you, Tuck the Great," Razor says, moving his hands like he's bowing. He sits back between LoTan and Max, spreading his arms out across the back of the seat. "Now, we had some crazy times when we were younger, but this is the craziest weekend of my life." He turns to the blonde beside him and in a quieter voice he says, "By the way, thanks for all your help. You are incredible. There's no other way to describe it."

"No prob. I'll say it was actually kind of fun," she shrugs in this cute way and smiles. "Well, besides the fact that I'm probably going to lose my job at the club and the fact that you're mixed up in Steve Tanner business…"

"Yeah, sorry about that…"

"It's whatever anyways," LoTan says, comfortably leaning into his chest. "It's not like I strip because I need to feed my five children or anything."

"Right." Razor nods. "You don't have five kids, right…?"

"Duh no," she answers with a giggle.

"Cool…then why do you work at the club?"

"So Daddy is, like, rich and stuff and that's my actual father, not a codename for a pimp or anything. We got into a little tiff over him always working and me wanting to be independent and blah, blah, blah, and just to stick it to him I dance," she explains. "He was furious when he found out, but he's, like, my dad so he still deposits money into my checking and there's my trust fund, but I realized, hey, dancing is kinda fun and I'm kinda good at it."

"Really, _really_ good at it," Max reassures her. Glaring playfully, Razor shoves his photographer friend away and ropes his arms around LoTan's shoulder.

"So this stripper thing it's only a weekend deal," LoTan says. "I don't even live in Vegas."

"Where are you from?"

"Pasadena."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," she says. "You're from Colorado, right?"

"Originally. Born and raised, but I haven't been back in years," Razor tells her. "I'm kinda…um…in between homes right now, but that's the life of a roadie. I go where the music goes. It isn't a bad gig. I get to travel a lot, which is pretty awesome."

Nodding, LoTan asks, "Ever consider settling down?"

Razor winces, hoping she doesn't get the wrong idea about any of this. Then again, there's something in him that's wondering what's so bad about that. Seeing the girl staring expectantly, Razor shrugs. "Not really my thing, but then again, I never really made an effort to."

"Me neither," she says. "Anyways, it's about time I moved on anyways so don't worry about the job. If I didn't get fired I would have quit sooner or later. Carter can be such an ass."

"No, really?" Austin says sarcastically from the front.

"Still, I'm sorry for everything, LoTan," Razor says. He's always been that soft, genuine kind of guy. He didn't go out of his way to chase girls like Austin and Max, but he was never the relationship-type like Nicky and what Kaylie turned Damon into. For some reason, Razor can kind of see himself being that with this girl who he barely even knows.

"It's Lauren."

Razor blinks, freed from his thoughts. "Huh?"

"My name," she says. "It's Lauren."

Maybe it's because he's a bit of a closet romantic or he feels a real connection with this girl, Razor sees her telling him her real name as this big, amazing gesture. In return, Razor quickly glances around at his brothers, who are undoubtedly listening in even if they're pretending they aren't, and Razor leans in close to Lauren's ear and whispers his real name to her.

Lauren giggles. "Serious? Why would your parents name you Ra—"

But before she can finish that sentence, Razor cuts her off with a kiss. Smiling against his lips, Lauren rests her hand on his fuzzy cheek and kisses him back. Sitting around them, the other brothers all smirk to themselves. Of all of them, Razor got the girl and in typical Razor fashion it makes no sense while making perfect sense all at the same time.

At her request, the boys stop over at the Cal and drop off Lauren who says she has something important to get to. The minute they pull up to the side of the older hotel, Lauren quickly kisses Razor one last time, grabs her Prada purse and dashes out the door without another word. Razor watches her go, not even trading numbers or getting her last name. She didn't even leave a glass slipper behind.

"Aren't you going to go after her?" Nicky asks from over his shoulder, just as big a closet romantic as Razor.

"No. We've got a wedding to get to. Step on it," Razor directs, licking his lips and still tasting remnants of her cherry lipgloss. "It's cool, guys, really. There's something amazing, poetic even, about meeting a stranger in a crazy place and a crazy way like this, making that connection and the possibility of never seeing them ever again. I'm down for leaving it up to the universe, if we meet again or not. Now, go. We have some mad ground to cover."

Nicky shakes his head. "You're crazy."

Austin chuckles and puts the car in drive. "Nice, Brother Ray. Unleash the inner pimp."

Wearing a broad grin, Razor sits back as they continue on their way back to the suite. He has no regrets about this weekend, especially when it comes to his little blonde dancer, and that's more than can be said for his brothers.

When they finally reach the Mandalay Bay, as Austin is squaring away his SUV with the valet, the other three race straight into the hotel. Feeling like all the shiny, million dollar sports cars parked out front are mocking him, Austin starts to follow when he pauses a moment, thinking about what Razor said on the drive.

_I'm down for leaving it up to the universe, if we meet again or not._

Austin's thoughts digress to a certain blonde somewhere in Southern California. He hasn't spoken to Payson in years and now they're playing phone tag. What if this is the universe's way of saying _'here, Tucker, here's the girl, now it's up to you to make it happen'_. From his own personal philosophy that he's been living by for nearly all his life, Austin knows that opportunities from the universe are not to ignored.

Hanging back, Austin fishes his cell phone out of his back pocket and dials Payson's number. Fidgeting a little, no clue what he's going to say, Austin stares up at the dark sky like the stars are going to magically spell out what he should say to her. There's a flashing light that catches his attention and Austin even squints, trying to figure out what it is, but then the ringing stops and Austin holds his breath, waiting to hear her voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Austin says smoothly. "You called…?"

"Austin," Payson says, partly confused, maybe a little hesitant, but stern. All he wants to ask is what she's wearing, but by her tone alone, Austin knows this isn't going to be _one of those_ phone calls. "To be fair, you called first."

"Yeah, about that…" Austin tries to think of a way to diffuse the situation though it's hard seeing as he has no idea what he could have possibly said to her, blacked out and on the phone last night. "Knowing me, I'm assuming I left you some long, incoherent voicemail. Did you listen to it?"

Austin prays she says no.

"Yes."

_Crap_.

"You gotta understand that I wasn't in my right state of mind at the time and I have no idea what I told you, but I'm willing to bet it was downright stupid and embarrassing," Austin rambles a little. He never rambles. Why is he so nervous? It's just Pay.

"Oh yeah. Really, really embarrassing." Payson laughs. Austin loves hearing it, but not so much knowing she's laughing _at him. _"We can talk about that later. What's really important is where you guys are right now. Kaylie is freaking out. I'm warning you now, Austin. I don't see you charming your way out of this one. We know something isn't right. What is it this time?"

"You see…I…um…can't do that."

"Austin," she says his name in that way a team captain or a damn good coach would—stern, commanding. Resistance is definitely futile. "Look," Payson says seriously, "we've always been straight forward with each other. Now isn't the time to stop."

Gritting his teeth, Austin knows he probably shouldn't, but he also knows that he trusts her. "Okay. If I tell you, Pay, you need to promise me you won't tell Kaylie. And this can't be one of those things where you say you promise, but then later you tell me that what I told you breaks Girl Law and you have to tell her. By telling you this I'm breaking Bro Code and I know it's dumb, but it means something to me."

There's a pause and right when Austin thinks she'll back out, Payson agrees. "I promise."

"I'm trusting you."

"Okay," Payson reassures him. "Now what is it?"

After a deep, cleaning breath, Austin just spills his guts. Word vomit at its best. "We lost Damon, like, legitly lost him in Vegas so we spent the day running around like chickens with our heads chopped off, and there were chases through strip clubs and we got taken in by the police and a few fistfights, _but_ it's cool. Turns out he was in our hotel the entire time and now we just need to pick him up, shovel all our crap into the car and drive through the night to make it back in time for the wedding." Austin takes another deep breath. "Phew."

He's answered with silence on the other side.

"Payson?"

"Austin, you're telling me you guys are _still_ in Vegas?"

"At this exact second, yes," Austin answers honestly. "But not for long! Unforeseen circumstances kept us a bit longer than we thought, but everything is under control now."

"A bit?" Payson asks, undoubtedly going into lecture mode. "Kaylie is already losing it. She would go ballistic if she found out you lost her fiancé and are still a state away."

Austin laughs weakly. "Well, we don't call them Classic Kaylie Cruz Freak Outs for nothing."

"Austin…"

"Look, I know I get the guys into trouble a lot, but I do always manage to get us out of it too. Honestly, if I didn't then everyone probably would have stopped hanging out with me a long time ago," Austin says. He isn't stupid. He knows that much. "Now, I trusted you and told you the truth. Now you have to trust me, okay? I'll get him to the altar."

The long pause that follows has Austin rather nervous.

"Pay, you still there?"

"Okay," she says. "I trust you."

Something about Payson Keeler saying those words to him puts a big smile on Austin's face. "Great! Ha. You know, Keeler, I knew you always had a thing for me…"

"Austin, just hurry and get back," Payson says, choosing to ignore that flirting tone to his voice. "And I'll try to keep everything under control here."

He chuckles. "Sure thing, Keeler. So I'll see you at the wedding?"

"Yeah. You better."

"Sweet dream," he murmurs before hanging up and smiling down at his phone. Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Austin walks into the lobby and spots Ike. It looks like he's just getting off from his shift. Instead of going straight to the elevators, Austin takes a little detour over to Ike. "Hey man, so a maid found Damon in the hallway closet huh?"

Clearly intimidated, Ike freezes. "Uh, something like that. He was around here somewhere. Maybe not a couple floors bellow like I told your friend, but maybe a floor or two _above_."

"I figured as much." Austin gives the greasy-haired hotel employee a look that says more than either of them will voice. "Well, I guess our stay is over."

"Looks like," Ike says. "You might want to meet your friends upstairs. I, uh, had to tell Mr. Spencer that we had to charge his card for missing checkout this morning and charged him for an additional night. He wasn't very happy about that."

"I'll bet." Austin groans, already imagining Max's bitching. "Well, you have a nice night. Thank you for all your help, man."

Ike nods back at him, looking extremely nervous, before walking toward a door that's clearly marked employees only. Whistling to himself, Austin takes his time going up to the Dean Martin suite. Max is obviously going to be upset and Damon is without a doubt going to be upset and Nicky will probably just join in because he honestly gets off on being upset. Man, Austin could really go for a beer right about now.

When he gets to the suite, Austin shoves the door open and walks in, announcing, "Honey! I'm home!"

A signature smirk on his lips, Austin walks deeper into the suite and finds the guys standing around the living room that looks even more trashed than earlier. Coming to a stop, Austin can feel that something isn't right. For one, all the other guys are tense and quiet. Plus, there's still no Damon anywhere in sight.

"Guys," Austin says slowly. "What's going on?"

The suite's front door slams hard behind him and draws everyone's attention.

Standing there with a smirk and a gun is one of the Samoan thugs. "Aloha, jackass."

* * *

><p><span>AN: Aloha bitches! It's not that I _forgot_ this fic. I just forgot to update yesterday. I was a little preoccupied with Austin and Max and BAKEDGOODS! Check it if you like it. And I will be sending out B in the Fucking Wild stories tonight or tomorrow if requested. ;) As an apology, I'll leak more LL&D2 goodness!

**LL&D SECRET INTEL**: It's set six/seven months after LLD, during the tail end of the girls' junior year. Newly unpopular, Lauren is caught between good and evil, between being "better" and letting people walk all over her, between different relationships with different boys and especially one who could officially end her friendship with Kaylie.

Kaylie is on a quest to lose her V-card. The end. LOL Sex and the different characters' views on sex shift how Kaylie sees them. She spends all her time with new BFF Maeve and the teen royalty, putting a strain on Kaylie's friendship with the Four. As relationships and feelings constantly change, music and running seem to be her only constants.

Emily is faced with poverty and downward mobility weighing on her everyday, willing to go to extreme measures to ensure they make rent every month and keep the power on. Her mom is in a toxic relationship with a violent man and Emily finds herself stuck between wanting to leave as soon as possible and feeling guilty about the people she'd be leaving behind.

On top of making important decisions when managing her skyrocketing gymnastics career, Payson has to deal with the absence of certain friends and the self-destruction of another. When Austin starts acting strange, it forces Payson to think about how well she actually knows him and if she really knows him at all. Through it all, Payson is forced to learn what it is to truly lose.

AHAHA! LCTD is going to kill me, but I love you all more than I fear her.

What do you think about EVERYTHING? REVIEW!

xoxo

EDIT: and when I wrote this A/N I thought it was Saturday. LOL HAIL TO THE SUMMER!


	13. We Fight Therefore We Love

Warning: Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Heavy Nickelly! YUM.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

BEFORE THE CALL

Sunday 3:02 AM

Believe it or not, this is the first time Austin has ever had a gun pulled on him.

With a cold metal of the pistol pressed between Austin's shoulder blades, Mr. STFU demands he move across the living room and join his brothers who are sitting on the long couch with disheartened expressions. He isn't happy about it, but Austin does as he's told. When he goes over and sits between Nicky and Razor, Austin notices Mr. Smash sitting across from them with a gun of his own, keeping himself entertained by trying to feed the goat a glow stick.

Looking at the thugs' matching casts on their hands, Razor has to know. "Dude, what happened to your hands?"

"You like?" Mr. STFU scowls. "Courtesy of your friends at the Happy Tortoise, but don't worry. I had a grand ol' time popin' a cap in their ass. Fucking bouncers. Had no idea who they were messing with."

_Caps. Bullets. Fuck. _

The mood in the room dips significantly from _'shit, we're screwed' _to _'fuck, we're dead_.'

"And all because they were trying to protect your pansy asses," Mr. Smash says angrily, waving his gun threateningly in the hair. "I should break every single one of your fingers one by one!"

The lackey thunders towards the former frat boys and raises his gun. Before anything can happen, there's the sound of the toilet flushing and everyone pauses. Then a man in a gold suit comes out of the bathroom, drying his hands on a towel. They all recognize him instantly. Steve Tanner.

"Oh, hello," Steve says pleasantly. "Sorry to keep you waiting, but what can I say, huh? When you gotta go you gotta go."

Boldly shooting up from his seat, Razor demands, "Where's Damon?"

"Sit your ass down, white boy!" Mr. Smash shouts. When Razor doesn't do as he's told, Mr. Smash stomps over to him and slams the butt of his gun against him. Clutching his sore shoulder, Razor crumples back down into his seat and Austin stands up, looking furious and getting in the guy's face. Reacting quickly, both Max and Nicky reach out and yank Austin back down onto the couch, wearily eyeing that gun.

"Whoa! Whoa! Everyone, just calm down!" Steve says, holding out his arms. He gives his men a harsh look, reminding them who's in charge here and they immediately back off, lowering their weapons. "Boys, what do I always tell you? Talk first. Then if that doesn't work, you can get to your finger breaking and skull shattering."

"That's awfully kind of you," Austin sneers.

Nicky looks queasy. It seems it's going to be the police station all over again.

"Listen, we've used this excuse about a thousand times today, and, well, actually, it isn't so much an excuse, but the truth," Max says slowly. "We don't mean any disrespect, sir, but we don't remember what we did last night so whatever happened had to be all in good fun and we're sorry if it—"

"So Razor," Steve says, bored with whatever speech Max was trying to make, "these are the rich college friends you were telling me about? Judging by appearances alone, the whole lot of you look and smell just as homeless as Razor here."

Shock and betrayal roar through the roof and all heads whip around to look at the nervous roadie. Blood is running down his face from a fresh cut above his eyebrow, but Razor seems more concerned with the way his friends are questioning him with their eyes.

"Oh dear. You haven't told them about your latest mess?" Steve asks mockingly. "Well, that's low even for a broke, never-was like you."

Nicky appears conflicted, not knowing what to trust at this point. "Ray, what's he talking?"

"I'll save you the stuttering and stammering, Razor," Steve says. "Six months ago, your brother Razor took out a loan from me at what can only be described as a very unfavorable interest rate. When the loan came due, he failed to pay up, but promised he could get the money from you guys this weekend if my boys let him keep his fingers."

The feel of betrayal intensifies and the hurt sets in.

Austin rubs his hand over his tired face and curses beneath his breath. "Jesus, Ray…"

Glaring at Razor, Nicky angrily asks, "Were you ever planning on telling us?"

Razor looks ashamed, bowing his head. In a quiet voice, he explains, "I didn't know what else to do. I was desperate and it just so happened that the wedding landed on this weekend and we were all meeting up again. Guys, they were going to hurt me and I…"

"You were going to screw us over with this new business of yours, weren't you?" Nicky asks accusingly. "This stupid Bavarian custard thing. It's a scam isn't it?"

"Ray, dude," Max weakly murmurs. "How could you, man? We're your best friends."

"I know. And I'm—"

"Okay. The talking portion of the program is officially over. I don't have time for your little Lifetime movie moment here, fellas." Steve suddenly pulls out a huge, gold-plated .357 gun. The guys all jump back in surprise, even Austin. Steve gives a cruel smile. "Now I want my money and I want it now."

"You need to calm the hell down and put away that huge as fuck gun," Austin says, holding out his hands. "Put it down and I promise we can get you your money without any heads getting blown off."

"You think you're the first one to ever try that line, Mr. Hero Complex?" Steve asks, waving the gun like it isn't a freaking killing machine he has there in his hand. "Oh, I've heard it all. That's why I've taken some collateral to ensure I get your payment and his name is Damon."

The guys all look pale and sick. Fuck. Things just get worse and worse.

"You have Damon?" Razor asks slowly. "Where is he? What did you do with him? I swear—"

"Save it, partner," Steve snaps. "The little rat that works down in the lobby, he was extra helpful, got us in here, practically gave us your little friend on a silver platter. Oh, help these days. It really is sad what lengths people will go to and all for a little cash."

Austin clenches his hands into fists. He should have killed that Front Desk Guy when he had the change. That little traitor!

"Now, boys, I'm a civilized man. I'm a businessman," Steve says nonchalantly. "This doesn't have to be messy. If you want your friend back alive then meet me at the mile marker 26 off highway 12 by dawn. Bring the money you owe me and we'll do a little exchange. What you want for what I want. See. Simple, right?"

They all nod and Steve smiles, finally shoving his gun into the waistband of his slacks. "Good."

When Steve starts to make his way to the door, the thugs following behind, Nicky clears his throat and speaks up, "Um, Mr. Tanner? Just so we're clear, how much money are we talking here?"

"Plus interest? Two hundred grand."

Correction. Now they look sick. Like, about to barf everywhere while crying sick.

Looking like he's fucking walking on rainbows, Steve leaves the suite without a care in the world and his thugs slam the door shut once they're gone. Feeling more miserable than they have all day, the guys sit in silence for some time. This is far from how they were supposed to be spending Damon's bachelor party.

Once the situation is digested, Nicky is the first to give in to his anger. He quickly stands and goes right over to Razor, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and literally trying to shake the stupid out of him. "Two hundred thousand dollars! Razor, how the hell did you blow off that kind of money?"

So down and defeated, Max questions, "For the custard store, Ray, really?"

"Don't you get it, Max?" Nicky snaps through a clenched jaw. "There is no custard store! Razor was just trying to get us to invest in his imaginary idea and then he was going to use the money we gave him to pay off his debt to Steve Tanner."

"You're right, okay! I'm sorry!" Razor shoves Nicky off of him and groans, walking over to the glass wall and looking out at the city.

Despite Razor's attempt to get away, Nicky doesn't let him. He continues the interrogation and asks, "So were any of your business ventures ever legit?"

"Some," Razor guiltily answers. "That's why I went back to the roadie thing. I moved around so much it made it hard for Tanner to track me down." Everyone's spirits are down, so pissed they can't even look at Razor. "Guys," he says desperately, "do you really think I wanted my life to turn out like this? That after we graduated college and you all knew exactly what you wanted to do and went off to do awesome things I continued to be a massive loser? No. I have nothing to show for the last decade of my life! And fuck…I have no idea how I got here."

"Damon offered you a job at the label," Max reminds him. "You turned him down."

"Right." Razor scoffs with such deep resentment. "And I was going to take that? Continue to be Damon's sidekick for the rest of my life? No way. I wanted to go off and do something I could be proud of and did _on my own_ and I thought Steve could help me do that. Jesus, I'm almost thirty and I don't have shit to show for it. I'm even bigger fuck-up than I was at CU."

Letting his frustration and self-hate get the best of him, Razor angrily shoves a lamp over and it shatters into a million pieces on the ground. Fighting the biggest headache of his life, Austin looks up from where he'd been calmly sorting through his thoughts. "Razor, settle down."

"No, Austin!" Razor angrily spins to face him, tears stinging at his eyes, grinding his teeth. "You aren't friggin' fraternity president anymore! Don't try to talk me down from this! Stop telling me things are going to be okay. My life hasn't been okay in a long time!"

"You think my life is any better?" Austin shouts back. "I can't remember the last time I was in a real relationship. I can't even remember the name of the girl I fucked last Thursday. It's vapid and lonely and so goddamn hollow. All I have…all I have is my family and that includes you guys, even you, you fucking idiot. So I'm going to help you out of this whether you want my help or not."

Razor had been ready for a fight, even a physical one, but then his defenses crumble when he hears what Austin had to say. Confusedly blinking, Razor hoarsely stutters, "Wh—what?"

"Don't look so surprised," Austin tries to smile but it comes off as feeble at best, "We've gotten this far. You think I'm just going to walk and let Damon and you rot in Sin City Hell? Wow, Ray. Give me a little credit here. After all the times you had my back, like hell I'm not going to return the favor."

Teary-eyed, Razor looks to be in shock. "Wow. Thanks, Aus."

"God. Don't cry," Austin teases, giving Razor a playful shove. He then looks over to the two cousins. "So what about you two?"

"Yeah, I'm in too," Nicky relents. Razor looks at him, surprised. "Come on, Ray. We've been friends how long now? Since we were stupid kids who got randomly paired up by university housing." The often stressed and stoic Nicky smiles just a little. "Plus, I probably owe you for all the times Kelly would spend the night and you'd get stuck sleeping in the lobby."

"Or he'd sleep on that ridiculous bean bag in Damon's dorm," Max laughs. "And, well, all three of you have bled my bank account dry this weekend, but I'll do whatever to make sure we get the money and get Damon back."

"Ray, what I don't get is why you didn't just straight up ask us for the money. Fuck pride, man," Austin says. "The bastard wants to cut off your fingers. These fingers kick Damon freaking Young's ass in Guitar Hero Tournaments. To lose that to some douche with a gold gun and matching suit? Like hell I'd let that happen to you."

Razor looks like he's really about to cry and crosses the room to hug Austin tight. Austin smiles and doesn't even have to think before he hugs him in return.

"It's going to be okay," Austin says, patting his back. "I'd kiss you, bro, if you weren't playing tonsil hockey with an ex-stripper all weekend."

Though he sounds absolutely dreadful, Razor manages to laugh. "Yeah, and I totally kissed your sister once so you kissing me would be weird like a Tucker full circle. No thank you."

Enraged, both Austin and Max shout, "YOU WHAT!"

Nicky shakes his head. "You should've kept that last part to yourself, Ray!"

Razor winces, fearing for his life. "It just slipped out…"

"Ava? Little Tuck? As in my kid sister? My fragile, vulnerable little sister? THE HELL, RAY!" Austin yells so loudly that it startles the goat that's still wandering around the room. In his anger, Austin lunges towards Razor who squeals in fright and jumps up onto the glass coffee table.

"Aus, calm down!"

"What the hell, man?" Max hisses, coming up from the other side. "You never told me that!"

"I'm sorry!" Razor jumps from the coffee table to the couch and then over it, putting furniture obstacles between him and the others. "It's not like I made out with her and then hooked up with Maeve a week later! That one was all Max!"

Max's face turns pale. "RAZOR!"

"Oh, cool it, Spencer. I knew. I've known since college," Austin hisses.

With wide eyes, Max confusedly mutters, "You…you did…?"

"Max, why do you think we always picked on you so much?" Nicky asks. "Sure, you were an easy target, but it was mostly because, well, you were kind of an ass to Ava _all the time_."

Max stares at the ceiling, looking like he's having an epiphany. "Oh."

Austin steps closer to Razor who flinches away. "You though, you skinny sneak! I had no idea you had a thing with my sister and you've been keeping it from me for years now!"

"I'm sorry!" Razor says frantically. "It was sophomore year when she came up to visit us for spring break? She just broke up with her douche boyfriend and she was trying to make Max jealous, but he was already getting together with some Tri Pi chick and you were—God I have no idea—and we were beer pong partners and we got all excited when we won. I pulled a Nicky in the Coffee Shop except I was pretty drunk and it was my brother's sister not my brother's ex—"

"No. Stop." Austin holds his hand out like a crossing guard. "That's plenty. I don't want to hear any more. You promise to stay away from Ava and we aren't mentioning this ever again."

Austin looks like he might try to pour bleach into his ears to clear the image from his head and Razor smiles nervously, looking like he might try to bolt from the room incase Austin tried to attack. Max looks like he's having an information overload and Nicky glances at the watch on his wrist and frowns.

"Okay, now that we got all that cleared up, we have three hours to come up with Tanner's money or else Damon is dead," Nicky says.

"Shit. Right," Austin says, getting back on track. "I'd offer to take out a loan and we can be done with this plain and simple, but it's 3AM. I'm pretty sure my bank is closed."

"Well, how the hell else are we going to get money without going to a bank?" Max asks.

"Well, we are in Vegas," Razor says, letting his voice trail off.

"Right. And I know the exact person who can help us," Nicky says, standing up and heading straight for the door. The other guys exchange looks before chasing after a nervous yet determined Nicky.

It's time to pay the wife another visit.

**-XX-**

8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

"Let go of my fucking arm, Nick!"

His fingers press hard into her skin and the way she violently struggles only makes it worse. When Nicky releases her, he gives her a little shove and it makes her stumble back into his bedroom. Ignoring her death stare, Nicky turns to the door and slams it hard. He's about to flip on the light when Kelly slams her hands into his chest and nearly knocks him over.

"The hell is your problem!" she screams.

"My problem? What the hell is your problem?" Nicky echoes. He can't remember the last time he was so angry. When she tries to hit him again, Nicky doesn't hesitate to push her off of him. "What the hell do you think you were doing downstairs causing a scene like that? It's my dad's birthday! Those people downstairs aren't just my dad's friends! They're some of the most powerful people in Colorado and you're acting like a brat!" Frustrated, Nicky loudly exhales. "Why are you doing this?"

"Oh, I'm sorry I can't just stand there with a bunch of stupid, condescending people and slap on a smile like I care about the latest government scandal. My bad," Kelly hisses. "If you wanted some bright-eyed bushy-tailed cardboard cutout you should have asked Kaylie to be your date."

There it is. The kicker. Right on time just as he expected.

Huffing, Nicky walks across his room at his dad's house in an attempt to cool off. The only light is from the street, filtering in through the window. Neither of them tries to turn on a light. In times like these the dark is such a comfort. Turning on a light would only make them feel more exposed, make the reality of this harsher and real.

This is one fight of dozens that have popped up post-kissing Kaylie Cruz. Most times they aren't even fighting about anything. She'll press buttons and start arguments and Nicky takes it. Even the smallest disagreement like what movie they watch turns into a full-blown brawl about how she brought him food and apologized and put herself out there for him and an hour before he was sucking face with Kaylie Cruz. Nicky takes the verbal beating every single time and it's really wearing him down.

Nicky groans and quietly murmurs, "Things aren't supposed to be like this…"

His back is to her, but Nicky hears her scoff loud and clear. "How are things supposed to be, Nick? I take you back and I'm supposed to forget about everything just like that? To be honest, I don't see that happening any time soon."

"Kelly." Nicky turns to face her. "I can't do this anymore."

His voice is so soft and defeated. Staring hard at her, Nicky swears he sees her bottom lip quivering.

"So…what does this mean?" The darkness doesn't help her here. Kelly tilts her head down and crosses her arms tight across her chest. "You want to break up? For good this time?"

"No," Nicky says. "I love you. I love you and I'm sorry and I will keep telling you and meaning it until you start trusting me again, but all the fighting…? I can't remember the last actual conversation we had where we weren't talking about how I wronged you and how lucky I am you gave me a second chance…but this isn't a second chance, Kelly. I'm doing everything I can to prove myself to you and build us back up and you just keep knocking it back down."

"So this is my fault? That's what you're saying?"

"No, it's my fault," he says. "I mean, I pushed first and I got us here, but you aren't helping to get us out. I don't know for how much longer we can keep doing this. I think breaking up and…being apart for a while…it's the last thing I want, but it's just the easier option…"

She's so defeated and so hurt. Nicky can tell even in the dark.

"Fine. If that's what you want."

"Kelly…"

For a long while they just stand there. It's obvious she doesn't want to leave and he doesn't want her to leave, but they don't know what else to do.

Glassy-eyed Nicky crosses the room and wraps his arms around her. The way she hesitates to reciprocate nearly kills him, but Nicky follows through. He doesn't do anything else, just holds her tight because he really doesn't want to let go. When Kelly finally hugs him back, burying her face in his chest, Nicky shuts his eyes tight. Why is this so fucking hard?

Kelly curls her fingers into the fabric of his jacket and brings her lips close to his ear. "I—it's not like I'm trying to ruin things. I'm not going out of my way to make you miserable. I just…that really hurt, Nick, and I'm still so angry at you and I don't…I don't know how to stop feeling that."

"I get it. I think you have every right to feel that, but this browbeating the shit out of me isn't working," Nicky says. "This is hard on me too, Parks. I keep having this reoccurring nightmare where we get into a fight and you storm out, go into revenge mode, hook up with some random or sometimes worse, _one of my brothers_, and I'm forced to call it even because I screwed up first."

Kelly looks taken aback. "You really think I'd do that?"

"Conrad Cooper?"

Kelly smiles a little at that and it drives Nicky crazy. "Nick, listen carefully…your psyche is retarded. Nothing ever happened with Conrad. I wouldn't do that to you. I admit I'm a lot of awful things, but I'm not a hypocrite."

"And I believe that, but it doesn't make me any less paranoid," Nicky admits. "So…breaking up would be easier, but…I don't want that. Too stubborn, I guess."

Kelly's laugh is muffled with the way her face is pressed into his shoulder. Looking up at his face, Kelly says, "Yeah, and I'm even more stubborn than you."

"That's for sure." Nicky shuts his eyes and holds her. It's like they're on this metaphorical tight rope and no matter which way they lean the threat of toppling over is always so strong. It scares both of them how close they come to losing each other on a day-to-day basis.

Suddenly the door opens and light pours into the dark room. They quickly pull away, Nicky turning to the squint at the door and Kelly turning in the opposite direction, rubbing the tears from her cheeks. Of course, it's Max.

"There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere! Nicky, do you remember the Livingston twins? We vacationed with them that one summer. Hamptons Livingston twins? The pretty one is mine and the other one's been asking for you. Come on. Play point."

"Max, are you stupid?" Nicky scowls. "If you haven't noticed I'm a little busy here."

Making a motorboat sound with his mouth, Max slumps against doorframe. "Are you not done breaking up for the tenth time this week? Should I come back in three minutes?"

Having heard enough, Nicky goes over to the door, shoves Max out and slams it shut. He clicks the lock in place and ignores his cousin's muffled voice through the door. When he spins around, Kelly is sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at the framed photos on the nightstand. Loosening his tie, Nicky goes over and sits with her.

"I remember this night. My first ever Sigma party," Kelly says, lifting a framed photo and showing it to Nicky. In the center is Razor wearing a duct tape dress and Austin, with blood gushing from his nose, is feeding him a Taco Bell burrito. "Why the hell do you have this and framed?"

"We're in it," Nicky says. He points to the far left corner of the picture where two blurred figures are in the background, one shorter than the other, one paler, both facing each other and holding red blurry cups. "That's documented proof of me seducing you."

"Please. You were such a dork and now you're an even bigger dork for keeping this," Kelly says though it's obvious she's a little flattered by his thoughtfulness. "My first Sigma party. The first time I got totally plastered. And the first time we hooked up."

"Well worth framing, at least to me," Nicky says. "I still can't believe you showed up to the party…"

"I drove out to CU to convince Marty that coaching men's club gymnastics was a waste of his talent and to come back to DE and you and Austin invited me to your frat party and somehow I ended up in bed with you," Kelly recalls. "You know that was the first time…I mean…before you I never made it a habit to get drunk and sleep with random frat boys."

"Yeah, I vaguely remember you saying 'I don't usually do this' a million times that night."

"And I vaguely remember you saying, 'oh man, oh man, Marty's going to kill me' as I got you out of your pants," Kelly says with a wicked smile that makes Nicky's face grow hot. "Then the morning after, I woke up, freaked out, tried to get the hell out of there…and you insisted on buying me breakfast."

"And you let me and we sorta became quote/unquote 'friends with benefits'," Nicky says. "But then…I don't know when or how, but at some point it became less about the sex and more about just being around you and with you…not to say the sex wasn't great because, yeah, it was pretty great too."

Kelly laughs weakly, setting the framed picture back on the nightstand. "I think so too."

Now that some of the tension from earlier is gone, Nicky starts to shrug off his jacket and kick off his shoes. When he starts to undo the top buttons of his shirt, Kelly looks at him weird and puts up her hands. "If you think I'm having sex with you right now then you're sorely mistaken."

"No. I, um, I'm just…I'm sick off that party downstairs and those stuffy people and there isn't even cake," Nicky says. "I'd much rather spend the rest of the night up here, locked away in my bedroom watching TV with you. Just like old times…"

A sure sign of agreement, Kelly grabs the controller and turns on the flatscreen mounted on the wall. Nicky reaches towards the foot of the bed and carefully removes Kelly's heels for her, placing them on the ground. She pulls her hair back in a messy ponytail and Nicky watches, nervous. They haven't shared a bed like this since before the kiss.

"So the Livingston twins, huh?"

Nicky groans, but knows he's making progress with Kelly's slight smile. "First and last time I ever let my dad talk me into 'hanging out' with one of his friend's daughters and Max. We were…fourteen, I think. It was bad, Parks. I'll spare you the gory details, but never, ever again."

"I don't know. Think of how much fun we'd have, you and me, Max and a hoe, double dating. Talk about a good time," Kelly says with such playful sarcasm.

Nicky relaxing a little more, but doesn't know what to do with his hands, afraid he'll somehow set her off. Eyes glued to the TV, pausing on one channel just to change it ten seconds later, Kelly takes the initiative, grabbing Nicky's wrist with her free hand and curling his arm around her. Smiling, Nicky moves closer and tells her to stop, putting an end to her TV ADD when a familiar image flashes on screen.

Kelly scowls. "Star Wars, Nick, really?"

"Parks, it's only the best movie _ever_."

"Not even close."

Nicky groans. "I don't see why you insist on debating me on this. Star Wars is hands down a better movie than Mean Girls. No competition."

"Whatever. Razor agrees with me."

"Razor also knows all the words to Spice Girls songs and sings them for us when he's drunk. Not saying much," Nicky reminds her.

"Shut up and watch your stupid movie," Kelly says. She tosses the controller away and curls up into his side. Nicky smiles with triumph, mostly because she could have easily turned that into a fight about Kaylie Cruz like she always seems to do, but Kelly resists. She's actually trying and nothing could make him happier.

"And thanks," Kelly says, almost inaudibly, "for showing up at that horrible wedding rehearsal _thing_ even when I was stressed out and being a bitch."

"You know I'd follow you to hell…and with how awkward that dinner was I pretty much did," Nicky says in return. "I still can't believe you introduced me to everyone as your boyfriend."

"That's what you are, right?" Kelly asks. As the TV plays on, she turns her head and matches her gaze with his. "You still want to be my boyfriend, right…?"

"Honestly, I never stopped."

Clearly touched, Kelly rises up until their foreheads touch and it's so innocent yet overwhelmingly intimate. Nicky knows this doesn't mean everything between them is magically fixed, but he's sure they'll get there soon enough. After what he's put her through, Nicky can't exactly ask for more.

* * *

><p><span>AN: Someone told me I should tell you all to go vote for MIOBI for Teen Choice Awards. Personally, 1) I don't think it deserves an award because MIOBI is most times poorly written and kinda sucks save for the awesome cast/characters, 2) I love Josie Loren, but I have the, like, biggest chick-crush on Olivia Wilde ever since she made out with Seth AND Marissa on the O.C. (swag) so I'd probably vote for her and 3) I'm not the type who takes the time to vote for teen award shows when I could be, like, writing or shopping. BUT if you are and you think MIOBI deserves it then have at it, pretties! No judgment from B.

**More LL&D2 leakage?** The scoreboard SO FAR (probably will change):

Number of new, official couples: 3

Number of break-ups: 3

Number of pregnancy scares: 2

Number of (maybe) couples (maybe) having sex for the first time: 3

Number of confirmed fatalities: 1

Number of screaming/fist/girl fights: 19

Number of first-time love confessions: 1

Number of possible fatalities: 2

Number of character returns/visits to CO: 9

Number of characters serving time: 1

Number of former loves resurfacing: 5

Number of times Faith eats something fattening in front of gymnasts: 8

Number of characters converting to Scientology: 0

Number of car crashes: 2

Number of first kisses: 3

And counting…

Excited? Are you going to vote in the TCA? Will they ever find Damon? _REVIEW_.

xoxo


	14. Counting Down

Warning: Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Heavy Nickelly! YUM.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

HOURS BEFORE THE CALL

Sunday 3:59 AM

"You're sure this is the only way?"

Max isn't too keen on the idea of going to Kelly Parker and begging for her help, but Nicky seems dead set on the idea that this is their only plausible course of action. The guys walk through the Monte Carlo, frantically searching the casino for either Faith or Kelly. They have to be around here somewhere.

"Look, Max, I know Kelly isn't your favorite person, but she's basically the only one who can help at this point," Nicky says for what might be the hundredth time since they left the Mandalay Bay.

"And you're so convinced she'll be willing to help us?"

"Yes," Nicky says surely.

Finally, through the masses and masses of people all around, the guys finally find Faith who looks all refreshed with her hair neatly done and her skin practically glowing. Or maybe she looks normal, but standing next to the boys who look like utter crap Faith looks like a goddess.

"Oh. My. God." Faith's jaw drops open. "What the hell happened to you guys?"

"Austin needs a hug," he whines, shoulders dropped, lips pouting, going straight over to her. Poking her lips out to mimic him, Faith goes right over to him and wraps her arms around Austin in that hug he asked for. He makes whimpering sounds much like a scared puppy and Faith soothingly rocks him from side to side.

"Me next!" Razor calls out.

Once she releases Austin, but before she can hug Razor, Nicky pulls her aside. "Faye, where is she?"

"Kel? She's by the bar, but I don't know if you want to—"

"Just wait here and let me talk to her first and seriously this time, Max, don't say _anything_," Nicky directs, pointing a finger at her cousin, and marches off in the direction of the bar. Faith just stares after him, the rest of her sentence on the tip of her tongue, but then shrugs, forget it, and hugs Razor.

Too focused on his mission to think about how nervous he is, Nicky spots Kelly at the bar just like Faith said she'd be. She's sitting on a leather stool, stirring a straw around in her drink with some guy next to her, leaning into her, talking softly. Kelly laughs one of her flirty laughs at something the guy says and Nicky turns irritated in an instant. He doesn't have time for this.

"Parks, can I have a sec?"

When she looks up from the guy seated beside her and sees Nicky, her flirty smile fades. A look of alarm crosses her face and Kelly lifts her hand as if to touch his bruised face, crusted with dry blood, but stops herself, curls her fingers into a fist and places it back on her lap. "Nick, what the hell happened to your face?"

"Long story." Nicky tries to hide how self-conscious he is all of a sudden. "I, um…I need to talk to you."

Trying to fight how genuinely concerned she is, Kelly glances at the guy she's sitting with and back at Nicky. "I'm actually talking to someone else right now so why don't you run along and I'll try to pencil you in later."

"Damn it, Kelly," Nicky seethes. "You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."

"No."

"You heard her, pal," the guy says. He looks older, wearing an expensive suit and has the bleached-white teeth and fake, implant hair of a newscaster. Nicky's brows furrow and he looks at her all '_really, Kelly? This guy?'_ It seems the weather reporter doesn't appreciate being ignored and gives Nicky a little shove. "Are you deaf? Just walk away."

The guy, triumphant, ignores Nicky and gives Kelly a lecherous smile. Fueled by all the frustration and anger that he's been collecting all day, Nicky grabs the guy by his suit jacket and yanks him to his feet. "Listen, _pal_, I don't have time for you. I need to talk to _my wife_ so you need to disappear."

Nicky gives the guy a rough shove that makes him stumble back. The wannabe newscaster glances between Nicky who looks furious and Kelly who tries to hide how entertained she is. Grunting, the guy straightens his jacket, fixes the knot of his tie and walks away as Nicky slides into the seat he once occupied.

"That wasn't nice," Kelly coos, stirring her straw in her drink.

"Like I said, it's important. I just…need to sit for a second and wait for the room to stop spinning then I'll be great," Nicky says. He motions for the bartender and orders a scotch as Kelly stares at him without shame. Nicky hasn't seen his reflection in a while, too busy running from place to place, but if Kelly Parker looks concerned then it must be bad.

"Again, what happened to your face?"

"Oh, you know, after sitting in the Vegas PD interrogation room from a couple hours, Austin and I got into a good ol' fistfight right outside," Nicky explains. When the bartender sets the glass of scotch in front of him, Nicky takes a long sip. "Ah…trust me, he looks just as bad. I'd call it a draw."

"I'm sure," Kelly says, the least bit convinced. "What were you losers fighting about?"

"The usual," Nicky takes another sip, "how I think he has acute Peter Pan Syndrome, I believe he called me a 'super massive black hole of fun suckery' and then we got into how we both have daddy issues. Oh…and you."

Kelly looks surprised for a second, but then not so much. "Let me guess. You were talking about what a mighty bitch I am and my Austin defended my honor?"

Staring down at his scotch, Nicky runs his fingertips across the smooth, cold glass. "Kelly, why were we together for so long?"

That takes her off-guard completely. "Um, random, but okay. Because you used to be super hot. And I admit I got some sick satisfaction from how much it pissed off the other Sigmas that we were together."

Seeing how guarded she is and remembering a time where he could actual see her, past all the ice and the walls, Nicky frowns. "I'm serious."

Looking down at her drink, Kelly replies, "Well, you're out of luck because I don't want to talk about it. Why are you even here again?"

"Austin pulled a Doctor Phil on me, said the reason I freaked out over our impromptu marriage is because I'm scared you'd realize that, yeah, I'm a loser and you'd want that divorce even more than you already do," Nicky explains, so tired and so honest. "It'd be a lie to say he didn't peg me. Then I embraced my inner linebacker and tackled him to the ground."

Nicky tosses back the rest of his scotch, suppressing a wince as it goes down.

"Austin is _still_ an idiot. Don't let him get to you, Nick. It isn't worth messing up your face," Kelly tells him. When Nicky doesn't look any more at ease, she sighs. "You always had this way of making me feel…I don't know…safe? And you made me _want_ to tell you things, things I wouldn't dream of tell anyone else, not even Faith. Yes, you always had your dorky moments, super awkward…but pretty cute too. And you not wanting to do anything fun made it even more fun for me, forcing you to do it anyways. We just…I don't know…worked."

Hearing this, Nicky watches her face, amazed to find traces of that vulnerable nineteen-year-old Kelly Parker sitting out on his porch with Chinese food and an apology. Now Nicky figures it's his turn.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier today, implying it'd be horrible to be married to you," he says. "I was overwhelmed and, okay, a little scared, but the truth is I am lucky to be able to call you my wife as short-lived as it might turn out to be and I know that now."

Kelly nods. "And this would be a nice place to segue into the favor you're about to ask me."

Sighing loudly, Nicky wishes he didn't have to ruin this nice, surprisingly civil conversation by getting down on both knees and asking her what he's about to. "We need your help."

Playing with the diamond engagement ring around her finger, Kelly says, "After what a jerk you've been all day, bitching and being a total cockblock, you think saying a few nice things will make me want to jump up and help you? Why would I do that?"

"For richer or for poorer right?" Nicky says with a nervous smile. Kelly remains unconvinced. "So here's the gravity of the situation. Razor owes these guys money, _a lot_ of money and they're holding Damon hostage until they get it. We'd have this all taken care of and done with if it weren't, well, almost 3 in the morning and all the banks are closed. We have until dawn and then I don't know what's going to happen."

"Wow," Kelly says flatly. "What do you expect me to do about this? I don't carry around thousands of dollars with me in my clutch."

Nicky leans closer to her. "I was thinking more along the lines of, I don't know, counting?"

"I can't," she refuses. "Everything I had earlier? Gone. I don't gamble for the money. I gamble for the fun, intimidating and taunting poor, desperate people like you who could quite possibly need the money. When I start to win too much I lose on purpose so the casino won't get suspicious. I'm down right now."

"Well, then I say we take it to another casino and get you back up," Nicky proposes. "Please Parks. After this, I will owe you. _Big_. Anything you could possibly want or need. I will figure out some way to pay you back if you do this for me. Please."

"Anything?"

Nicky doesn't like the tone of her voice when she says it, sounding a little devious, gears turning in her head, but he doesn't have any other options. "Yeah. Anything. I promise."

"Sexual favors included?" Kelly raises an eyebrow and Nicky goes rigid, a blush creeping across his skin like he's a little kid again. Highly amused, Kelly laughs. "God. You don't ever change do you?"

"Um…is that supposed to be a bad thing?"

"Yes. That's a bad thing. It makes it harder for me to say no to you." Kelly secures the ring on her finger and sighs, grabbing her clutch from off the bar. "Fine. Let's round up your idiot boys and head to the Montecito. I never play there. They won't know what hit them."

Kelly starts to stand from her bar stool and Nicky takes her hand before she can get too far. She looks back at him, trying to appear aloof, but Nicky knows better, warmly squeezing her hand. "Thank you, Parks."

"Keep it. Trust me. You'll only want to take it back when I make you make up for this," Kelly says. She slips her hand free from his, but there's something about the way she looks at him before turning away. The feeling he gets, the shiver down his spine, it's something Nicky hasn't felt in a long time and only ever with Kelly Parker.

After composing himself, Nicky stands from the barstool and chases after Kelly, joining the rest of their old college gang and explaining the new gameplan. Once they're all on the same page, they head out, ready to make some magic happen.

On their way to the nearest 24-hour gas station, Kelly complains about potentially being spotted by people who actually matter in this "shit wagon." Her bitching becomes a little bit more bearable when they're racing to the Montecito, each of them chugging cans of Red Bull. They pool what chunk change they have left and go to work.

Austin is stationed at the craps table, shooting dice and making the entire table erupt in cheers. Max throws down at the blackjack table while Razor sits in a line of slot machines, feeding in quarter after quarter and dramatically pulling on the lever. Whenever Razor wins he does a happy dance as the coins disperse, getting weird looks from the old ladies sitting at the other machines. Across the casino, Faith throws her arms up and shouts, "BINGO!"

Meanwhile, Kelly works the poker tables with Nicky at her side just like old times. She plays the inexperienced girl card, asking stupid questions and erupting in cheers whenever she wins a hand. Then she gets into her zone, switches gears and goes into scary bitch mode, raking in the chips. When an hour goes by, they're running out of time and so Kelly goes all in on a single hand. Her last opponent resists as long as he possibly can before giving in and folding. The entire pot goes to Kelly and they all aggressively congratulate her, fucking wired. Whose idea was the Red Bull again?

"YES!" Nicky shouts. He's sweating a little at his hairline and can't seem to stay in one place for more than a millisecond. "Kelly Parker, you are AMAZING!"

Kelly laughs lightly, looking down at the mountain of chips she's collected. "It's funny how far a cocky smile can get you." Lightly biting her bottom lip, Kelly leans in close to Nicky and whispers, "I went all in on a pair of twos."

It might be the Red Bull or the stress or how fucking hot she looks when she's super confident, but there's nothing he wants more than to kiss her right there. Nicky licks his lips and zeroes in on her smile and when she catches on, reading his intent, Kelly Parker actually looks scared. Before Nicky can make his move, he feels a hand grab onto his shoulder—fucking Austin he can already tell—and spins him around.

"Okay, time check and chip check!" Austin announces.

"We have fifteen minutes," Razor says. He looks over at Max who's adding in Kelly's chips to their spoils. "…And someone let fucking Max count so we'll probably be standing here for another seven hours…"

"Crap! Fifteen? Where the hell did the time go?" Nicky yells. He's alarmed, frazzled and has obviously had a little too much liquid energy. "Jesus! Count faster, Max! Chip check faster!"

Faith giggles and pulls on Nicky's arm. "Nix, how many Red Bulls did you have?"

"No clue. I stopped counting at four! My heart is beating in my head!" He nervously drums his fingers against his thighs because, crap, he almost kissed Kelly and what if they don't have enough money to spring Damon and, wow, is he dizzy all of a sudden.

Everyone is watching Max and he's frowning. Not a good sign.

"Even with Kelly's chips, it's just over a hundred grand," he reports. Saddened, Max pulls his baseball cap tighter around his head and shuts his eyes in disappointment. Everyone else seems to share his disappointment as the helpless feeling returns.

"There's only one thing left to do," Austin says, rolling up his sleeves. He grabs Max, the designated chip holder, by the shoulder and leads him and the rest of the gang over to the roulette table. They argue for a good minute, but finally place all their chips on red. They're all sweating and watching closely. Razor can't keep still, twisting and turning like a toddler that needs to pee. Nicky, however, is ten times worse.

"You sure we don't want black?" Nicky asks nervously. He's totally tweaking out, so much so that the Croupier looks at him wearily like he's a crack addict that needs to be thrown out ASAP. "What if it lands on black?"

"Russo, shut up," Austin says. "It's done. Betting is closed."

They all fall silent as the Croupier drops the ball into the spinning wheel. It bounces and hops, going around and round. Razor leans in close and Max watches from between his fingers. They all hold their breaths, praying to the Powers that Be that Lady Luck will not bitchslap them like she's been doing all day long.

"My heart feels like it's going to explode!" Nicky murmurs manically, making everyone cringe. "Shit. I went to school for this! I work at a freaking hospital! I should know how to self-diagnose! I—I can't watch! I—"

"Parker, if you want to keep him you'll shut your husband up!" Austin growls. "I kicked his ass once today, I will not hesitate to do it again!"

"Wow, you sounded scarily like Marty just then," Kelly says just to be annoying.

Austin takes his eyes off the wheel for a second, glaring at the former gymnast. "Don't you—"

"It's red, isn't?" Nicky shouts. "Tell me it's not red!"

Kelly roughly grabs him by his chin and forces him to look at her. "Nick, calm fucking down!"

"It's not red!" Austin yells.

Ecstatic, Nicky turns to look at his friends, but then his face completely drops.

It's green. It stopped on green. Double zero. Nicky clutches his chest like he's having a heart attack and Razor withers to the ground, murmuring beneath his breath about how he just killed Damon. Austin sighs loudly, Faith quickly going to comfort him while Max's bottom lip trembles and he watches the Croupier take away all their hard earned chips.

Oh shit. Now they're really fucked.

**-XX-**

Flashback 

7 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

You'd think they'd buckle down and get serious by senior year, but that isn't the case.

"IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" Razor shouts. He runs down the hallway of the Sigma house, shirtless, with a giant heart drawn on his chest in red lipstick. The house is packed with people here to celebrate. There are tortoise races going on in the kitchen, a wet t-shirt contest out on the back porch—where the birthday boy will decide the winner, of course—and a DJ spinning records, music pouring out of speakers placed all around the house. They're on noise complaint five and it isn't even after midnight yet.

While it's utter chaos in the room, Nicky and Kelly are quietly sitting together on the couch. He has a cup of beer in hand, resting on his knee. Kelly isn't drinking, just sitting with him, her sculpted, bronze legs stretched out across Nicky's lap. He leans in extra close so she can hear him despite the blaring music.

Kelly shakes her head, obviously displeased with whatever it is he tells her. "No, she'd never. That's so tacky and with him? I don't buy it."

"Max said he saw them," Nicky argues. "Why would he lie about it?"

"Fine. We'll just ask her," Kelly says. She sits up and looks around the room that's crowded with people, drinking and making a mess out of the university-owned and funded house. It's like a game of Where's Waldo? When Kelly finally her, she shouts, "Hey you! Come here for a sec!"

When she realizes she's being summoned and by Kelly, Faith drops the conversation she's having with the hippie Sigma and goes right over to her favorite couple. Faith pushes Kelly's legs off Nicky's lap and wiggles between them just for the sake of being irritating and while wearing a smile too.

"What up, beautiful?" Faith asks Kelly with a cheeky grin.

"You and Razor. Since when?" Kelly asks her straight out. Faith looks confused and so Kelly goes on, "Max said he saw The Tall One and you coming out of the bathroom together. What up with that, Skanky?"

"Oh. I was helping him with his guyliner and he was helping me choose an outfit for tonight," Faith explains like it's no big deal. "Not bad, right?" Faith motions to her cute, slinky little lavender off the shoulder dress. "After all, it is his birthday and he doesn't have horrible taste when it comes to clothes."

"So you were, like, changing in front of him?" Kelly asks with an eyebrow arched.

"Yeah," Faith answers without shame, "but it's cool because Ray is like my gay boyfriend."

"Except he isn't gay," Nicky says slowly.

Faith's face drops and Nicky and Kelly trade looks, wearing the biggest grins. Nicky chuckles softly and Kelly presses her forehead to Faith's shoulder, her body literally shaking from trying to control how badly she wants to laugh.

"But…" Faith tilts her head thoughtfully. "But he wears guyliner, actually tries to style his hair and does a fantastic job at it and he's always complimenting me on my shoes and asking where I buy them and he's never being sleazy towards any of the skanky girls…he likes Mean Girls. MEAN GIRLS!"

With a tight-lipped smile, Nicky shakes his head. "Yes, because he has a thing for Rachel McAdams…and Amanda Seyfried…and Lindsay Lohan, but depending on the day, I think…so no, Faye. He's straight."

"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" Faith shouts, shaking her fists at the ceiling. When she tries to stand, probably to go hunt down Razor and burn him alive, Nicky reaches out for her arm and pulls her back down to the couch with them.

"According to house rules, Razor can't be harmed for the full 24 hours of his day of birth," Nicky points out. "If you break that rule then we get to shave your head. Not even Austin gets to overturn house rules and he's house president."

"I always thought that was a stupid rule," Faith says sourly. "Well, the second his birthday is over I'm going to kill him and then I'm going to get Austin to kill him so it'll be a double homicide! RAZOR!"

Faith stomps off and this time Nicky lets her. When she disappears from sight, Nicky and Kelly finally laugh long and hard like they wanted to all conversation. With Faith no longer stuck between them, Nicky tugs Kelly closer to him and buries his face into her hair, gently kissing her neck. Leaning into him, Kelly takes his hand and threads her fingers through his.

"So it's been a while since you've stayed over," Nicky murmurs. "My bed misses you…"

"Oh, just your bed?"

"And me," Nicky assures her. "Maybe other specific parts of me…"

"You're disgusting," Kelly says with a smile, swatting him away.

"Aww, Parks," he scoops her into his arms, "I was talking about my heart."

"Yeah, sure," Kelly playfully pushes him away. "Tell you what, Nick. If you manage to stay somewhat sober and I manage to keep Faith away from the tequila and murdering 'her gay boyfriend' then maybe you'll get lucky tonight."

"Deal." Nicky kisses her cheek and Kelly gives him a wink before shoving him away and getting up to join her best friend, wherever she is. Nicky watches her go for a second, but can't enjoy it because the next second he's being lifted off the couch by strong hands on his shoulders and ushered over to the kitchen.

"Drink this, Russo," Austin pours him a shot. Nicky stares at it and slides it back. "Imma tell you now, Nicky, you're going to wish you took that shot thirty minutes from now."

"Why? What's happening in thirty minutes?"

"We're all getting matching Sigma tats, Nick-a-roo!" Razor shouts, drumming his hands on Nicky's shoulders. "Even Damon agreed to do it. You know why? Because it's my happy, happy birthday, bitches!"

"No thanks." Nicky touches the tattoo on his wrist as if the memory of the last one brings him physical pain. "One is enough. By the way, Faith is pissed at you. I just thought you should know."

Austin sobers ever so slightly, hearing that. "What did you do to Faith, Ray?"

"Not important!" Razor sings. "Nicky, we're all getting our Greek letters."

Nicky shakes his head. No way.

"It's two letters, Nicky, and you can put it anywhere you want," Austin says, letting the thing about Faith slide for now, "but I'll give you a hundred bucks if you get a tramp stamp."

Nicky looks at him like he's crazy. "No."

"Double or nothing!" Razor proposes. Austin smirks and they shake on it.

"Okay…you guys have fun. I am not doing this," Nicky says. Before he gets a chance to walk away, Austin grabs him by his shirt and yanks him back.

"Nicky, Nicky, Nicky," Austin sings. "It's senior year, buddy, _our last year_. That means we have less than 9 months to do the stupidest, craziest things we can think of because after this we're losing our safety net. We're all going to be out in the real world and separated. We won't be able to get this moment back, Russo. It's here and now. Might as well do it while we can, right? What do you say, brother?"

"Come on, Nicky," Razor pleas. "Austin's right. After graduation, we have to go out there and get jobs and become, like, _real people_. We need to seize the day while it's still here!"

Austin, Razor and Max look at Nicky expectantly.

"Alright," Nicky gives in, "I'm going to need that drink."

They all cheer excitedly. The four stay close and throw back a couple more shots, waiting for Damon to show up. When they finally do, the guys slip out of the house and go to the nearest tattoo parlor, owned by a good friend of Austin's. They take turns in the chair, all getting the same tattoo in black ink. Everyone laughs hysterically when the birthday boy is on his stomach, getting his lower back inked. Austin is so delighted he doesn't even look upset about having to hand the wad of cash over to Razor.

When they finally return to the house, the party is still in full swing and it doesn't seem like anyone missed them. After grabbing another six-pack from the kitchen, the five Sigmas sneak out to the backyard where there's a giant, pink inflatable jumping castle. They kick out a couple making out in there and climb in, declaring it a senior Sigma (and Damon) only area.

Breaking open the beer cans, Damon, Austin and Nicky sit around in the inflatable playhouse, chilling, while Razor and Max are jumping in the middle. Razor is trying to see how high he can jump and Max is snapping pictures left and right, the flash going off every few seconds.

"Shake that ass with me!" Razor sings as he bounces up and down. "Shake that ass with me! C'mon now!" He flops down onto his back and explodes with laughter, staring up at the ceiling. "This inflatable castle is _dope_!"

Nicky laughs. "Man, the look on those people's faces when they showed up to set it up…"

"Because they weren't stupid," Austin says. "Frat house + inflatable jumping castle = dirty, dirty things. Man, they're going to have to do some hardcore disinfecting when they come to take this thing back."

"Seriously, do you know how filthy this thing probably is? They might be better off just burning it," Damon says. He motions to the walls of the bounce house with a beer in his hand. "How many people do you think got laid in this thing tonight alone?"

Nicky shakes his head. "I don't want to know."

"Me neither. More importantly, who's _planning_ on getting laid in this thing?" Austin teases. He slaps his palm against Nicky's bandaged arm, right over his fresh ink. Nicky cringes, mouth full of beer, swallows hard and slaps Austin back, even harder.

"Damn that hurt. Austin, you ass," Nicky sneers. "And I really doubt that. We made a deal that if I stayed somewhat sober then I'd be getting some tonight. Instead, I went out and got a tattoo! After Kelly sees this we'll see how excited she is to jump me."

"The girl does like ink," Austin reasons.

"And from what I hear, sex in public places," Max adds, still jumping up and down.

Glaring, Nicky kicks Max right in the calf mid-jump so he falls, his face meeting the inflatable floor of the bounce castle. Everyone around him howls with laughter and Max rolls over with a groan, bumping into Razor who's still sprawled out and staring at the plastic ceiling.

"Just laugh it up!" Max shouts irritably. "Four years I've been your walking joke! Why stop now?"

"Aww, come on, Maxi," Damon says gently. "Don't you think 'walking joke' is a bit of an exaggeration?"

Razor, getting back to his feet, laughs loudly. "Dae, come on, his name is _Maxi-pad_."

Damon's relaxed face cracks with a smile. "Yeah, sorry, Max, can't help you there."

"Well, it's a new year, Max," Austin says optimistically. "Maybe if you clean up your act you can earn a little respect around the house."

"What's that supposed to mean anyways?"

"It's my birthday! It's my birthday!" Razor shouts, purposefully being distracting. He waves his arms and does a few jumping jacks, his hair nearly touching the ceiling with how high he can jump. "No more talking about Max's self-esteem issues on my birthday! Tra-la-la-la-la!"

After another sip, Austin shakes his head. "Yeah, and you better enjoy it too because come tomorrow Faith is going to kill you and I'm obligated to help. Just giving you a heads up, bro."

"So worth it," Razor say. "She is great to look at, even better half-clothed…"

"She called you her gay boyfriend," Nicky laughs. "Not anything to be proud of, Ray."

"Whatever. Faith's my girl. She loves me. She won't stay mad for too long and it isn't like she ever asked me about it. She just assumed. Shame, shame," Razor says with such strong certainty. "Guys! We're graduating soon!"

"And I'll be right there to welcome you guys to the real world," Damon says.

"Don't remind me," Austin groans. He grabs the last beer can and taps his fingers against the metal mouth. "Whatever happens, we'll be bros forever, huh?"

Nicky raises his can and the others do the same. "Bros forever."

Austin gives them all a sweeping smirk before he shakes the beer can and pulls the tab, making it foam and squirt out right at Max. Damon and Nicky jump on the bandwagon, dousing Max with what's left in their cans. As Max grumbles and complains, Razor keeps jumping, higher and higher, with the biggest smile on his face.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

* * *

><p><span>AN: I'm on my way out so I can't think of any good LL&D2 spoilers, but if you review I'll reply and PM you something spoiler-y and sexy later. I appreciate your continued support. I love all you, sweeties.

EDIT: I remember what I wanted to tell you now! **Payson-Nicky-forever** is one of the coolest kids I know on this site and she wrote a Nickelly oneshot featuring **FAITH FREAKING GIANCANA**. So everyone should check that out and show my girl some love. Holla.

xoxo


	15. Out in the Open

Warning: Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! RAWR.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

Flashback

7 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

Austin can really see himself living in a place like Fresno.

He sits under a tree in Roeding Park, surrounded by groves of ash, resting for a bit after spending the entire day in the Fresno Chafee Zoo with his favorite girls and his favorite little man. Ava is a little way off, holding little Henry's hand as they walks along the bank of the pond.

Sitting in the grass beside him, her long legs stretched out in front of her, Emily Kmetko has Austin's cell phone in her hand. Laughing, she says, "This is a good one. 'This is a drunk text. I am so glad we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat unicorns in the sandbox. We both have toes. Flower.'"

"Riley," Austin says. "Riley always texts me nonsense. Damn hippie."

"Correct," Emily chimes. "What about this? 'I swear I smoked a bowl with Jesus last night.'"

"That would be Razor," Austin says knowingly.

"Impressive," Emily says. "Your guessing abilities, not so much that Razor's _still_ smoking."

"Less than before, mostly just when he's stressing over exams and bills and things. And what can I say? I know my brothers," Austin says confidently, leaning back on his palms. "That being said, I'm really, really hoping my gut instinct is wrong and they don't set my house on fire and drunkenly dance in the ashes while I'm gone."

"No, if that happened Nicky would have told you by now," Emily assures him. "Plus, I don't think he'd let that happen in the first place. If the house burned down then that would mean Nicky and Kelly would actually have to leave his bed at some point and we all know how much they hate that."

Austin throws his head back with a laugh. "You have a point there."

"How are they anyways?" Emily asks, genuinely wanting to know. "Still going strong, right?"

"A lot stronger than they were the tail end of last year, that's for sure," Austin says. "Honestly, I'm glad to get away, bond with Little Tuck, see you and the kid, spend some time away from the brothers for a bit…"

"And getting Ava away from Max for a bit," Emily sings, much to Austin's annoyance. "She told me about him and her and their thing that isn't and wasn't ever really a thing, but is kind of always there." Emily pauses a moment, tucking her short, dark hair behind her ear. "It's weird though. We've known Max for so long and he's always been so…awkward and weird."

"I know, right? I keep telling Ava that. IT'S MAX," Austin says. Finally, someone can share in his confusion over the attraction. "He's a good guy, but sometimes the things he does even rivals me in stupid and he already proved he isn't capable of treating her right."

"It's not even that. Max is just _weird_," Emily says, wrinkling her nose. "Remember that one time when we were younger and we were playing truth or dare and Max chose dare so you made him eat dog food?"

"And he did, the wet kind, a whole can too," Austin chuckles. "We always gave Max a hard time because his family was a lot more well off than ours and he was so desperate to slum it with us, like we were so cool, which we weren't. Now we give him a hard time because he's stupid."

"It may be a lame excuse, but it is college. Stupid is allowed…for now," Emily says.

"Whatever." Austin scowls, eyes sideward, looking at Emily. "See. This is why you need to come back to Colorado one of these days. I miss this. You can see the Nickelly love fest for yourself, stick up for Max when no one else will. We can sit around, psychoanalyze everyone's problems and ignore our own. Sounds mighty fun, right?" Emily gives him a meaningful look. Austin shrugs. It was worth a shot. "But the Baby Daddy is in Boulder."

"Aus, you don't have to talk about Damon like you don't have matching tattoos with him," Emily playfully nudges her childhood friend, "If you recall I never asked you to choose sides. He pays Child Support now. Him and his girlfriend are okay with it. You're okay with it. I'm super okay with it. Everything is cool between all of us now, right?"

"Right," Austin begrudgingly agrees. "Still, if Henry was my kid then I'd be here for you every step of the way."

"You already are. When I was pregnant you sacrificed your summer to go with me to those parenting classes, you drive down here for every one of his birthdays like now," Emily says. "You helped me through some rough times when no one else would. Now I'm doing it on my own, living here with my son. I like Fresno. I was born here and I have family here."

"Born here, sure, but you know you're Colorado grown," Austin reminds her. "And little Henry is Colorado born."

"Fresno is home, Austin."

Austin groans. "What is it about California that draws everyone in? Even Ava wants to move out here or LA maybe or so she says. It's too far from Boulder, too far from our real home if you ask me."

"Well, then it's a good thing no one asked you," Emily says, leaving Austin's phone on his thigh. She looks forward, over to where Ava is still with Henry, making sure he doesn't try to jump into the water. "She's really good with him. Henry loves her."

"And she loves Henry, but after this weekend I'm pretty sure it'll make her extra paranoid about getting pregnant and rethink having a kid for at least the next ten years. Job well done, Kmetko," Austin says. "What a good-looking kid that Henry Kmetko. But what's with that Zoolander face he always makes? So Damon."

"I thought the same thing. No paternity test needed," Emily says surely.

"Ahhh!" Henry starts running towards them, arms out, screaming. "Aus! Ava! Mommy! Aus! Ava! MOMMY!"

"And he's got Damon's musicality too," Austin says. "Nice little song, bud!" Henry runs straight to Austin, bumping into him, making car crash sounds. Austin immediately hoists him up above his head and Henry squeals with delight. When Austin sets him back down on his little feet, Henry plops down in his lap.

"Duck!" Henry shouts, pointing a little finger towards the pond. "Duck!"

"Em, your kid is gross," Ava says, sitting in the grass with them. "Henry told me he had a boogie, dug it out of his tiny nose, kissed it and wanted to wipe it on one of the ducks in the pond."

Austin chuckles, placing his hand atop Henry's head and messing with his hair. "He would make a great Sigma by that information alone."

"Henry is a wittle young to recruit, don't you think, Austin?" Ava asks. She pokes the little boy in his stomach and it makes Henry giggle, a big smile on his face, eyes crinkled to the point of being closed.

"Like it isn't enough of a hint that Austin brings Henry a little Sigma t-shirt every time he visits," Emily says, tapping her knuckles against Austin's shoulder. "Anyways, I really appreciate you guys driving out here for Henry's birthday. Sometimes I feel like I'm living a completely different life from when I was in Boulder. It's nice to be reminded where I came from."

"Always," Austin says. "And I'd love it if you and Baby Zoolander came back to Boulder _just to visit_ when I, Austin Julius Tucker, graduate from Colorado University at Boulder. Oh yes, ladies, you better believe it's happening."

Ava snorts, but with her smile, it's obvious she's proud of her brother. "I'll believe it when I see it."

"Okay. We'll start saving now," Emily says. "Wow. Austin Julius Tucker, a college grad?"

"Scary, isn't it?" Ava quips.

"Ha ha. Aunt Ava is so funny, huh, Henry," Austin says. Austin hugs the toddler who's busy, tapping his tiny fingers against the touch screen of Austin's phone. "Sorry, buddy, but we gotta get going. Next stop on the Tucker & Tucker Roadtrip Extravaganza is the one and only Stanford."

Ava's expression says this is news to her. "Stanford?"

"I'm visiting a friend," Austin says, sounding almost sheepish.

"No!" Ava shouts. "Austin, I am not going to wait in the car while you hook up with some skanky hoe."

"Skanky hoe?" Austin repeats. "Don't you think that's a little redundant, V?"

"Hoe!" Little Henry shouts. All the (sometimes) adults cringe. "Sknky HOE!"

"Henry, that's not nice," Emily scolds him. "Even if statistics say it's true…"

"Sorry," Ava says gently, "but that doesn't mean I don't mean what I said."

"C'mon, Ava, it's not a booty call," Austin argues.

Ava snorts. "Em, if we had a dollar for every time he's told us that one…?"

"We'd be rich enough to buy out Disneyland and probably all of Aspen too," Emily says. She grabs her son and pulls him into her lap. Henry is still amazed by Austin's phone, staring at the screen. "Who's the lucky lady, Aus?"

"Payson Keeler," he answers.

"The gymnast." Ava rolls her eyes. "You don't even know her."

"I'd like to try to get to know her, but you, little sister, are raining on my parade."

"Hmm, I hate to be the one to break the news to you, Austin, but usually when people 'get to know' each other, they usually do it wearing clothes, not naked and in strange positions with a camera," Ava says.

"Cam-rahh!" Henry shouts. He carelessly drops Austin's phone in favor of holding his hands out, pinching his thumbs and pointer fingers. "Pew! Pew!"

"Cameras don't make that sound, silly," Austin says. "Cameras go ch-kahh! Ch-kahh!"

"Ch-kahh!" Henry imitates the closest thing to a father figure he has. "Ch-kahh!"

"Aww, sweetie, that's not quite right either," Emily says slowly. She smiles softly and lowers her lips to kiss the top of her baby boy's head.

"But it is super cute," Ava coos, poking Henry in the side yet again. "This really was a great weekend. Now it's back to Colorado, back to living with mom and dad and slowly losing every bit of my sanity. Talk about a drag."

"Drag!" Henry mimics. "Twa 'bout drag."

"Well, you can always move out," Emily hints. "Go back to school maybe?"

"I'm thinking about it," Ava says, letting her voice trail off. "Hey Henry, what would you think of Aunt Ava coming to live down here?"

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah!" Henry starts throwing his arms up in excitement.

"I love this kid," Austin says with sheer fasination. "Henry, say, 'that's dope, home boy'."

"Dope, home boyyy!" Henry squeals excitedly.

"Okay, that's enough of a speech lesson for today," Emily says. "You two should probably hit the road. I don't want you driving late at night. Plus, it's probably time for a nap."

"No! No nap! Mommy, ish cream," he says with big, puppy dog eyes. "Come on! Ava! Aus! Mommy! Ish cream! Come on!"

"I so hate that you two taught him that face," Emily groans.

"You should be thanking us. It's a real improvement from the Zoolander look he's sporting by nature," Austin says. "Okay. Pack it up, Little Tuck."

"C'mere, Henry." Ava holds out her arms and the little boy gets up from his mother's lap with arms open wide. He wraps his little arms around Ava's neck and cradles him close. "Can Aunt Ava get a kiss?" Complying, Henry presses his wet lips to Ava's cheek, making a dramatic _muah_ sound.

"V, didn't you just say he kissed his booger with those lips?" Austin points out.

"Shut it, Austin," Ava says sweetly.

"Shut it, Aus-tin," Henry parrots.

"You be a good boy for your mommy, okay, Baby?" Ava coos. "I love you, Henry Julius Kmetko."

"Love you," he says softly, tangling his fingers in Ava's straight, dark hair.

"Okay, my turn," Austin says. "Hand over the Pooper!"

"Pooper!" Henry screams. After holding Henry and swaying from side to side for a bit, Ava finally lets him go and Austin snatches him out of his sister's hold. Again, Austin lifts him up over his head and tosses him in the air, making Henry laugh. Austin then holds him close and kisses the top of his head.

"Take care of your mommy, Henry."

"Ok."

Austin watches his sister and their childhood friend exchange goodbyes with hugs and kisses on the cheek. It started out with just the three of them, hanging out on the playgrounds in Longmont, relatively close to Boulder, but with cheaper housing, easier to survive in. They were street kids with parents who worked all damn day so they looked out for each other. Oh how things have changed.

"Love you, kiddo," Austin whispers to Henry.

"Love you."

Ava pulls Henry away from Austin, like he's a toy they're fighting over, and hoists him up into her arms, cuddling him. Austin grabs his cell phone from the grass and Emily extends a hand, helping the university senior to his feet. They make their way to the parking lot with Ava and Henry a little ahead of Austin and Emily, who walk at an extra slow pace.

"Don't forget to tell your mom and dad hi for me," Emily says.

"Will do," Austin assures her. "They miss you like crazy and mom is dying to get her hands on Henry. If you think Ava and I spoil him, just wait till he meets Ma and Pa Tucker."

"Well, you better your diploma and give me a reason to go back," Emily says. Once they reach their cars, Austin pulls Emily into a long, bear hug. "Take care of yourself, Austin," she whispers. "I mean it. With all the drunk texts I get from you, I mean, they're entertaining, sure, but it doesn't make me worry any less."

"Don't worry about me, Em," Austin whispers. "Just tell me you'll miss me."

Emily scoffs, but squeezes him tighter. "I'll miss you, Austin Tucker."

"I'll miss you too."

Austin kisses the side of her face and they finally pull away. Emily holds her arms out and reclaims her son. The Tuckers wait and watch as Emily straps Henry into his car seat. The little boy repeatedly waves his tiny hand and shouts, "BYE!" while Austin and Ava do the same in return. After watching Emily and Henry drive away, Austin finally unlocks the doors of his car.

"It's like you and her traded lives," Ava says. "You were supposed to be the one with a kid and Emily is supposed to be going to university. How did that happen?"

"I ask myself that every day," Austin sighs. Turning to his sister, the frat boy puts on a big grin. "Sooo Stanford?" Ava gives him her best glare. "Aww, c'mon, Ava! It's a cool place. The campus is gorgeous! You can take a tour or something."

"Hmm, that's not a bad idea, actually," Ava says with an impish grin. "I'm sure I can find a couple of gorgeous college guys who can give me a tour of their gorgeous campus." Austin's face drops. That's not what he meant. "Smart, sweet non-frat boys, preferably."

"Well, sis, at least you have that much sense," Austin chuckles, pulling her door open for her. "We better get going. I wanna pick up a Red Bull or five and we're good to go!"

Ava sighs, ducking her head into the car. "Here we go again…"

Their visit to Stanford isn't as big of a train wreck as predicted. Austin manages to stay completely sober (a real accomplishment!) and goes out on a real date with Payson Keeler, kissing her for the first time. Besides the hundred-dollar bribe Austin paid her to agree to visit the campus, Ava gains some insight of her own. The moment she gets back to Colorado, she decides to finally buckle down and get her GED, putting her life back into motion.

**-XX-**

HOURS BEFORE THE CALL

Sunday 5:18 AM

The mood is as dark as the sky hanging over the desert.

"Aus, what are we going to do?" Faith asks out in front of the Montecito. Rubbing his hand over his face, Austin looks back at Faith, Max and Razor who are looking to him for direction. Max is hopeless, Razor is seconds away from another breakdown and Faith seems as confident in him as ever. Appreciating the undeserved devotion, Austin gently places his hand atop Faith's head, tenderly rubbing his fingers through her hair.

"Here it is," Austin says. "You and Kel go back to her hotel and wait for my call. If shit gets dangerous I don't want you involved. Me and the boys are going to find an ATM, get as much cash out of it as we possibly can, meet up with Tanner, explain to him that all we need to do is wait till a bank opens, get Damon back, pick you up and get back to LA for the wedding."

Their spirits still down, Razor and Max both sit on the curb, exhausted. Threading her arm through his, Faith tugs Austin away from them and over to the line for the valet. Quietly, Faith whispers, "We really fucked up, didn't we?"

Tired beyond belief, Austin loudly exhales. His dark eyes meet Faith's bold blue ones and the answer goes unspoken. Faith rests her head against the soft fabric of Austin's sleeve and he wraps an arm around her in a much needed comfort hug.

Meanwhile, a crashing Nicky leans back against a pillar a little way off from the others, eyes closed. Kelly stands with him and when she sees how worn out and gloomy he is it makes her frown. "Some help I was…"

"Hey. You tried, which I'm grateful for and still a little shocked about, actually," Nicky says. His heart is no longer beating in his head, but he is starting to feel a massive headache building behind his forehead. "Regardless, I still owe you. I keep my word so whenever you need that favor…"

"Uh-huh. I'll text you. For now just don't go around telling people I was a shitty forty-eight hour wife," Kelly says. "Not like it really matters. We might be legally married on paper, but everyone knows you're really married to your boys. Always have been. You have that stupid tattoo to prove it."

"Not something I like to admit," Nicky laughs, "you know…this was kind of fun."

Kelly laughs and jabs him in the side, making Nicky recoil but smile. "I think it's the sleep deprivation talking or maybe the Red Bull hangover. Newsflash, Nick, you assholes just lost a hundred grand."

"You don't have to remind me." Nicky inwardly groans. His eyes shift sideways and he looks at Kelly looking out and threading her fingers through her hair. Nicky debates mentioning it or keeping quiet and after some awkward fumbling, he murmurs, "yeah…and I almost tried to kiss you."

Kelly's smile fades a bit. "Right. You should probably steer clear of Red Bull for now on."

"I guess…but I mean it when I said this was a little…fun and I wasn't referring to us losing a hundred thousand dollars. I mean, us, you and me…hanging out again," Nicky weakly motions to the space between them. Seeing Kelly press her lips together and look everywhere but at him, Nicky frowns and, fuck, it probably is the sleep deprivation and the fact that he's crashing. Thinking he has nothing left to lose, Nicky boldly runs his fingers down the back of her hand and watches how it makes her tense. "Why didn't we work out?"

Taken by surprise, Kelly's eyes finally meet his. "Nick, you really want to talk about this now?"

"Yes," Nicky says. "I might be driving off to my death in Austin's shitty car. As dramatic as it sounds, I might come back with one less brother or I might not make it back at all so yes, I need to know. All I remember is everything being fine and then one day you flipped out on me, but instead of ending an argument in the bedroom like we always do you walked out."

She looks like she's deep in thought, staring out, and Nicky runs his fingers along the side of her hand again. The tension, the silence, it's all dizzying and Nicky is so tired and he thinks he might burst if she doesn't say anything soon.

"Because I was stupid and scared," she says with a humorless laugh. "It's as simple as that."

"That's not enough, Kelly," Nicky shakes his head, "you can't just…break my heart and then tell me it's simple. Why?"

"God. Nick, quit pushing."

"Kelly, just tell me."

"Because you're stupid," Kelly snaps. "Because you were being stupid and you were going to propose and I got scared so I ended it. Yeah, don't think I don't know how stupid that is. I realized that afterwards, but I couldn't bring myself to go crawling back to you _again_ and it's not like you tried to chase after me either."

Kelly looks so embarrassed, but tries to cover it up with her signature iciness. Nicky looks back at the others, but it seems they haven't drawn any attention to them.

Wetting his lips, Nicky quietly asks, "How did you know I was going to propose?"

"Please. You're not very subtle," Kelly says matter-of-factly. "Plus, at Joey's bonfire party Austin, wasted per usual, came over, kept winking at me and humming 'here comes the bride.' A fatal move, Nick. You never tell Austin. Ever."

_Austin_. Nicky has _'I'm going to kill him'_ in his eyes. "Wait. So you're saying you broke up with me because I wanted to marry you?"

"Yes," Kelly breathes out. "And now look at us. Married in Vegas. Irony is a bitch."

Her comment from the other day clicks in his mind and Nicky, as tired as he may be, manages to full heartedly laugh. "Kelly Parker, you really are a little psycho, you know?"

She bites her bottom lip and it's so fucking sexy. Nicky steps closer to her, seeing how that gap that's been between them for years is finally starting to shrink. "Well, it seems like you went through all that trouble for nothing. We're married so, ha, I win."

Nicky smiles softly and Kelly rolls her eyes. "You can't be serious," she scoffs. "No. We're getting divorced. First thing on Monday I'm calling my lawyer and it'll be like this never happened. We can go back to our lives—"

"I miss you," Nicky says. His honesty cuts straight through her train of thought, wiping it away completely. "I think about you. I don't think I ever stopped. Don't even try to pretend you don't miss me too."

"Sure, I miss you," she admits, "but it doesn't mean I'm any less stupid or any less scared." Kelly just stands there and keeps chewing on her bottom lip. She really needs to stop doing that because it's really distracting Nicky who think of much other than kissing her.

"Hey Nicky!" Austin shouts. At the sound of his voice, Kelly quickly turns away and Nicky hasn't wanted to kill Austin Tucker more than this exact second. "We gotta roll! You and Kel have the rest of your lives to eye fuck!"

"Austin, didn't you say something about taking time out to enjoy this train wreck?" Nicky shouts back, motioning between him and Kelly. Taking the hint, Austin grins and gives him a thumbs-up. Standing beside him, Faith looks just as ecstatic.

"What's all that about?" Kelly asks.

"No idea," Nicky says quickly. "Now, we were saying…I miss you and you miss me and maybe it isn't a coincidence we both ended up in Vegas this weekend. I mean, the last time we got super wasted we hooked up for the first time and that turned into us dating. This time we got super wasted and we got married. I hate to admit it, but maybe Austin's on to something. Maybe this isn't a bad thing. Maybe it can be really good."

Nicky inches closer and closer to Kelly, who puts her hand on his chest and says, "Nick, not now. One, you're really gross." She smiles to show him she's joking and Nicky returns it with a goofy one of his own. "Two, Damon is waiting. Three, you can't trust Austin, Razor and Max to get this done on their own."

"Fine, but we'll talk later, right?" Nicky asks hopefully. "No lawyers?"

"I'll think about it."

"Can I hug you…?"

"No," she replies. But a 'no' combined with a smile means '_that's stupid, but I won't stop you if you try'_ when it comes to Kelly. Nicky wraps his arms around her and holds her close. She hugs him back and nothing makes him smile more than how automatic it is. Digging her fingers into the fabric of his shirt, Kelly whispers, "Nick…don't die."

"Yeah, I'll try not to," Nicky rasps in her ear before lightly kissing her cheek. Austin and the boys start calling out for him to hurry it up and after one last squeeze, Kelly untangles herself from him and goes over to get into the taxi where Faith is waiting.

"On the cheek, Russo? How did you not seal that for real?" Austin asks Nicky once he walks over. "I mean she's your wife. Razor got more play from his ex-stripper and Kelly is supposedly legally obligated to fuck y—"

Austin gasps and doubles over when Nicky punches him in the gut. He falls back against his SUV and Max and Razor rush over with '_fuck they're at it again'_ expressions.

"What the hell, Nicky!" Austin growls. "What was that?"

"That was for Joey's bonfire party!"

"Okay! Let's all just get into the car and go," Razor says, pulling on Nicky and motioning for him to get into the car. Glaring, Austin rounds the front and gets behind the wheel. They follow Austin's plan and go to the designated meeting spot. It isn't one bit comforting that it's on a barely labeled dirt road.

…

Sunday 6:24 AM

Kaylie is in her suite, pink cotton pajamas and curlers in her hair. She barely got any sleep despite the bottles and bottles of wine Maeve practically force-fed her last night. Payson is in the kitchen making breakfast and Maeve is sitting on the couch, watching an _America's Next Top Model_ rerun—her favorite.

"Any word from any of the boys?" Kaylie nervously asks. "Maeve, have you talked to Max?"

"Nope. He isn't answering my calls anymore," she irritably replies. "I swear, the second after your wedding, when Damon and you are off to the Bahamas, my idiot boyfriend is getting tested. The works. He isn't touching me until I see un-tampered paper results in my hand."

"I'm sure everything is fine," Payson assures them, but more for Kaylie than the other brunette. "They're all smart, capable adults…"

"Is it too early to break open that bubbly?" Maeve asks hopefully. Payson stops her whisking eggs and Kaylie stops her pacing long enough to give her a _'really' _expression. Maeve scoffs and goes back to watching TV. "Jeez. It was just a question…"

…

"That's a stupid question, Razor."

"Sorry, sorry," he throws up his hands. "Tough crowd…"

The boys are sitting in Austin's SUV parked in the middle of the Mojave Desert, passing around a flask. They pooled all of the money they could get—a whopping two hundred dollars and fifty-two cents—and now all there is left to do is wait. The skyline is just barely visible in the distance. Max has Austin's gym bag in his lap, filled with dirty clothes, and he tries his best to arrange the two hundred to make the bag look more full than it actually is.

"He has to cooperate, right?" Max asks nervously. "He has to give Damon back…"

"Yeah, man. Steve may be completely empathetic and downright evil, but he has to keep his promise," Razor assures him. "What we really need right now is to keep up the positive energy."

Despite what Razor says, Max's knees are shaking anxiously and when his turn comes with the flask, Max tilts it all the way up and takes a long pull. After swallowing, Max groans. "I can't believe this is how we're going to die."

"Alright," Austin says. "I guess this is as good as time as ever for a confession…"

"Yes, we already know you're the reason Kelly broke up with Nicky and put him through the longest dry spell in the history of dudes not getting laid," Razor says.

"Nooo, he got laid in between servings of KP! He went through a slutty club chicks phase!" Austin argues. "And, dude, did you really have to bring that up right now?" Austin glares. "And you have no right to say anything because you hooked up with my baby sister!"

"Dude, it was one kiss and it wasn't like either of us were dating anyone at the time," Razor gives Nicky a pointed look. So not the time. "It isn't like I hurt her or anything and I surely didn't hook up with Maeve Benson right after I kissed her like _someone else_."

Not even bothering to respond to that, Max just takes another gulp from the flask.

Massaging his throbbing temple, Nicky sighs. "What is it, Austin? What's the big confession?"

"Roofies," Austin says. They all stare at him in silence. "Okay, so remember when we first got to our hotel and we were giving the front desk guy a hard time and Faith was talking to those sketchy guys? Well, apparently they were dealers. She thought she was buying E and while we were waiting for you to meet us on the roof we thought it would have made a good time even better, a real throwback to the CU days if we…slipped it into our drinks…all of our drinks."

"Oh. My. God. You drugged us!" Razor shouts.

"Right, well, by the time we were drinking it and not tasting the bite it was a little too late," Austin says. His voice is thick with guilt. "Judging by how we don't remember anything my best guess is it wasn't E and those cheap ass losers sold us roofies for double the price its worth."

When no one says anything, Razor steps in to shout, "You drugged us!"

"Since you can't possibly hate me anymore, I guess it's the right time to tell you that there's one other big, really big thing. Well, two. One is about Damon and the other one is about the goat," Austin says. "I, ahem…IlockedDamonoutontheroof _AND_ the goat we got from—"

"The roof!" Nicky, Max and Razor shout in unison.

"Yep. But, wait, guys, the goat—"

"And how long have you known?" Nicky asks, struggling to stay in control.

Austin twiddles his thumbs in his lap, knowing everyone is glaring daggers at him. "Um…I figured it out yesterday. I left myself a little note on my cell. I had to decode it with all the typos and that was tricky, but—"

Razor grabs him by his collar and starts shaking him. "Austin, you son of a bitch! What the hell, man! Why would you do that to Dae? Why the fuck would you do something so stupid right before his freaking wedding?"

"And it's Vegas," Nicky says. "It's like a million degrees out!"

"We left him an umbrella, a bottle of Jack and bubble wrap! Oh, and the Frond Desk Guy said there's a water hose up there and Damon's resourceful enough to find it—"

"Why? Why! WHY!" Razor screams.

"BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT!"

The car goes quiet. Austin shoves Razor off of him so he slumps back into his seat next to Max. No one says anything for a good minute, trying to make sense of Austin's confession and figure out what it means.

Finally Razor turns to Nicky. "So is that what you meant about Austin not liking Damon?"

"Do you know how often Damon visits Emily and his kid?" Austin asks. "Hardly ever. Do you know how often he calls? Twice a year. Henry's birthday and Christmas. And only because Kaylie makes him. I found out Damon wasn't even paying child support and had to take Emily down to the courthouse to file the application. I was there when we was born, drove down for all the birthdays, little league playoffs. Where's Damon? Building this perfect little life with Kaylie like he doesn't know Emily is waiting tables at a pizza place, like Henry doesn't exist. Shit ain't right."

Max frowns. "I thought you two hashed this out years ago?"

"I agreed to drop it for the good of the house, but it isn't fair that everyone acts like his fuck-ups don't matter," Austin says heatedly, "with Em and not to mention what he almost did to Faith…"

"Wait," Nicky stops him, "what did Damon ever do to Faith?"

Austin pauses, knowing he almost crossed a line that he definitely shouldn't. All the other guys stare at him expectantly. "It was a long time ago and I don't want to have to get in to all that right now, but how the hell am I supposed to drop it, huh?"

"You're right. That isn't fair, but that's that," Nicky says calmly. "Locking him up on the roof wouldn't have stopped him from marrying Kaylie. Nothing that happened or could have happened would stop them."

"I know that. I wasn't trying to stop him from marrying Kaylie," Austin says. "I just wanted him to know what it was like to be helpless and not get his way for once…"

"That's still a dick move, Austin," Razor says angrily. "You put us, your brothers, through hell this weekend and for what? Because you're still bitter over Fresno Girl?"

"Fuck you, Razor. I didn't think the Front Desk Guy would sell out Damon to the thugs! You're one to talk. You tried to rip us off just to save your own ass," Austin hisses. He rubs his tired face. "Shit, I knew I shouldn't have even tried to play nice. You want more truth? If Nicky and Faith didn't convince me to come this weekend I wouldn't be here right now."

"Yeah, maybe things would've been better that way," Razor mutters.

"Maybe I should push you out of my car and we just drive off, let you deal with Tanner on your own," Austin says in a voice that's more serious than he's been all weekend. "Oh, here's an idea! Damon, your personal little superhero, who they've taken hostage, can help you. After all, it's always been you and Damon—"

"SHUT UP!" Max shouts. Everyone turns to him. "Don't do this. You guys have _always_ done this ever since we all started hanging out! Sure, Austin and Nicky fight, but you two had the whole gymnastics teammates thing and Razor and Damon always had their music thing and you'd always fight and I would always be in the middle of it. I'm sick of it! Just grow up! Jesus!"

"Guys," Nicky says, distracted by a white Yukon driving towards them. "They're here."

If there's a point that's lower than low, they've reached it.

* * *

><p><span>AN: Oh those boys. GUYS, have I mentioned that this fic is almost coming to an end? I've got three more chapters for ya so by next Monday you'll know the fate of our favorite frat boys. Side note: for those who asked and I delivered, how were those LL&D2 samplers? Yummy, right?

xoxo


	16. Fake Bake! Or, Well, Real Bake?

Warning: Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Do you want a taste?

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

Flashback 

7 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

Not only are those Zeta girls beautiful, but they're smart as hell too. When Kaylie bounces up to Max one day between classes and asks if she could borrow his photography skills, Max readily agreed. He figured she wanted headshots or Christmas pictures of her and Damon and their dog, but then Max finds himself amongst the Zeta/Sigma Charity Calendar Committee, which turns out to be Maeve trying to tell everyone what to do and the girls arguing while Max sits there, trying not to slit his wrists or fall asleep.

Because he can't worm his way out of it (and Austin wouldn't let him, saying they need a spy in the enemy camp to make sure the girls don't get carried away and make the boys—the models—do anything too retarded) Max ends up at the Committee meetings twice a week. They're sitting in the dinning room of the Zeta house, classical, clean and _so pink_. It's on the opposite ends of the spectrum from the Sigma house. It smells pretty and they have homemade cookies that Max keeps shoving into his mouth to keep from having to contribute.

"No. I have it all worked out," Maeve insists. "Nicky needs to be Mr. April. We'll borrow the rain machine from the theater department. They'll say yes and if not, Jenny will just blow the adviser and it's ours."

Swallowing a mouthful of oatmeal raisin, Max interjects, "Shouldn't you run this by Jenny first?"

"Her name isn't even Jenny," Kaylie says. "It's _Jeanine_ and she has a boyfriend, who she's been with since she was in the seventh grade."

Maeve's expression darkens to deep irritation and she shushes both Kaylie and Max. Without addressing them, Maeve goes on, "And we'll have Nicky in this, like, sexy raincoat or, oh, firefighter uniform! Hanging open, with no shirt underneath, all wet and his hair tousled. Yum. And then for Mr. May—"

"You know that Nicky isn't ever going to go for that, right?" Max interrupts her again and Maeve looks like she's about to lose it. "He keeps himself on a short leash these days, said he'd do the calendar because it's for charity, but there's no way he's taking his shirt off for girls and gay guys to hang in their dorm rooms and put on the internet…and for Austin to flaunt around and make fun of everyone with."

Maeve scowls. She doesn't like when things don't go her way.

"What's wrong with him?" Maeve snaps. "Austin is doing it in a fucking leotard—"

"Singlet, actually," Max interjects, gymnastics being a big part of his childhood. "There's a diff—"

"—LIKE I SAID, A LEOTARD!" Maeve raises her voice over him. "So Nicky can do it with a few buttons loose and soaking wet, okay? Okay."

"Fine," Max gives up and reaches for another cookie, "but you're answering to Kelly Parker when he goes crying to her about it and she goes Kelly Psycho in your front yard. Oh yeah. It's happened to us _multiple times_. Runs in her blood, I think."

Maeve looks super disturbed at that little over share. "Eww. He's _still_ dating that Wishes-She-was-Us? Gross. I hate her."

"Maeve, you don't even know her," Kaylie points outs.

"And I don't intend to nor would I want to. She thinks she's so much better than everyone just because she went to the Olympics. Big whoop," Maeve rolls her eyes, "plus, she, like, put out a hit on my Kaylie-cakes and turned all the Sigma boys against her when Parker should have just accepted the fact that she couldn't keep her man interested and got the hell off our campus." Kaylie looks super uncomfortable at that, but Maeve doesn't notice. "Ugh. She doesn't even go here and she acts like she owns the Sigmas or something."

"Um, she kind of does," Max says. He isn't proud of it, but it is the truth.

"Whatever. I bet she's cheating on poor Nicky with Austin or that creepy hippie one that got arrested at the KT party—who is not going to be in this calendar, fyi," Maeve says. "Anyways, like I was saying, what a skanky little bi-yotch."

"I heard she was rebounding with Conrad Cooper, Kappa Delta, but then the second Nicky was willing to take her back she dropped him like nothing. A total use and abuse job," one of the other sister whispers. Totally wrong, but Max just munches on a peanut butter cookie, not bothering to correct it.

Maeve scowls. "See. That just validates the hate for her. It's like if you're going to mess around then do it with the manwhores and leave the sweet ones alone. That's what I do."

Max narrows his eyes all of a sudden. "You think I'm a manwhore?"

Maeve throws him a look as if she forgot he was sitting with them. "Did I specifically use your name, Spencer?"

"Okay, we're straying far, far off topic. Enough. Maeve, the meeting, remember? I'm sure Max wants to get out of here ASAP," Kaylie reminds her friend. "Um, why don't we make Nicky May because he'd look great in uniform and put…Mattie in the raincoat?"

"Man in uniform. Secret fetish of yours, Kay?" Maeve teases. She doesn't try to hide her support for Kaylie to forget Damon (that dropout emo) and go after Nicky. It's almost equivalent to how much Maeve wants Nicky away from Kelly. "Admit it. It's just us girls here."

"Hello. Still here," Max says, waving a snicker doodle cookie. "Moving on…"

Suddenly turning to Max, Maeve shakes her finger in his face. "No drinking in the pictures. No drinking while or 24-hours before the photo shoot. I want sexy studs not sloppy drunks. You'll pass that along to the other monkeys in the playpen, won't you, Maxi?"

"You know our motto," Max says without really thinking about it. "Sober Sigmas…suck."

"Sigmas suck, huh?" Maeve arches a dark brow. "Kaylie, can you attest to that?"

"No comment," Kaylie says. Maeve grins and playfully pokes Kaylie until she starts laughing. Because he can't help himself, Max raises his camera and snaps a couple photos of them. Maeve looks so real for once and Kaylie so open. He couldn't pass up capturing that. Now if he could only get them to kiss…

"Here's an idea," Max says. "Why don't you girls let me take your pictures? We could do a Zeta version and a Sigma version of the calendar, double our profit," Max explains. "I know a lot of horny guys who'd pay big bucks for it."

Again, as if just realizing Max is present at the table, Maeve's expression hardens. "Here's an even better idea, why don't you just dip into your Girls Gone Awesome collection? Hmm. Shirtless Shelly can be January and Crap Dip Karen can be December. Wow. I think you're really onto something here, Max."

"Great idea, Maeve," Max says. "And we could even do a Walk of Shame edition starring you…"

Glaring, Maeve grabs one of the cookies and throws it right at Max who laughs and shields his face. "You can leave now. No, actually, I'm telling you to leave now."

"Thank the good lord," Max jumps out of his seat and can't get his backpack on quick enough. He shoves the chair back beneath their giant dinner table and stops a moment to lean over the top of the chair to give all the girls his most charming frat boy smile. "Bye ladies."

"Bye Max," all the girls coo together.

Grinning, Max fixes the straps around his shoulders and makes his way to the front door. He hears the giggles once they think he's out of earshot and the girls teasing Maeve that she so wants him again. It makes Max laugh softly to himself as he makes his way back to his own house. It almost makes him sad, what he'll be missing out on after graduation.

When he gets back to his own house, it's a circus as always. There's a ladder propped up against the side of the porch with Austin climbing it, laughing. When Max greets him, Austin shouts back, "DUDE, I dunno whose ladder this is, but I'm climbing it! I feel like Aladdin!"

"Get it, Tuck!" Max encourages him. It's the life of a Sigma.

Pushing past the front door, Max finds even more madness inside.

"You cleaned out my car _and _bought me coffee!" Kelly shouts at Joey, who's sitting on the coffee table, fucking stoned, eating a banana with peel the still on. "You fucked that Starbucks girl in my car, didn't you? Didn't you! Let him borrow your car, Nicky says. Fuck that! I'd kick your ass if you were sober enough to feel anything!"

"Jeez, turn it down, Psycho," Max murmurs as he passes them. He considers peeling the banana for Joey, but just doesn't want to touch any of that. Turning back to Kelly, Max gives her a grin. "Where's Nicky when you need him to shut you up with his tongue?"

Kelly forgets all about Joey the second Max dares to speak to her. "My boyfriend actually goes to class because he isn't a dumbass like you."

"Ouch. How ever will I think of a snappy comeback?" Max says sarcastically. Kelly rolls her eyes and heads for the kitchen. Because he doesn't have anything better to do, Max follows after her. "Hey Kelly, so do you ever wonder if Nicky is really in class like he says or, I don't know, banging someone else?"

"Fuck you, Max."

"No, I'm not saying he _does_, I'm just curious to know if you have the tiniest suspicious that he is. Then again, with how tight a leash you keep him on, I'm surprised you don't walk him to and from class and tell him what outfits to wear and what he can and can't eat," Max says. "Wait…_do you_?"

Before walking into the kitchen, Kelly pauses and turns to face Max, who hadn't been expecting it. "No. No I don't have any suspicions and no I don't try to control him. Do you know why, Max? Because I trust him. Maybe if you could trust Ava and she could trust you, she wouldn't be leaving here pissed at you like, oh, every time she's over." When Max's face drops it's Kelly turn to grin. "That's right, Spencer. Soak it up. You just got owned."

"Own me? And let you suck out my soul like you did Nicky? In your dreams."

"Again, fuck you," Kelly says. She turns on her heels and walks into the kitchen. That's just a normal conversation between Max and Kelly.

"It's 3 PM!" Razor shouts. "Do you know what that means, Sigmas and friends?"

The whole house erupts, "BEER SMOOTHIES!"

Kelly shakes her head, pushing herself up to sit on the kitchen counter. A couple empty cans of Pabst get scooted over the edge and fall onto the ground. Kelly just watches it. If this were her place, she'd yell for someone to clean that up ASAP, but since it's the Sigma house and the place is a mess on a regular basis, Kelly could care less. "Beer smoothies? Eww."

"It's just silly boys ruining cheep beer with fresh lime and fake lime and ice," Faith explains. She pushes herself to sit up beside Kelly, pushing even more things off the kitchen counter and onto the pile already on the ground.

"Not ruining it," Max argues, getting a cup from the cupboard. "Enhancing it actually."

Razor pours Max a full glass before offering it to the girls. They both trade a 'why the hell not?' look and let Razor pour them cups of their own. Then Austin comes into the house, leaves in his hair and scraped elbows, and drinks straight from the pitcher. When the beer smoothie runs out and Nicky finally gets home, no one is nearly fucked up so they break out the big boys – Jack and José.

"And she _so _wants me! Again!" Max brags, a bottle in his hand, swinging it with his hands as he talks. "She plays all blah, blah, Max, you manwhore, blah, blah, but she so wants me! And she wants Kaylie to want Nicky, but, pffttt, like that's going to happen _again_. Caged and proud!"

"Damn fucking straight," Kelly slurs. Sitting in Nicky's lap, she possessively wraps her arm around his neck, her fingers lost in his hair and he has his arm around her waist, his head leaning against her.

"Damn fucking straight!" Max mimics her. "I give up. Nicky, marry your lil' psycho. Just sell your soul, cuz. Sell. It. Fuck on, fuckers. I support fucking…OH! And Maeve says we can't drink before and or during the photo shoot, like, two hours or four hours…one of those…"

"Man, I'm sick of that chick," Austin groans. "Maxi's leftovers, she leaves me texts and shit, being all Miss Bossy Pants. I get all excited, y'know, middle of a lecture, bored, got a new message, thinking it's someone to sext with to pass time, but nooo, it's Maeve asking me shit about shit. Fuck that."

"Aww, Aus, she's just doing her job and stuff," Faith argues. Someone has to.

"Doesn't mean she has to be, like, crazy anal 'bout it," Razor says. "She called the other day and wanted to know my measurements. _All _my measurements. Said it was for the costume they've got me wearing and any other girl I'd be, like, _uh-huh sure_, but since it's Maeve and Maeve is scary then it's probably legit. Chick is more anal than Nicky and he's _the Anal Bro_."

Nicky scowls, shaking his head. "I am not anal!"

Faith giggles. "Aww, Nix. I've seen ERs dirtier than your room and I would know with how often I'm in the ER. The only stuff on your bedroom floor is clothes when you and Kelly rip it off of each other. Then it's cleaned up, probably ironed and folded too, the very next day. Have you seen your room compared to the rest of the house?"

"Compared to the rest of the world?" Austin chuckles.

"Fuck you," Nicky says defensively. "Folded, maybe, but not ironed…"

"M'kay, back off my Nick, all you," Kelly warns her friends, her words all running into one another. "Nick, fuck them. You have a hot anal ass." She rakes her fingers through his hair and brings their faces close enough for a quick kiss.

"Jesus, you guys are like live porn," Joey says from the door, hanging onto the frame, probably a mix of high and drunk and overall fucked. The guys share a laugh, mostly at how drunk and stupid Joey is, but Kelly isn't one bit entertained. "Wha? C'mon. Like we don't all know Kelly Parker puts out?"

Like one of those fast zombies in those zombie movies, Kelly lunges out, ready to fuck Joey up, but luckily, even intoxicated, Nicky is able to reel her back. "Not cool, Joey," Nicky sneers. "What are you even doing here, man? Who invited you?"

"Dude!" Joey shouts. "I live here!"

"Settle down, brothers and K-Sizzle. House Prez says fucking chill!" Austin steps in, taking advantage of his title like always. "KP sticking up for her boy n' Russo aiding his lady. Respect. I gotta give it to Mr. n' Mrs. Russo. Jo-Jo, fuck off. This is a Senior Sigmas wit Sig tats n' hot hotties wit vaginas only zone! Hey, and while you're shunned, learn to train your stupid as fuck mouth!"

Nursing his beer, Joey sulks off, leaving the little frat fam to their private party.

"Respect," Nicky says, tapping fists with Austin. Nicky then nudges his girlfriend who sighs loudly and too taps fists with Austin. With the biggest grin, Austin sits back in his seat, taking a swig of his drink.

"Jesus, it scares me that we gotta leave this house—OUR HOUSE—to fuck face fuckers like Joey and Riley next year," Max groans, "I'm pretty sure all us have literally bled for this house…or in this house…or because of this house."

"Amen!" Faith calls. "Literally! Swears, every time I walk in, I walk out with some new injury."

"Hola sista!" Razor holds his hand out for a high-five.

Faith snubs him and glares instead. "I'm not ever changing in front of you ever again!"

Razor smiles sheepishly, drunkenly. "Fair 'nough." He holds his arms wide open and Faith just turns away. "Not ready? That's cool. You know where I be when you're ready, Faye-Faye!"

"Shh! Guys! Shh!" Max hushes them like they're about to go sneak up on a unicorn in the wild. "Guys, but seriously, it's all our last year, well, hopefully our last year, got these last semesters and shit, but that means it's our last calendar so we should do it right and sober…for once."

Everyone stares at him. "Dude, who are you?"

"Maeve's lil' bitch is who," Austin teases.

"Fuck you, Austin!"

"Yeah, yeah," Austin easily brushes him off, tossing away his empty drink. Bending his arms and resting his hands behind his head, Austin looks as lazy and happy as ever. "Guys, I'm Austin Tucker. Camera-ready all day, every day, baby. Now, I didn't want to say anything, but you three are probably the pastiest ass white boys I've ever met."

"Hey!" Razor shouts. "Who are you callin' pasty?"

Austin closes one eye and forms a gun with his hand. He points at Razor and makes a gunshot sound. "Pasty," he moves over and shoots his imaginary gun at Max, "Pasty," and, lastly, he shoots his handgun off at Nicky, "and pasty."

"Not all of us can be blessed with this natural Tucker skin glow," Faith says, pinching Austin's cheek. "Even Kel uses bronzer."

Tearing her lips away from Nicky's, Kelly glares at Faith. "I have more natural color than you. Pshh, I have more natural color than you and the Pasty Three combined."

"Well, how do you suggest we Pasty Three get some color before the shoot?" Razor asks.

Faith and Kelly trade looks, a twinkle of mischief between them. Together, the girls exclaim, "Self-tanning!"

Austin rocks in his seat with laughter. "FAKE BAKE! GET IT!"

"No," Nicky says surely. "No way."

"Nick," Kelly moans, tugging on his t-shirt. "Nick, it'll be cool. Faith uses Fake Bake—I mean…self-tanning lotion _all the time_. Piece o' cake."

Faith scoffs. "I resent that! Not _all the time_!"

"All I'm trying to say is Faith knows how to do it. Let her," Kelly says. "It'll be new and different and not to mention fun to watch."

"Fa real," Austin says. "Come on. You do this and I, Austin Julius Tucker, Tuck the Great, Sigma Nu Prez, solemnly swears that I will stay sober, sober like a fucking nun, through the whole shebang. Solemnly fucking swears. Max, that'll impress your Maeve. Nicky, doing this will get your KP all hot n' bothered. Ray, I'll give you fifty bucks."

"Done!" Razor says. "Let's do this!"

Max eyes Faith with doubt. "You sure you're good? You know how it works and stuff?"

"Absolutely positively," Faith nods, glassy-eyed and giddy.

Max nods too. "Ight. 'M in."

All eyes move to Nicky, expectantly. Kelly presses her face into his neck, whispering words of encouragement. Nicky looks so tired and so uncertain, but the pressure eventually gets to him. "Okay. I want another drink first…"

Everyone cheers excitedly and they do another round of shots to celebrate. In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best idea to do this self-tanning thing while drunk, but that's exactly what they do. Austin and KP are practically rolling on the bathroom floor with laughter, occasionally taking pictures when they can stand. Faith has rubber gloves on and generously applies the self-tanning lotion onto Nicky, Max and Razor after they've stripped down to their boxers.

The next day and an entire week after, the Pasty Three are re-named the Three Orange Guidos. It doesn't fade before time for the Maeve is not happy. "I should have known. Sigma screw-ups strike again."

"Well, Damon had an idea," Kaylie bounces up to her stressed sister, "we put self-tanning lotion on the entire Sigma lot and make the calendar Jersey-themed. I know it's far from what you wanted but…at least it'll be consistent?"

Through a clenched jaw, Maeve murmurs, "Fine. Make it happen."

Although the calendar wasn't anyone's idea of perfect, it did raise money for charity and for the first time in the history of the calendar tradition, it featured sober Sigmas.

**-XX-**

HOURS BEFORE THE CALL

Sunday 5:23 AM

As the white Yukon comes closer and closer, kicking up dirt and dust, Razor is about to take another pull of the flask, but Austin furiously snaps it away, caps it and tosses it onto the dashboard, still upset. Razor is just as upset, but doesn't say anything more. When the Yukon finally comes to a stop, the boys all collectively sigh and get out of the SUV.

Steve Tanner emerges, followed by his Samoan thugs. The two parties stand by their respective cars, facing off like an old school western shootout. All that's missing is tumbleweeds rolling by.

"Let's see my money!" Steve shouts across the imaginary line separating them.

Instead of stepping up like he usually would, Austin hangs back and keeps his mouth shut. It forces Razor to shuffle forward and shout, "Let's see my Damon!"

Everyone looks his way, but Razor squares his jaw. Fuck them. This is business.

Steve laughs and nods to one of his thugs who opens the back door of the Yukon and pulls out a guy with his hands tied behind his back and a black plastic grocery bag over his head. He fights and struggles, but the thug has a tight grip on his shoulder. The gang is alarmed and appalled.

"What the hell is wrong with you, people? He can suffocate like that!" Nicky shouts. "Take the bag off his head!"

"Nicky's right!" Razor shouts. "You could have at least poked holes in it or something! Jesus!"

Chuckling, the thug yanks the bag off and it isn't Damon. They probably could have guessed that with the cheap 2 for 1 suit he's wearing. It's Carter from the strip club. Record scratch moment. Huh?

"Um, dude, we didn't order that," Razor points at Carter, "we wanted Damon. You know, Damon Young, the musician-slash-producer, kind of scrawny, broody, known for his intense eyes and that weird pouty thing he does with his lips. Not to mention he's freaking famous! This _thing _with the Mo-Mull is not even close!"

"I've been trying to tell these freaks I'm not your Damon!" Carter yells. "All I remember is that guy," he points at a bored Austin, "punching me out in the club. Then when I woke up, I was pissed, so I went back to your hotel suite—where I woke up naked—to give you a piece of my mind then some stoner is telling these guys I'm Damon and they jump me, put a freaking plastic bag over my head!"

"And we figured he was lying his ass off. You were partying with this guy at my birthday party," Steve says. The older man looks at the Mo-Mull. "Well, his hair didn't look quite like this, but I do remember him there and uninvited."

"We partied with a lot of people last night," Nicky says. "You brought us the wrong guy!"

Max looks hopeful. "You think Dae is still on the roof?"

"Only one way to find out," Nicky murmurs. The boys start walking back to Austin's car, totally disregarding Steve Tanner and his associates. Steve obviously doesn't appreciate being ignored like this.

"Wait!" Carter shouts. "Don't leave me with these people!"

"Tough shit, man," Razor throws up a peace sign with his hand, "that's what you get when you treat girls like that! Karma is only a bitch if you're one, my friend! You gentlemen enjoy the rest of your weekend! We've got a wedding to get to!"

"Whoa! Whoa! Razor! No one is going anywhere!" When the boys keep walking, Steve pulls out his big ass gun. "Hey! I'm still talking to you boys! I'm still going to need my money!"

Alarmed, the boys slowly start backing away one step at a time.

"Fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck," Max nervously rambles.

"Razor, hand me the bag," Steve says, taking a step forward. Razor freezes and as Steve closes in on him, the other guys slowly continue to make their way to the SUV. "I've been really patient with you, Ray, more patient than I have ever been with someone who messed with my business. Too pretty to kill maybe. Well, pretty only gets you so far. Now give me my money."

Razor eyes him nervously and hugs the gym bag to his chest.

"Now, son, don't be getting any stupid ideas—"

Then, just because he can't help himself, Austin swoops in with a hard left hook to Steve's stomach. Razor jumps out of the way, already anticipating the gun going off, but it doesn't. Instead of going down as easily as Carter did, an angry Steve pistol-whips Austin and blood explodes from his lip. Austin stumbles backwards, disoriented, and Steve steps up to Razor and steals the bag. As he starts to back away, pointing the gun at the boys, Steve eyes the bag that feels strange in his hand.

Steve is about to unzip the gym bag when Razor charges him like a maniac. Steve raises his gun but then Nicky tackles him to the ground first. The gold gun goes flying and Steve and Nicky wrestle to get it, kicking up dirt. Steve's thugs, with terribly slow reaction times, try to reach for their own guns but it's hard with the casts on their hands. With wide eyes, looking around, Carter, with his hands still tied behind his back, sprints off towards Vegas.

Right when he's about to rush in and help Nicky, Austin remembers his keys in the ignition of the SUV. He looks around and then jumps into the car, starting up the engine. Just then thugs finally get their guns out and start to shoot. Bullets pound into the side of the SUV and tired of the bullshit, Austin floors it.

"That bastard is leaving us! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! We surrender!" Razor shouts, putting his hands up. Taking advantage of Nicky momentarily being distracted by Austin and Razor, Steve throws him off of him, recovers his gun and cocks it, aimed at Nicky. They all stop what they're doing and hold their breath.

"It didn't have to be this way!" Steve pants, getting back up to his feet and dusting the dirt off of his nice suit. "I really, really didn't want to kill anyone today, but you leave me no—"

_WHAM_! Austin's car rams right into Steve at 25mph. The man is pitched off his feet and lands in a cloud of dust. Everyone, the boys and even Steve's thugs, just stares and can't believe their eyes.

"Holy shit! Austin smashed him like Regina George!" Razor shouts, throwing his fist in the air.

"Let's move!" Austin calls.

The guys all pile in and the SUV peels the hell out of there, kicking up an even bigger cloud of dust. When they notice the guys getting away, the thugs start shooting, taking out the back window, the taillights and even leaving bullet holes in the license plate. Austin is clearly desensitized to the trauma his car is being put through.

"Oh man! Oh man! That was awesome!" Max shouts, adrenalin pumping.

"Austin, you just saved my life," Nicky says, still rather stunned.

"Nah. I was just thinking about how KP would've murdered me if I didn't bring you back. As if my ass needs any more of a beating." Austin chuckles, smiling over at his old teammate. "But if you want to hug me when we get out of the car I'll take that too."

Nicky holds out a fist and Austin taps it.

"Okay. Hopefully this is the fucking last gameplan," Razor says, clearing his throat. "We go to the roof, find Dae and we get the hell out of here."

Everyone agrees and Austin doesn't hesitate to break the speed limit, even with the flapping, duct tape replacement door. When finally reaching their hotel, the guys get out of the car, Nicky volunteers to go to the suite to grab all their crap to save some time.

They travel the same path they did their first night in Vegas, up to the top level, down a restricted hallway and up onto the roof. Austin leads the group, throwing the door open and quickly looking from side to side. Razor and Max pile out after him, looking just as frantic. They search every inch of the roof and there's still no Damon. Everyone is like: _fuck_.

"I know this didn't go over well last time, but I really think it's time to call Kaylie," Max suggests.

"Yeah. It is," Austin agrees. Trying to be discrete, Austin reaches for his nose. Let the game of odd man out commence. The other two immediately reach for their noses and it's close.

"That was you, Max," Razor insists.

"Fuck you, Ray! You're the best man and shit!"

"Actually, I should make the call," Austin says, stepping up. "I'm the reason everything is so fucked up."

The other two brothers look more than a little shocked. Austin and Razor share a tense look and Razor nods so Austin reaches for the phone. He pulls another one of those mini-bar tiny bottles of tequila out from his back pocket, takes a swig and hits the call button with Kaylie's number punched in.

Razor grins. "Damn, Aus. Maybe you have adult potential after all."

"I had no idea it was possible," Max laughs.

Austin glares. "I still hate you, both of you. Fuckers messed with my freaking little sister."

Razor laughs weakly and Austin turns away, holding the phone to his ear.

**-XX-**

THE CALL

"Hello?"

"Kaylie, it's Austin."

"Austin? Thank God! Where are you guys?"

"Listen, Kay…shit got a little…out of control," Austin clears his throat, "Like, more than your average bachelor party and, well…we lost your boy."

"What?" Kaylie screams. "You're joking, right? Austin Tucker, I'm supposed to be getting married in less than five hours!"

"Yeah, sorry, babe, that ain't happening," Austin says. "And it's all my fault."

Austin takes a deep breath, just waiting for Kaylie to unleash her inner, angry Cuban on him. Then suddenly the phone is ripped away from him and Austin only sees a white flash and then comes Faith's nervous laugh. "Hey Kaylie! Hi. Yeah, it's Faith. Faith Giancana. Oh, you know stupid Austin and his stupid jokes. We'll just finish up…um…eating our waffles and, uh, we'll all see you at the wedding! Bye!" Faith quickly snaps the phone shut. "Saved by the Faith!"

"Faith, what the hell?" Austin stomps his foot. "I was being responsible and crap!"

"I know. We got it on camera," Nicky explains, standing a little behind them.

"My camera!" Max shouts, running up to Nicky who's holding it. Nicky holds it out to his cousin who immediately takes the camera from him, cradling it in his arms as if it was a baby. "Where did you find it?"

"Damon had it," Nicky explains. "Yes, he was up here on the roof. He spent all last night, snapping pictures over the edge, hoping someone would see the flash and come find him up here. He even started stripping and throwing his clothes off the building, trying to get someone's attention."

"I knew I saw his clothes everywhere!" Razor shouts.

_Oh, so that's what that flashing light was_, Austin thinks to himself, but keeps his mouth closed.

"So where is Damon now?" Razor asks, still on edge.

"Down in the suite, watching soap operas and eating waffles. Just a heads-up, he is so pissed and he is sooo red," Nicky says. "When we were sitting in the car, waiting for Tanner to show, I texted Faith and told her to come here and check the roof just incase. Low and behold, Steve Tanner had that Mo-Mull guy and Damon was on the roof where we apparently left him."

"So you knew all this and you still sent us up here?" Austin asks angrily, taking a threatening step leap towards Nicky, who's more amused than scared. "Dude, I almost told Kaylie!"

"Yeah, but we caught you being 'all responsible' on film," Nicky grins, pointing a thumb over at Max's camera that he's still hugging. "We can add that video to my wedding footage and your male stripper debut and have a hung over movie marathon."

Austin grunts irritably. "Lovely."

"Okay, boys, we need to go," Faith says, clapping her hands to get their attention. "If you've forgotten we, oh, have a wedding to get to. Unless stupidity makes time stand still then we're going to miss it if we don't get a move on it!"

The boys all share a nod before they hustle down to the suite that's almost unrecognizable compared to their memories of the suite when they first moved in. Just like Nicky said, Damon is sitting on the couch in a hotel issued bathrobe with a room service cart in front of him. Everyone stops when they see him, how his brown hair is significantly lighter and his face is as red as a cooked lobster. It almost distracts from how super pissed he looks.

"Yo, Dae, the umbrella was there for a reason!" Austin jokes, trying to make this situation seem less horrible than it actually is. Shoving past him, Razor runs right over to his best friend with his long arms held open, ready for a hug.

"Damon!" Razor shouts. "I'm so glad you're okay, man!"

Before Razor can wrap his arms around Damon and twirl him around in celebratory circles like he wants to, Damon holds up his hands, bringing Razor to a sudden halt. In an angry whisper, Damon warms, "I'm not talking to you. _Any of you_."

Razor frowns like a puppy that's just been kicked. "Huh?"

"Oh my God! Damon, you're actually red. Not orange like that time we decided to self-tan. This is way better!" Max shamelessly snaps a picture of him. "And thanks for keeping my camera safe, man. You rock!"

Ah, Max making a situation worse with words. Everything is right in the world. Damon looks like he's going to punch Max in the face so Nicky steps in.

"Look, we all get that you have a legitimate reason to be pissed at us, but we don't have time to sit in a circle and talk about it. We need to go," Nicky says, pointing at the door. Damon gives all of them a look that could kill before shouldering past Austin and going to the door. Razor smacks Max upside the head and they all scramble to grab their bags and go.

The elevator ride is excruciating with Razor practically on his knees, begging Damon to forgive him and Damon giving them all the cold shoulder. Once they reach the lobby, Austin marches right over to the front desk where Ike is helping a man and his son—the same one that seems to walk in on their most awkward moments.

"YOU!" Austin bellows. "You could have told me they didn't really have Damon!"

Clearly high on something or other, Ike blinks. "Dude, who's Damon…? Dude, who are you?"

"Aus, not worth it. We gotta go," Nicky says. He grabs Austin by the shoulder and starts to pull him away. He flips off Ike and subsequently the man and his son as Nicky drags him away to the front.

"Jesus," Max groans, "A five-hour drive in Austin's crappy car?"

"Just because she's a little bruised up doesn't mean Roxie doesn't have feelings!" Austin angrily screams.

"Here's the deal," Faith says, grabbing Austin's arm and walking to the curb. "Since your shit mobile sure as hell won't make it through the desert without a door I got us a ride…or actually I convinced Kelly to pay for it, but it was my idea. Anyways, she said she's sorry she can't make it to the wedding…well, okay, she didn't say _sorry_, but I'm guessing that's what she meant to say when she agreed to spring for the ride and didn't complain much. Look, there's the rental!"

Suddenly, the sickest 1969 Mercedes-Benz Cabriolet pulls up to them. It's a sleek convertible with a pearly silver paintjob and black leather interior. All their jaws drop especially when the valet gets out of the car and hands the keys over to Faith. Austin rushes over, desperate to get his hands on the beautiful piece of machinery. All the fellas share a similar thought: _fuck yeah._

"For you, my automobile whisperer," Faith says, holding the keys out to Austin.

"Ah, a woman who knows my heart." Austin smiles, catching them. "Alright, let's load it up!"

"Think we can make it?" Nicky wonders aloud. They pack all of their bags neatly into the trunk and steak their claims. Austin gets behind the wheel, Damon to his right and the rest squish in the backseat. "The wedding starts at ten so that gives us…four hours!"

Austin smirks as he starts the engine and it purrs like a jungle cat. "Dude, never doubt Tuck the Great."

* * *

><p><span>AN: Two more updates. One more week! Who's going to miss this fic? I know I will. _Review._

On the other hand, I can commit my entire attention to the soul-sucker that is **LL&D2**! Oh! Oh! We decided on a title! I cannot tell you that title. LCTD is superstitious like that…and we'll probably end up changing it, but it is progress! One thing that's great about LL&D2 is that instead of a 24/7 fluffy, fluffy love fest we also explore those relationships that are good in theory, but wouldn't ever work and why they wouldn't work (hint, hint). Plus, the title is based off of a T.S. Eliot quote and I love Tommy. Good things brewing, friends!

EDIT: I MADE A TWITTER. **Beezyland**. Follow me.

xoxo


	17. Off We Go!

Warning: Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! Drama! Crack! RAWR.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

Flashback 

SEVEN YEARS BEFORE THE CALL

Damon loves the Sigmas more than he's willing to admit. With his career soaring, a new chart topping single out for the world to hear, he's starting to get recognized more and more. His "image" takes away from his ability to go out and do anything and not care like he once did a year ago. At least Colorado isn't crawling with paparazzi, desperately seeking dirt, the way LA is. Damon figures he should enjoy the seclusion while it lasts.

"Nicky and Kelly are passed out in the tub. Second floor bathroom," Damon says, walking outside to where Razor is sitting on the porch. It's early in the morning and he feels sluggish and lazy after drinking with the brothers and serenading the brothers all last night. He sits next to Razor who has a whole roasted chicken in a plastic container sitting in his lap and a fork in hand, chewing loudly. "Um, is that normal?"

"Way normal," Razor replies with a mouth full of chicken. "Let me guess, they're all twisted around each other like they're Siamese twins or some shit and Kelly is fully clothed, but Nicky is bare ass naked?"

"Siamese twins, yes. He's got jeans on and…sand everywhere? He isn't wearing a shirt though," Damon answers.

"Eh, close enough." Razor shrugs. He shows another chunk of chicken into his mouth and Damon takes a sip from the cup in his hand. "You know, Nicky got into the med program at CU Denver. He's moving back there after graduation, wants to get his own place and ask Kelly to move in with him."

Damon chuckles. "In my eyes, those two have been living together since sophomore year, that time where she stayed over an entire week. The whole house smelt like FeBreze—"

"A welcomed change."

"—And she had all her girl stuff in the bathroom," Damon says. He laughs suddenly, nearly choking on his drink. "So we took Kelly's flowery shaving cream and we shaved Max's legs and his arms."

"Hey, he should have been grateful we left his eyebrows alone. Dude, I'm going to miss ganging up on Max," Razor says sadly. "He's moving out to New York. He got a summer internship with some photography studio out there and he's hoping to make it big from there."

"That's good for him. He'll love the city," Damon nods. "And the GGA?"

"We're barbequing it at the post-grad End of Life as We Know it party, which is mandatory for you to attend. Shit is going down," Razor says, excitedly drumming his feet against the porch steps. "Max says he's done, ready to forget what a douche he was for the last four years. I don't know, man. Do you know how much money we could make if we put it on the net or something?"

"Do you know how many lawsuits would come up?" Damon asks with a smirk. Razor is obviously sour about the final decision, but knows it's the right decision. "And the Ava situation?"

"Mission aborted," Razor says. "From what I hear, my favorite beer pong partner is studying hard, wants to get out of CO. It's only natural. I'm doing the same thing."

"Where are you going?"

"I've got a roadie gig. It's not the ideal college graduate job, but I've been itching to get out, you know? Take some time and see what's out there first," Razor says. "You know I've always been a big fan of roadtrips."

"I know."

After sharing a knowing look, Damon and Razor say, "Vegas," in scary unison.

"Austin's twenty-first birthday," Razor says, grinning at the memories from that weekend. "And we blindfolded him and hired that two-hundred pound male stripper to give him a lap dance and chasing him around the hotel."

"God, do you remember that hotel?" Damon shakes his head, wincing. "One room. Two beds. The five of us squeezing in there with about a million roaches the size of rats. I swear the sheets smelt like dead bodies. That was a horrible, horrible weekend. I still have nightmares from some of the things I saw when we were there."

"Man, we need to do a repeat performance there some time soon," Razor says. "Maybe when you and Keg Stand K tie the knot huh?" Razor playfully elbows his brother who shyly tugs away. "Or maybe Nicky and Kelly. You know, whichever happens first."

"Or Austin and a random," Damon says. Also a strong possibility. "Speaking of our fearless leader, what's he up to once he gets his diploma?"

Razor laughs. "Damon, do you think Aus has any idea what he's doing next?"

"Good point."

"So what about you, Music Man?"

"Shoving off to LA, I think," Damon answers. "My manager has been trying to talk me into it and even Kaylie thinks it's a good idea. Once she graduates, she's going to meet me down there and we'll see how things go from there."

"And then you're going to get your own reality tv show that we're all going to sit around every Thursday night and watch and text you about how hot Kaylie looks on tv and how douchey and fat you do. I can see it now. Music Man Loves KSK," Razor teases. "All joking aside, I'm proud of you. You made it, bro."

"Thanks, Ray."

"I mean it when I say bros forever. I got your back, Dae." Suddenly Razor's phone rings with a new text message. Damon looks over curiously and then pulls away with suspicion. "I just saw Faith failing to get Austin out of bed. Did he just text you from upstairs?"

"Stairs is the ultimate nemesis of the almighty hangover," Razor says. "Crap. Apparently, last night when we were rocking out and those three and the girls disappeared, they snuck into the country club golf course and when Max passed out Faith said it'd be funny if they buried him in the sand. They did, took pictures and left him there. Now Aus can't remember if they left him by the eighth hold or the eighteenth hole."

"It'll be quite the surprise when Colorado's snobbiest find a unconscious head sticking out of the pit," Damon says. He can't wait to get his hands on those pictures. "Alright, do you want to go wake up Nicky or dig through the garage for the shovel?"

"I've got the shovel," Razor says. "Didn't we leave it in the kitchen from when we made that inflatable pool margarita?"

"I'm pretty sure it's in the garage from that time Austin had to fight the mutant spiders that Riley was raising on crack," Damon says surely. "And why do _I_ have to wake up Nicky? If me waking up Nicky wakes up Kelly then the whole house is going to feel that angry, angry psycho wrath."

"Um, because he kissed your girlfriend and therefore owes you until eternity and can't say shit when you bust his ass," Razor says. He stands and leaves the half-eaten chicken on the steps, wiping his hands down the back of his jeans. "Okay. We're off to Max's rescue!"

Luckily, the boys manage to dig Max out of the sand before he even woke up. To this day he still has no idea it even happened.

**-XX-**

AFTER THE CALL

It's a race against the clock to get to the wedding in time.

The sick rented Benz flies down the highway, pushing 110mph. Austin has his full attention on driving, gripping the steering wheel hard, foot poised on the pedal. Speed Racer would be envious. Even when traffic starts to build, Austin doesn't hesitate to drive in the shoulder, trying to get ahead any way he can.

Suddenly, in the midst of Razor's rant about how hungry he is, Damon, who's clearly had some sort of sun damage done to his brain, explodes, "So was this all just some stupid prank!"

Fuck is he angry.

"No. I locked your ass up there on purpose, you douche," Austin replies without fear. He keeps his eyes straight forward, on the road where it should be, even though Damon is right next to him and using those damn creepy eyes to try to stare him to death.

"Ouch," Faith winces, breaking the silence. "Mr. Young, your rebuttal?"

"I think we need more Dr. Phil and less Judge Judy," Razor says, gently elbowing Faith.

Nicky groans, squirming in the backseat. "This is going to be a long car ride…"

…

Sunday 9:12AM

Workers are all around the Bel Air Bay Club, tending to different things around the grounds. This close to the wedding ceremony, the club employees are putting the finishing touches on the outdoor setup. Royal palms ruffling in the breeze, an expansive view of the ocean, white chairs in perfect rows, fresh flowers everywhere and guests starting to filter in to find their seats.

"So Austin told you they lost Damon and then Faith pulled the phone away and told you it was a stupid joke?" Payson asks in Kaylie's suite. They can hear her father and his angry Spanish curses in the background though everyone is trying to ignore it.

"Yes," Kaylie says as a hairstylist works on her hair.

"Faith Giancana?" Maeve wrinkles her nose, sipping her champagne. "Gross."

"Well, if Faith was with them and mentioned waffles then that must mean they're around here somewhere," Payson says, trying to reassure Kaylie that everything is fine when none of them really know if it is or isn't.

Maeve laughs. "Breakfast! Ha! That girl will say anything if it meant saving Austin Tucker's ass. She was always a compulsive liar and apparently she still is."

"Maeve, you aren't helping!" Payson shouts.

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" Kaylie starts freaking out. "It's the day of my wedding and I have no idea where my future husband is! I let him go off with his insane frat boy friends and I haven't heard from him once all weekend! Not once! It's Damon! Whenever he goes out of town for work he calls me without fail! I'm so stupid! I should have known something horrible happened!"

Maeve scoffs, turning over the flute of bubbly in her hand. "Good work, maid of honor. Look what you did. She's hyperventilating!"

Payson sighs. "I'll go grab the paper bag again…"

…

"Emily Kmetko?" Damon yells. "You did all of this as some elaborate revenge plot because of Emily Kmetko? Austin, when I hooked up with Emily I didn't know she was your friend. I didn't even know you back then!"

"Doesn't matter!" Austin shouts back. "If it wasn't Emily then it'd just be some other poor girl. You think you can just do whatever you want, but you can't, Damon! No one can. Everyone deals with consequences of their actions, but for some reason it's always been smooth sailing with you! It drives me crazy, man, ever since we met!"

"Like you're one to talk," Damon scowls. "You do the exact same thing, Austin."

"Really? Am I the one who's on his way to marry the girl of his dreams? No. That's you, Music Man," Austin says. "You ruin other people's lives and then you just walk away and get your happily ever after? Fuck, man."

"That's what you're pissed about?" Damon asks. "You're jealous of me?"

"Ha! Jealous?" Austin chuckles. "You? Living in LA, Douche Capital of the world, with Kaylie, that devil dog and working with whiny emo wannabe-yous? No thanks, man. I love Colorado. My life could be better, but I wouldn't trade it for this. Again, I just think you're a douche."

Faith loudly groans from the backseat. "You guys have been talking in circles for the last, oh, two hours now! Why don't you just kiss and make-up, already?"

"Have you forgotten that he locked me up on the roof and left me there!" Damon shouts.

"Hey!" Austin bellows. "Don't you yell at my Faith, bro, or you leave me no choice but to pull over and kick the shit out of you!"

"Would you both stop yelling!" Nicky shouts. "Okay, Damon, yeah, you doing what you did to Emily and not being apart of Henry's life is kind of a dick move, but, Aus, so is leaving him up on the roof. Something seriously bad could have happened to him. And it's not like either of you can take it back. It's done. There really is no point in staying mad at each other."

"Guys, we're brothers," Max says. "Honestly, if I was Austin and some guy treated Ava the way I did, I probably would have killed him by now, regardless of how long we've been friends, but, Aus, you haven't. Because we are friends and we're brothers. If you can let go of that then you can let go of this, right?"

Austin grunts, staring at the road. "I guess…"

"Right!" Razor shouts, seeing the light in all this darkness. "And Dae, dude, you and Nicky are bros, no drama, nothing, and _he kissed Kaylie_, the love of your life, the chick you're going to marry a few hours from now." Both Damon and Nicky stir uncomfortably. Did Razor really have to bring that up today of all days? "We thought that was going to destroy everything, but look at you now. If our friendship, our brotherhood can make it through that, then we actually are invincible!"

The entire car is silent for a long time, but it really looks like Damon is considering it.

"Fine. I'm sorry, Aus," Damon finally says. "I'm sorry everything with Emily played out the way it did, but I was a stupid kid back then. I was fickle and I handled it badly, I'll admit, but I've grown up since then. It feels like another life. Now I have everything straightened out. I even talked to Emily about the wedding before I even proposed to Kaylie and she gave us her blessing."

Austin's ears perk at that. "She did?"

"Yes. She did," Damon confirms. "And we decided that I'm going to spend more time with Henry. Finally. He's a good kid and I know you played a part in that so thanks, Tucker. I appreciate that."

Austin takes a moment to digest all of this and everyone waits, putting the pressure on him to end this once and for all. "Well, okay then. That's good to know," Austin says. "And I'm sorry for locking you up on the roof in the blazing heat for almost two days and a night," Austin says. "No excuses, man. Drunk me might have done it, but hungover me let everything go on for way too long. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to all of you, actually."

"Yay! Bromance back on!" Faith cheers.

"Hey look! There they are!" Nicky shouts. "Austin, keep it steady."

"Do you know who you're talking to? I'll remind you back in the day I was a champ at passing a joint between cars on the freeway without dropping it and without getting arrested," Austin gloats, one hand on the wheel and the other hanging out the window.

Flying down the 10 freeway, a van with _Sasha's Tuxedo_ on the side pulls up next to the Benz. When the two are steadily side-by-side, an extremely nervous teenager opens the van's sliding door and he tosses them a huge package. Razor easily catches it, salutes the blonde man driving and shouts, "Thanks Sasha!"

Sasha just gives the gang a thumbs-up and speeds up ahead of them. Razor then unwraps the package and inside is their tuxedos for the wedding. The guys start taking off their dirty, tattered clothes and Faith looks like she's in heaven. Nicky tries to cover her eyes with his hand, but it doesn't chase away her goofy smile.

…

All the seats at the wedding are filled. Everyone is there, chattering away, anticipating the ceremony to begin.

Wearing her beautiful traditional white wedding gown, Kaylie stares out the window at the beautiful wedding arrangement below. She notices all the heads turning from side to side and she can already imagine the guests wondering where the groom and the groomsmen are. Taking a deep breath, Kaylie tries her best to hold it all together.

…

Sunday, 10:07PM

The gang is still on the road, hauling ass to get to the club. Austin is pushing the Benz to the max without causing any accidents. His eyes are fully on the road, leaving Faith to lean forward and fix his bowtie for him. Nicky is brushing his teeth and Damon is rubbing aloe on his reddened face. Razor lathers up his cheeks with shaving cream, about to get rid of his precious beard like he promised and Max has an electronic buzzer, holding his breath as he shaves off the Mo-Mull. They're aware they're acting crazy and all while packed in a car, but they don't have time to contemplate it either.

…

Sunday, 10:19AM

Kaylie is pacing in her bridal suite, the bottom of her dress dragging across the carpet with every step. As Kaylie goes on and on, repeating her worries over and over again, Payson sits and watches the train of Kaylie's gown, wondering if she should follow behind her and make sure it doesn't get dirty or tangled.

"I knew it! I knew something stupid happened!" Maeve declares. "And I'm willing to bet it is all Austin's fault. I don't know why they even bother hanging out with him. And that would probably be best instead of having him ruin my Max's life! I swear that Austin Tucker—"

"—Is the most amazing groomsman on earth and how did Damon pass him up for Best Man? Why, Maeve, I never knew you were such a fan of mine," Austin finishes for her. He's standing in the doorway, his tux wrinkled and his hair a mess. He's obviously trying to make it look less obvious that he's breathing really hard.

"Austin!" both Kaylie and Payson shout in unison.

Austin smirks at them. "C'mon, ladies, we've got a wedding to get to."

…

If Austin's presence does one good thing it's that it calms down Alex somewhat. Kaylie's dad still isn't a big fan of Damon Young, but at least his darling daughter isn't getting married to Austin Tucker. That's one positive.

The air is filled with anticipation and Damon squirms, every inch of his body in pain, a little afraid of what his future wife's reaction will be when she sees him for the first time since they left LA. After the rest of the wedding party (including Damon and Kaylie's dog wearing a bowtie of his own) walk down the aisle, it's Alex and Kaylie's turn. They walk slowly, amongst the smiles, clicking cameras, keeping with the slow, traditional music. When he gets his first glimpse of his bride, Damon smiles and Razor, the Best Man, with his cheeks as clean and smooth as a baby's bottom, grins and slaps him on the shoulder. It makes Damon wince and Razor's smile turns apologetic.

"We made it, man. Finally," Razor whispers excitedly. "She looks beautiful."

Damon looks down the line of his groomsmen and to Austin who gives him a wink in return. _Go get 'er, Music Man._

Once Alex leads her all the way to the front, Kaylie hugs him tight and kisses his cheek. Alex, whose face is a mess of emotions, gives his daughter's hand a squeeze.

"I love you, dad."

"I love you too, nena."

Before he takes his seat beside his ex-wife, Alex is sure to give Damon a stern look. Obviously, they're going to have a long father to son-in-law chat later. Oh boy is that going to be fun. Tearing his eyes away from the old Cuban man who nearly shot him once, Damon's eyes land on Kaylie who takes her spot oppose him. Damon gives her a smile so big no one thought he was even capable of it. Sadly, Kaylie does not return it.

"Where were you?" Kaylie hisses. "And why are you pink?"

"Because it's your favorite color," Damon replies quietly.

Leaning forward, towards them, Austin whispers, "Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Young, probably not the best time to be doing this, now is it?"

"Fuck you, Austin," Maeve glowers from around Payson. "She has every goddamn right to asking him now so she can call it off if he did something stupid, which, he must have."

Payson glares at the brunette. "Maeve."

Max blinks. "Babe, are you drunk?"

"No," she points a finger at her boyfriend, "you don't get to ask me any questions until you tell me what happened to your head!"

"Everyone's watching us," Nicky mutters through his teeth.

"Look, Kales, it's a long, long story," Damon says softly. "I won't go into detail right this second, but you should know that I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what you were feeling through all of this and I feel horrible, but if you'll forgive me and still marry me I swear I will never ever put you through something like this again."

"Without telling you," Austin adds. "He won't ever put you through something like this again _without telling you_."

Damon shoots him a glare and Nicky elbows him. Austin just smirks.

"So what do you say, Kaylie?" Damon asks, lacing his fingers like he's praying. "Will you still marry me?"

Everyone, especially the wedding party, waits with bated breath. The groomsmen are practically shitting bricks. Then, unable to be mad at Damon, Kaylie smiles sweetly and leans in to kiss him. He whines for a second because of his baked skin, but then he pushes through the pain and he kisses her back. All the guests collectively sigh in relief and the groomsmen all bump fists in celebration.

The Minister clears his throat. "Um, traditionally save the, uh, kiss for the end of the ceremony…?"

But the bride and groom pay him no attention and go on kissing.

* * *

><p><span>AN: I know, I know. It's late. Contrary to what my number of fics would imply, I do have a life. And if you're curious I have a **Twitter** - **Beezyland** - where you can hear about my boring, dysfunctional life. Just to warn you though, I overshare and bitch a lot. Anyways, last chapter on Friday! Tears. Amuse me and _review_. Tell me how I can make up for this tardiness and if I like it then I'll do it. Outies.

xoxo


	18. Lesson Learnedish

Warning: Drama! Crack! IT IS ENDING! PREPARE YOURSELVES!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

AFTER THE WEDDING

The rest of the ceremony runs smoothly, Ronnie with tears in her eyes and even Alex though he wouldn't admit it. Afterwards, they take wedding photos, utilizing the club's gorgeous facilities. After maybe a hundred different pictures with a hundred different poses and Max criticizing everything, it's finally time for the reception. Champagne is uncorked. The wedding band kicks in. Damon and Kaylie share their first dance while everyone else is scattered around the room, reveling in the fact that they actually pulled it off.

Surrounded by music and people having a great time, Nicky and Austin are sitting at a table towards the back. It's evident they're both exhausted, just sitting there, barely able to move. With the way everyone around them is moving so fast and laughing so loud, it's making them feel even lazier.

"So do you hate me for the drugs and sending us all on a wild goose chase?" Austin asks. Nicky is staring out at the dance floor with his fingers loose around a glass of water. "And keep in mind that if I didn't roofie you then your inhibitions probably wouldn't've been that smashed and you probably wouldn't've married Kel or even got up the nerve to talk to her or gotten laid."

"Aus, my first instinct is always, _always_ to be pissed at you, but I couldn't ever hate you," Nicky says. "And I guess you do have a point. Plus, I owe you an apology anyways. I said a lot of stupid things too…about your dad and about Damon."

"Truth is I said some or, well, _a lot_ of stupid things too, about your dad and bringing up KP a ton just to piss you off. So I'm sorry for that," Austin admits. "And I'll try to act a little more grown up if you try to have a little more fun once in a while."

Nicky nods. "Deal."

Austin raises his beer bottle and Nicky taps it with his glass of water.

"Wow. I'm honestly surprised you boys actually made it here in one piece…"

Austin and Nicky both turn and see Kelly standing there with one hand propped up on her hip. Nicky's face lights up when it registers in his head that she's actually here with them and the change doesn't escape Austin who smirks and slaps him on the back.

"Parker, you look sexy as hell. I'd kiss you if I wasn't all gross. That's just asking for a KP beat down," Austin chuckles. He grabs his beer bottle and starts to stand. "Well, I'll leave you to…whatever married people do." Austin walks away and when Kelly's back is to him, Austin faces Nicky, giving his brother a big thumbs-up of encouragement. Nicky shakes his off and smiles as Kelly goes to fill Austin's chair.

"Hey, you made it," Nicky says. The softness to Kelly's face is undeniable and seeing her uncharacteristically coy, Nicky grins, scratching the back of his head. "Wow, for someone who stayed up all night, practically robbing a casino with a bunch of grown-up frat boys, you look gorgeous."

"Right. Unlike you." Kelly laughs to herself and reaches out to touch Nicky's messy hair. He tried to pat it down during the run from the lobby to where the ceremony was being held, but that didn't work out so well. "You just look like hell."

"How very kind of you, Mrs. Russo," Nicky says. He takes a sip of his water and stares out at the dance floor where Kaylie and Damon are dancing close. "But the important thing is that we made it. Damon and Kaylie are happily married."

"I noticed," Kelly says, looking out at the couple. "So I guess this means you didn't object and whisk Kaylie away to a cotton candy castle in the sky, riding out on a unicorn. I'm shocked."

"Didn't even cross my mind," Nicky assures her. "How did you get here so fast anyways?"

"Private jet."

"And why'd you go through all the trouble?"

Kelly shrugs. "After everything that happened this weekend I had to see how it ended. I swear, Nick, you better have put my name with yours on the wedding gift because I sure as hell didn't buy them anything." Nicky smiles. He did. "Plus, I figured I should give Max the ring back. I held it hostage, watched him suffer the entire weekend and made his worst nightmare come true by marrying into his family. I'd call that satisfied."

Nicky's lips pull to one side in a smile. "I wouldn't expect any less."

When she realizes how long she's been smiling at him, Kelly turns her attention back over to the others around the room. "So how was the ceremony?"

"Nice. Traditional, even if they improvised on the vows a bit," Nicky explains, not really knowing what else to say about it. A wedding is a wedding. "No theme. No costumes. No midget dressed as Yoda conducting the ceremony. Actually, it wasn't much fun at all."

"How lame."

"Exactly what I was thinking," Nicky agrees. "It paled in comparison to _our_ wedding."

"Well, it isn't exactly fair comparing boring, normal people like Prince of Darkness Damon and Princess Kaylie Cruz to people as hot and badass as us," Kelly smirks, letting her hand rest on his arm.

"Sounds about right," Nicky nods. "So…Hawaii or the Bahamas?"

Kelly blinks. "What?"

"Our honeymoon," he answers in that low, sexy voice of his, leaning in closer.

Kelly pulls back before he can kiss her. "Nick…"

"Parks, there's no being scared of marriage anymore because we're already married," he says, sliding his hand over hers. "We've wasted years playing games or pretending we were over each other, but I can't anymore. Now, I love you and we're married and I'm not signing any damn papers until we give us a real shot. And…did I mention I love you?"

With an uncharacteristically shy smile, Kelly looks at their tangled fingers. "Rome. Because a beach isn't necessary and you'd probably get some weird sunburn. And nothing less than two weeks because I already know you're such a horny bastard we won't even get out of bed half that time. And if you ask me for permission to kiss me like you did with that hug I swear—"

And he kisses her.

…

Austin has the biggest smile on his face when he spots Nicky and Kelly all over each other. Lips on lips, her hands beneath his untucked shirt, his hand on her thigh, and it's all done so shamelessly, out in the open. The flower girls and ring bearer are giggling and pointing and Kaylie's grandmother ushers the kids away and does the sign of the cross. Austin couldn't be happier. Looks like Russo found his fun again.

"Um, when did that happen?"

Austin's smile gets even bigger when he finds Payson standing beside him. She looks significantly less stressed than she had when Austin first barged into the bride's suite. When he looks at her, Payson is staring across the way at where Nicky and Kelly have totally and completely reverted back to their college selves, a turn-off for most of the wedding attendees and not even giving a damn.

"Payson Keeler." Austin just opens his mouth and sings her name. He doesn't even mean to. It just happens. "Did you not hear? They got married. Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Russo."

Payson is confused, which is understandable, turning to Austin to search his face for any sign of deception. As proof, Austin fishes his wallet out of his back pocket to show off that wedding photo he is so freaking proud of. He hands it to Payson and watches as her expression goes from confused to disturbed in a matter of seconds.

"And when did all of this happen exactly?"

"Last Friday night," Austin explains.

"In Vegas?"

"Yep."

Payson looks up at him. "What?"

Austin laughs, shoving his wallet back into his pocket. "It's a, uh, long story, just more frat boy stories in fact. I don't know if you'd be interested…"

Payson folds her arms, biting at the bait he's throwing out. "Try me."

"How about we talk about it over dinner?" Austin asks. He teeters on his tiptoes, a little nervous despite how he commands himself to be cool. That's how he knows there's something special about this girl. She has the ability to second guess himself and make him nervous. Austin didn't know those existed anymore.

Laughing a little, Payson motions to the buffet table. "Need I remind you we already ate?"

"Hmm, true," Austin strokes his cheek. "Dinner tomorrow night then? What do you say? We can catch up and I can dazzle you with my storytelling abilities."

Payson looks at him hesitantly. "Like a date?"

Austin sighs playfully. "Well, I hear that's what real adults do. Real adults go on dates. You're going to have to go easy on me though. This responsible adult thing is new to me. Apparently I have to open doors for you and be engaged in conversation _and_ pay for the meal at the end. Who knew people in our age bracket actually do things like this?"

"Oh, it's a mystery to me too." Payson laughs. "And sure. It sounds interesting."

"To say the least," Austin winks at her. "Now, can I buy you a drink?"

"Austin, they're free," Payson points out.

"Well, can I get you a free drink?" Austin asks. Payson nods her head. He offers her his arm and she takes it as they walk over to the bar. "So…any chance you're going to tell me what I said on that voicemail?"

"No," Payson laughs, probably at the very memory of it. "I think I'll save you the embarrassment."

Austin turns his eyes to the ceiling and groans. "Any chance you deleted it?"

Payson shakes her head. "Not a chance."

…

"I love my roomie! My roomie loves me! I love my roomie! My special cutie!" Arms wrapped tight around Ava Tucker, Faith sings her special little song, swaying slightly from side to side. She hums a few more bars to the same tune, disregarding the weird looks she's getting from the other guests.

"Faith, you should really cool it on the drinking," Ava says. By the look on the youngest Tucker's face, she's completely use to Faith being Faith. She pats Faith's head a couple times before Faith flings her arms off and protectively grabs her flute of champagne, taking a dainty sip.

Razor, sitting across from the girls, stares with his jaw dropped. "Faye, I cannot even comprehend how you're drinking after what happened over the course of this last weekend. Just watching you do it makes my brain want to explode."

"Someone's getting old," Faith teases. She looks around the reception for her wedding date and spots him talking to Payson by the bar. Seeing them, Faith gasps. "My wedding date ditched me. That's it. I know I have some leftover roofies somewhere…"

"So is everything cool with you and Austin?" Ava asks, ignoring Faith and eyeing Razor. "Faith updated me."

"Well, he did save my life by plowing a dude with his car. I think that warrants forgiveness. You girls should have seen it. Faith, you would have tripped out or gotten turned on…or both…simultaneously. LT, our bro is kind of a badass," Razor says just at the memory of Steve getting slammed by the front of the SUV.

Ava groans, running her fingers down the neck of her champagne flute. "That's good and all. Just don't let him hear that."

"Plus, we were just being friends," Razor says, settling down. "Friends call each other out on their shit. Like this," Razor spots Max across the way, snapping a picture of Alex and Kaylie sharing a dance. "Dude, your relationship with that camera is not natural! You should probably ask it to marry you!"

Faith stops searching through her purse and addresses Ava. "Have you talked to Ava yet?"

"No," she answers, "and I don't plan to."

"Well, prepare yourself, LT. He's heading this way," Faith announces.

"Dude, Razor, as if Kaylie and Damon's families don't already think we're total idiots," Max says once he reaches their table. Razor tugs him down into the empty seat next to him and Max complies. "Oh, Ava, hey."

Little Tuck doesn't say anything, just takes a gulp of her champagne and gives him a nod.

"So how are you and Maeve?" Faith asks, choosing not to notice the cloud of awkward hanging over their table. Max runs his hand over his new buzzcut and stares down at his camera.

"Oh, you know, the usual. She gave me the 'I'm not talking to you until you get tested' look so I've been steering clear," Max says offhandedly. "And for the record, all of you are going to want to molest my camera just as badly when I tell you that there are pictures from last night on here."

Razor and Faith exchange looks and then scramble over to Max's side as they look through them. Ava remains where she is, but is happy to have the distraction.

"Oh. My. God," Faith gasps, "So many topless strippers."

"So many pics with Austin wearing no pants…"

"So many of Nicky and Kelly eating each other's face."

Ava laughs. "And I'm so glad I didn't rush over to look at that."

"Aww, no this is a cute one of the happy couple," Razor says. Max clicks to the next picture. "Whoa, now that's straight up dirty! Well, I don't know what to tell you, Maxi. You better get used to it, bro. She's apart of your family now, like, she literally is your cousin-in-law now."

"And she's eating Nicky's face as we speak," Faith sings. "Ah, all is right in the world."

Just then Razor looks up to the door and sees the Samoan thugs from Vegas standing there, watching him. They look pissed. Trying to stay as calm as possible excuses himself from the table, ready to man-up and face the mess he's made. He steals the rest of Faith's champagne and knocks it back, leaving his friends who are still trying to make sense of the pictures from the weekend. As he's making his way to the door, Razor inhales, scared shitless.

"Okay, I'll go with you. Just don't ruin the wedding," Razor says. He holds out his wrists as if they're going to slap handcuffs on him. Mr. Smash walks out, then Razor and Mr. STFU last. They walk out to the lobby and there's Steve Tanner with a cast on his leg, sitting in a gold wheelchair. "Steve, I—"

"Don't speak," Steve says. "Did you really think you were just going to leave Vegas and everything just be over between us? Let me tell you, Razor, you're probably the easiest person I've ever had to track down. Ever."

He wheels towards Razor, who's already expecting the worst, when Steve just extends his hand for Razor to shake. Razor blinks and Steve smiles.

"I don't understand," Razor says slowly. "Is this some handshake of death or something?"

"We're good," Steve says. Now Razor is even more confused. "Your friend, or, well, your friend's wife, Kelly Parker-Russo, what a woman. She paid your marker. The full 200 grand, sprung for medical expenses too, which I thought was rather classy of her."

"Oh my God," Razor sighs in relief. "Oh My God! Oh My God! Oh My God!"

Steve chuckles. "When I asked her why she was bailing out a loser like you she said she could care less about your wellbeing, but she wouldn't want her husband to be with one less brother. You are one lucky bastard."

Razor shakes Steve's hand and then starts dancing around in his happiness.

"Ray, is there a problem here?" Austin asks. Nicky and Max accompany him. They stand tall, all aggressive, but Steve just rolls his eyes and starts wheeling away with his thugs following.

"Everything is fan-friggin'-tastic!" Razor shouts. He runs up to Nicky and gives him a big hug. "I'll tell you now, Russo, if you don't go down on your wife tonight I might have to!"

Max frowns. "That is so one of the things you keep to yourself…"

"Kelly Fucking Parker paid off Steve Tanner for meeee!" Razor, with his arms still around Nicky, starts jumping up and down with glee. "I mean, she didn't have to fly them out here and nearly give me a heart attack, but hey, I guess busting balls is the KP way. You've got yourself a quality woman, Russo."

Max looks confused. "Kelly Parker Satan incarnate actually went out on a limb to help you?"

"Yeah, she just told me about it. Apparently, your ex-stripper friend was hunting Vegas for us and ran into Kel. That's why she wasn't there to meet us when we finally found Damon. She was with LoTan or, Lauren, getting things cleared up," Nicky says. He then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a slip of paper. "Kelly also gave me this to give to you. From Lauren."

Razor unfolds the piece of paper and starts dancing around even more. "Her digits! Score!"

"Looks like the universe's initials are KP she hooked you up," Austin says proudly.

"Yeah, like friggin' Christmas!" Razor shouts. Max looks at the floor, being reminded of one specific Christmas all those years ago. "Best Weekend Ever!"

"Hey! I've been looking for you guys! You better come quick. Drama," Damon says. Like the faithful groomsmen they are, the gang races back to the ballroom with Damon leading them. Once they're in through the door he motions to where Kelly and Maeve are standing, facing off.

"Yes!" Razor shouts. "This wouldn't have been complete without a good ol' fashion catfight! My money is on KP! Who wants to start the betting pool?" Everyone gives Razor a pointed look and his enthusiasm quickly fades away. "…Or not."

"Tell me why the hell you have Max's grandma's wedding ring on your skanky finger!" Maeve demands. She's drawing attention to herself and doesn't even care that she's killing the festive mood in the room.

Kelly looks the least bit intimidated, bored even. An evil smile unfolds across her lips and she holds up her hang, shoving off the ring. "Oh, did Maxi not tell you? I got married this weekend."

Everyone who didn't already know looks on, stunned.

"To Nicky!" Max shouts, breaking through the crowd that formed. He bravely gets between the two girls, holding his arms out as if to separate them if one tries to start something. "She got married to Nicky this weekend!"

"You did?" Kaylie asks, walking over. "Congratulations!"

"TO NICKELLY!" Austin raises his beer bottle and everyone around them cheers and drinks. Nicky looks extremely embarrassed and Max is still panicking while Kelly and Maeve remain locked in a heated stare.

Maeve then turns an accusing glare on Max. "Max Spencer, what the hell is going on? I've been calling and calling and you don't answer! Now this hoe is wearing my ring!"

"Shut your whore mouth, Maeve! You're ruining the wedding!" Kelly shouts. She's about to charge over, but Nicky wraps his arm around her just in time to stop her and keep her in place at his side.

Max sighs. "Maeve, the truth is that I gave grandma's ring to Nicky to give to Kelly."

"You what?" everyone says in synchronized shock.

"Why would you do something so stupid?" Maeve asks, looking disgusted.

"To be honest, I was really drunk at the time," Max laughs, "but I've been thinking more about it and it was the right thing to do. I still think Kelly Parker is a soul-sucking demon that secretly eats babies…but Nicky loves her and if my cousin thinks she's good enough for him then she deserves grandma's ring."

"Wow. Really?" Kelly asks. To think she was about to give the family heirloom back. Fuck that. She's keeping it now.

"Really," Max nods. "Welcome to the family."

"Aww, Maxi-pad, how sweet," Kelly coos. Max visibly flinches and just to annoying him further (it's just how Kelly is) she goes over with open arms and hugs him. Max makes a face, afraid she's going to go postal and tear his ear off a la Mike Tyson. Kelly debates kissing his cheek just to make him totally freak out and piss off Maeve, but Kelly resists and goes back over to Nicky.

"Wait, what about me?" Maeve demands. "What about us?"

Max sighs and grabs Maeve's arm, saying they need to talk in private. As he's ushering her towards the back, most of the guests go back to the reception festivities while the rest of the wedding party stares off after their youngest brother and his hot model owner.

"Are we really going to let them talk in private?" Faith asks, a little bummed.

Austin looks like he's holding back. "Yes, Faith, because responsible adults don't eavesdrop."

Payson folds her arms and smiles at the anxious two. "Go ahead."

"Sweet!" Razor shouts. "But first," he pops over to Kelly, "thank you for everything. I mean that. Kelly Fucking Parker, you are my superhero, my savior with a shit ton of cash that I will pay you back even if it takes me my entire life and I need to go-go dance to do it."

"God, you're a weirdo. Whatever, _Laser_," Kelly says, but smiles.

After hugging her against her will, Razor dashes over to where Austin and Faith are right inside the ballroom doors, straining their ears to hear Max and Maeve's conversation happening right outside.

"Max, what's going on?"

"Maeve, are you happy with me?"

"Of course I'm happy with you," she says. "Honey, we've known each other since college and we've been official forever. Why? Are you not happy with me? Because that's just plain ridiculous if you say that."

"All I know is that I spent this entire weekend defending our relationship to those guys and I thought coming back here, being with you again would remind me why we're still together, but I don't know anymore," Max says. "I'm not happy right now, May, and I don't know if I want to break up, but I think if we're going to end up hating each other and I don't want to hate you."

Max looks at Maeve, sincere and honest.

"Are you fucking kidding me!" she screams.

Max shakes his head. "I can't do this right now. I haven't slept or showered and my hair is gone." Max throws his hands up in defeat. "I'm going to go in there and get wasted with my brothers all over again and maybe I'll call you on Monday and we can go get tested together."

Max lays his hand on her shoulder and gives it a little shake before he makes his way back into the ballroom. Maeve is so shocked she can't even speak, staring at Max's shaved head. When she finally finds her voice it's accompanied with heels stomping the floor.

"Max! Maxwell Spencer! Don't you dare walk away from me! Get back here this second!" Maeve shouts. Max stops for a good five seconds and reconsiders, but ends up continuing on his way away from her. "Max! You stupid little clown, I own you!"

Max walks into the ballroom and Austin shuts the door on Maeve. Austin gives him a pat on the back and offers him his beer, but Max waves it off and they go over to the bar to get new bottles where they can watch the bartender uncap it as if to be sure it isn't tampered with. After grabbing a fresh beer, Max spots Ava talking to Payson and goes right over, not one bit concerned about Austin's reaction.

"Ava hey," he says nervously.

She eyes him like he's the main attraction in a freak show. "Max, hey, again."

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for being a jerk to you…for as long as we've known each other and especially during the Sigma days. I was a dumb kid and I never really thought about what I was doing and I get how that's wrong now. It took me long enough, but I do. So if I ever upset you in any way, I really am sorry and apologize for it. I know better now," Max rambles. "Oh, and it's really nice to see you see."

Ava looks like she really wants to stay annoyed and angry, but can't. "Wow, Max, that's scary mature of you."

"So can we call this an apology accepted?" Max asks hopefully.

Ava nods. "Apology accepted."

Max gives her a smile and tips his beer to her before being dragged away by Austin, calling a Sigmas only meeting. Austin grills him about what he just said to his sister, but Max just smiles and shakes his head, refusing. The two then go over to a table where Razor, Nicky and Damon are sitting, gazing across the room at where the girls are inspecting Kelly's ring.

"Jesus, I am beat," Damon says. He feels like this is the first time he's sat down since they got to the hotel this morning. The exhaustion is evident all around the table, but so is how content and downright giddy they all are. "So what exactly happened this weekend?"

"Well," Nicky says, "I got married to Kelly, Austin drugged all of us and locked you on a roof in hundred-degree weather, Max got two new haircuts and finally earned his balls back from Maeve, smoothed this over with Ava and Razor got into some trouble with some thugs, scored a ex-stripper's number and hopefully learned his lesson."

"I did learn something. When in need, call KP," Razor says. He laughs at Damon's confused expression. "We'll tell you the whole story when you get back from your honeymoon."

"And I want you to know that I really am sorry," Austin says. He looks too tired to put up a front and is completely and utterly sincere. Damon gives him a nod, acceptance, and so Austin raises his glass. "To Damon and Kaylie!"

"To Damon and Kaylie!" the others echo.

"To me and Kaylie," Damon says, lazily lifting his glass. "And to being here with my four former best friends in the entire world."

The guys all laugh, nearly chocking on their individual drinks.

"Friends or former friends, we're always going to be brothers so you can't get rid of us as easily as you might thing, Dae," Max points out, clinking his glass against Damon's.

"True. And I've long accepted that. Honestly, there's nowhere else I'd rather be right now," Damon says. They all take a moment to sip their drinks and let it all sink in. Damon clears his throat. "That being said, let's not get too stupid tonight, okay? I'm going on my honeymoon in a little more than twenty-four hours…"

"Of course not," Nicky scoffs at the very idea.

"Yeah, we totally learned our lesson," Razor says, trying to be very serious.

"Totally," Max agrees.

They all clink their glasses again and eye each other out with mischief before they all chug the rest of whatever they were drinking. Austin is the first to slam the butt of his empty beer against the table and the other guys do the same, right on his tail.

Austin has that mischievous glint in his eyes and smirks as he mutters, "We're so fucked."

**THE END**

* * *

><p><span>AN: TEARS IN MY EYES. Okay, I'm not actually crying, but I do feel the void. I'm going to miss this story. Oh well. The show must go on and that show is named LLD2! It has been a pleasure writing this crazy, nonsense crack fic for all you lovely people. I appreciate you and hope you loved this insane OOC ride. Do me a fav? Review one last time? Loves yous guys! Always. Until next fic!

xoxo


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